I survived the first week, but....

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by Amers, Aug 24, 2007.

  1. Amers

    Amers Cohort

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    Aug 24, 2007

    I think I'm going to kill my fiance!! :mad: He doesn't help at all around the house! All summer, I was basically a housewife. I did all the cooking and cleaning, and the house always looked perfect.

    Now that I'm in school, I told him he'd have to help me out. I asked him to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, throw his trash away, wipe off the counter after he cooks....basically, all I'm asking him to do is pick up after himself. He says he'll do it, but does he? No. I asked him repeatedly to cut the grass. He finally did it today, but he only cut part of it!! I would have finished it myself when I got home, but now it's raining.

    I've been working 10+ hour days then coming home and trying to clean the house before fixing my dinner. Why is it so hard for him to help me out??

    Sorry, I just had to vent. I love my job, and I have a wonderful group of students, but coming home puts me in such a bad mood these days. Maybe I'll make a "chore list" for us to share. How do you all get your sig. others to help out around the house?

    *DISCLAIMER* I love my fiance very much; he has just been annoying the heck out of me these last couple weeks! :rolleyes:
     
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  3. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Aug 24, 2007

    When you figure out how to get him to be neater will you let me know what you did!!
    My bf tries to clean but i swear it looks worse than it did before he started.

    And he also leaves a food trail, dirty dishes, clothing...... SAND
     
  4. Amers

    Amers Cohort

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    Aug 24, 2007

    Oh yes, I forgot about the food trail. It must be a guy thing. Our couch always has crumbs on it until I vacuum. It drives me nuts. Sand would definitely be worse though. I don't know if I could handle that one.
     
  5. willsgirl

    willsgirl Comrade

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    Aug 24, 2007

    Yeah, I wanna know the tricks of the husband trade. Really, I'm staring across the kitchen to the counter and see a ton of dirty dishes. Dishwasher full and clean, but not unloaded. I have to drive an hour to get to school, teach all day, drive an hour back and face this kind of c**p. DH is five minutes from the house from his work, comes home for lunch (1 hr lunch) and I know sits and watches Sports Center, walks the dog, snoozes...
     
  6. love2teach

    love2teach Enthusiast

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    Aug 24, 2007

    Sorry girls....my husband likes to clean more than me!!!!! I know that come back to school time, he will pitch in and help out!
     
  7. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 24, 2007

    My bf & I don't live together, but we've been dating for unteen yrs. My bf has always been a neat person & we've already discussed sharing housework plenty of times. I have a feeling when we do get married, it won't be a problem for us.
     
  8. Jill420791

    Jill420791 Companion

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    Aug 24, 2007

    HA!

    Your going to hate me but my FI is the total opposite. He works out of our house so when I come everything is done and he is cooking dinner. I always tell him he is the perfect house wife lol :D
     
  9. Amers

    Amers Cohort

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    Aug 24, 2007

    Well, I just did some serious cleaning. I even mopped the floors. I feel much better now that the house is clean. I think I'm going to try making a list of things we are each going to be responsible for and see how that works.

    I have a sneaking suspision (sp??) that if his mother hadn't babied him so much, I'd have a much easier time getting him to help me out. :rolleyes:
     
  10. mstemple05

    mstemple05 Cohort

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    Aug 24, 2007

    You ever watch "everybody loves raymond"? Ray's mom babied him well after his children were school age. And not to mention, ray would intentionally botch his share of the house work so that deborah would have to go right back behind him to clean it up and then just tell him forget it. lol. my bf and i don't live together either, but he is a MESS! i mean when he leaves, his plate and cup and napkin are on the table. he once left his cup and pizza box on my dresser in the room. once in a blue, he might put a glass in the sink, but then he'd just leave a napkin or plate somewhere else to balance it out. i don't know what our house will look like when we're married. but i know i'm gonna have to do a whole lotta cleanin..... tsk tsk tsk. i think it's just a man thing to be a little sloppy. i used to think he had like an ocd thing for neatness, cuz his car was the epitome of clean!! but i guess that's why, it's HIS car!!
     
  11. loves2teach

    loves2teach Enthusiast

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    My dh grew up with a single mom--> so you would think he would be more helpful. Nope. He goes to school 12 hours a semester, and the rest of his time is playing video games. The past two weeks I have been working, he has done nothing but play games. School starts Monday for him though. It gets so old working my tail of to come home & clean/make dinner.
     
  12. Brendan

    Brendan Fanatic

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    Aug 25, 2007

    Poor men, lol. It is the opposite in my house I am the clean one and my wife is messy.
     
  13. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Aug 25, 2007

    This is the story of my house! Last week I went to an all-day workshop and turned the dishwasher on at 7:00 when I left the house. Husband and kids (13 and 16) were home all day. I got home after the workshop (after I stopped to get groceries along the way) to find this! I'm amazed that I didn't break all of the dishes putting them away!
     
  14. RitaFirstGrade

    RitaFirstGrade Companion

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    Aug 25, 2007

    My husband and I used to argue over household chores. We ended up hiring a housekeeper. Best thing we ever did! :)
     
  15. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Aug 25, 2007

    Well if we ever do have a house. because he is kind of messy inside, his chore list will be mow the lawn, rake leaves, shovel snow, clean his office, wash his clothing. clean his bathroom (if we have two).
    I'll do the rest. Oh and he can cook on the grill.
     
  16. Amers

    Amers Cohort

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    I was sick today, but I managed to fix lunch for us. I ate 2 bites, and decided it wasn't a good idea. I went back to bed. Four hours later, I wake up....the lunch dishes are still on the counter, and the dishwasher hasn't been unloaded.

    I'm giving him the chore list tomorrow. All I want him to do is unload the dishwasher, vacuum one time a week, cut the grass, and do the dinner dishes. I'll do the rest of the dishes, all laundry, vacuum the other time, clean the bathrooms, sweep, and cook. I think he can handle that. :)
     
  17. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    1. Try to arrange some stuff in the house according to how he uses it. Does he string the videos out? Well, take them out of the case and put them in a binder. Does he tend to leave wrappers out in the livingroom? Put a small trashcan there. Does he drop the clothes in the bathroom and not in the bedroom closet where the hamper is? Move it.

    2. Ask him what chores he is willing to do (realistically). Then back off and don't nag about those. Let him decide his own time table and don't do the work even if it does get messy. Don't bail him out. He will get tired of it too eventually. Telling someone what to do (as an adult) doesn't usually accomplish much in the long run.

    3. When he does clean, applaude the effort (through your actions, not saracastically..heheh) or compliment his work. Don't nitpick over the little things. In a baby book I remember reading one time that if you rush to rescue or belittle new father's work with the baby, then they decide they aren't good enough to do it and leave it all to momma.

    4. When you do have him buttered up, then employ some more sophisticated methods. Have sex in the morning then ask him later very sweetly, "I have a lot to do today, Would you mind (dripping in sweetness) doing xyz for me? Really? Oh! Thanks! I appreciate it."

    5. Sometimes, for my husband, having a deadline worked. I wouldn't say anything had to be done, but then I would say, "My friend Amy has never been here and she is popping in. This house looks a little embarrasing but I'm not sure if I have time. Would you mind helping me out? It just has to be done before next Sat. Would you fix that door while you are at it. I don't want her to see my house like this." My husband has reorganized entire portions of the house that I had previously nagged him about for 6+ mo. with this little technique. Hahah! It doesn't even have to be his friend. I'm just very concerned and puppy dog face.

    Remember you are training him (and he is training you) so think about the long run and not about the looks of today. :)
     
  18. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    Aug 25, 2007

    I can't complain too much. My hubby is pretty good- he likes things pretty clean like I do. I do all the laundry and the cooking, he does the dishes. I usually vacuum, put clothes away (including the seasonal switch which I hate) and spot clean the house. Every other weekend, we spend a few hours in either the kitchen, the bathroom, or the living room/family room. If we do the big cleaning together, it gets done faster and neither of us gets "stuck" with it. It has worked pretty well for the last 3 years!
     
  19. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    My husband just annoyed me today because he said that I better have dinner ready for him when he gets home on Monday night. I can't exactly blame him-he's in the military and next week he has an exercise so he has to work 12 hour shifts. I can understand that he'd want some food when he gets home. But it's my first day of school and I'll probably get there early and leave late too! And I'm going to be nervous about the second day. He just doesn't understand how stressed out I am at all. Oh, and when he "works" his 12 hour shifts-he's going to be playing xbox 360 in the shop. My day's going to be a little harder than xbox 360! Lol.
     
  20. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    You know what...

    My husband just emailed me a really wonderful apology letter for all the years he was impatient and unsupportive of me being a stay at home mom. He went on to talk about what a wonderful mom, wife and person I am. I was floored. In all that time, he agreed to disagree but he never accepted that I felt strongly about what I was doing and that it wasn't a bad thing to decide. We've been married 12 years!! All I can say is WOW!

    For your first day, I would have just said...let's order pizza when we get home.
     
  21. Amers

    Amers Cohort

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    Aw! How sweet!!

    Ordering pizza sounds like a good idea. That's what we did on my first day of school.
     
  22. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    What a sweetie cutNglue!
    My husband is having his aunt and a friend from his old work over the first day of school, so we are ordering pizza. I told him I'm not cooking or cleaning when I get home that day, so it's all up to him!
     
  23. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 25, 2007

    We men are simple animals just write yourself lesson plans.
    And teach him through Modeling.
    Make sure your goals are in the SMART format.

    It takes 21 days to break a bad habit (or form good ones)

    What are you doing for him? Well Stop, tell him you are to tired and go to bed (don't fix him any meal.)



    :toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny:
     
  24. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Can you say Stouffer's? I love their frozen lasagna!
     
  25. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    LOL, Dave! I've been wondering where you have been! Nice to know that the beginning of the school year hasn't kept you from us!

    When I met my hubby, he was a neat freak. Even his toilet was clean! When we first got married, he did the dishes and made the bed EVERY morning, cut the yard and would vacuum if I couldn't get to it. He washed the clothes one time, but... well, that is a long an UGLY story, so I won't go into it. Suffice to say that he has not done laundry in a LONG time. Anyway, we have been married now for over 16 years. I can tell you exactly when I knew the honeymoon was over. I can't give you the day and date, but I knew it was over when he quit doing dishes, making the bed, and picking up his own clothes! EEk!
     
  26. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Aug 26, 2007

    My husband would say the same. He was unemployed for a while, so I got use to him doing all of the cleaning. He's been working for 4 years now, and I still have a hard time pitching in. He gets to leave his work at work though!
     
  27. teacherkasey

    teacherkasey Cohort

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    Aug 26, 2007

    I am very lucky that my boyfriend cleans. I think I can be worse than a guy sometimes. For example, the half of my cheesesteak that I didn't eat at dinner is sitting on the table, along with my soda glass. I will clean it up in a minute though because my boyfriend's friend is coming over. I have a basket of dirty laundry in the bedroom that I was supposed to was today but I fell asleep on the couch and didn't get over to my mom's to get it done. There's always tomorrow:rolleyes: . My boyfriend always loads and unloads the dishwasher, cooks dinner (there's a reason for this one...lol:lol: ), and picks up the living room. We do share cleaning the bathroom though. I can't stand a dirty bathroom so I am a stickler about that being clean:p .
     

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