I need support from colleagues

Discussion in 'Secondary Education Archives' started by acnj, Sep 26, 2005.

  1. acnj

    acnj New Member

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    Sep 26, 2005

    Hi all:

    I had a parent lace into me today, belittle me, and humiliate me in from of a colleague. I had never been treated like that in 14 years of teaching, I started to cry in front of the parent! Now I feel even worse. Does anyone have encouraging words to say--I really need them.

    Thanks
     
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  3. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    Sep 26, 2005

    I am so sorry to hear that happened to you.

    I had a similar situation last week who called and basically told me why her son got in trouble was crap and not to send another note like that home. I was so mad and flustered was afraid to say something wrong I said fine.

    Yes it is hard to deal and very upsetting and even once had a parent who once lunged at me during a meeting. I always went and told my principal last week and said not to worry it is just her and that is what you need to think. I was told I wasn't the only teacher who the parent has given a hard time too.

    Talk with your principal and see what she/he says. I was promised that b/c I had the crazy parent the principal would help me take care of all matters if I had to discuss with the parent again or had a problem with a child. Maybe your principal can do that too.

    So as much as it is upsetting don't let it get you down, relax tonight and
    remember tomorrow is a new day.
     
  4. Miss W

    Miss W Phenom

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    Sep 26, 2005

    You're going to have parents like that every year. Hopefully most years you won't have to deal with them like this. Most parents I've seen like this either don't care, or think it should be their way or no way. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. What did your colleague say after the event took place?
     
  5. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

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    Sep 26, 2005

    I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It happens to most of us sooner or later; so many parents are simply unreasonable, and convinced that their child could not possibly do/not do whatever it was. . . . .

    The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree, in most cases.

    All we can really do is grin and bear it, and make bloody sure we don't ever meet with those parents without someone there with us, ever again.

    Hateful adults are more prevalent in the schools, I think, than anywhere else. Parents just won't admit anything negative about their children, and anyone who says otherwise is 'asking for it.'

    It's sad and sick. There is no excuse for an adult who misbehaves in public.

    But I'm really sorry it happened to you.
     
  6. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Sep 26, 2005

    I am so sorry! Please be sure and document this incident in case you need backup from your administration in the future. Some people just aren't to be believed.
     
  7. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Sep 26, 2005

    You didn't deserve that treatment! The last time a parent mistreated me I just flat out did not deal with her again. She got referred to admin and they supported me in the situation. Her bad behavior doesn't reflect on you.
     
  8. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Sep 26, 2005

    I'm so sorry this happened. I hope you have a very supportive admin. that will be willing to help you. From what I've seen, many principals would be more than willing to step in and deal with this parent from now on to keep there from being any other major issues. Some parents are just very blind or in denial about what is actually going on with their children and when something happens it couldn't possibly be the child's fault...it must be the teacher's! Don't take it personally. I know, that's easy for me to say, but there are many people like this in the world and hopefully you won't have to deal with this parent yourself anymore.
     
  9. Minerva

    Minerva Companion

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    Sep 26, 2005

    I've had a lot of experience with parents (and even the principal) dumping on me. A former principal didn't like me so she went out of her way to belittle me in front of my colleagues and even in front my students. When she would raise her voice, I would turn and walk away without comment. It led to my having a breakdown and taking a leave of absence. Guess what? Several years ago the council did not renew her contract. It seems the way she treated me was the way she treated almost everybody. I'm still there, a highly-respected member of the faculty, and very happy in my present teaching situation. Teachers are generally reflective and analytical, and often become defensive even when we have done nothing wrong. It hurts when you are unjustly accused, but when you know you are in the right, you do not need to take the verbal abuse of anyone. Say to the parent, "I'll be glad to discuss this with an administrator present. Please make an appointment." and then walk away. Happily, the administrators of our school today are very supportive. I am so, so glad I stayed at my school. On the other hand, when we do make a mistake, and we all do, we need to admit it, and try to rectify the mistake. I'm sure this is what we teach our students. I feel for you because I know how hurtful it is. Feel better. :cool: :cool: :cool:
     
  10. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Sep 27, 2005

    Minerva, I think that was very generous and brave of you to share.
     
  11. acnj

    acnj New Member

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    Sep 29, 2005

    thanks

    Thanks to all--I am not quite over it--I still feel stupid, but your words of encouragement helped. thank goodness we have each other who get it. ;)
     
  12. jcg

    jcg Cohort

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    Sep 29, 2005

    I agree that you should talk to your principal. Ask him/her if you can bring the mother to his office or if he/she will join you in your room if she comes in again. I might even take notes while she is talking, so you have it documented word for word.
     
  13. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Oct 1, 2005

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience with a parent. I had one last year and it has bothered me ever since. Even knowing I was right!!!

    I had a parent lay into me last year, yelling, and screaming, because she just knew I was the reason her daughter didn't make cheerleader and that she had learned absolutely nothing from me. This parent had a reputation from a loooooong way back.

    I had given the daughter a ninety out of a one hundred on the teacher score part of the cheerleading try-outs on responsibility and character and things like that so if she didn't make it, it had to be due to lack of talent or another teacher's scores for her. The daughter made a commended score on the state test for the subjects I taught and had NEVER scored that high before.

    The bad thing is, as professional, we can't tell stupid parents to go play chicken on the highway! When I wouldn't admit to any "wrongdoing" and wouldn't break down and apologize and beg for forgiveness, the parent went to the principal to tattle. Of course, the principal came to me and explained what she said. I showed the principal my copy of the teacher report and her commended score on the state test, and requested that the parent not be allowed to come into my room without an appointment and administator present. I actually kind of hoped the parent would go complain to the superintendent so I could show what an idiot the parent was...but no such luck. I'm hoping the apple does fall far from the tree. The daughter is actually a nice kid when she's not around her mother.

    See, there are bad apples everywhere! If your principal is not the supportive kind, take notes during any conversation...and let the parent see what you are writing! That may stop any insults and personal attacks.
     
  14. cinmcl61

    cinmcl61 Rookie

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    Oct 9, 2005

    I have not had that happen to me yet........I really think there should be a class on how to deal with,let's say, spirited parents. One of my team members has had that happen - the parent wasn't so much upset with the F but rather that their child was not playing soccer because of it. We have decided to meet with parents as a team from now on to try to avoid that. Of course there is still the parent that will just show up.
    I am sorry you had to deal with that.
     
  15. Minerva

    Minerva Companion

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    Oct 9, 2005

    I took such a course about ten years ago, offered by Drake University. It was a video course and it was based on the discipline strategies of Lee Canter. I don't know if it is offered on video anymore, but I'll bet you can find an on-line course. If not the course, then look into Lee Canter's books.
     
  16. Minerva

    Minerva Companion

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    Oct 9, 2005

    Oops! I forgot to mention the title of the course. It was "How to Get Parents on Your Side." :eek:
     
  17. Oct 19, 2005

    I agree. Fully document the situation. In some cases a complaint can be filed aginst the police for verbal harrassment. No one has the right to verbally abuse you.
     

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