I need a friend right now...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Lindsnh, Aug 30, 2010.

  1. Lindsnh

    Lindsnh Companion

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    Aug 30, 2010

    Ladies I feel comfortable to tell you guys things and get advice so I could really use it right now. I have not even told my friends about this. I met up with an old friend last weekend and we spent pretty much the whole weekend together. I wont go into details but just read in-between the lines. He is leaving for overseas an assignment for one year...he even talked about me visiting him at Christmas break and he was going to buy my ticket and everything. He told me how excited he was to see me and everything. After we spent the weekend of Aug 20th together he had to go back to Virginia where was stationed. Well I did not hear from him at all (this was last week) I contacted him on Facebook, with no response. Ok well tonight I just decided to let him know how I felt....this is not like me at all I am very shy. (see I actually looked for him about a year ago and his facebook said he was engaged so I just left it and never contacted him.... something made me look again and it said single so thats when I sent him a message a few weeks ago.) okay back to what I sent him in a text tonight I basically said how I enjoyed spending time with him and if he was serious about me visiting I totally would...I was basically putting myself out there...well his response back was this

    "
    hey just got your text. i enjoyed it too. sorry for not chattin lately but im just very confused and nervous bout all thats going on. i girl i dated a while back and was very serious with is where im going and got up with me last week and wants to reunite and see where it goes we split bc the distance but now we are going to be at the same place again so im thinkin im going to do that. i feel really bad tellin you this but have to be honest. i dont want to lead you on or lie to you ya know. i hope you dont think im a piece of **** but it just wouldn be right ya know.....i hope your cool and i hope you give me your blessing. she is the one that i changed my status to engaged for a year ago im very excited now that it will prob work this time "

    my response was "good luck with all of that...take care"

    yes he was honest but dont tell me he did not know this the weekend we spent together.....He told me yes he was engaged before but the girl cheated on him and he hated her..I am so mad at myself for letting my guard down. I guess since I knew him is why I felt so comfortable. I was in a eight year relationship and have now been single for the past 3 yrs...I have only gone on a few dates, and he was the first person since by ex I felt comfortable enough with. I am sorry this is so long...I can't really say my heart is broken b/c we were not in a relationship....but It still hurts really bad...This is what happens when I try and start dating again...:(


    sorry so long I just needed a shoulder to cry on
     
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  3. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Aug 30, 2010

    He's a loser. Jerk. A$$. Doesn't deserve you. He knew what was up before he decided to play with you. Chalk it up to female hormones and let it go. Or think of all the ways you could exact revenge, but don't really do it. (It's just a release to think of how you could mess with him.) Let's see....nothing against the law, and nothing too devastating...so maybe something like

    "Gosh! I wish I had known how you felt before I sent that letter. The only address I had was your parents. Maybe you need to call them up and tell them to forward it to you so that you can tear it up." Or if you've figured out that he is married, you could tell him that you sent it to whatever that address is.
     
  4. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 30, 2010

    This is NOT what happens when you start dating again ... this is what happens when you get (briefly) involved with someone who doesn't have his head on straight. His problems are nothing about you.

    Don't let this crummy experience keep you from finding another date or finding someone special.
     
  5. Marci07

    Marci07 Devotee

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    Aug 30, 2010

    I feel bad to hear that you are going through this. It looks like he lied to you and believe me, you are much better off without him.

    I hope you feel better soon. I know how you feel because I went through this also long time ago and from reading your posts I could see that this guy was for up to no good.

    Dating can be hard and not all guys are like him. Once you begin to trust yourself to recognize red flags you can actually enjoy dating.
     
  6. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    As my friend will say, "Friends off!"
     
  7. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Oh, sweetie. That Stinks. The others are right. He's a big jerk, and he doesn't deserve you.

    Have a good cry, and know that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

    And, have a couple hugs hugs from me.

    (Oh, and if you stop by the after-party, I'm sure the bartender is still on duty and could whip up your favorite virtual drink lickity split!)
     
  8. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    So sorry he put you through this!!!
     
  9. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Hey-the bartender even delivers!

    Here, have this virtual perfect margarita...
     
  10. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 31, 2010

    1st of all, I'm sorry this happened. If I was a betting person, I'd bet a lg amt of $ that he knew bef you spent the wknd w/ him that he was getting back w/ her. He just wanted to have his last bit of "fun" w/ you bef diving into it w/ her again. Although he led you to believe over that wknd that you'd probably be together, he obviously isn't going to follow through. Many men are fickled & don't know what they want.

    Overall, I would say that he's not a good guy, but at least he didn't string you along for God knows how long & keeping you two ladies a secret from ea other, which he easily could have done.

    I'd be wary about military guys anyway. They have the perfect excuse to use that "I'm only in town for a wk or a weekend" bit as a way to make women maybe not take as much time w/ their actions than they normally would. So it's this "it's now or never" type mentality. Ugh! Don't fall for it. Most of them have another lady (or ladies or maybe a wife & kids for all you know)) back somewhere.

    Learn from this experience & keep on chugging!
     
  11. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Aug 31, 2010

    Just be glad you're not still going to be involved with him. He's a jerk, and screwed up in the head.

    Cry. Eat lots of ice cream (and ummm, then exercise a lot).

    And have faith it will get better.
     
  12. Starista

    Starista Cohort

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    Aug 31, 2010

    :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

    I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I know how difficult it is to just "let it go," but that really is the best advice for you right now.

    He was likely playing games with you -- and you don't want to be involved with that kind of guy. Real men don't play games.

    He's not worth it and you're worth so, so, so much more.

    As my great-aunt Frances would say, "Better times will come, chum." :hugs:
     
  13. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Aug 31, 2010

    Big hugs.

    You can make a mistake.

    Put it behind you.

    Go forth and be HAPPY that you're not the OTHER girl in his life!!!!!!
     
  14. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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  15. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Aug 31, 2010

    Eh, let's not generalize. As a military wife, I've seen more instances of the girlfriend/wife being unfaithful while her SO is away than the other way around.

    OP, I'm sorry you went through this, but I agree...there's not much you can do now except cut off communication with him. Unfortunately, a lot of men think with their little brain instead of their actual brain and don't consider how much they might hurt someone...don't think it indicative of the whole male species. There are really great guys out there and you will find one. :)
     
  16. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    AMEN SISTER!

    You got one weekend of fun with him, but SHE has to deal with his crap for the long haul.
     
  17. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Aug 31, 2010

    de-friend
     
  18. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    Aug 31, 2010

    I'm sorry that he did this to you. :hugs::hugs:
     
  19. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Actually, if she cheated on him too, you get the satisfaction of knowing that they BOTH have to deal with each other's crap for the long haul.
     
  20. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 31, 2010

    Sorry.:hugs:
     
  21. Lindsnh

    Lindsnh Companion

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    Aug 31, 2010

    Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. Ms. I,
    I totally agree with you that he knew she was going to be overseas before we spent the weekend together...ugh he is such a pig!
     
  22. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I hope you feel better each day! :)

    I agree, I know EVERYONE has the capability to do anything. I used to date a Marine myself. Actually, a colleague of my mom who used to work in a police station said that a lot of policemen cheat. I'm not surprised by that. But I know, the ladies who all have policemen SOs/spouses never think its their man.
     
  23. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I disagree that "EVERYONE has the capability to do anything." I will NEVER cheat on my husband. Never. And he will NEVER cheat on me.

    So I think that part of it is knowing who it is that you're involved with, to the extent that you know that they, too, will NEVER cheat on you.

    And a lot of the husbands of those "ladies" cheating along with the cops never think it's their wife.
     
  24. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Sep 1, 2010

    That could def be the case too Sarge. I would NEVER say the word NEVER when it pertains to any human being on this earth.
     

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