I just want to bang my head against the wall when...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by dogs&teaching, Apr 15, 2010.

  1. dogs&teaching

    dogs&teaching Comrade

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    Apr 15, 2010

    parents ignore the fact that their child could actually do something wrong.

    I took the whole school (35 students) to p.e. together today and it didn't go so well. One student had a birthday, and his grandma came and did a puppet show for the whole school. Afterwards, they all had ice cream and then went to p.e. With the excitement of summer coming, sugar high, and birthday fun, the students were EXTREMELY chatty. I told them several times to quiet down and start listening to the directions. We were practicing wheelbarrow races and I usually blow the whistle to quiet them down. About five pairs of kids started to go, I told them to stop and we weren't starting yet. One girl continued to hold her partner up and I told her to put her down. She just stared at me like I was crazy. I said "Emily(not actual name), why aren't you putting her down?" No response. I told her to put her down before she dropped her on her face. I asked her why she wasn't listening. No answer.

    Soon after, I was yelling at other kids for not putting their partners down. I don't really get mad, I just don't want them to hurt each other considering I have a few that are very accident prone.

    I don't have a problem with this girl at all. Lately, she has become real chatty and not listening to me or her other teachers. Other than that, she is a really good student.

    After school today, I had a mom come in and literally yell at me. I had never met this mother and had no idea which student was her's. She explained that 'Emily' was her daughter. I said, "Oh, ok." She says, "Oh, now you know what you did."

    At this point, 'Emily's' grade teacher and I are still somewhat dumbfounded on what the problem is. Emily's mother proceeds to yell at me for yelling at her daughter. I explained what the situation was and that I wasn't at all upset at her daughter, I was more worried about her hurting another girl. I had no idea that this girl was even upset with me, and Emily had acted like nothing was wrong and said goodbye to me like she normally does.

    Then, Emily's mom starts saying "I pay tuition for my daughter to go to private school so she doesn't have to get yelled at and if I wanted her to get yelled at I would send her to public school. There's not that many kids you should be able to handle them by now. (Normally, I only take half of them at a time.) I have a son who's 18 and obviously not much younger than you. My children aren't ever yelled at and this is unacceptable." The other teacher and I were just in awe of all this considering it had absolutely nothing to do with this situation.

    I again explained that I didn't to hurt her daughter's feelings and I wasn't really mad at her or anything. I asked if she would bring her daughter in and so we could talk about it. She did and I asked Emily if other children got in trouble for the same thing. She said yes and that I was mostly yelling at the boys. I gave her a hug and apologized to her for hurting her feelings. I told her that if I upset her or she doesn't know why I said something to her, she needs to come talk to me about if after class.

    Mom finally calmed down after the girl and I talked, but in all honesty, her daughter isn't a saint. Yes, I probably shouldn't have been that harsh on her, but it's not like she doesn't know the rules like the rest of the children.

    Sorry for the long post, but I just needed that off my chest.
    :mellow:
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
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  3. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    Apr 15, 2010

    Oh, I feel ya.

    I had a similar issue last fall during a long term assignment. My first day, a student chose to push the boundaries, had something she shouldn't have had out in the first place, and I took the item from her and returned it at the end of the day. Her mother immediately requested a parent-teacher conference...held on the second day of my placement. She said that since I'm a teacher, I should have realized that taking away the item would embarrass her daughter...what she didn't realize is that I didn't really care if it embarrassed her daughter because that's the price she had to pay for having something out that she shouldn't have had out in the first place! I still, to this day, can not roll my eyes enough! :)

    Is she an "older" mother?
     
  4. dogs&teaching

    dogs&teaching Comrade

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    Apr 16, 2010

    She's about mid 40s.

    I know I embarrassed this girl, but she should have just listened to me the first time and put the other girl down when I had asked.
     
  5. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    Apr 16, 2010

    I think you did the right thing, without a doubt.

    The mother of the student I had was also an "older" mother. In my opinion, they're usually the ones super protective of their "young".
     
  6. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    I'm not sure how the age of a parent impacts how we treat their children; I don't think that it is ever appropriate to embarass our students.
     
  7. ecsmom

    ecsmom Habitué

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    I also have an "older mom" who is a challenge. There is 15 yrs between her 2 children One day she tells me to do what I need to to discipline him. However, when I send a note about his behavior, she always writes back that someone else started it.

    That said, I have a very young mom who complains constantly.
    She is recently remarried and her daughter is seeking her attention. Daughter never complains at school but then goes home with some big tale that has very little truth to it.
     
  8. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    I just want to make it clear that I didn't state that as a fact. I stated it as my opinion, which is based off my own observations. I was very careful of that to make sure we don't get into a debate here.

    My intention was to manage the behavior in my classroom. Should a teacher not take something away from a student that they're not suppose to have in the first place and something they're playing with during instructional time simply because they may get embarrassed?
     
  9. dogs&teaching

    dogs&teaching Comrade

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    I agree about not embarrassing our students. I really work hard at it because I too was once a child and have been embarrassed by a teacher or two. I do believe though, I wouldn't have been embarrassed if I had been listening or paying attention.
     
  10. amaran20

    amaran20 Rookie

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    I also have an "older" mom who cannot comprehend that her child is not always perfectly behaved. She has 2 high school aged kids and then the preschooler who is in my class. She is constantly blaming his behavior on the other kids and judging the way that my assistant and I do anything in the room. I totally understand your frustration.
     
  11. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Of course a teacher needs to reinforce the behaviour expectations in the classroom--this doesn't need to embarass the student, though.
     
  12. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    It's definitely unfortunate that it did, but it was a natural consequence. I can't walk around on eggshells in the classroom because I'm worried a student's poor choice will embarrass them.
     
  13. Grover

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    I can't speak directly to your specific situation, dogs&, but I find it helpful to have a clear idea of what is and is not acceptable behavior for myself. If I then find myself crossing this line, I don't look to the immediate situation to justify it, I look to the broader situation to see how I can avoid it in future. Usually I can identify things I did or failed to do that lead to the situation in which the conditions of the moment seemed to make the unacceptable necessary.
     
  14. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I am an "Older mother."

    We adopted Brian when I was 40. Three years later I had Julia. Two years after that-- yes, I was 45-- I gave birth to Kira. She just turned 7.

    My kid brother was a grandfather (well, for 3 years at least.) His grandchild was 3 years younger than my daughter.

    I can't tell you how incredibly disheartening it is to hear that, based on those facts alone, I am being judged (OK what I really mean is "PRE-JUDGED" on my parenting skills.)

    Sometimes the things I read on this board make me really wonder about the future of education in this country.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :yeahthat::yeahthat:
     
  16. dogs&teaching

    dogs&teaching Comrade

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    MrsC, I agree with everything you have said.

    I'm confused on how this post has turned into about a parent's age reflecting on their parenting skills. I don't believe that makes or breaks a child.
     
  17. teach2boyz

    teach2boyz Rookie

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    "Older Mom":lol::lol::lol:

    That's me!
     
  18. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    I mentioned "older" mothers and stated that, in my opinion, they are usually the mothers that super protective of their children - as much as this may drive a teacher nuts at times, it's a good thing that a parent is involved than not involved whatsoever. I don't think all "older" mothers are super protective as I'm sure there are some that aren't, while I'm sure some "younger" mothers are a certain way and some aren't a certain way. The statement was based off my observations and was not intended to be a jab.
     
  19. DHE

    DHE Connoisseur

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    Apr 16, 2010

    I also agree that the age of the parent should not impact how we act with our children. There are some young mothers who are protective of their children. Mothers protect their children no matter what age, no matter what species.
     

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