I just don't think I can pull it off... the working mom thing

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Bored of Ed, Apr 13, 2013.

  1. Bored of Ed

    Bored of Ed Enthusiast

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    Apr 16, 2013

    Thank you, Tami. I didn't think it was system abuse that we're working our tushies off and still barely squeaking by due to various circumstances. Next time you need a doctor, remember that he probably had close to or less than zero income for at least 8 years while in school. We report every penny and will be grateful when we no longer need assistance, but it will take quite a bit of doing to get and stay there. And to those who seem concerned about our healthcare, please note that it was never in doubt and I was not for a moment considering going without - but there IS a choice between paying through the nose for it vs. getting it through a (f/t) employer. It takes a lot of weighing the options.

    Bison, I hear how that was confusing. I guess what I was trying to say was that I find it very stressful trying to juggle and manage all the responsibilities. My husband can help out with chores but there still ends up being a lot weighing on both our minds that either wasn't there or wasn't as big of a deal before becoming parents. I guess this is something everyone has to learn, adapting to each new phase of life as it comes, and this particular adjustment has been rocky for me so I'm worried about adding a new job to the mix at this time as well. Which doesn't mean I won't end up doing it, just that it's overwhelming and I appreciate hearing how others make it work or work around it.

    I want to thank again all the people who suggested other possible avenues of employment/income, and those who helped me understand what a day/week in the life of the f/t working mom might look like. Dizzykate, were you always that efficient or did you learn on the job?!

    At this point, I'm leaning towards something like this: For the next 3 years or so, I keep my part time job and try more aggressively to find higher-paying private special ed clients, husband quits his ailing business and takes a part time job while taking a few college courses toward his dream career part time. We'd pay out of pocket for health care, perhaps at a student rate through his college (depending what college he chooses). In 3 years our younger daughter will be able to go to preschool all day and hopefully I will have adjusted better and not be so stressed out about parenting (and Lord, those children had better be sleeping through the night by then so I can even consider heading to work at 7Am), so at that point I would re-attempt entry into full-time teaching while husband moves to that final stretch of full time college/internship. If the full time job is too much for me, I just hang in there for 2 years and then he will be fully qualified to become the full-time professional while I back down (and maybe think about trying for that son now that we could hopefully afford him...)

    I'm sort of comfortable with that general plan because nothing is being completely given up. But I would still love to hear from people who have babies/youngsters at home and teach full time, more on how you make it work.

    I never realized this forum was so judgy.
     
  2. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Apr 16, 2013

    Thanks Bored. It's a little bit of both. I am high-stress, anxiety prone and NEED organization. Thankfully my DH rolls with it. I just think about each week and what needs doing and plan accordingly. As in, we actually sit down over the weekend and talk it through. DH takes a list to work and schedules appointments, researches things we need fixed, and drops things at the post office since he walks by it on his way to work. I run around after work and don't sit down until my daughter goes to bed. We have a system and it works, but it would not work if we didn't plan. For example, I teach an after school class tomorrow, but the only reason I do is because I can still pick my husband up at the same time and it prevents me from having DD sit in the car for 15 minutes waiting for him. I get paid and extra hour and it really doesn't change our schedule. However, dinner is super simple tomorrow so we still have our play time in the evening. You will learn. I say this as someone who continually walked out of her high school job after 6 hours because I was going to have a melt down from ringing up customers for too many hours. I did not think I could work more than a 6 hour shift, but I learned. And it's ok.
     
  3. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Apr 16, 2013

    Oh and yes, posting on message boards totally counts as a hobby or social time. Hubby knows I need some time online, but I don't go out hardly ever so that is the compromise.
     
  4. teachinnola

    teachinnola Rookie

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    Apr 16, 2013

    What is your husband returning to school for? Maybe I missed it, but depending on the field, internships can pay well and it could be good to apply to any he can find near home. I would definitely look into what interning in his field can pay per semester, carry the insurance with the school and with some budgeting and him taking a little longer in school you might be able to make it work if he takes a semester to intern here and there.
     
  5. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Apr 16, 2013

    It's a teacher board where probably a good bit of us are working moms. I don't know about the others but we live paycheck to paycheck. We made sacrifices. Em had to go to daycare when hubby was working. Yeah, it took a chunk out of our income but that is what we had to do.

    I didn't have a choice. I HAD TO "pull it off". I had to get my butt up, get us both ready, drop her off crying at times, go to work, do my job, come back, get her and do my job as a mom. So, yeah... I'm judgy. If I can do, why can't any other able-body woman? What make me so special that I'm able to get out there and work a job and be a mom, too? Not a dang thing. I do what I have to do. You go on and do what you have to do... stay at home, work part-time, work full-time... but yeah, I'm judgy.

    :soapbox:
     
  6. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Apr 16, 2013

    I think teaching is a demanding job, as are many in the helping field. If you are looking for something less stressful, you may want to consider other avenues, at least for supplementing the income.

    As for juggling the demands, I will be honest. There were years and jobs that made it difficult and there were years and jobs at I balanced it pretty well. The job can play a part. That, as well as how you handle stress loads, I feel, plays a greater part than being apart 40ish hours a week. I have always said that being a SAhM can be more work than an actual job at times (depends on the job). I stay busy and do not sit around eating Bon Bons all day. Yet, as amazing as it seems, the dynamics of how we use our time and how we work as a family unit does change to accommodate going back to work. It takes time, thought and organization. But that doesn't mean that all people can handle all types of jobs and provide the balance. The 40 hours is less of a factor than you might imagine, but the type of job may make a difference, as well as how you handle the pressure of the job and whether you have the ability to let go of it a bit when you are home.
     
  7. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Apr 16, 2013

    I guess growing up with a mom who raised me, her two step daughters, dealt with my alcoholic (and usually unemployed) father while teaching full-time, tutoring for money after school, then driving to a nearby city to work the night audit at a department store, I don't consider trying to start a business and working part-time to be working one's tushie off. But that's just how I was raised. That's where my judgement is coming from.
     
  8. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Apr 16, 2013

    I think it is important to keep in mind that we all have different experiences and come from different walks of life. There is nothing wrong with the mom who wants to devote the majority of her time to her children (which is a wonderful thing) just as there is nothing wrong with the mom who works full time, meaning less time with her kids. In this situation, the PO is very admirably trying to come up with a real plan so that her children still have ample time with her in their critical, young years while DH persues a college education. These are all admirable things.
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    With all due respect, they have 2 small children on top of all their other responsibilties. They have more than a full plate and then some. No doubt their are working their tooshies off.
     
  10. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Apr 16, 2013

    I have admit that I although it felt harsh at first, I understand MissCelia's opinion. A struggling business said to "not be an income" and a part-time teaching job isn't busting your butt in my opinion either, children or not. No doubt it's work...but it's not all that can be done.

    Then again, as I said in the beginning, money isn't everything. I would only have children if I could be a stay-at-home mother...I understand not every does and not everyone wants to, but I would. Additional income would be sacrificed for the opportunity to be home, but not to the degree that I shared my bedroom with my two children, relied on government assistance programs for insurance, and overall struggled financially.

    I guess I'm sounding all over the place, so here it is straight:

    Stay home if you can. By this I mean you can independently. I also don't think government assistance should be used to make sure one avoids the stress of a full-time job.

    I really do hope you find something that works for your family! I know it must be very stressful. :(
     
  11. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Apr 17, 2013

    Well, if you don't want to extra responsibilities that come with having two small children, don't have children. I have little sympathy for people who choose to procreate. When you have kids you choose to need to pay for health care, food, diapers, a larger home, etc. I have nothing against women who want to stay home with their children. My sister stays home with her three boys. (She has two small side businesses teaching Kindermusic and other music lessons to supplement income, but her kids are able to go with her to those.) Her husband is a college professor, and they waiting until he was on a tenure-track job to start their family. Until then, she worked full time and saved money. If they needed additional income, she'd go back to work.

    While I was in college full-time, I worked three part-time jobs. Right now, even though I don't have kids, I'm in grad school part time, teach full time, and also sponsor several clubs at school that take up a lot of time. I also perform with a music group that practices weekly, have a summer job, and have a leadership role in my high school alumni association. My pet peeve is having to pick up the slack of coworkers who just assume that they don't have to be an active part of the school community because they have children, so my husband and I are expected to volunteer for everything.

    Sometimes you have to pull on your big-girl panties and do what needs to be done. I don't consider one full time job and two kids being an excessive amount of work or responsibility.
     
  12. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    This is completely off topic and not related to the OP, but in my school your feelings about picking up the slack were not uncommon by single people but I often noticed that the expectation was all in their own heads. If you don't want to take on extra projects, don't. Nobody can make you. This is coming from a mother who DID take on extra projects all the time, most of which I really didn't have to do. Nobody expects you to volunteer for everything. When you start doing it, they will, however, ask you because you've already set up the trend for doing so. This is true whether you have kids or not. If you say no, most will respect your decision, particularly if it is not an equal expectation across the board. That may mean certain extra services don't happen, but that's on the school, not you. I'm one who tends to take on every idea I am passionate about so I can't see that I had a choice in all of it, but I did.
     
  13. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Having children is so different than not having them it is hard to understand how much time, effort and work they are. No doubt they are worth it but they change the game completely. When I had my first two I would always wonder what I did with that free time I had before they came along. All my friends that owned or ran a business worked twice the hours usually as salaried people and the business usually ends up owning them. I worked and earned every penny I paid to go to college. I have worked since I was 10 years old (on farms in the summers). This world is so different now with everything costing so much and everything moving so fast. I say we all can use some encouragement or advice sometimes............just DONT get complacent ;)
     
  14. Bored of Ed

    Bored of Ed Enthusiast

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    Husband wants to be a PA, which is both consistent with his skills and interests as well as a well paying, in-demand profession - in case you weren't sure, he's not underemployed by choice. The internships aren't paid but we can do the belt-tightening thing another year or so for the sake of a better future.

    I don't know why people here don't seem to consider owning a small business = work. A business that doesn't succeed is not actually any easier than one that does. Hey, once you make it maybe you can hire more employees and kick back in the Bahamas. I wouldn't know. I only know the part where you try everything to make things work out, and end up proud for turning some profit even as you painfully realize that it will probably never end up being enough.

    I also don't get why being capable of doing something amazing gives you the right to put down others who might not be. In my world, God created everyone with different strengths, talents, and abilities. As a teacher of differently-abled mainstream students, I think people who don't get that should not be teachers at all.

    It's precisely because I'm not a slacker that I have doubts about taking a harder job. If I were OK with slacking, sure I could do it. But if I take on a classroom, it will only be because I intend to give it 110%. And that's exactly why I'm afraid to do it right now.

    I don't think it was irresponsible of me to have children. Life changes and we can never know what's ahead. Before kids, I was an excellent candidate for parenthood with almost a master's degree and considerable skill and experience in a relatively high-demand area, and plenty of energy and talents that one would think would make for a good parent AND teacher. It's not until you go for it and try that you might realize you can't do it all at the same time. There is a surprising difference between staying up all night doing a research paper, and staying up all night with a teething baby - not the least of which is that when you get home from work/school the day after the research, you can crash into bed for at least an hour or so, and then maybe there's spring break. Of course this is stuff I KNEW before - like MissCelia, I have nieces and nephews and knew ALL about children and babies (and loved em! And still do!) but it is a world of difference between actually living it. I'm grateful for every moment but it is nothing like I would have imagined.

    I feel bad for the parents of MissCelia's students if their big girl panties aren't big enough for her liking.
     
  15. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    For the record, the parents of my students enjoy having me as a teacher. They often stop me to visit years after I taught their child and thank me. Many of the thank me for "keeping it real" with their kid and not taking any excuses or putting up with anything from them. Maybe that part of my teaching personality extends into my personal life more than I mean for it to. They also thank me for being so accepting, patient, and nurturing with their children.

    I never said that running a small business is not a lot of work, but it is not an amount of work that I consider to be unmanageable for a person. Everyone is different, everyone can handle different things, and everyone has different capabilities. To each his or her own.
     
  16. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    A lot of my neighbors are small business owners. One of them recently said sometimes he has 100 different bosses instead of one. He said people assume he can set his own hours, etc. but in reality, to secure the income/business growth, he has to be much more accommodating and it can take a lot of his time. My mom was also a small business owner for awhile. There is a lot of worry and constant involvement to make it work.
     
  17. bison

    bison Habitué

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    Sorry, what does PA stand for? In the LA area, it usually has an entertainment industry context and I don't think that's right in this case.
     
  18. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    I assumed Physician's Assistant, which requires at least six years of schooling (seven in many states.)
     
  19. stargirl

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    A couple of thoughts:

    First, like or or not, when you are on government assistance, you do open yourself up to being judged by other people. You may not think that fair, but that's the reality.

    Second, you sound like the main thing worrying you about teaching full time is the planning and extra work. Maybe you should consider going into another field where you can work full time and possibly even at home, but not have extra work outside of your regular work time. For example, I have two sisters who work from home (one sister has two children and is expecting a third, the other one has one baby) doing medical coding. They were able to complete the training in about year (you can do it in a college or through at home correspondence--one sister did the correspondence course while working at a part time job), and both make roughly the same salary that I do as a full time public school teacher with a master's degree. No, it's not the most dynamic job, but it pays the bills and they are very happy that they chose to go into that field, especially that they have a great deal of flexibility with schedules and being able to work at home.

    Additionally, keep in mind that your husband will probably be borrowing a substantial amount of money in student loans and you want to keep your debt down as much as possible.
    Maybe your husband would consider a similar type of field with a shorter amount of schooling, such as a nurse or physical therapist.
     
  20. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    With all due respect, you clearly do not have children because your response is so, and I say this respectfully, rediculous. Saying that those with children are slacking because they have to care for their children shows a lack of understanding. If my daughter is sick, I will care for her before coming into work because my options are to either neglect my daughter, or have a sub fill in for me. This is not because I am a slacker, but because I have a responsiblity and obligation, and a human life has to be a priority. Regarding your comment "I don't consider one full time job and two kids being an excessive amount of work or responsibility", let's talk again when you actually have those two kids. I can guarantee you that you will be singing a different tune.

    I think this is where I bow out of this argument and turn back to the OP, who I greatly admire for her hard work and dedication to her family (I've never known a slacker to do that). I wish we had more people like that in the world.
     
  21. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    You are misrepresenting what I'm saying. I'm aware that working full time and having two kids is a gigantic responsibility and a lot of work. That's why I choose to focus on my career and not to have children. Working mothers should absolutely take off to be with sick children, which is why we have "illness of other" days. I get frustrated that I have to pick up the slack for those with children, but I understand that that's the way the world works. I don't consider them to be slacking, it's just an unfair system. But the fact is that having children is a choice, and when you choose to have children, you should expect to have to work to support them financially. In today's economy, it is expected that both parents will work outside of the home, unless one spouse makes enough money to support everyone, which is becoming more rare. So, I don't feel that it is excessive for a family to have one spouse in college or working full-time, one spouse working full-time, and two young kids. To me, that is the norm, at minimum.
     
  22. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Apr 17, 2013

    I've learned that I will always be at a disadvantage in conversations regarding children because I have chosen to not have any...many times very unfairly.
     
  23. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    My intentions were not to misrepresent you. Please clarify how you think I did that. You stated that your frustration lies in having to "pick up the slack" for teachers with children. Having to pick up the slack implies that someone is slacking. Where is the misrepresentation?
     
  24. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Someone has to sponsor the clubs, supervise the dances, etc. It often ends up being those of us without kids. I work at a school that has a reputation for having super-involved teachers. However, the teachers with kids tend to work to contract hours, and the rest of have to work even more overtime to make up for that. If everyone worked equally, it would be much manageable for everyone, and better for the students. If we all worked to contract hours, our school would lose what makes it special. It's frustrating when teachers want to transfer to teach at the "good" school, but don't want to do their part to contribute to what makes our school good. Not always, but usually, those teachers use having kids at home as their reason for turning down requests to help with events before or after school. This issue is unrelated to my expectations that grownups who need money to support their children get jobs and earn money to support their children.
     
  25. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Call me crazy, but perhaps their children have a specific time in which they have to be picked up. At your school, i presume there is a designated time for students to leave school and be picked up by parents, correct? Or do parents get to pick up their child at any hour? Most establishments require children to be picked up at a certain time. Once picked up, someone must feed the said children. They might also have homework if they are old enough. They might also have to bathe. If the teachers whom you refer to are working their contracted hours, then they are fulfilling their obligations with the school.
     
  26. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Supporting your children is not just financial support, though that is one aspect of it. If you have children in the future you will find out that there is so much more to "supporting" them than just bringing home a paycheck. Much of that support requires physical presence.
     
  27. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I realize this is unrelated to the original post. My school actually hired people to work the after school programs. They found a separate grant money to do it. I would be okay with doing one but only if it lets me skip some of the millions of meetings we have after the school day ends. None of our teachers are allowed, however, to leave when the students do. Though past the contract time, nobody expects anyone to stay. Some do and some do not.

    While I feel some of these extra areas are important and I have chosen to do some of them, it is not a requirement and the world will not fall apart if you do a little less. Your primary duty is to your classroom and ensuring students get a quality education. Outside of that, it is voluntary based on your own passions, desires, and need to give them what you find important. You should never feel like anything ou do extra that is "voluntary" is something you have to do, a burden, or unfair. If you do, time to say no. It is within your rights as well.
     
  28. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I agree. As a working mom I have limited after school time I can offer. Having said that, I actually stay and work until 4 because DH picks up DD and then comes for me. However, I do sign up for committees to help organize events at school when I am able to do so within regular working hours. I think the important thing is doing what you can, and meeting your obligations.
     
  29. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Just chiming in here with a few random thoughts....

    I don't think that a person has to work outside contract hours to be an excellent teacher and an invaluable asset to the school.

    I really hate it when sentiments like "Well, you obviously don't have children...." become part of the argument. Those sorts of comments don't work for me for two reasons: one, it minimizes the experience of the childless person and implies that the childless person can't possibly empathize with the person who has kids; two, it can bring up painful feelings for childless people who might prefer not to be childless. Not everyone who is childless wants to be that way, and it's sort of like rubbing salt in a wound when comments like this are made.

    Around these parts we see posts all the time with people looking for advice about when to have children. Often the posts contain details about how the poster is unemployed, still in school, a first-year teacher, and/or (usually and) not financially stable. The overwhelming majority of comments are along the lines of "Live your life! Things will work out!" I find those comments to be, quite frankly, irresponsible. If a person is in a position to choose when to have children, then I think that the most responsible thing that any potential parent can do is bring a child into a financially stable environment. I don't mean that a person needs to have millions in the bank. Certainly, though, a family should be able to get by without tapping into government assistance. I say this as a person who supports short-term government assistance--I realize that the unexpected happens. In my opinion, that's what assistance should be for: the unexpected. It should not be used so that a person can choose to avoid going to work full-time. The more I've thought about this thread, the more I've come to decide that the OP should get a full-time job if it means getting off assistance and getting into a more financially secure position.

    Not all teaching jobs require an all-in investment. I am a teacher who works to contract, more or less. I believe that I am an effective teacher, and I'm confident that just about everyone that I work with, including students and parents, will tell you the same thing. I'm glad that I don't work in a school that requires me to stay late, come in on weekends, and give of myself to such an extent that I am nothing but a shell when I go home to my family. For me, that wouldn't be the right sort of job. To the OP, you can find a job that fits your needs as well.
     
  30. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    My comments were not meant to be insulting, but it became clear that the poster truly has no idea of what goes into caring for children by many of her comments. As a working mother myself I find it hard to sit by and watch someone throw insults at the OP accusing her of abusing the system, being irresponsible for having children, when her argument is illogical and misinformed. I found those comments extremely insulting. The OP wanted real advice from persons who could share their experience of juggling work and family. There was no need to start personally attacking the OP. I understand that someone might be unintentionally hurt when not having children is brought up. In this case, however, the poster began making attacks on the OP, even on fellow teachers with children. If someone makes comments such as that, they have to be willing to listen to a counter argument. It's only fair.
     
  31. stargirl

    stargirl Companion

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    Caesar, you've said everything I've been thinking but couldn't quite articulate, especially regarding people without children and your thoughts about government assistance.

    Yes, being a first year teacher is hard. At this point, I mostly work contract hours. It took me a few years to get to that point. Getting to that point while having very young children is even harder. That's why I suggested that maybe the OP look for a job in another type of field that won't require the same amount of work outside contract hours. Or maybe her husband has to be realistic and realize he needs to find something he can do now, rather than pursue his dream career at this time.
     
  32. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 17, 2013

    I do understand where you're coming from. My concern is that there are more people involved in this thread than the two who are making the bulk of the posts. A lot of people are reading and thinking about this thread, even if they're not actively posting. Not everyone who is childless agrees with the other poster. Not everyone who has children agrees with you. I'm sure that there's a lot of people, like me, who are somewhere in the middle of both sides. So when comments like the one I mentioned are made, it feels like it's a jab to everyone involved in the thread who doesn't have children, that none of them can understand or appreciate the needs of someone with children. I don't think that's fair or accurate. While childless people might not understand everything about having children, they very likely do understand that it's a big commitment and requires a lot of effort and energy, which is what I think your point was.
     
  33. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Apr 17, 2013

    My comment was meant strictly to one particular poster. I would hope that anyone following the thread understood that. My main concern in all of this has been the OP who I feel was wrongly attacked and judged. It's one thing to make a statement based on experience, but quite another to make statements and judgements based on speculation.
     
  34. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 17, 2013

    Okay.

    I guess my point is that that argument is made a lot here on A to Z and I strongly dislike it.
     
  35. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Apr 17, 2013

    This is exactly what I've been trying to say, but not articulating very well because I've been so much on the defensive. Thank you! When I am financially stable, and able to afford either adoption fees or fertility treatments and extra expenses involved with a high-risk pregnancy, then I will have children, and maybe then my opinions will be valued. However, I'm not going to go into debt for that, so I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I will not have children.

    Not that I think you were implying this on purpose, but I find my work very fulfilling, and come home energized most days. I do get tired sometimes, but I don't do anything at work that I don't volunteer for. Also, my husband and I work together, so it's different. I don't feel like I'm being robbed of time with him. This has been a particularly busy and stressful couple of weeks, for a variety of reasons, and that is probably showing in my posts more than it should. The school where I work is a wonderful place, that is very supportive of teachers and their families. It's the right place for me, but I understand it isn't the right place for everyone.
     
  36. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Apr 17, 2013

    I can understand that the subject of children can be a sensitive topic for some, however the poster attacked and insulted the OP's character using, in my opinion, unsound arguments based on speculation. I think personal attacks are stepping over the line. I also find it odd that the big concern here is unintentionally offending someone by bringing up the fact that the poster does not have children, while the bigger issue of the personal attacks on the OP have been completely overlooked and not of concern at all. I don't think the attacks are appropriate here on A to Z. It makes for a very uninviting environment, and that is what I am trying to defend. At this point I feel I am beating a dead horse. I have made my point and I would rather see us be civil on this site and refrain from personal attacks. I am certain, however, that the OP will work out her situation and find a balance that works for her family because she sounds devoted and determined to find a solution.
     
  37. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Apr 18, 2013

    I apologize if anyone thought I was making personal attacks. That was not my intent at all, and I apologized for posting during what has turned into a very stressful and emotional week for me, for a variety of reasons. It was never my intent to attack or insult the OP's character. I was just honest about my thoughts about her situation. After my initial response, a few posters agreed with me, and you didn't, so I explained some things about my background so people would understand where I was coming from. While my tone may have been harsh, I was really just honestly stating my opinion, while I felt others were dancing around those issues in their posts. The first time I found a personal attack in a post was when the OP said she felt bad for the parents of my students. I apologize if that put me on the defensive and I said some things after that which were not entirely professional. The next thing I saw that could be considered a "personal attack" was when you called my ideas "rediculous" and said that I must have no idea what goes into the care of a child, which is a huge assumption to make based on very limited evidence, and one which I will not even justify by defending.

    Like everyone else, I hope the OP is able find a solution that allows her to spend the most time with her family, while remaining financially secure. Isn't that really what everyone's trying to do in life? Again, I apologize if I've hurt anyone's feelings or opened up any wounds for anyone. I would never do that intentionally.
     
  38. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Perhaps I should not have used the term "rediculous," but I don't see that as a personal attack. I did feel that the OP was being attacked with the aforementioned remarks, and while I cannot condone her comment about your students, I am willing to bet she felt cornered. In any case, I think we should end it here on a civil note. I am glad that we can agree to disagree with, hopefully, no hard feelings. My biggest concern is keeping the dialgue respectful and civil.
     
  39. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Apr 18, 2013

    I have taught a long time. I had a wise person once tell me this story. She was the secretary of a school and had children. A woman came in and told her how bad her children were and how she should be ashamed or a better mom etc. Years later, the woman came back to her after having children of her own and apologized. I have the same story. My BF had kids and I would go over and give him heck for the mess in his house. When we had kids he would come over and look at my house and then just smile and laugh at me. It was a good lesson. I am happy to see this thread has reached some consensus and amends toward better understanding. I have seen many times misunderstanding when you cannot see someone face to face or really know them better. Test week has BEEN a real @#*@. Our principal is now out with a husband in critical condition from a terrible heart
    problem.
     
  40. OhThePlaces

    OhThePlaces Cohort

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    Apr 18, 2013

    OP, I taught for two years out of college before having children and staying at home (teaching very part-time) for four years. I accepted a full-time teaching position and began working at the beginning of March. I loved being a SAHM, and while we could afford it by pinching pennies, I felt like it was my time to go back to work.

    It's been a big adjustment to have my babies (4 and 2) in daycare for 9 hours a day, and I feel guilty sometimes, but then I remember that they love their new preschool, my new job is fulfilling, and having extra money for our family has made life so much easier. I work about an hour past contract hours most days, but somedays longer, and I take home work to do at night after the kids go to sleep and my husband and I watch tv. My house isn't as clean as it once was, and our dinners are far from gourmet, but we're surviving just fine. When I pick the kids up in the afternoon, I try to spend as much quality time as possible focused on them... Walks around the neighborhood, tea parties, snuggling on the couch... My husband is in the military and works 10 hour days. When he gets home he does his share... Dishes, entertaining the kids, giving baths, whatever.

    I was worried that I would feel like I was really missing out on time with the kids, but I feel like we just pack it all in after school and I appreciate that time so much more now. The financial stability that working FT provides has been so worth it.
     

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