"I have male and female friends and I'm not going to end my friendships..."

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherSandra, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    In case you don't recognize the quote...Jon Gosselein said that.

    Ok; this isn't a thread about Jon & Kate, but his quote made me wonder...just how many of you married people go out with your opposite sex friends...just the two of you??

    and here's the story if you want to read it:

    http://www.popeater.com/television/article/jon-and-kate-rumors/453974?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl5|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.popeater.com%2Ftelevision%2Farticle%2Fjon-and-kate-rumors%2F453974
     
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  3. blindteacher

    blindteacher Cohort

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    I am married and I go out with female friends -- just the two of us. My DW knows no other woman would cross my mind in more than friendship way.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2009
  4. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Not me. I barely have girl friends, let alone guy friends. Any that I ever hang out are from dh, and he's always there. I did have an old, old guy friend from middle school visit the city once, and we went to Alcatrez together. But that was because dh had to work late, and it was a brief trip out.
     
  5. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    My DH and I are both completely ok with each other having friends, male and female. I have not ended any friendships and neither has he. We just completely trust each other. I guess we married the right people! :)
     
  6. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

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    I used to have guy friends and be in a relationship - but life goes on and i hardly have girl friends. SO is the same way... we are trying to get more couple friends because that seems the most couple friendly. He has a couple girl friends that i wouldn't care if he went out with alone.. mostly because i would not like to go out with them at all...
     
  7. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    It's all about trust. My SO trusts me and I trust him. Actually, I have a regular, twice a month lunch "date" with a college colleague, who's male and married. To make it even wierder, my SO is a college colleague himself, and my friend and my SO hold almost the same job title. But, everybody trusts their respective other, and we all get the joy of having friends.
     
  8. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I am not married, but I have gone out with a few different male friends a few times alone. My BF also has some female friends but he mostly hangs out with them in groups. He is still friends with his ex-gf though, and they hang out sometimes. Overall, I am ok with it, but she does irk me a bit. I think that's more because I just don't like her though, then that she is his ex.
     
  9. MsMar

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    I don't have any close friends that are male, but my dh has female coworkers he's friends with. He'll hang out with them after work and it doesn't bother me.
     
  10. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    wow; I guess I'm the odd ball out.

    We're friendly with opposite sex...no, not in that way:eek: :lol:! But, we don't hang out with them one-on-one opposite sex. You know what I mean? :p Hope that wasn't too confusing.
    It's basically just me and hubby and we love it that way.
     
  11. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    My wife and I are both quite anti-social. I think that's what brought us togeher.

    We generally don't have friends per se. When we go out, it's with each other.
     
  12. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    We don't do it often, but I'd have no problem with my fiance hanging out with a girl...and he trusts me too. There was just one person he didn't trust that was a guy friend (with good reason) but we don't talk anymore.
     
  13. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    You guys are exactly like my parents.....
     
  14. silver rain

    silver rain Comrade

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    We mostly have couple friends.
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    My BF & I don't go out w/ opposite gendered friends alone, not that we have any anyway. It's just not a good idea in both our books. It's not that I'm insecure or I don't trust my BF, it's the OTHER person I don't trust & as long as we BOTH agree on something, we don't have to worry about it.
     
  16. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    DH and I do almost everything as a couple. In fact, I can't remember a time we went out with another couple. We sometimes meet up with my coworkers.

    We have friends of the opposite gender at work ... lunch or hanging out after work happens every now and then. No worries.
     
  17. Blue

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    Sarge, my DH and I are just like you--antisocial. We are very happy staying home and doing our thing. We just don't need people.
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Love your way of thinking!

    Now, there's nothing wrong w/ having friends, but so many people thrive on the attn of others. It's like if they don't have friends surrounding them constantly, they'll shrivel up & die. No offense to anyone here, I'm just talking in general.
     
  19. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Most of my guy friends don't live in our area so I mostly just chat with them online or e-mail. My husband has never said anything about that. We are both pretty busy, both have 2 jobs, and don't have too much time to spend with friends of the same gender let alone friends of the opposite sex. My husband actually commented on the article he read about Jon last night. I said would you ever go clubbing with women? He said give me a break. I'm too old for that! He's the same age as Jon! :lol:
     
  20. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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  21. blindteacher

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    My DW and do most of our socializing together as well. We aren't huge socialites either -- we socialize about once or twice a month. However, neither of us mind if the other spends time with another man/woman.

    Same here. My DW and I have never been into clubbing or going out late. We would much rather socialize during the daytime.
     
  22. fast chalk

    fast chalk Comrade

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    I totally agree.
    Having friends -no matter male or female- is awesome.
    My husband and I do not see it as a problem.

    In general... we tend to have COUPLE FRIENDS,
    but not cause we are looking 4 it, just cause our daughters`friends get together with us at the club and so... my husband and I become friends with these parents.

    To be honest, I prefer girlies meetings, they are funnier!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  23. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    We both have friends of the opposite sex. One in particular that I have been friends with since high school (about 15 years now), I see and go out with and hang out with here and there. He is one of my best friends. My husband also hangs out with him without me. It really just depends on the situation. We don't purposefully make plans to not include either of our spouses, but if both of our spouses are busy and we are free, we will make plans for lunch or something so we can catch up with each other's lives. We also write music together on a regular basis.

    If we go out with friend's of the opposite sex, it is 99% of the time always with our spouses/SO's. It's very rare that we get together with a friend of the opposite sex by ourselves, but it has happened occassionally with very, very, very close friends of ours. NOW...if hubby came home today and said he's going out with a "female friend from work"...um...NO! We would never go out with someone of the opposite sex that we were not very close friends with. And when I say very close friends with, I mean best of friends. I can count on one hand, within our circle of friends, who would qualify. We have a lot of 'friends', but we also have a close circle of best friends who have known each other for a very long time who would be the only ones either of us would hang out with without the other one.
     
  24. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Yeah, my husband doesn't even have time to take ME out! Forget other women! He works full time, has his own business, takes care of our house...maybe John needs a job :lol: I bet he doesn't even mow his own lawn anymore.
     
  25. MuggleBug

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    Us Weekly has an interview with the brother of "the other woman", saying they've been having an affair for the past 3 months or so. Of course, he just wants to "protect" his "naive" sister. Hm...I'm thinking they're probably both in on it to get the $$$ and attention.

    Regardless, Jon needs to grow up and the show should probably end because it's obvious they are no longer happy together (if they're even still together).
     
  26. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    This whole story keeps getting stranger and stranger. I hadn't been following it, but today read about it. What kind of brother, especially if they're roommates they must be close and get along, would tell a magazine all the things that he said about his sister?
     
  27. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    And the plot thickens...I read on the online news that the girl is saying that she and Jon are JUST friends. They met recently and that's it...they are friends.
     
  28. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Even if they are "just friends", I personally think it's completely inappropriate for a married man and father of 8 in his 30s to invite a 23-year-old over to sunbathe while his wife is away unless the wife is also friends with the woman or has given the okay...which I very highly doubt is the case here!
     
  29. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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  30. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    I do not understand how Jon or Kate could have time for friends with 8 children. I only have 3 and there have been many times when all of my children had to be at different places at the same time. Almost every night we are dealing with something with the children and the few off nights are used to catch our breath until the next round of activities.
     
  31. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I don't really follow the whole Jon and Kate thing.

    But doesn't he have 8 kids??? I know that our 3 keep us pretty busy-- far too busy to go out clubbing.
     
  32. Ms. I

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    Jon's a fool.
     
  33. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Nearly all of my "teacher" friends are female. They come over to the house frequently for parties and relaxing in the hot tub..... all except one...My wife has told me she's not welcome.... I can live with that.. :p:p
     
  34. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Once I married, there was a clear line that could not be crossed as far as friendship with opposite sex. I don't want my husband having close friends of the opposite sex either. Neither of us goes out alone with friends of the opposite sex , nor do we spend any time alone with anyone of the opposite sex.

    I want to be my husband's best friend, and only close friend of the opposite sex. I don't want another woman fulfilling any of his needs for friendship. But I strongly encourage his friendships with his male friends and urge them to take trips together and do guy stuff together. I have no desire for any close male friends. I do have a couple of guys at church that I consider my brothers and know I could go to for anything or call at anytime of the day or night, and they would be right there. But it is a brotherly relationship, and we do not go out alone together.
     
  35. Ms. I

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    I agree completely! A lady after my own heart. If a person's married, there's nothing they should need anyone else of the opposite sex to talk to about, email, IM, text, etc. besides small talk at work or church colleagues AT WORK OR CHURCH & not outside of those places (because we can't help that).

    But, I'm not too fond of the whole boys' night out thing either. Maybe if it's not too often, like a couple times a year or so. If a man or woman feels they HAVE TO HAVE weekly or monthly boys' or gals' nights, they should stay single.
     
  36. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    I could my husband having lunch with a female friend, or maybe even going to a happy hour event right after work. I think part of what makes this more suspicious for me is that it happened really, really late....like 2:30 AM. I don't know why the time matters, but it does. My husband works mainly with women, so any socializing he does at work (including lunches and such) is usually with women. And we will have these women and their husbands over together for dinner or for a party or whatever and I am perfectly ok with it. I would not be ok with him hanging out in a bar with one of these women after midnight when we have kids at home...and I think Kate was away? And isn't she often "away?"
    Kim
     
  37. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    I think that depends on what happens during those gal's nights out. I have a couple of friends (moms of my daughter's friends) that meet on a non-regular basis...maybe once every 3 months or so....and we go to dinner or a movie or to a Starbucks and just catch up with each other. It's perfectly innocent and healthy. It's not that I need time away from my hubby, but I do need more social stimulation than just his company every once in a while.
    Kim
     
  38. MuggleBug

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    I feel it is important to maintain friendships outside of the marriage, because at any time, anything could happen and you may need to call on those friends. My fiance's parents lectured us on never having friends of the opposite sex over, etc. They are best friends and it works for them, but they essentially have NO friends where they live now outside of each other. For a lot of people, having your SO has your one and only friend is enough, but what happens if your SO is no longer with you? I think it would be a good thing to have some longtime friends who know you and support you that you can call on. I don't really see harm in going out to dinner with a group of girl friends every month or so. My mom does it - she's in her 60s, it doesn't mean she wants to go live it up as a single woman. She just enjoys having social interaction with her good friends.
     
  39. blindteacher

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    I agree completely.
     
  40. Ms. I

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    And if your hubby has his guys' nights, I hope for your sake, that's the similar kind of thing he does too, but of course no one knows for sure unless he's followed. But no spouse should have to live like that to where it gets to that point (of spying, following, etc.)
     
  41. Ms. I

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    In society, it seems more alright when wives go out w/ friends as opposed to when husbands do it..looks more suspicious. Why? Because husbands cheat more. Why do we see men doing it so much more often on talk shows, tv shows, movies, etc., etc.? Someone may say well, there are obviously just as many women cheating because they're the ones going w/ these men. Although many married women cheat too, I think many more are single (& going w/ the married men).

    My parents have been married for 37 yrs. They don't have a lot of company over AT ALL. Neither of my parents have opp gendered friends. My mom keeps in contact w/ her friends by phone. Once in a blue moon, she may go to lunch after work w/ one of them.

    My dad has ZERO friends. He doesn't talk on the phone w/ anybody, definitely doesn't go out w/ anybody (male or female). Occasionally, he'll talk w/ the male neghbor next door out in the garage. Him & my dad never enter each other's houses.

    Many times (didn't say all the time), we live & have similar beliefs that our parents do because that's how we were raised of course.
     

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