I find myself doubting the professionalism of a certain omission

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Backroads, Jun 17, 2020.

  1. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Jun 17, 2020

    So, I was offered a job. I accepted (though I confess me staying home for the year is still on the table.)

    If you have been following me on this board, you are aware I am pregnant. I'm due in two weeks.

    … I was hired over Zoom.

    My new boss has no idea I'm pregnant.

    This shouldn't affect the start of the school year, but we're having an open house next week (brand new school building) and it's starting to feel awkward.

    I know I have no obligation to reveal my pregnancy in getting a job, but I almost feel... deceitful at this point.

    How should I go about this?
     
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  3. Tired Teacher

    Tired Teacher Groupie

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    OMGoodness! I have no clue! Maybe someone else will.
    Congrats on the job offer. I am happy for you that staying home for a year is still an option for you!
     
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  4. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Jun 18, 2020

    A quick note of sharing the info stating that you didn't want them to be surprised. Add what you just told us - it shouldn't affect the start of the school year, but you just didn't want to see a lot of shocked looks.
     
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  5. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

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    Jun 18, 2020

    I totally understand your conundrum.

    Last year, I interviewed for a job via the phone, was offered a job, and accepted -- all without even so much as a Skype meeting. I am disabled. My disability is obvious when you see me, because I cannot walk with my assistive devices.

    In every face-to-face interview I've ever had, I always discuss it, because first it is the "elephant" in the room, and second, I like to point out how I've taught successfully like this for 18 years so they don't need to worry about it keeping me from doing my job.

    We'll in the phone interview, it never came up. I wasn't trying to "hide' anything, it just honestly never came up. It never occurred to me that it hadn't been mentioned until long after I accepted the job.

    After I accepted the job, the thought crossed my mind that I'd never mentioned the fact that I'm disabled. I really worried about it, but simply couldn't think of a way to just call that principal up and say "oh, by the way, I don't think I mentioned that I have a lot of trouble walking." I really debated about what to do. I finally decided to say nothing.

    And oh yes, I remember the looks when I showed up for the first day of the teacher's workday at my brand new school, and everybody was trying really hard not to look shocked when I arrived. To their credit, they tried to hide their concern, so I gave them credit for that. It was awkward, for about 3 minutes, and then life went on.

    My advice is to not say anything right now. It won't change a thing. And it isn't like you are going to go into labor the second you get there. Honestly, schools get long-term maternity subs all the time, so it isn't something that will take them a huge amount of time to set up. It will come up naturally, and by the end of the first week (if it hasn't already been brought up) just stop by the principals office and ask what the procedure is for this school in terms of maternity sub plans and such -- so you can properly prepare.

    Best wishes on your impending motherhood!
     
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  6. mrsammieb

    mrsammieb Devotee

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    Jun 18, 2020

    When I was pregnant with my first we moved. I interviewed and got hired but I was barely showing. I felt to guilty not telling them I was expecting (due in March). I went to my principal the next day, after signing the contract, and told her. She was so annoyed with me. I always felt like she didn’t like me. I only taught there for 2 years. It could have just been my emotions.
    I think in today’s climate your principal will never show anything but excitement for you.
     
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  7. bella84

    bella84 Aficionado

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    Jun 18, 2020

    I agree with emailing or calling the principal and telling him/her. Assure the principal that it won't affect your responsibilities during the school year but that you didn't want him/her to be surprised/concerned at the open house. Since it doesn't seem like you'll be taking any leave during the school year, it really shouldn't affect him/her, and you giving him/her the heads up will eliminate any concerns he/she has the moment that he/she sees you in person.
     
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  8. bella84

    bella84 Aficionado

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    Jun 18, 2020

    Annoyed because she felt you hid something? Annoyed about having to find a sub? I understand that it can complicate things to have a teacher on leave, but it sounds like you were offering plenty of advanced notice, assuming that you told her the summer prior to the school year starting and weren't due until the following March. I'm surprised to hear that she reacted with annoyance. Even if truly annoyed, that seems like something a person would/should try to hide.
     
  9. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Jun 18, 2020

    If you will not need a sub for the beginning of school then it really shouldn't be any of their business. If you are saying that they will need to scramble to find a maternity leave sub then you should definitely tell them now.
     
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  10. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Jun 18, 2020

    My thought is that you should drop the P a note in case baby arrives early and you have to miss the open house.
     
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  11. viola_x_wittrockiana

    viola_x_wittrockiana Comrade

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    Jun 18, 2020

    Um, are you at all worried that you might "pop" early? Since the open house is a week off your due date, I'd definitely say something now rather than risk missing the open house because of a newborn and have to explain yourself.
    If you want to pass it off more delicately, blame zoom and baby brain. Something like, "I've been feeling like such a blimp lately, it didn't occur to me that you couldn't tell." Then explain that you'll be ready to go for the start of the school year.
     
  12. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Yep. Both my kids were born at 37w4d. Many ppl don’t make it to their due dates.
     
  13. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    We hired a teacher last year who we didn’t know was pregnant. She didn’t know she was pregnant, either (she had been trying for years with no success, unfortunately). She had her baby in March (right before COVID school closures). We were thrilled for her.

    I don’t like surprises, though. I like to know right away so we can secure a good sub and help get everything orchestrated for when the teacher leaves. I’m a planner.
     
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  14. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jun 19, 2020

    This is totally understandable. At the same time, you have to know that a woman’s body is her own business and she has zero obligation to tell anybody, even work, about a pregnancy.

    In OP’s situation, I think it comes down to personal comfort. Is the OP even obligated to attend this open house, presumably months before her contract starts in the fall? If she doesn’t want to go to the open house, there’s a good chance no one will even know that she just had a baby once school starts in the fall.
     
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  15. bella84

    bella84 Aficionado

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    Jun 19, 2020

    Was this one of those cases where she didn't know she was pregnant all the way up until she gave birth? Or do you mean that she didn't know she was pregnant when you hired her but still figured it out with time for everyone to prepare?
     
  16. otterpop

    otterpop Phenom

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    Jun 19, 2020

    How did it work out with you needing to take time off? FMLA protection only kicks in after 12 months I believe. Did they let you take any maternity leave?
     
  17. otterpop

    otterpop Phenom

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    I agree. I think, in this case, it’s in your favor to say something. You don’t have anything to lose, really, and your new principal will probably be reassured to hear that plan on starting the year as normal, rather than wondering but not being able to ask.
     
  18. otterpop

    otterpop Phenom

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    That’s another good idea - if you’re not required to go, you could not go.
     
  19. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Jun 19, 2020

    You're not obligated to tell them you're pregnant during the interview process, and they're not permitted to ask, for a very good reason -- they're not allowed to use it as a criteria for hiring and to do so would be illegal discrimination. If you'd told them anyway voluntarily, it would be more difficult for them because they'd then have to be considering that in the back of their mind that you'd just opened them up to a possible lawsuit if they don't hire you. So you did them a favor and they should be glad you didn't casually mention it during the interview.

    You're in a good spot. Tell them. If you're worried that they might feel you hid something, bring up that you simply didn't want it affecting their decision because it's irrelevant and avoids creating legal complications (I'd avoid saying you would have sued them -- you probably wouldn't have anyway).
     
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  20. mrsammieb

    mrsammieb Devotee

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    Jun 19, 2020

    I think she was mostly annoyed because 4 other teachers were also pregnant and we were all due around the same time. I think if she knew I was pregnant she would not have hired me. I ended up having Maggie 3 weeks early and was out in February. I came back to school the last two weeks of school.
     
  21. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    She thought she was just gaining weight, but found out around month 3, I believe, that she was actually pregnant. It was tremendous news for our staff as she had been a long term sub for us the previous school year, so we had a relationship with her already. We were overjoyed for her.
     
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  22. sevenplus

    sevenplus Connoisseur

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    Jun 19, 2020

    I would consider sending an email.

    "Didn't want it to be a shock when you see me next week! I am preganant and due _____. I don't anticipate having to take any maternity leave due to the timing of the birth but just wanted to let you know. Looking forward to meeting the staff at the Open House."

    Or something along those lines.
     

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