I feel horrible...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Shanoo, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    Oct 26, 2010

    One of my students came to me today to tell me that the reason she's had attendance issues lately is because she's pregnant and been suffering from morning sickness.

    Apparently she's going to a clinic tomorrow to terminate. She says she's confident about her decision but feels hypocritical because she was always one who couldn't understand how someone could do that. She hasn't told her parents nor has she talked to a guidance counselor. She's only confided in me, another teacher, one friend and her boyfriend. By the end of our conversation, she asked me to tell her what she should do. She cried when I told her I couldn't do that. I don't think she's as confident as she says she is.

    I told her that there was no judgement from me (she was concerned that I would - I think she's judging herself) but that I strongly urged her to talk to her parents and guidance counselor. That she needed to make the decision the best suited her. One that she could walk away from knowing she made the right decision.

    I feel awful. She's a talented, intelligent girl and it's clear she's struggling. Regardless of which road she chooses, I hope it's the right decision for her and that it's one she doesn't regret.
     
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  3. sweetlatina23

    sweetlatina23 Cohort

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    Oct 26, 2010

    My heart goes out to her, the child, and you. I can't imagine how I would react if one of my students ever came back to me to tell me this. I know so many of them go through situations in their lives that we never realize they are humans that make mistakes too. Personally, I pray she keeps the baby and considers adoption if its not for her right now. I am sure if she choose to talk to her parents, they might be willing to help her see that they will be there to support her. She is in my prayers, I hope she makes the right decision, please us know what she decides.
     
  4. alschoolteacher

    alschoolteacher Companion

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    Oct 26, 2010

    I'll be praying for her tonight!
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Oct 26, 2010

    I have a huge lump in my throat reading your story, Shanoo. So often we don't know what our students are dealing with when they are outside of our classroom; it says so much about you that she would confide in you. I'll keep her in my prayers as well, so that she can find peace with whatever decision she makes.
     
  6. Momma C

    Momma C Comrade

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    Oct 26, 2010

    I had a student come to me two years ago during summer school saying that she was scared she was pregnant. We talked for a while and when I asked her if she had told her mom (Dad is not in the picture), she told me that she was scared to tell Mom. I asked her if she would like for me to tell Mom with her, which she did. So I called Mom for a conference. The three of us met together and told Mom. Yes, Mom was shocked, but did not go beserk. Thank goodness it turned out that she wasn't pregnant. Mom came to me later thanking me for helping her child. She (Mom) made sure that all her kids were in my class after that.

    However---my first year teaching, one of my 8th graders actually went into labor during my class. I had to call the ambulance and parents. She had a girl about 30 minutes after arriving at the hospital.
     
  7. mom2ohc

    mom2ohc Habitué

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    Oct 26, 2010

    ooh that poor girl ((hug))
     
  8. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 26, 2010

    How old is this student?
     
  9. Chalk

    Chalk Companion

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    Oct 26, 2010

    Does Canada have the same idiotic law that most of the US has about not being able to inform parents before a child has a major medical procedure such as abortion?

    Funny how that works, we are required to report if we know they are being beaten on, sexual abused, or mistreated but we are forbidden to tell anyone if a child elects to have a doctor carve out a fetus from them. We have some truly messed up values in this country.
     
  10. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    Oct 26, 2010

    The student is 17. In my province, children over the age of 16 have the right to decide their own medical treatment.
     
  11. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    You know, the more I think about it, the more upset I'm getting. I just really feel for her right now. She's the type of girl who is always looking to please everyone else. I'm afraid she's getting the abortion because it's what her boyfriend wants. I'm not saying he's a bad kid (I don't know him), but I'm guessing most 17 year old boys would choose no baby over baby. The overall feeling I'm getting when I think back over our conversation is that she's really, really confused.

    I just hope that I said enough today so that she, at least, postpones her plans. I would never push my own views on this issue onto a 17 year old, but I don't think any good decision, whatever that may be, can come out of confusion. With this, she needs to be sure.
     
  12. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Awe...Shanoo... I feel for you & for that poor girl!!! I hope she at least talks to the counselor or something before she just "does it."

    I think you did a good job of not forcing your views from your post!!!

    Hugs to you!!!
     
  13. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    You did exactly the right thing, Shanoo. This is a tough situation for everybody involved. I will keep you and your student in my prayers.
     
  14. Blue

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    Oct 26, 2010

    I was CEO of a teen parent program for 9 years. It speaks well of you that she confided in you. I would take that for a big plea for help. Even though you can not advise her, you can help her find help. There must be some resources in your school and in the community. I have worked with teens who have made all choices. My advice is for you to help her find a support person or agency, and help her tell her mother. (I have also helped teens seek abortions without telling their family--not a pleasant spot to be in.)
     
  15. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Oct 27, 2010

    This is true in Ontario as well (not sure where Shanoo is).
     
  16. Starista

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    Oct 27, 2010

    :agreed:
    :hugs:
     
  17. Muttling

    Muttling Devotee

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Does your school have a therapist or some sort of counseling for students who are dealing with major issues?


    If this happened to me, I'd talk to her about talking to our therapist and how he could help her cope with all of this. An abortion take a huge emotional toll and not getting support makes that toll even worse.

    She is blessed to have a teacher like you. One who she can confide in and get emotional support from.
     
  18. Momma C

    Momma C Comrade

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    You are soooooo right about this. One of my 6th graders (several years ago) got pregnant and had an abortion. She had to have quite a bit of therapy. She comes back to see me every so often -- she is in jr. college now on a full basketball scholarship.
     
  19. sweetlatina23

    sweetlatina23 Cohort

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    Do you have any update for us, what happened?
     
  20. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    Oct 31, 2010

    I have been away at a conference since Wednesday, so I have NO idea what she decided to do. I guess I will find out tomorrow...
     
  21. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Nov 1, 2010

    The thing is, everyone always says what they WOULD do until they're in the situation. I can't imagine myself at 17 years old with a baby. My life would be completely different. Luckily, I have never been in that position and I never intend to be. *shakes head* That poor girl. :(
     

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