I dont know what to do....

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by kinderkc, Aug 31, 2008.

  1. kinderkc

    kinderkc Companion

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    Aug 31, 2008

    Hey everyone,

    Sorry to bother you guys with one of my problems but...I thought maybe you all could help me out. Recently(beg. of august) my parents and i were planning a trip. My friend who is also a teacher had been wanting to go somewhere all summer so i asked if she would want to go. I told her the airline ticket and hotel would be $400 bc the site we went through combined it like that. She agreed and said that was no biggie so my mom bought the tickets all together and my friend could just pay her back. My mom and i decided to also see a show on our trip and asked if she would be interested. She said yes and that to buy 2 tickets for her bc her sister would be in town the same time so she could go with us. We bought them on my moms credit card.

    Sooo we all went on our trip...we had lots of fun. When we were dropping my friend of at home after the trip(at this point we had seen no check or anycomments saying she meant to bring it or was going to pay us) she said to me ill get you a check. I said ok.

    WELL that was 3 weeks ago so last night we were going out and i asked her to bring a check for the trip bc my moms cc bill was due (i had sent her an email will all the prices...basically $600). She didnt say anything about oh sorry ive been meaning to give you this or anything about taking so long to get me a check...AND then when she gave it to me it was JUST for the flight NOT the show! aah I didnt know what to do so i stuck it in my purse and here i am venting to you guys...I need some help. I am not good with this kind o stuff and i cant afford to just blow it off. I dont know if she is playing games with me...i clearly didnt say i was going to pay for her 2 show tickets!

    If anyone has any suggestions they would be much appreciated.

    P.S. Its not a money thing...she has plenty of money so i just cant imagine why she isnt paying me!
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 31, 2008

    Just tell her that there must have been a mistake, she must have been thinking of the original cost but since you also bought tickets for a show, the total cost is $XXX. Tell her you will cash the current check and that she still owes you $XXX, when can you expect it....
     
  4. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    Aug 31, 2008

    You aren't bothering anyone with your problems, that is what this board is for,lol. So no worries.

    Money and friends can sometimes cause a lot of issues. I went through something similar way back in my twenties, and it was very frustrating.

    You need to sit down and be honest with your friend. Tell her how you are feeling so no resentment builds up. You have to realize that it is not something worth losing a friend over. There might be a misunderstanding or miscommunication you aren't aware of on her end, so having a talk about it can straighten all that out.

    Just be sure not to be confrontational or accusatory going in, say "Hey, is it ok if we talk about the trip? Because I want to make sure we are on the same page" and tell her what you expected, and let her tell you her side. You will hopefully meet somewhere in the middle.

    Unfortunately, because of issues like these, I seldom loan or offer to pay upfront for anyone. I pay for my friend's children if we are going somewhere, but unless a friend is really in a huge jam and needs help, I keep money out of friendship.
     
  5. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 31, 2008

    I ditto this!
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 31, 2008

    Isn't it something how money does strange things to people? That's why they say it's the root of all evil. You seemed to be very clear up front about the grand total of her share, so why she'll avoid the subject & then finally just give you the flight amt of it is strange. She's a teacher too, who's "supposed" to be an educated, rational person, so why she would beat around the bush & avoiding talking about the subject is beyond me. Kindly, but firmly remind her of her 2 tickets cost.

    Too bad, you couldn't have her pay some kind of amount up front BEFORE the trip. These days, no matter how good of friends people are, they should type up itemized amts & make sure each party has a copy & sign the paper if possible.

    Hopefully, you don't lost a friendship over it.
     
  7. kinderkc

    kinderkc Companion

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    Aug 31, 2008

    Thanks for all the advice. Im just having a really hard time figuring out why she would only pay for the flight. Its been making me sick to my stomach allll day. We talk through text alot throughout the day so i was thinking of saying something like..."Hey i just realized i forgot to ask you to go ahead and include the concert tickets in with the check you wrote me yesterday...sorry for making you write 2" Then maybe sending one right after that that says you can just write it for 200 instead of 220 or whatever it was.

    Is that stupid? I am just the worst at asking something like that over the phone or in person and by the time i saw her in person it would probably be a good week or so.
     
  8. kinderkc

    kinderkc Companion

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    Aug 31, 2008

    Mrs.I, I hope i dont lose a friendship over it either.This particular friend is quite sensitive in the fact that most everything needs to go her way. If i dont feel like doing something on a particular night i better have a good excuse or she will get mad! One time she wanted me to go to a amusement park in town with her and i had already been so i said i cant really afford to go again and i didnt hear the end of it alll night. She was pouting(keep in mind she is about 25) abot how she would have to ride the rides alone bc most of them weere double, etc. (Sorry for venting sometimes these things just need to come out and you guys seem to have good advice so just typing this out helps:) )

    Anyways, I think i have learned my lesson with buying ppl things and expecting them to pay.

    I knowif it was me i would feel so bad if someone had to remind me to pay them. I would probably appologize a million times and write a thank you note!
     
  9. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Aug 31, 2008

    Hurry up and ask her before the memories become cold and she develops amnesia! No, it's not stupid. Why would anyone think a friend would pay for a show ticket for a sister and a friend. She's playing you.....
     
  10. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Aug 31, 2008

    I ditto CzaCza's advice.

    And don't ask for less. Don't make too big a deal out of it with her. Just come across matter-of-fact.
     
  11. mrs.teacher5

    mrs.teacher5 Companion

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    Sep 1, 2008

    I would talk to her about it and not text it. She may act like she never received the text. Be persistent it is your money and she shouldn't assume that you would pay for the show.
     
  12. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I would call and say that I was coming over for the balance. Then do it. How rude of her.
     
  13. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Sep 1, 2008

    kinderkc, I really hope you don't lose her as a friend, but if things always need to go her way like you say, I personally couldn't stay friends w/ someone like like. As in Maithal's threads about friendship, I was telling her that friendships are 50/50. No one should feel as though his/her time, possessions, feelings, self or anything else are more important than the other.

    As I've said before, I don't beg anyone to be my friends, I don't care if I've been friends w/ the person for 20 yrs. All friendships go through ups & downs, but if there's a pattern of more "downs", then who needs them! I can ba happier alone than being frustrated & stressed out by this person.

    You might want to keep reminding her until she pays, but after a while, tell her you really need the $ by ____ date. Don't ever loan or do anything where she'll have to pay you back later ever again!

    Good Luck!
     
  14. kinderkc

    kinderkc Companion

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    Sep 1, 2008

    Thanks again for all of your input everyone...it has helped me alot. After talking with my mom i have decided it will be best to do it face to face. My mom thinks that she is trying to pull one over on me bc she prob thinks im a pushover. I guess this is a good time to learn how to be better at asking for things like this and not being such a pushover.

    Im soo scared to actually do it. I guess ill just pray alot of just dive in and say something.
     
  15. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Kinderkc, Clearly, she is taking advantage of you and your mother. You said it, "just dive in and say something." There is no need for explantions or drama and the less words, the better. Say it short and sweet, to the point. "My mom needs the $___
    for the show tickets."
     

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