I cry everyday...for almost 2 months now.

Discussion in 'New Teachers' started by schoolteacher, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. schoolteacher

    schoolteacher Habitué

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    Oct 29, 2012

    Lots of hugs for you. I understand what you are going through.

    It is not at all silly to feel depressed because you feel that you have not made friends at work. It is very important to have a support network. You are a first year teacher and need support.

    Many first year teachers have strong feelings of failure. It sounds as though your co-teacher is not helping you to change that feeling.

    I recommend you do the following things:
    - see if there is a mentor program at your school. If not, see if you can find someone whose teaching you admire or respect, and ask if they can mentor you informally.
    -find out if your school district has a counseling program for its employees. If so, go to a counselor and tell of your concerns. It is very helpful to speak to someone else about your situation. It can help you feel more empowered and come up with solutions.
    -allow yourself to make many mistakes. You won't be perfect this year, or anywhere near perfect. That's okay. No one is during their first year. It does get better. You will get better.
    -your co-teacher is putting you down because she feels insecure. Understand that people who feel secure in themselves will support you, not put you down. Seek out secure people. Try to hear your co-teacher's comments through a filter: think about whether they can help you to improve. If you feel they can't, ignore them and move on.
    -to improve relations between you and your co-teacher (and this is very important to your daily reality), you need to focus on the good things she does. Comment on them. Make a list of them and keep compiling that list. Doing this will make a difference in the way you feel about her and the way she feels about you.

    You can turn this situation around. You need support. Seek it out. You made a great first step in that direction by coming here. Now you need to find support at your school. It's there. You just have to uncover it. Good luck, keep us updated.
     
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  3. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Oct 29, 2012

    I agree with focusing on the good things that your co-teach does! That's so important.

    It is okay for the students to see both of you as their teacher (because you both are).

    I would take some time to observe what your co-teacher is doing and decide if it could work for you. If it works for you, go with it. If not, talk with her about what you think could work for you.
     
  4. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 29, 2012

    Crying every day for two months is a problem. Have you considered talking to a therapist?
     
  5. perplexed

    perplexed Comrade

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    Oct 29, 2012

    I really do understand how you're feeling. I have felt everything you're feeling my first year too, but it does get better. I am a naturally anxious and introverted person and often worry about how I'm doing and how I'm perceived by others. I know that feeling on Sundays of not wanting to go back. I had to do things though to make the situation better because I knew I loved being a teacher and being depressed about going to work isn't a good thing for my health.

    I would say like the others said, seek out a mentor. You district should have one, but if not, maybe you can get one. This is my first year where I co-teach and go into another teacher's classroom. My mentor has been the biggest help for me this year with getting me adjusted to having to teach with someone else. You and your co-teachers are equally teachers in the classroom, and it's important that you are both seen as the students' teachers. It's important that they listen to both of you, not one over the other, so I think that's okay that they call her their teacher too--because she is. I wouldn't quit, but understand it's your first year and it's okay if you don't do things right. Just try your best. Do you have time where you can plan together and collaborate? Having that collaboration time is important so you both get on the same page. Do you both plan the lessons?

    Also, it's okay if you eat alone for awhile. I did my first year as I was so busy getting things done on my lunch. Even now, I prefer to eat alone and work. It's not a big deal.
     
  6. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Oct 29, 2012

    Time to ask for help. Why not find one nice teacher and start a real conversation. You may not be a party animal, but you are a person. Next, start sharing your ideas with other teachers. Nothing gets you noticed like a helping hand. Ask questions of other teachers. The sincerest form of flattery is when you ask a teacher how she teaches something. You might just make another friend. Put yourself out there. It might just make your job a happy place.
     
  7. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Oct 30, 2012

    Absolutely, continue to post here.

    But also reach out to those people in your building, those with whom you have real face to face contact each day.

    How about stopping somewhere and getting some Halloween candy for the faculty room tomorrow? Add a cute note about needing the extra energy because the kids will be so hyper, and sign it.

    And stop eating in your classroom. No one can reach out to you if you're not there. Eat with the others. Walk up to someone and simply say "Do you mind if I join you?"

    With the holidays coming up, there are lots of opportunities for ice breakers-- lots of questions about school procedures.

    I guess my point is that apparently no one is going to reach out to you. Fine. They may think that you're happy as a loner. It's up to you to change that impression.

    Best wishes. Let us know how it goes.
     
  8. Accountable

    Accountable Companion

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    Oct 30, 2012

    One of the best things that helped me in my first year was going to the teacher's lounge for lunch. Just sitting and listening to the war stories (knowing that others have kids & issues like yours, etc) is a huge stress relief. Before long you will be invited to share.

    Also, speaking as a co-teacher myself, USE YOUR ASSETS! You have an experienced teacher right there in the room with you. Use her. Collaborate on lesson plans, strategies, etc. I'm not sure what "catty" means, but as a career-changer, you know you have to learn to work with difficult personalities. What you call nit picking she probably calls pointing things out.

    Another thing: if one's a "head teacher" the other can't be a real co-teacher. Co means equal. You are the teacher of record. As such you have specific responsibilities your co-teacher doesn't have. Your co-teacher has specific responsibilities you don't have. The school saw fit that the classroom needs two teachers. If they expected you to be the "head" then they'd have given you an aide.
     
  9. John Lee

    John Lee Groupie

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    Oct 30, 2012

    You need to take it as a personal assault on you and your career... after many years, this is how I've come to look at things. I am universally lauded by teachers, administrators, assistants I work with... this year, I've been personally commended at least a half-dozen times for my ability.

    I take it all AS AN INSULT.

    I take it all as an insult... compliments, pats-on-the-back, everything, though I don't show it... I look at it as a condenscending pat on the head of the POS sub who they want to make quit. THEY WANT ME TO QUIT--to justify their own existence.

    I'm well-liked by EVERYONE. But I don't ask for anything. It's a bunker mentality, one that I think might help you. Quit worrying about them, and what the eff they're doing. "They" are actively trying to force you out of the profession! They want you to quit, they want you to linger, and they eventually want to disenfranchise you from your chosen profession. DON'T LET THEM!!!

    As I said, I'm rarely met with negative people. HOWEVER--when I am--I GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM. If they want to be a b- to you, GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM. Call them out on their BS. LET THEM KNOW, if they don't want to be of help--GET OUT.

    It's YOU against "them"--don't let them get the best of you!
     
  10. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 30, 2012

    Rise above it. You are head teacher because you earned and deserve that position. Prove every day that they made the right decision. Sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it...you can make it. But do so with a positive attitude.
    And please come here for support...and seek some outside help if you continue to cry every day. :love:
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Nov 26, 2012

    That's WONDERFUL news!
     
  12. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Nov 26, 2012

    Thinking of you today.
     
  13. HeatherY

    HeatherY Habitué

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    Nov 27, 2012

    If it were me, here's what I would do:

    I would say to the other teacher: "Mrs X, Do you think there might be a time when you and I can go get lunch/dinner after school and talk. I'd really like to speak with you."

    Then at lunch: "I think we've gotten off to a bad start. I don't know about you, but it is really affecting me. I think we would have a much stronger relationship and be more beneficial to our students if we collaborated more and used both our strengths. I appreciate all your experience, but sometimes I feel that you are putting me down. I hope that you know that I am trying my best and I really want to do a good job. I appreciate your constructive criticism, but perhaps we can make that a structured time, so I don't feel under attack. Once a week we can reflect together for about 1/2 an hour on what went well and what we need to work on." etc.... "Let's make a list of things we will each be responsible for so we each have a clear understanding of our duties."

    You are going to be miserable unless you deal with the monkey in the room. She is probably annoyed at having been passed over as the head teacher. Empathize. Try to get her on your side.
     
  14. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    Nov 29, 2012

    Being a first year teacher is hard! I'm in my first year and it seems like there are some people out there who exist to nit-pick. You wouldn't believe the parents that I have that do it. No matter what I do, someone is unhappy. I just can't please everyone even though I spend every waking minute on my job.
     
  15. jessiiteach

    jessiiteach Companion

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    Nov 29, 2012

    Crying every day sounds like you might be depressed.

    I know what you are going through. It sucks. and I was told it is ok to cry everyday. I cried one time in front of another teacher who asked if I was ok. And she told another teacher about it and they both told me they thought I wanted to be left alone. After that, they went above and beyond to help and support me.
     

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