I can't work with her!!!

Discussion in 'General Education' started by VANewbie, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Jun 22, 2010

    You guys really do make me feel SOO much better. I am glad you see my point. She is a young teacher as well. She is kind of like a special education/instructional assistant/resource teacher. She has many titles.
    I did not fully realize that I AM the LEAD TEACHER. Even if special education teachers or IA's come into my classroom? She makes me feel like I do need to accommodate to her. Plus I know her personality is the type that will run to tell her friends everything she does not like that I do.
    I can hear her now saying "she is just not a good teacher".
    She has a small group of friends that she talks to because I guess they can kindof stand up to her and its equal. Tit for tat. With me it WILL be a power struggle.
    I am new and young but I am a good teacher as well. I just know she will see new and young and it will be hard for her to accept that I am a good teacher.

    She is just very hard. Her personality is really intimidating. I literally felt like crying at school today just thinking about next year. I know this year was AWESOME and next year....:(

    Yes she does know the kids better than me but at least give me the chance to get to know them and see if my style works for them. Just because something did not work for them this year doesn't mean I have to change my whole teaching style and management for them. My style may work perfectly for them.

    The first year of teaching you are just learning and trying to figure things out.
    The second year you have a bit more confidence and you are trying to get your craft a bit more established. Now its like I will have my student teaching experience all over with her. I understand that I need to handle myself like a professional and I think I have done well but when someone is intimidating to you you kind of change and act like your a child in trouble and you must follow their rules.

    This makes me so sad. I want to cry.
     
  2. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jun 22, 2010

    I'd really like to know what she is...is she an assistant, or is she a teacher? What are her credentials?
     
  3. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Jun 22, 2010

    I'm not too sure of her credentials. I know she is not a special education teacher but she works with them. She has many titles I assume because of funding. She is like a fill in person. She subs for people and fills in when people have to go for special meetings.
    There are many people in our building like this.
    She's like a special education aide. We have a preschool program and she works a lot with them.
     
  4. cmw

    cmw Groupie

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    Jun 22, 2010

    And maybe this is part of the issue...her being the principals go to person to fill in where needed. It sounds like she may feel quite important and deal with a lot of the staff. She knows what is going on in the school and knows everybody's business. :2cents:
     
  5. Cerek

    Cerek Aficionado

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    Jun 22, 2010

    I normally would be the LAST person to say this, but she needs to be reminded she is the AIDE and NOT the teacher. I do not like teachers taking the attitude that subs, aides and those who teach elective contents aren't "real teachers" and I got slammed by several members here a few months ago for encouraging an impromptu political discussion in a class I was subbing.

    The difference is that I DID follow the teachers' lesson plan for the day and the students DID complete the assigned work that had been left. We just had an opportunity for a quick discussion and learning opportunity when I learned one of the students had met President Obama in person a few days before, so I took advantage of the opportunity in that class only.

    An aide that specialized in special education might have some valuable ideas and experience that you can learn from, but she needs to learn how to incorporate her techniques into YOUR teaching style, rather than demanding you adjust to her.

    You ARE the Lead Teacher. Take confidence in your proven abilities with classroom structure and management. Do NOT let her undermine your confidence, because she is definitely going to try. Instead, remember your successes during this past year and the effectiveness of your teaching style. Of course you can benefit from some of the knowledge she has gained, but any changes to your style will be made at YOUR discretion rather than hers.
     
  6. eddygirl

    eddygirl Companion

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    Jun 23, 2010

    In working with difficult people, I've found that "killing them with kindness" always works for me. Smile and say something nice (especially in front of her friends and the P). It will be really hard for her to complain about you if everyone sees you being so nice to her.

    I don't think you should have to change your classroom activities and management skills to accomodate her, but asking her for input may be the way to get her on your side. Perhaps you could suggest a "status meeting" at the end of each school day for the two of you to review how the day went...what worked?...what didn't?...what can both (or each) of you do to make things work for her student(s)? You may be surprised to find that she may be on the same page with you in many ways. Also, something else to keep in mind...those teachers who have not enjoyed working with her...is it possible that they never asked her for her ideas/suggestions? She may have built up resentment because she has felt that her experience is not valued. I'm not saying you should let her have her way if you totally disagree with an idea or process, but if you make her feel like a valued member of your "team," you just may find that she could become a great fan of yours. Remember, she hasn't worked with you yet; she may come in with preconceived notions about you, but you will have an opportunity to refute them by showing her that you value her experience and opinions.

    If you have time before school ends (or next year starts), maybe you could ask her to meet with you to discuss "her" students' strengths and weaknesses so that you can better plan for next year. If you can do it soon, it would save you worrying about it over the summer!
     
  7. JackTrader

    JackTrader Comrade

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    Jun 23, 2010

    To use a military analogy, it looks like you are the newly minted Lieutenant who has just arrived at a new assignment and encountering a veteran sergeant who has "seen it all" but is subordinate.

    In any case, you are in charge and will need to act like it. It's just like with students - you gotta show you're the alpha dog and leader of the pack and they will fall in line. Now of course, in this case there may be a bit of a struggle to establish that but you gotta do it or you're going to have tire tracks all over you.

    Good luck!
     
  8. schoolteacher

    schoolteacher Habitué

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    Jun 23, 2010

    I would like to give you a tip that has helped me tremendously in dealing with a difficult person.

    Write ten things that are positive about this person. Yes, ten. This will force you to really take a look at this person from a different perspective.

    Then read this list over every day. Add to it as much as you can.

    You will be AMAZED at how this simple process will turn around your feelings about this person. The person will still have the same difficult personality problems, but you will be able to feel much more relaxed about it and better able to deal with it.

    Give it a try. You have nothing to lose.
     
  9. TiffanyL

    TiffanyL Cohort

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    Jun 23, 2010

    Schoolteacher, I LOVE that idea! It is one I need to put into practice myself. I am normally a very positive person, however, I have found that I have a major pet peeve with overly dramatic people. Sometimes, I am so turned off but, of course, I need to suck it up, Buttercup, and treat everyone the same.....your idea will so help me to focus on their strengths rather than my personal pet peeve!! :hugs:
     
  10. Rox

    Rox Cohort

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    Jun 24, 2010

    Newbie, you have made several comments about her (how she said that you're not a good teacher, her need for control, etc.) that remind me of my own assistant. After talking to several people, I figured out that she was a classic abuser and a bully. Do some research on abusers and their behavior, specifically verbal and emotional abuse. Try to predict what kinds of things she may say to you and have a response prepared.

    Document, document, document. I cannot emphasize this enough. I did this by sending an email to myself each time I had an issue with my assistant, even if it was minor, or even if it was something that someone shared with me. At the end of the year, I gave my boss a 75-page (yes, seventy-five pages!) document that described most of the incidents. She has been transferred to another school, was given a written reprimand, as well as given a specific set of rules that only she has to follow.
     

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