I can't take it anymore!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by PinkLily, Aug 21, 2012.

  1. PinkLily

    PinkLily Companion

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    Aug 21, 2012

    I am fed up and I need some advice! My boyfriend's 3.5 year old niece is one of the most poorly behaved children that I have ever met. My boyfriend realizes this and has tried to say something to his sister, but she just doesn't get it. She thinks that all children behave like her daughter.

    Just to give you an idea, this little girl never listens to anyone. She does whatever she wants and cries everytime doesn't get her way. Usually, her mother just gives in and ends up giving her daughter what she wants.

    Being a teacher, I think that I have a pretty good idea of how to discipline a child and get results. Let's face it, I do it every day with 20+ kids. That being said, I've kept my mouth shut so far because I don't want to create problems between myself and my boyfriend's family. Honestly though, I can't keep my mouth shut much longer. Her behaviour seems to be getting worse and it's getting harder to not say something.

    Is there anything that I can do to help this situation? I'd love to say how I really feel, but I know that the mother will just get defensive and hate me forever. Is there any way that I could give her some strategies or suggestions to help her control her child? Or am I just going to have to put up with this forever?
     
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  3. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Aug 21, 2012

    I would stay out of it. I bet once the child is in school, the parents will hear about it from her teacher.
     
  4. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Aug 21, 2012

    Your boyfriend agrees, and has tried talking to his sister.

    If that hasn't worked, you've done what you can. Unless the child is in danger of getting hurt, I would leave it alone.

    If she's 3.5, she'll be in a classroom setting very shortly. Mom will soon get the message that something isn't right.
     
  5. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Aug 21, 2012

    I agree, you have to learn to let it go. People generally don't want parenting advice even I they need it. Also, being in control of a classroom is a lot different than parenting day to day.
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I'll pick up on what Tasha started to say: being in control of a classroom is a lot different from parenting.
     
  7. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Aug 21, 2012

    Thanks Alice, exactly!
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Sorry, Tasha, I didn't mean to put words into your mouth. But I was pretty sure I could see where you were going.
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    As much as you'd like to voice your opinion, it's none of your concern, even if you were married to your boyfriend. Just hope she's never in your class one day!...or maybe you'd secretly like that, then you would have a reason to put her in check. One of my boyfriend's nieces sounds probably the same way...already a little diva at 6, etc., but I don't really see his family by choice, thank God (& he knows why I don't)!
     
  10. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    It's really hard to see someone else's child misbehaving, and know that you might be able to do something, but please...don't assume you know best, just because you teach. Kids in the classroom are VASTLY different from kids at home.
     
  11. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    Aug 21, 2012

    Stay out of it!! I don't give my sisters parenting advice unless they ask.
     
  12. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Aug 21, 2012

    Anything you can do? Nope. Anything he can do? Nope.

    My boyfriend has the brattiest most evil cousin in the world. She hates everyone and is catty and mean. Her mom is the most wonderful person ever and has sacrificed everything for her. But it's not enough for the cousin, she hates her mother and guilts her into doing things. Tells her she's stupid or ugly. This cousin is 21 or 22.

    My boyfriend has stuck up for his aunt, he has told her she needs to cut off her daughter, he has done so much. And nothing changes. We've decided to just never hang out around the cousin again.

    Best wishes.
     
  13. PinkLily

    PinkLily Companion

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    Aug 21, 2012

    *Sigh*

    That's kinda what I expected you all to say. I know that it's not my place to say anything, but it's just so hard to sit there and say nothing.

    Like many of you said, I can't wait until she starts school. There is no doubt in my mind that this child's behaviour will be an issue and that the teacher will have to discuss it with her mother. Hopefully, at that point, it will be addressed.

    My boyfriend is just as frustrated as I am. He said that he is going to sit down and have a talk with his sister, letting her know that we will not be spending as much time with them if her daughter's behaviour continues. We'll see how that goes...
     
  14. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Aug 21, 2012

    I expect that he will not have much of a relationship with his sister after that talk.
     
  15. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I agree.
     
  16. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    Aug 21, 2012

    I have a 3 year old (who most of the time is pretty darn good-we get many compliments on her behavior and manners from her teachers). I can say that managing a classroom full of 5th graders is waaay easier at times than trying to convince said 3 year old to do what I want if she feels like being difficult. Part of being 3 is testing their independence and learning what they can get away with. It would not go over well with me if my sister (who does not have children but is also a teacher) tried to tell me how to discipline my child, especially since she isn't around her all the time. You cannot control what she does, but you can control what you do. If the child's behavior is so bad that you can't stand being around it, then avoid the situation.
     
  17. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    I just tried to give my GS and his wife some advice on raising baby. I have a lot of experience and wanted to help them with his colic. But, alas, I am old and know nothing.
     
  18. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Be wise. Not your child. Not your business.
     
  19. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 22, 2012

    I guess you see this particular niece an awful lot for it to affect you this way. I'd stop hanging around them so much. Unless she puts a handle on her kid, I don't think many would want to put up w/ her company. She'll really get the hint if everyone stopped wanting to hang around her.
     
  20. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Aug 22, 2012

    Nothing parents hate worse than parenting advice from a teacher (who doesn't have children of their own).
     
  21. ShellyAve

    ShellyAve Rookie

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    Aug 22, 2012

    I try to stick to this as a rule, people get really touchy when you try to tell them how to raise their children and as a parent I can understand why. Give it time, just be thankful she isn't a child you have to deal with everyday :lol:
     
  22. Learner4Life

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    Aug 22, 2012

    My nephews are the same. My husband and I have decided that we will just model the behavior we want to see and maybe they'll follow some of our examples.

    There are some things that I've had to put boundaries on, however. I think it's perfectly ok to make rules at your own home! For example, the boys are aloud to jump on the couch at their own home but not at Aunt Learner's! My sister-in-law and I did talk about this part first and she is completely okay with me putting those boundaries up.
     

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