I can't make myself accept this friend request on Facebook

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by 1stGradeRocks, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    Jan 17, 2009

    It's from one of my best friends from high school. She's married and has a kid now, and it makes me feel like such a loser. :(
     
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  3. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Jan 17, 2009

    Don't feel like a loser!! :hugs: Who knows, maybe she'll feel like a loser when she sees that you have an awesome job and she (and/or her husband) doesn't.

    I'd accept the request. I know there were a few close friends from high school with whom I was able to re-connect-- that thrills me!
     
  4. MsBee

    MsBee Devotee

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    Why does it make you feel like a loser?
     
  5. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Jan 17, 2009

    I would accept the request. Why should you feel like a loser? I don't get it.
     
  6. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    I don't know why it makes me feel so bad. I guess I feel like people who are married look down on people their age who are single.
     
  7. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Ok, I am married and have a daughter, and while I love my family, sometimes I envy the freedom that single people experience. You are being way too hard on yourself. Also, in today's world, a woman should not feel like she has to be married and have kids to be successful. Women like you are empowering, and I hope you can see that.
     
  8. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    I'm old though. Isn't 26 too old to be single?
     
  9. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Jan 17, 2009

    I'm 26...have a bf that may/may not be still in love with his ex...and he has a kid...
    26 is not too old to be single...it can be lonely at times...but there is no set age to find someone
     
  10. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Are you kidding me??? You are not old. Trust in your own abilities and self-worth as a single person. There's nothing wrong with that.
     
  11. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Where are you from that you are thinking that?!

    Most of my sister's college friends are in their mid-30s and just finally settling down and getting married. I don't think any of them even THOUGHT of marriage at the age of 26. I'm one of the few of my friends to be getting married at 25. There's no time limit on love.
     
  12. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    How does being married and having a kid by 26 equate success? Honestly, I do not consider that in and of itself to any kind of accomplishment. It especially does not compare to finishing college and becoming a kindergarten teacher.
     
  13. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Well said, Sarge. I completely agree. I am going to assume that marriage is probably a personal goal for this poster and since she has not married feels unsuccessful. Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt who said something like no one can make you feel inferior without your consent? If marriage is something you want, then you have plenty of time to marry, but being single does not make you unsuccessful. My personal feeling is that perhaps you are insecure somewhat, and possibly lack confidence. Just believe in your own self-worth and ability, and don't worry how others view you being single (and believe me, I really don't believe that married people have a "view" of those who are single-even if they did, who cares?).
     
  14. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! That isn't old at all. I'm 33 and getting married for the first time in July.
     
  15. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I was 33 when I got married (last summer).

    I barely knew myself at 26. I changed so much in my 20s that I laugh when I think of myself back then. I wasn't doing anything crazy back then ... I was in grad school, had a roommate, etc. But, it wasn't until I hit about 27-28 that my life started to come together.
     
  16. MsBee

    MsBee Devotee

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    I'm 25 and single. I do not want to get married ANYTIME soon.
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jan 17, 2009

    Being happy equates success.

    My brother is 48 and has a grand child. He's happy.

    I'm 50 with 3 kids; my youngest is 5 years old. I've taught for 23 years. I'm happy.

    One of my sisters is 52 with 3 grandchildren. It took her until 4 years ago to find the job she loved. She's happy.

    Another sister is 42, with 3 kids aged 7, 9 and 14. She's happy.

    My final sister is 47. Three years ago she married the man of her dreams, and today she moved into their first ever house. She's happy.

    This is not a race. Each of us follows his or her own path. Hold your head up high, and don't let your perceptions of other people's feelings make you feel bad.
     
  18. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    I'm almost 25 years old, had only one serious boyfriend (who i met in college around the age of 20) and I've "dated" one other guy, who, after two months of going out 2 - 3 times a week asked me if I had any suggestions of places he could meet single women because the dating scene sucks in our neighborhood.

    So honey, you're not alone, nor are you a loser. My girlfriend I grew up with is thinner than me, has a baby and a long time boyfriend. Plus she's got her own place, while I live at home. And she is absolutely miserable -- something I only know because one of our other friends who is closer to her spilled the beans.
     
  19. WaProvider

    WaProvider Fanatic

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    I agree Being Happy equates to success. Besides if you judge yourself based on the things others have, you will search for happiness for a long time. Everyone has different things. You don't need to waste time getting things or people. Find the thing in your life that makes you happy and focus on that.

    You will be the happy one at your reunion that way!!!
     
  20. iheart5thgrade

    iheart5thgrade Comrade

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    Thanks for saying this! I feel the same way...I feel like I'm "second rate" compared to all my friends who are already married and have kids. I'm seriously the only single person I know...not kidding. All my co-workers, church friends, former college friends are married!
     
  21. raneydae

    raneydae Companion

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    I don't know where you're from, but I completely understand this. I attended a private Christian college in Texas and felt like an old maid at 22 because I was graduating without being married or engaged! All three of my senior year roommates were engaged and got married the summer after graduation. I felt really old.

    Then I moved to Los Angeles and realized that no one here gets married til early 30's...and then I met someone and got married at 25. I've been married for three years and STILL we're one of the only married couples our age we know.

    It's so weird: I talk to friends back at home, working on their second kid, and I feel like I'm secretly looked down on because I'm not a mom yet. But then when I'm around friends here, I feel weird, like people kind of pity me for settling down too soon and "giving up my single life".

    So who knows. 26 is neither too young nor too old for anything.
     
  22. raneydae

    raneydae Companion

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    Oh - and I don't accept friend requests all the time. I think it's fine if you don't want to be friends with someone on facebook! :)
     
  23. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

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    26? no. not at all.. 45 isn't either. Really if you never want to get married or have kids, that is your life. No one should look down on you for that. Most of my friends are married and or have babies. I'll get married when we are good and ready to, and if it never happens then thats fine too.
     
  24. Canadian Gal

    Canadian Gal Habitué

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    My mom is 50 and has never been married. I'm in my late 20s, older than you are, and dating a 21 year old. All of his friends his own age are married or have kids. He loves being with me because I am clearly not in any hurry to get married or have kids. There is NOTHING wrong with being over 25 and single!
     
  25. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    You are doing it again, you are sounding desperate
    Love will find you, now just stop it
     
  26. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

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    I know how you feel because there ARE some people that will almost 'pity' you if you aren't married or have kids. I hate it when newly married friends say, "Now we just need to get you married!" or "don't worry, you still have plenty of time to find the one." Like I asked for their opinion in the first place!
     
  27. Canadian Gal

    Canadian Gal Habitué

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    When my married friends say things like that to me, I usually reply with, "So what, you want me to be saddled with as much debt as you are? No thanks, I'm good."

    Or the famous.

    "Look honey, my friends are getting married, I'm just getting drunk, and that's working for me, don't try to ruin it!"
     
  28. Canadian Gal

    Canadian Gal Habitué

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    Dave I agree with you on desperate.

    Honey, you need a theme song. When I'm having bad man times, I listen to PCD's "I don't need a man" repeatedly until the message sinks into my brain, because really, I don't need a man to make me happy, I got off being me, lol.
     
  29. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    I am 29 and dating a great guy. Most of my friends are married. This week two of them had babies a few others are due later this year. I know they don't look down on me, and I dont feel weird with them. Everyone is different and things happen differently for everyone.
     
  30. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    My 2 cents is that marriage can be just as lonely as being single. Take your time, enjoy your youth, and get comfortable with yourself.
     
  31. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Even if they know you're kidding, that's almost certain to inspire pity.
     
  32. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    You took the words right out of my mouth, Becky.
     
  33. Canadian Gal

    Canadian Gal Habitué

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    No actually it doesn't inspire pity from my friends lol. They know me better than that. Especially since I haven't once been at a reception after 10, I always leave with my date - and I always have a date lol.
     
  34. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Here's my :2cents::

    When I see younger unmarried people, I think, MAN they can enjoy life and have time to find that special someone (if that's their cup of tea)...don't go too fast; take it slow. You're still young and can do lots of things now. :)
    Back in the 80s, my thinking was hurry, let's get married; time is too short; I"m old (at 25??!!, haha).
    I find myself wondering...I haven't read all the posts yet on this thread...but I find myself wondering...did you accept your friend's request and what wonderful things have you told her about YOU? :love: You have a life; it's a wonderful life and this is where you're at right now, dear.
    :hugs:
    ok; now I'm going to go back and read the posts.
     
  35. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    ok; I skimmed through the posts looking at the ones you posted, KINDERABC.

    would you care to elaborate on the wonderful life you're friend has?? ok; she's married, she has a baby, AND???

    And now your turn; I'll bet you can come up with the wonderful things you're experiencing right now. Come on, take the time and jot them down on paper.

    She's probably thinking you DO have a wonderful life and she's missed out, etc..

    It's ok to reconnect if you truly want to; but don't sell yourself short.

    Keep in touch!
     
  36. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    Jan 18, 2009

    I did accept the friend request. I really am going to work on being happy with my life right now. I do have a lot of things to be proud of. I have a college degree, and I'm finishing up my Masters. I have a stable (I hope! haha) job that I love, and I make a difference in children's lives every day. I own a home, and I have a wonderful family. I really do hope to find "the one" and get married, but that will happen when it's God's will. Thanks everyone for the positive comments. :)
     
  37. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I am married and would never look down on my single friends. If you end up having nothing in common with this person once you reconnect then fine but I wouldn't NOT communicate with her for the reasons you're talking about.
     
  38. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    WOW!!!!! :thumb:
     
  39. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Kinder...next time you think of yourself as a "loser" just remember this quote:

    "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove.....
    but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."


    That doesn't sound like a loser to me :D
     
  40. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Wow is right! Now that is a perfect ad for "the one"
    You are a woman in high demand by men who are looking for successful women...

    Now you need to show you ARE the woman in this résumé. The woman in this résumé is not needy or desperate.
     
  41. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    I'm friends with all kinds of people on Facebook . . . married, single, divorced, employed, unemployed, college graduates, non-college graduates, kids, no kids.

    We're just friends. I don't even think about anything else.

    Be comfortable with who you are!
     

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