Husband in alcohol rehab

Discussion in 'Prayer Request Forum' started by Rabbitt, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    May 13, 2008

    Mother's Day? What was that?

    I agree with the others, be sure to take care of yourself; your sons need you. Is there a family member or friend who would take the kids for a few hours or overnight so that you can go for an afternoon at a spa, out to a show, shopping, or a night by yourself in a luxury hotel?
     
  2. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    May 13, 2008

    Yes, there is and I just have to make the effort to do it.

    The Mother's Day stuff just made me chuckle. Sometimes it's just assuring to know that it's not just me.
     
  3. TampaTeacher

    TampaTeacher Comrade

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    May 13, 2008

    Hang in there and don't hesitate to PM if you want to talk. That suffering I was referring to was what my dad calls "white knuckle" sobriety (maybe that's standard AA jargon?). It's when somebody constantly forces himself not to drink despite a great desire to do so. What kind of life is that? But my dad and many of his friends have found through the 12 steps and prayer, that that desperate feeling can go away. He can pinpoint the moment that he just said, "God, I can't stand this. I'm dying to go get a drink. I can't handle this alone. Please help me."
    He said he felt tons of pressure just lift off. Now, he's not "white knuckling" anymore, though he still does keep himself in check with frequent AA meetings, daily talks with his sponsor, and lots of praying. He said second to his faith in God, the most important thing for him was to sincerely complete the 12 steps, without cutting any corners or avoiding the parts that hurt too much. Those were mistakes he made when he tried unsuccessfully to quit drinking in the past.

    What's so interesting is that we were never a religious, church going family. But through this process, he and my mom have become a couple of the most spiritual people I know.

    Since you're on the prayer forum, your husband may be starting off a step ahead of where my dad began. If he already has faith in a higher power, it can make a world of difference.

    I hope I'm not sharing too much personal info, but since you folks don't really know who I am, I don't feel anybody's anonymity is being jeopardized. These were the sorts of things I wanted to tell Rabbit in a PM, but then I thought of how sad and frightened I felt when my dad was "out boozing," and my mom and I were trying to hold our family together. Maybe someone else will read this and find some hope in a success story.

    Trust me, there are lots of success stories (and frightened family members) out there.

    Anyone who'd like to talk about this is welcome to PM me.
     
  4. TampaTeacher

    TampaTeacher Comrade

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    May 13, 2008

    Thanks! I know, I'm so fortunate. He's been sober for just over 5 years now, and his health isn't too bad. His biggest issue is the weight he's put on eating suggary foods since cutting out the hooch. The previous poster wasn't joking about stocking up on sweets! That may be the next addiction he has to work on :lol:
     
  5. moulin

    moulin New Member

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    Jun 8, 2008

    You are one brave, strong and loving wife. You're husband is blessed to have you as a wife and you are blessed to have him as a husband. I admire him for voluntarily entering alcohol rehab. I will pray for you and you family.
     
  6. Miss Kirby

    Miss Kirby Fanatic

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    Jun 8, 2008

    Wow... I grew up with an alcoholic father and he eats candy and drinks coke CONSTANTLY. And buying lottery tickets!! And he's always buying those small plastic bottles of coke from the gas stations, which are way more expensive then a two-liter. (He used to be a canned beer drinker though so I don't know if that's the reason why)
     
  7. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Jun 9, 2008

    They often replace one addictive behavior for another.
     
  8. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jun 9, 2008

    Praying for you & your family.
     
  9. subinla

    subinla Rookie

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    Jun 20, 2008

    You cannot control your husband or his alcoholism. Perhaps what you don't realize is that alcoholism is a family disease. You have your own issues to deal with that are distinct from his. Your recovery does not depend on his and vice versa.

    IF you want to support your husband, get going on your own recovery. Get to Alanon, build a support group, do the WORK..recovery is a lot of work. Maybe you are afraid to look at yourself?

    Denial is as strong if not stronger for codependents because AFTER ALL, you are not the one drinking, you don't have a problem. Right? So, I say a prayer for your husband and YOU.

    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/questions.html
     
  10. Teach2reach

    Teach2reach Rookie

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    Jun 21, 2008

    I have added you to my prayer list.
     
  11. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Jul 4, 2008

    Can anyone tell me about post #50 on this thread?
     
  12. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 4, 2008

    I wish I could, Rabbitt...
    I hope that things are going well with you and your family.:love:
     
  13. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Aug 2, 2008

    The month of July has been awesome!
    We have our family back.

    We even had 3 events that served alcohol.
    I left the decision up to him about attending (quite honestly I hoped it would get us out of one :eek:).
    It went soooo well that after an hour or so I completely forgot about alcohol!

    We're even discussing our fall schedule some. He attends so many AA or NA meetings in the evening which is both good and bad. Bad as we see him only for supper and Sundays. Well he found comfort in Monday and Thursday meetings during the day. He doesn't like the Tuesday night meeting so he's omitting it. That leaves me evenings alone with the boys only Wednesdays and weekends :D

    I have also arranged with my mother to watch my sons Wednesday evenings thru supper. Then I can work my contract hours the other days and bust butt on Wednesday nights. They will look forward to Wednesdays and grandma and grandpa's.

    I cannot thank you all enough for letting me get out my thoughts here. I needed people outside of the box to listen to just me. :2up:
     
  14. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Aug 2, 2008

    That's fabulous news, Rabbitt! I was wondering just the other day how things were going for your family during the summer.
     
  15. hescollin

    hescollin Fanatic

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    Aug 2, 2008

    Rabbit, Glad to hear from you. I'm so happy things are better.
     
  16. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 2, 2008

    Glad to hear that things are getting better.
     
  17. TampaTeacher

    TampaTeacher Comrade

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    Aug 2, 2008

    That's wonderful news! I'm so glad your hubby is going to meetings so frequently. My dad went to daily meetings for a couple years, but now he just goes a couple times a week. So, the schedule might stay crazy for a while, but as you've seen, it's worth it. I'm so happy for you!
     
  18. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

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    Aug 2, 2008

    I am glad your family is healing. This is absolutely a difficult process, but it yields wonderful rewards. I continue to keep your family in my prayers.
     
  19. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Aug 2, 2008

    :hugs: Rabbit, I am so happy to hear that everything is working out for your family!
     
  20. sarzacsmom

    sarzacsmom Groupie

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    Aug 2, 2008

    Tell them the truth---

    As the child of an alcoholic father ( seems like he was much like your husband), I know I would hav appreciated the truth---

    Daddy has an illness.
    He has gone to the hospital to get treated for it.
    He will have to stay there for a while and when he comes home he will have to keep going to a doctor for awhile.
    He is not going to die and he IS going to be okay.

    You might feel sad sometiems, and so will Mommy because we will miss him while he is gone. Daddy will miss us too, but he loves us very much and wants to get all better so he can come home and we can be a happy family.
     
  21. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Aug 2, 2008

    Yeah Rabbitt!!! I am so happy for you and your family. Thank you for updating us. We are always here for you.

    I'll keep your family in my prayers.

    :love:
    Lemon
     
  22. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Aug 2, 2008

    You are all the best. :wub:
     
  23. brandi0718

    brandi0718 Comrade

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    Aug 3, 2008

    Rabbitt--I am so glad things are going ok.....I will keep your family in my prayers.
     
  24. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Jun 8, 2009

    I need to extend another thank you to my A to Z friends.
    Knowing your support was there was extremely helpful. :hugs:

    An update:
    He has been sober for 14 months!
    That seems like an amazing amount of time yet so short.
    He does it by working the 12 steps with a sponsor.
    He attends 6 meetings a week.

    I do it by practicing the 12 steps myself through al-anon.

    Although relapse is still highly possible (60% relapse even after 2 years dry), it is warming to feel a sober house and know that it is possible.

    Thank you!
     
  25. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    :hugs: I was going to ask you the other day how it was going. So happy to hear of the success. And, your kids? They are making it just fine??
     
  26. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    It's hard to believe it has been so long already! Glad to hear that things are going well.
     
  27. Go 4th

    Go 4th Habitué

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    It has been a year for my mom. It is an amazing feeling when you are so proud of someone you love for going thru something so awful.
    I'm happy for you and your family. It's been a long road.
     
  28. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jun 8, 2009

    That's wonderful news!!

    I know several people in AA. I have some idea of how hard it is.

    Congrats to him and to your family!
     
  29. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

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    Jun 8, 2009

    You are very fortunate to have a husband who is willing and strong enough to go through all the steps and stay sober. I lost my soul mate a little while ago after he had been "clean" for two months. Or so he told all of us. Seems he went out and got high and overdosed. To this day, we will never know if it was accidental or suicide. Does it matter any way? He's gone and we miss him horribly. I blamed myself, the kids blamed themselves...we all felt that we didn't do enough to support his sobriety because if we had done a better job, he wouldn't have used drugs again. I guess the blaming yourself is natural but when I'm thinking clearly, I realize that it's absolutely ridiculous to blame ourselves. We can't make anyone not do drugs or not abuse alcohol. People make their own choices. He chose drugs and it caught up with him.
    You are very lucky to have a husband who is successful with his sobriety. It's his desire to keep clean that has made him do it. Never blame yourself if he relapses. Best wishes to you.
     
  30. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Jun 8, 2009

    The boys are doing amazingly well!
    The twins don't really recall much. They are just 5 now. They know that dad goes to meetings to help stay better.

    The oldest is 7 and is well aware and asks deep questions.
    He has attended 2 meetings with his father.

    Thanks for keeping them in your thoughts too!
     
  31. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Jun 8, 2009


    Zoe you are so right...you cannot blame yourself.
    Addiction is not about will power, it is a disease.
    You cannot take it away just like you cannot take away cancer.
     

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