Husband in alcohol rehab

Discussion in 'Prayer Request Forum' started by Rabbitt, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Mar 27, 2008

    Please pray for my husband, myself, and our 3 sons today.
    My husband voluntarily entered alcohol rehab yesterday.
    Detox will last 7 days followed by 21 days of inpatient.
    Then outpateint for as long as he needs it.

    So I am a single mom for a month if not more :(
    Any thoughts on how to tell my sons would be appreciated.
    Oldest is 6 and twins are 4.
    I thought I just might say:
    Dad is getting help from the Dr.
    He is brave and is doing it because he loves us.
    No one was bad (them, me, dad, etc)
    Dad knows that we will be safe.

    Although I was aware he drank often and it was becoming a problem, I was shocked by the diagnosis...length I guess. Initially we were told that the majority receive detox, 7 days inpatient, then intensive outpatient. Excellent actor and hider I guess.

    For those out there that are wondering about your loved ones...my husband has no DWI, puking nights, does not pass out, nor does he even stagger or act drunk. He goes to work daily and does it better than anyone else. He does not become angry, hit, yell, or become verbally abusive. Basically not the stereotype of an alcoholic. Yes, I can smell it, see it in his eyes, and see some actions, but it was pretty much a surprise that it was this bad.

    Please pray that he will stay there voluntarily even after he thinks he's OK now. He has a STRONG faith in the Lord so I know he will use that.

    Please pray for our finances too. We decided to get the help immediately so the $$$ end is now in my court. He is self employeed so if he doesn't work, there isn't $$$.

    Thank you all!
     
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  3. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Prayers and hugs to you and your family.

    I'm not sure what to tell your boys. I think what you said is fine for starters. They may have some questions. Just keep assuring them that he is fine and he loves all of you. Maybe you could keep a little calendar for them, like a little count down if that is appropriate.

    My heart is out to you and my prayers for strength and understanding are with you and your family.

    Lemonhead
     
  4. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Mar 27, 2008

    My prayers and thoughts are with you all. It seems like it is a good decision, and I think you have the right words to tell your children. Stay strong.
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    My thoughts and prayers are with your family as you go through this difficult time. I think that you are telling your children the right thing--they need to know that he is away getting better, but don't need to know all of the details.

    I completely understand your your surprise; I found out almost 2 years ago that a close family member was an alcoholic. He did seek treatment and was working to get better, but didn't make the same commitment your husband has--you should be very proud of the decision he has made.
     
  6. hescollin

    hescollin Fanatic

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    Sending hugs to you and the boys and prayer to Heaven.
     
  7. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    You and your family will be in my prayers!
     
  8. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    I will definitely keep your family in my prayers as you face this. I think it's great that he made the decision now before it becomes a legal issue. Best of luck to you all. Stay in touch with us here and let us know if we can do anything at all.
     
  9. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

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    My prayers go out to you and your children. I suggest seeking professional advice about how to address this topic with your children. I do think you are on the right track. Also, having myself come from a long line of alcoholics, I would suggest Al-anon. This would help you with insight, especially since you didn't seem to realize the depth of his diagnosis, and how to help your children deal with this. I will continue to pray for you as this will be a life-long recovery.
     
  10. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    JW13...I will certainly look into Al-anon.

    Everyone...thank you for reading my post and sending your love. The situation is not a secret...but telling you is like informing the world. The whole thing is scary yet a relief.

    Right now I am in survival mode, again. I say again because having 3 children in 22 months was survival.
     
  11. Dondee123

    Dondee123 Rookie

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    I grew up in a family of recovering alcoholics.

    I have some post-rehab suggestions:
    Stock the house with sugary snacks, caffeine, and any other type of 'addictive' things dh can sit down with that he can substitute for his alcohol enjoyment. He is going to need some quick fixes for the middle of the night swigs, the sit down to dinner drinks, etc.

    also, keep a mug frozen in the freezer. There is nothing like a frozen coke-cola to ward off that intense desire.
    The coke bottles seem to help give that physical feeling of opening the bottle, drinking from the bottle, holding the bottle, etc, that the alcoholic sometimes misses.

    These were all tricks my mom learned. I hope they help you!! :wub:
     
  12. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Thanks Dondee! I needed some things that I can do to help. I realize most is up to him though.

    Did you attend any support groups for yourself or her?

    I need to hear that others have gone through this...I am not alone type thing.

    The boys are loving having people around.
    Uncle Steve, grandpa and grandma, everyone helping out.
    It gets old for me though as I would like my evenings in PJ's and braless. HAHAHAHA
    People have been around since the whole announcement.
    Suicide was on the minds of everyone despite no other signs besides alcohol.

    So the boys haven't overly noticed dad not being around. This surprised me as their dad is quite active with them.
     
  13. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I really admire your husband for voluntarily going into rehab. That must've been a hard decision for him. Good luck with everything and remember to lean on us for support!
     
  14. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    update

    I have been to al-alon meetings 3 times.
    It's peaceful yet I am not comfortable.
    I am told to try 6 before trying another group.

    My husband is now doing well.
    He got the flu so detox was not complete until Saturday the 12th.

    He seems eager to start the program.

    He told me yesterday that he will not let Satan steal our family with booze. We sobbed together in each others arms. For the first time I felt this may really work.

    Being a single mom hasn't been that difficult for surviving. Then again I have help with cleaning, laundry, and meals (God blees our mothers). It's just exhausting. I easily fall asleep at 10:00-3:00 just due to pure exhaustion. I lay awake 3:00-6:00 thinking.

    The most difficult are those who don't believe he is an alcoholic. I try to explain that he is not a stereotypical drunk.

    He has his master degree. Attends church. Volunteers at church. A par golfer. A successful business. Three outstanding, well behaved boys. A wife who is a teacher. It's a shame that people think successful people can't have addictions.

    Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers :love:
     
  15. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    I am still with you Rabbitt. I am glad you have some help from your moms.

    Take care of yourself.

    Lemon
     
  16. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Apr 14, 2008

    Successful people can't have addictions? One of the biggest problems in the medical profession is substance abuse. It's tough getting the doctor to admit it... and it's tough getting the other doctors not to cover for it.
     
  17. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  18. Dondee123

    Dondee123 Rookie

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    I am sorry I have been off for a while.

    I was very young when my dad was an active drinker, so no, I did not attend ala-non or alateen, but I have friends who did.

    I hope things are going better and I am praying for you.
     
  19. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Apr 28, 2008

    Home today

    My husband comes home today.
    It's been over a month of rehab for him.
    It was supposed to be 21 days but he came down with the flu. Even when that passed, they had to build his vitamins up again before additional meds.

    I have such mixed feelings from excited to scared to death.
    I am shaking as I type this plus I have butterflies in my stomach.

    Just in case it doesn't happen, I haven't told our sons yet that Dad will be home today. We have developed quite a routine without him and I am unsure how change will affect them.

    He will be on meds to make him violently ill if he consumes.
    He needs to choose to go to the hospital to take them daily. Please pray that he does.

    He will also attend AA daily if not twice daily plus see a counselor, doctor, or social wroker a few days pure week. I am grateful as it will be off my shoulders. However it will still leave me and the boys alone a lot.

    I am curious how he will rejoin our lives or develop a new one for himself. I guess I mean how he will choose to occupy his time.

    Please continue to pray! (now I am crying). :wub:
     
  20. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    I am praying for you and your family Rabbitt. Give him all the support you can, some space too, and take it one day at a time. No doubt he is having the same questions as you about how life will be.

    Keep both of your moms involved, as you have been, so that they can take the kiddos while you and hubby set aside some time for yourselves in the coming weeks or to be the shoulder for you if you need it.

    You are strong Rabbitt, keep the faith!

    :love:
    Lemon
     
  21. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    I'm praying for you Rabbitt, and crying as I type this. Much of what you are saying sounds familiar to me, as I know someone who went through something similar not too long ago.

    I hope that you are able to work together to bring him back into your home. I'm sure that he is feeling much of the same nervousness as you are.
     
  22. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Rabbitt- I pray that your hubby can assimilate back into your lives. Others have echoed what I was going to say: have time set aside for just you and hubby to get together and hang out, give him his space so that he can work things out on his own that may come up. Its going to be a long road ahead Im sure...just stay strong and you will get through this.
     
  23. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    I apprecaite all replys but especially those today.
    For some reason this seems to be the worst day of all for me.
    And beleive me, there have been some angry days, sobbing days, sleepless nights, and emotionless days (is that a word).
    I guess because it's the beginning of the unknown to come.
    I cannot wait for the day that I see our future again.

    Space is what we will all need to learn to trust again.
    Yet space is also when the illness is likely to kick in again.
    Rock and a hard place.
     
  24. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    It will be difficult to know how closely to watch and to wonder. You will need to find a balance that you both can live with. I know that there will be many moments when you wonder and when you feel like "checking up".

    Stay strong. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you embark on this journey.
     
  25. hescollin

    hescollin Fanatic

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    Just to let you know I care, but I've never been through this so all I can do is send word of encouragement. You are a family again. Blessings to you.
     
  26. tenndon

    tenndon Rookie

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    Rabbitt,
    I would like to suggest that you find a church near you that offers the Celebrate Recovery program. It is a Christ centered 12 step program that has a component for each member of the family to help in dealing with the hurts, habits, and hang-ups of life. I strongly recommend the program. I know it works. I am a leader for the teen group at our church and it really does change lives.
    My prayers are with you. Please PM me if you have any questions.

    Grace and Peace,
    Don
     
  27. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Thanks Don!
    That sounds perfect for us.
     
  28. kathy2215

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    My prayers are with you
     
  29. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Rabbitt,

    I hope things are going well. I'm still thinking of you and praying for your family.

    Take care

    Lemon
     
  30. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Things are going REALLY well!
    It's only day two, but it seems quite hopeful.

    He and his counselor have this hour by hour plan for 2 weeks.
    It's supposed to help him occupy the time he used to spend drinking or hiding drinking. He's been sticking to it well.
    Hopefully some things will become routine.
     
  31. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Good news, Rabbitt!
     
  32. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

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    My prayers are with you Rabbitt during this transition. Keep up with Alanon...you will need the support.

    jw
     
  33. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    So glad that things are off to a positive start!
     
  34. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    It continues to go well! :wub:
    Right now life is all about tackling the disease.
    Lots of AA meetings 10-12 a week for him...
    but whatever it takes I guess.

    Yet I am still alone with our sons a lot.
    I will need him to learn to tackle the illness along with his work and family responsibilities.
    In time I hope.
    Summer will be easier for me as I have decided to do nothing more than make myself and sons happy enjoying life.
    Then hopefully come Sept he will have a better balance on handling his illness along with his responsibilities.
    For those who have been through this, is this too much for me to expect by Sept?
     
  35. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I am glad to hear things are going well. I pray for his continued success.
     
  36. TampaTeacher

    TampaTeacher Comrade

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    The greatest man I know, my dad, is a recovering alcoholic. I can tell you, as the adult child of a man who suffered with this disease, that the man you loved can come back better and wiser than ever. Whenever I have a problem, my dad's the one I go to to help me look at things rationally. The 12-step process, completed humbly and sincerely, is amazing. He went into detox when I was about 25 (I grew up knowing he loved his drinks, but didn't think of him as an alcoholic until he sank into a downward spiral when I was about 23). When he went into the center, I wrote him a long letter telling him that nothing that had happened in the past changed how much I loved him and that all I wanted was my loving, sweet, funny father back. I didn't want him worrying in detox that he'd lost his only child's love.

    But I was worried I wouldn't know the "new him" when he came out or that he'd live a life constantly suffering as he fought off the desire for a drink. But I've found out it doesn't have to be that way.

    I'll be happy to tell you more about this in a personal message. Things can get better than you can imagine now.
     
  37. livinwitaddicts

    livinwitaddicts New Member

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    great ending

    Tampa Teacher it is great that your father finally got the help he needed. You are fortunate to have your father alive and doing well. Sometimes they can wait until its too late to get help and their health fails them. So continue to support and enjoy your dad.
     
  38. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Thanks Tampa!
    I may PM you someday :)
    Your statement about suffering hit my thoughts deepest.
     
  39. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    How are YOU doing Rabbitt? Areyou still getting some help from family?
     
  40. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    May 13, 2008

    I need more for me, myself, and I.

    Unfortunately help from the family has backed down considerably now that he is home. Actually, it's none existant. The good thing is that my husband has been helping with chores. The bad thing is I only get away from my sons for work and al-alon. Warmer weather, finally, has allowed me and the boys to get outside. We go for bike rides, I planted flowers, and we watch/play soccer and softball. My husband is at work or AA or NA even though he didn't use. So he is barely here. That's not completely a bad thing.

    I was peeved on Mother's Day when I got up with my early rising sons and he decided to sleep in. Then I realized that I cannot expect anything from him. I have to tackle my life and responsibilities. Then everyhting he does will be a pleasant surprise and treat.
     
  41. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Rabbitt, don't be afraid to ask family if you need help. I think it is hard finding "me" time too. Even when I am on this computer I am doing chores, chasing kids, helping with homework etc.

    I usually get up really early to get my time. If it makes you feel better, my DH slept half of Mothers Day!
     

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