Huge mistake accepting this position...

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by alp123, Aug 26, 2017.

  1. svassillion

    svassillion Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2017
    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    147

    Sep 1, 2017

    One of my co-workers went through a similar toxic work environment at a charter. She quit after 6 weeks and she still says it's one of the best decisions she ever made. 10 lbs loss is not healthy. If the stress and unhappiness strongly outweigh the repercussions for long then leave. Don't feel like you failed. No job is worth a heart attack or mental breakdown.
     
  2. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    73

    Sep 1, 2017

    I couldn't agree more with you Svassillion. It's not worth it, in fact, in can drain productivity, and it can get so bad where you don't have the energy to look for another job. Contracts are contracts, but health and living is part of us.
     
    alp123 and anon55 like this.
  3. DAH

    DAH Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Messages:
    196
    Likes Received:
    66

    Sep 1, 2017

    [QUOTE="MathGuy82, Svassillion.
    • It's not worth it, in fact, in can drain productivity, and it can get so bad .[/QUOTE]

    I agree that sometimes the problem can be so overwhelming that you need to back out.
    If you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, then yes, go on and leave. But, BEFORE IT GETS THAT FAR, adjust your thinking. What she did doesn't have to AFFECT YOU that way, if you don't let it.

    The question is, "what are we going to do the next time something like this happens?"
    At some point, we must learn some effective STRATEGIES for dealing with problems (and people) like this that arise throughout our lives. Because we cannot always jump up and leave.

    "Attitude" plays an ENORMOUS roll. Every stone someone throws in our path does not have to knock us over.
    That's the point I'm trying to share with her.
    She will make the best decision that's right for her.
    Good luck Alp

     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2017
    a2z, MathGuy82 and alp123 like this.
  4. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Sep 1, 2017

    Thank you for the insight. I'm really trying to stay positive and lay low. I learned that from my old job and lasted 13 years. I'm pretty easy going and learn fairly quickly, so all I need is guidance. Some of the other new teachers have banded together to help each other out, which is so helpful. I just tell myself it's a good learning experience but I don't think I can handle another year there. All schools have some drama, but holy moly!! This is the worst I've seen!! I still haven't received any health ins. info, real contract info (other than the single piece of paper I signed.) Keep me in your thoughts.
     
    MathGuy82 likes this.
  5. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Sep 1, 2017

    Thank you!
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2017
    MathGuy82 likes this.
  6. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    73

    Sep 3, 2017

    I used to be the guy that would just say "stick it out" until some things at work have happened to me. Kharma got me. I guess it's down to the main person's choice, sometimes I've learned that we don't know all the details until we are in their shoes. I hope things get better because I've worked in toxic school environments and it's the worst. I hope that Alp123 work environment get's better because for someone to post on here it has to be pretty bad. If you look at my posts from 2 years back I had to get human resources involved with one employee that was a nuisance and portrayed harassment. I hope that more and more workplaces don't tolerate this kind of weird things in school systems. Just because someone has been teaching so many years doesn't give the right to treat new teachers to the district in an undermining manner. We just went through a training Friday that talked about harassment, bullying, or other things. In 2017, we shouldn't have to put up with this anymore. And those teachers who undermine others, disagree on new ideas for the sake of it for power, or are generally a stir upper or dust devil of the workplace, need to go elsewhere. I understand that all idea's don't work or don't seem feasible, but respect among all staff to each other will create a good school, at least in my opinion. I work with another colleague that has totally different ideas about our math department than I do, but we create a win-win situation so that neither of us feels like the underdog or has less authority.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
    DAH and AlwaysAttend like this.
  7. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    73

    Sep 3, 2017

    I will keep thoughts and please let us know if anything else comes up. This is a good forum to talk about the struggles us teachers have. Just know that you are a good teacher! And yes, there is always drama like you say, but it's get's to a point of no return and it becomes insane and you dread going to work everyday. I've been there and know what it's like. I still have some days like that now and then, but hopefully it never get's' to what is was back in 06. I don't regret at all quitting during that time. My health is important and so is my well being. I didn't worry about them finding someone else. It was their job. If they want to avoid having to do hires all the time, then treat employees with respect. Otherwise the boss (principal) is going to have more stress than they can ever imagine having to get a sub, rehire, train, then the teacher quits, and the cycles repeats.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
    MEMO and AlwaysAttend like this.
  8. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Sep 3, 2017

    Thanks again MathGuy82. I left the private school because the bullying by tenured teachers and admin was out of control. I'm so shocked and disappointed that the public school system is tolerating this type of behavior. Don't we teach our students not to bully?? What is all this PBIS that is implemented at my district about? Positive Behavior?? When the staff is bullying each other, there is something really wrong. I'm so happy to be off tomorrow. I really dread going to work sometimes, but I'm trying to learn as much as I can and be positive. I'm a single parent and have to think about my family..so it's a tough call. I feel trapped.
     
    AlwaysAttend and MathGuy82 like this.
  9. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    73

    Sep 3, 2017

    Yes, I totally agree with you alp123. We teach our kids not to bully, but I've seem some teachers to be the biggest culprits. Coworker bullying should never happen, and I never let it happen. If someone is constantly on your case, micromanaging you, calling you out, calling you out in front of others, or talking behind your back negatively to others, isolating you, are all considered bullying. I got human resources involved and person causing it had to meet and schedule time to meet with human resources at least twice a week during planning periods for 2 months. They had to meet and schedule around their planning times and had to work after school. They will be punished if they do this to you. It got this person under control. Once I got human resources involved two years ago, things somewhat changed for the better. I have found it's usually better to find another place to work though because of the stigma and when other people find out (and called me the bad guy but I don't care because I know I'm right). I've worked in some schools where people are gracious and no bullying happens, where another school is a madhouse. You will be fine. One thing I've learned is when people are annoyed when asking me questions, then I go about doing it my way. If they fight me about it, it's their problem, not ours! My suggestion, only an opinion, may be to have a resume on hand. That way you can have something on hand if things get too bad.
     
  10. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    2,855
    Likes Received:
    623

    Sep 4, 2017

    Toxic people can be found everywhere. If there are groups of them, nibble at the edges and get the peripheral negative people on your side until you isolate the worst offender/offenders. It takes months of work but you won't need to worry about angering others by going to hr.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
    MathGuy82 likes this.
  11. MEMO

    MEMO New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2017
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1

    Sep 4, 2017


    I've had to debate this as well. Take care of you first, and the rest will take care of itself. Don't be bullied. Don't tolerate poor treatment. Ask for a release of contract based on stress and call your Legal Rep or Union. You too have rights!
     
    alp123 likes this.
  12. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Sep 4, 2017

    You are right about toxic people everywhere. Since this is a K-8 school, my schedule in middle school is different, meaning I'm only around the middle school teachers. There are only 14 of us. I stay in my classroom during my one prep/ lunch going over my lessons, technology, etc. just in case I get "informally observed" which has happened 3 times over the last 2 weeks. All teachers are being observed. It doesn't seem informal because the AP has a laptop in hand and emails her observation findings immediately. I'm not trying to be anti-social, I just am trying to be prepared for my classes. When I did go into the lounge, it was just a gossip fest and the P kept walking in and out. I try to be friendly with everyone, but one thing I learned from my previous school is to stay out of the drama. And that is what I intend to do this year, if I stay. There was a lot of friction last year with admin and teachers, and some of the teachers still remain. Of course they are tenured, so since I'm a P1, I don't want any trouble.
     
    AlwaysAttend and MathGuy82 like this.
  13. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Sep 4, 2017

    Thanks MEMO....my union site rep. was the AP last year, so I don't feel comfortable talking to her. I don't know who I can contact regarding the union. No one seems to know anything. The union pres stepped down this year, so I'm not sure who I would contact, I still don't even have any insurance info..emails, calls to the DO go unanswered. So frustrating.
     
    AlwaysAttend and MathGuy82 like this.
  14. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,468
    Likes Received:
    2,485

    Sep 4, 2017

    And let's be mindful that we are all adults and we need to take responsibility for ourselves and our situations. It's not up to others to make sure that we are feeling good and happy. It's not up to others to teach us how to do our jobs, particularly in this field. It's nice when people check up on us, when they treat us kindly, when they offer up true support, and when we can count on them. They aren't obligated to do those things, though. They aren't even obligated to be nice to us.

    I think that there are times when people are truly harassed and bullied at work. Most of the times these claims are made, however, it's more likely a situation where two people just don't get along. People mistake not getting invited to happy hour drinks on Friday with being bullied, and those things aren't the same. Someone doesn't like you or doesn't want to share lesson plans with you. So what? Find some new resources and move on. Don't let things get to you to the point where you are making yourself sick. Build up some coping skills, learn to be assertive and to advocate for yourself, and find resources that you can use.

    I'm just saying these things in general because I think that they need to be said. I've seen it happen a lot, both on here and in real life, where teachers (especially new ones) seem to have unrealistic expectations about their coworkers and administration. Collaborate with people who want to collaborate with you and with people who will help you become a better teacher. Don't expect anyone to hold you hand or care about your feelings. Take care of yourself in a way that preserves your mental and physical health. Don't blame others for your shortcomings as a teacher. Step up. (Again, this is not directed at anyone in particular. It's just a general statement.)
     
  15. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,468
    Likes Received:
    2,485

    Sep 4, 2017

    The person you contact is your site rep. Contact her regarding the insurance info; she will probably get you in contact with someone else at the union. Once you have that contact, bring up the other stuff.
     
    futuremathsprof and AlwaysAttend like this.
  16. DAH

    DAH Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2011
    Messages:
    196
    Likes Received:
    66

    Sep 4, 2017

    [QUOTE="anon55,
    • This feels very victim-blaming and
    • not very understanding.
    • your advice is to grin and bear it? Come on...[/QUOTE]
    Anon, I am IN NO Way blaming her. No. I am only suggesting that SOME TIMES in life we have to DEAL WITH problems and we cannot always get out of them. THAT'S the situation that I speak to.

    I'm trying to help her navigate this storm. It's not always a good idea to jump and run away every time things don't go our way--we don't always have to QUIT! And that's not always the answer.

    I think, learning to GET ALONG with people (and situations) who are HARD TO GET ALONG with can have more value than resenting them or holding a grudge and leaving!

    How will we ever LEARN to deal with problems if we never stay long enough to help settle them? Some problems have a way of MAKING US A BETTER PERSON.

    Although my advice may not suit you, it's an alternative that she may not have thought of. Thanks for your comment
     
    futuremathsprof and AlwaysAttend like this.
  17. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Sep 5, 2017

    Just for the record, I appreciate everyone's input and and advice. Is any work place perfect?...No. Are toxic people everywhere? Yes....Will I tolerate being insulted by my P or anyone else? Absolutely not...If people are not willing to help or offer guidance I will do it my way and if they don't like it, too bad. They should have showed me what they wanted. I'm not going to be walking on eggshells at work. It's quite simple actually. I'm a single mom and I deal with the realities of life on my own plenty. I don'y hold grudges, run away from adversity or difficulties, etc. but why the heck would I stay in a toxic environment like that? It reminds me of staying in a bad marriage. lol For the kids? Don't you think they sense all this nonsense going on? They can read the news. Maybe that works for others but there are extremes and this is one of them. My overall happiness and health are more important to me and my family.
    Thanks to those of you who offered guidance. :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2017
  18. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    73

    Sep 8, 2017

     
  19. MathGuy82

    MathGuy82 Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    73

    Sep 8, 2017

    We have to take responsibility to ourselves.. Not inviting us to happy hour or excluding us from after work events are not bullying. Ceasar is very correct in these areas. The people I have had trouble with are the ones I have I tried to ignore or do things the correct way and they go out of their time to harass or criticize me. The ones you say hello to or are mean to you for no good reason need to be out unless the person has done them wrong in a significant way. Also, the ones that like to disagree for no valid reason or generally just disagree with everything I propose for no good reason. This has only happened twice in my 12 year teaching career. This will never happen to me again as a teacher, unless this other teacher wants to get a visit from the human resources involved. If you ask questions though, others should give a reasonable solution as some of us help other teachers. I understand in this field we have time on our hands but we should be polite if we don't have the time to help others. We don't have to share lesson plans or help, but I do. If someone tries to downplay the lesson plans I give out for an option, then I say they are on their own. Sometimes when we work with departments we have to collaborate with others and come to an agreement. It will never be perfect, and those who want everything to be done exactly the same as the next teacher teaching the same class don't work out either in the long run unless everything is already made up and each teacher in the department knows what to assign. Even then, the same teaching methods won't apply. I may be getting off topic a bit that's my take.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2017
    alp123 likes this.
  20. alp123

    alp123 Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2015
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    37

    Oct 29, 2017

    Hi HeartDrama....thank you so much.
    Shortly after that post, I resigned from that position. Crazy right?? I will not work in an environment like that. Apparently, my resignation caused quite a stir and actually helped the teachers at that school immensely. I spoke to the Superintendent, Director of Human Resources, and anyone who would listen about the treatment of those teachers. The union became involved and from what I understand, many positive changes have been made for teacher retention. There are so many wonderful, new and tenured, caring teachers there who would most certainly have left the school and possibly the profession because of one bad P.
    So for now, I am actually just being a Mom. :) For the first time since my daughter was born, I have been able to focus on her, even though she's fifteen. lol She loves seeing me at her games, I'm able to help with homework, make lunches, have family dinners, etc. The little things in life that we as teachers miss out on because of our dedication to our students. I'm also a single mom so it's been super hard on me trying to juggle my teaching career with being a parent.
    I am recharging for next school year and have learned to do my homework before applying to a district!! Teaching is my passion and I'm excited to see what the future holds for me.
    Thank you for asking and I hope you're have an awesome school year.
     
    BioAngel, Obadiah, HeartDrama and 2 others like this.

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. RainStorm,
  2. MissEmily,
  3. EdiLu,
  4. Linguist92021,
  5. waterfall,
  6. Seamingly_
Total: 319 (members: 6, guests: 286, robots: 27)
test