How would you feel if...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Jun 27, 2013.

  1. teachinnola

    teachinnola Rookie

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2012
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 29, 2013

    I agree with this. Especially if the fiance is kinda immature, I would rather my best friend be under MY care in her time of need than his. I understand it can be nerve-wracking, but not so much that I wouldn't do it.
     
  2. bison

    bison Habitué

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 29, 2013

    Has the baby been born yet? If I were in this position, I'd probably print out the directions, throw some towels and a stress ball in the car, and practice the drive. I understand your nerves, but I would do everything I could to support my closest friends in a situation like this. It's incredibly important, and you're being trusted with the responsibility for a reason. I'd try to pull it together for a friend who sounds like she would do the same for you. They don't come along every day.
     
  3. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,601
    Likes Received:
    2,710

    Jun 29, 2013

    I'm going to sort of change my earlier position and go with this. After learning more about this friend and what she's done for the OP, I think it's not out of the question for her to expect some support. I still think that she didn't go about asking for that support in the right way, but I'm not sure if that's a good enough reason to not be there for someone who has demonstrated their own reliability and support.
     
  4. bison

    bison Habitué

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 29, 2013

    Another thing, my mom STILL talks about her close friend who was there for her when I was born. Did she have other people/family who could have done it? Yes. That friend was the one who stepped up to the plate though, and it's a very fond memory for them both. They're still very close friends today and they both still remind me that her friend's face was the first I saw, how many hours she stuck by my mom when she was in labor, etc. Even if her husband SHOULD be doing something, he doesn't seem to be, and she needs someone to be there. It takes a village.
     
  5. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Messages:
    9,154
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jun 29, 2013

    Help your friend.
     
  6. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    ?? I'm due right at the beginning of the school year and will be there too until I go into labor. That's because for the vast vast vast majority of women, you don't just go into labor and pop a baby out in a matter of minutes, or even 30 minutes, or even an hour. Most of the time, you could drive from one end of North Carolina to the other end of North Carolina from the time labor starts until the baby is pushed out. Barring a rare exception, the OP does not need to call 911 when labor starts, or panic, or plan to deliver the baby. She can get to the hospital 30 minutes away taking the scenic route, stop for dinner, take a walk in the park, and then drop her friend off. Most of the time the hospital will SEND YOU HOME during labor, until your contractions are 5 minutes apart for one hour.

    In my case, there will be PLENTY of time for me to drive MYSELF to my hospital 45 minutes away once I start contracting--I will know when it's the real deal and it's time to go. My water won't be breaking on the classroom floor or anything. Geez louise.

    My first labor lasted about 8 hours, my second labor lasted about 5 hours, and I figure this time will be about 2-3 hours. I'm on the very short end of labor statistics. Take my mom who was in labor for 24 hours. Typically, labor lasts 10-12 hours.

    It's active labor when you couldn't drive yourself around, and that's the 1-2 hours before baby is born. This is why hospitals send you home, labor is NOT an emergency, you only need to be there for active labor. Only active labor is debilitating, and you are given ample, ample, ample warning to active labor.
     
  7. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    Has no one given birth on here before? Odds are she will *think* she is in labor multiple times before she actually is and go to the hospital and get sent home. This happened to me with my first. It's something first time moms are usually quite guilty of.

    Once it's actually time to go, she will likely have several hours of leeway before she won't be able to drive herself. She should follow the hospital's instructions and plan to get the hospital once ctx are 5 minutes apart for one hour, becoming more and more intense, but she will STILL be alert and able to drive herself. For crying out loud!!!!

    In the event that she doesn't pick up on cues and sits home ignoring that something is clearly, clearly going on and happens and is at the point where her contractions are so intense that she is sleeping between them (this is about one hour before baby) and decides to call her friend or whatever, the friend should go get her. Who wouldn't want to help someone get to the hospital? I'd drive my neighbor or a stranger to the hospital. At my school, those girls' would be falling all over themselves to drive me when I go into labor. Of course, I'm experienced at this and will know when it's time to get my tail in the car and drive myself to the hospital and won't need a ride.
     
  8. bison

    bison Habitué

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 29, 2013

    I agree, I would do this for almost anyone, let alone a very close friend who needed me.
     
  9. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    It's not a myth that most women will labor for hours upon hours. Your situation is a RARE exception. Most women labor for hours upon hours. The average, I believe is around 8-12. But you always have statistical outliers that labor for an hour, and then you have the unfortunate souls that labor for days!!!! Thankfully, in both cases, that is not the majority of people. And thankfully for me, my medical history says I'm with the majority. Thank you, Jesus :)
     
  10. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,224
    Likes Received:
    147

    Jun 29, 2013

    AdamnJakesMommy, I didn't mention this in my original post but she is a high risk pregnancy. It is very likely she will be on bed rest until the week before we go back. Then she will be allowed to be up but take it easy.

    I am still not comfortable dealing with it though. IMO if I panicked I think that would only hurt the situation and possibly make the woman panic. This is why I'd say no. I also always worry about the exceptions to situations. This comes from other medical situations namely where we were told less than 1% die from hep A and then my grandmother died. It does color how you look at things like this.
     
  11. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,224
    Likes Received:
    147

    Jun 29, 2013

    It does seem like those of us who are uncomfortable with it have never given birth. I wonder if it would change if I'd given birth or even seen a woman in labor!
     
  12. bison

    bison Habitué

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 29, 2013

    I haven't given birth or seen a woman in labor either outside of TV/movies, but I still think it's important to be there for our friends and family in these situations.
     
  13. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    That's understandable, but in labor there is NO need to panic--even with the rare exceptions. She will not have the baby is a matter of seconds or even couple of minutes even in the absolute worst case scenario. She will have time, no matter what, to get out of her classroom and go somewhere private to deliver the baby. It isn't going to happen in the hallway or in the middle of a math lesson.

    The stuff worth panicking over is the stuff that will never happen in a school or a mall (breech baby, emergency C-section, etc., this will require a physician).

    Also, if the labor were to go that quickly, it would be very simple to deal with. The baby comes out, someone cuts the cord and wraps baby up, until EMS gets there. That's it. That's all there is to it. That's why I've never understood why it costs me upwards of 10K to have a baby, when all that happens is I lie on a bed, have contractions, and then push a baby out. Nobody else does anything, my husband cuts the cord. All they do is clean baby and determine his color, weight, length, etc., and then hand him to me to go lie in another bed for 24 hours a hotel-like stay.
    (I don't get epidurals and have never needed stitches).
    And that costs 10K.
     
  14. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,601
    Likes Received:
    2,710

    Jun 29, 2013

    We've all got our own comfort levels with medical stuff. Some people panic at the sight of blood, even from something small like a paper-cut. If you're one of those people, then I don't think you should be signing up to be the first-aid responder on Field Day. If you know that you will panic while your friend is in labor, maybe it's best if you're not around when that happens. I think that's fair and not unreasonable.
     
  15. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    The media doesn't help with this stuff. They make it seem much more dramatic than it really is. Assuming a woman isn't in a situation where she needs an emergency C-section, labor for the most part is quite drawn out, not dramatic at all, and actually somewhat boring--you definitely need tv and people there to keep you occupied or you'll be bored to death. The last time my water broke during Judge Judy (after about 2 hours of mild contractions) at the hospital and I watched both episodes and whatever came on 8, and was laughing and joking with family before I started getting those intense contractions where I was sleeping between them--that didn't happen until after 9 pm. So I had hours and hours of downtime before the main event, and that was baby #2 with no epidural (epis are rumored to slow down labor).
     
  16. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,902
    Likes Received:
    170

    Jun 29, 2013

    Em, does your friend know for a fact that her fiance CANNOT under any circumstances take off from work to be with her during this momentous occasion? She still sounds like she's foisting this responsibility on you & just assuming you'll do it. If she said that in the case that her fiance or a relative cannot take her, then is it alright if you tried to, then that's different.

    I don't know about you other women, but if I was giving birth, my first choice of who I'd want to take me & go though this experience with me would be my husband/father of this baby & then 2nd choice would be my mother. And I would sure HOPE that my mate wouldn't be too busy to make this his priority & that he would WANT to see his child enter this earth.

    Now many of the posters may feel honored if a friend assumes that they'll take her. I'd still ask, "This moment is so incredibly special, don't you want your fiance here for this?"
     
  17. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2011
    Messages:
    3,224
    Likes Received:
    147

    Jun 29, 2013

    I didn't say EVERYONE who's never given birth is uncomfortable. I said those of us who ARE seem to have never given birth. I certainly wasn't implying anything!

    I still wouldn't trust myself to stay calm but right now it's very hypothetical. I'm an only child so no siblings going into labor ever. None of close friends are anywhere close to having kids. I suppose I could change by then.

    I will say it would be totally different if it was a family member. I wouldn't hesitate to help my cousin who's pregnant. Well, except she's in Florida so that would be difficult!

    I do agree though about fiancé working. I told BF I'd want him to keep working so he could take more time after.
     
  18. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    I didn't mean to imply that someone skittish around blood should actually deliver a baby. You really don't need anyone to deliver a baby. A teacher at a school while a woman with a rare circumstance of very terse labor (that is so short she delivered right there at school and couldn't get to the hospital) shouldn't need to panic or anything--there is still time for the woman to get somewhere private and solicit someone to help her deliver the baby. Most of the work is handled by the woman and a delivery that quick is bound to be eventless.

    Of course, that's so tremendously rare that it's next to impossible.
     
  19. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,857
    Likes Received:
    2

    Jun 29, 2013

    I would do it, especially after you described how much she has been there for you.
     
  20. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    Well try not to worry about it! You won't be needed to deliver the baby. If her labor is one of those rare circumstances where baby beats emergency personnel, she still has time to get away from kids and other people and get by herself or with someone who will help her in the bathroom or something. In this worst case scenario, baby will born in only like 10 minutes or something (I'd hope emergency personnel would be there by then but you never know) so she would only have a couple of pushes and that's it. Most people wouldn't even know what's going on, and you certainly do not have to witness or participate in it.
     
  21. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,601
    Likes Received:
    2,710

    Jun 29, 2013

    My point is that some people are simply uncomfortable around medical issues. I think that's okay and no one should be forced to be present at a medical event, even the early, blood-free stages, if they are uncomfortable.
     
  22. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    40

    Jun 29, 2013

    I totally agree with you. I cannot get an epidural. Can not, will not, I'd be kicking and screaming in the most insane, bizarre way that I'd need a tranquilizer or something--I'm paranoid about anything being injected into my spinal column which has direct access to my brain.

    In no way should someone participate in anything that makes them highly uncomfortable. The good news about labor is you have time to remove yourself from the uncomfortable situation. If you are a teacher and there's a lady giving birth in the office bathroom and you cannot handle babies being born, you don't have to be there to witness it or participate in it. It's not like a heart attack that happens in seconds right before your eyes, you have time to get away from the office bathroom and get back to your classroom, turn on the tv or music, or take your kids outside to the track or something.
     
  23. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 29, 2013

    :yeahthat: i think that's the biggest thing. I have little to no experience and it feels like she doesn't have a plan in place. When I asked her whats her doctors name she didn't remember and just said "here's his cell phone number". I have no idea how to get in touch w/her mom or dad or anyone. I do have fiances cell phone number but that was from several months ago.
    Like I said to Caesar she doesn't seem to have much of a plan in place. I don't know when fiancé stops working or why he can't come. It seems like she is a single parent sometimes to me because things they should work on together she calls her friends for. Like she wants to induce labor so she asked me to walk with her after work (yes she still works, but has a job where she is seated most of the time) which was fine, but most moms walk with their partner. (Ie: my mom said after work she and dad used to walk together.) I also have been to her appointments and a few of her Lamaze classes with her. Not sure if fiancé goes or not.

    I agree about my mom or hubby being my first choice for a hospital ride. It bothers me that no explanation is given like "oh can u give me a ride because fiancé is doing a huge project at work and my mom is al out two hours away and uses public transit" :(

    :yeahthat:
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. Paris23,
  2. TeacherNY,
  3. tajamul hussain
Total: 248 (members: 3, guests: 212, robots: 33)
test