How to not be so pushy?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by scienceteach82, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Oct 29, 2008

    Need advice please...

    When I argue with someone...namely my boyfriend...I can't ever just walk away...or give him space. There is no cooling off period...which is bad. I just want to keep talking/asking questions/making it worse. I don't want to...it's just how I am. How do I stop this?
    Nothing bothers me more than being ignored...so when he stops talking to me...either to gather his thoughts...or just cool off...I can't seem to back away to give him his time.
    This will eventually cause too much damage...and I just want to be able to back away in those cases...and not to elevate argument.
    Any advice?
    I hate feeling so helpless.
     
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  3. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    Oct 29, 2008

    when you feel that he needs space- force yourself to walk away, Leave the room, turn on music, watch tv, go for a walk. Give him the space he needs - and you need to process things so you can both talk later with less frustration. Its hard IK but I learned that walking away can really help!
     
  4. Learner4Life

    Learner4Life Cohort

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    Oct 29, 2008

    Whenever my boyfriend and I get into it, I go for a walk before completely confronting him about it. That way I can gather my thoughts and really think about what I'm going to say before I say it (it keeps me from saying things I don't mean too). It also helps me cool off a little bit so that I'm not so ready to jump down his throat.
     
  5. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Oct 29, 2008

    I think about how to say things...but he gets defensive...then i get defensive...and it's not good. i tend to over analyze issues...and then start to believe the bad and not the good.
     
  6. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    Oct 29, 2008

    Honestly I used to do the same. However, through after many fights I've realized I have to get away before I say something I'll regret or be too hurtful.

    I like to just go outside, walk my dog with my ipod.

    I also really like to go for drives... anywhere ... but especially certain calming places I save for moments like that.
     
  7. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 29, 2008

    Maybe the next time the two of you are arguing, when he stops talking, rather than YOU saying something right after he stops talking, force yourself to count to 10 in your head (or even 20) & walk away or go do something. The counting will hopefully help prevent that urge to speak up again so quickly.
     
  8. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Oct 29, 2008

    Go put on a funny movie or TV DVD that always makes you laugh. If you can laugh, you will immediately relax.

    It is really great you recognize this in yourself and want to deal with it now, because in marriage, you have to know when to let the other person have some thinking time so nobody says rash and hurtful words.

    I try to ask myself, "Is this really important?" I usually know a strong gut feeling when something is actually really important, the other stuff I try to let go. Usually if I make a fight or a big deal out of something, I am in the same position within days and having to eat my own words!
     
  9. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

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    Oct 29, 2008

    I think it's something you have to learn to do. You have to learn to walk away. I used to be the same way with my bf. After about a year or two I realized it was better to walk away from him. If the argument was because of something he did he would eventually come and apologize. We're both stubborn people. Follow the advice of everyone else (watch TV, read a book, etc).

    Sometimes it's best just to let things fall. I've also realized that. It's kind of like with teaching... pick your battles.
     

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