How Rude!!!!!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by giraffe326, Jan 22, 2013.

  1. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Jan 22, 2013

    Uggh! So today is my first day in a new grade level and it is a teacher work day.
    I am in my room and I get this text from my former teammate.
    "We would love for you to still go to lunch with us, but we are going to Japanese."

    I don't like Asian food at all, so she knows I wouldn't go.

    Am I overreacting, or was that incredibly rude? She didn't have to say anything about lunch! I haven't even laid eyes on her today!
     
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  3. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    I think you are overreacting.

    I'm surprised there is nothing that you would find tolerable at a Japanese restaurant, even if it had to be a special order. My SIL goes to Chinese restaurants all the time and claims to love the food, but she gets them to steam chicken with no spices and steam vegetables with no spices or sauce. Yet, she claims to love Chinese food when she basically took all the Chinese out of the food.
     
  4. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Jan 22, 2013

    Maybe I am missing it but I think she was being nice. She wanted to let you know you were still invited even though you moved. She probably was afraid you would find out and so she didn't want you to think you weren't invited. As for it being Japanese, if people go out to eat regularly there is bound to be a time that someone doesn't like the food. I wouldn't be to hurt by it
     
  5. BettyRubble

    BettyRubble Rookie

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    Jan 22, 2013

    I think she was just making sure you didn't think they were totally ignoring you.
     
  6. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    This! :2cents:
     
  7. hbcaligirl1985

    hbcaligirl1985 Cohort

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    You are overreacting.
     
  8. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    Jan 22, 2013

    I would probably feel a little hurt. I can be sensitive though.
     
  9. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Jan 22, 2013

    Well, she is more the "let's pick Japanese because giraffe doesn't like it" type. I could hear her voice when I read it, and it was not a nice voice :lol:

    I had literally no one to vent to at school at that exact moment...
     
  10. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I wouldn't have thought twice about it.
     
  11. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jan 22, 2013

    Probably would have been better stated phrased a bit differently, but I also think she was trying to be inclusive.
     
  12. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I definitely think it depends on the person. I know people who would've done exactly that so that you wouldn't go. I also agree that she may have meant to be inclusive. You know her better than us obviously!
     
  13. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    I think she was being sincere, unless you personally know how she is. I would love the idea of having someone invite me to lunch. Next time they invite you, let them know that you can't make it, BUT can they please pick up something at another place for you.
    You'll find out how sincere they are, for sure.
    Give her the benefit of a doubt about the invitation.
    Rebel1
     
  14. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Jan 22, 2013

    giraffe~I would have thought the same thing.
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Personally, I'll eat any cuisine. If I'm invited to lunch by coworkers, the main purpose is for the camraderie. I can always eat more when I get home. I very rarely eat out with coworkers though, so that's partly the reason I probably feel this way.
     
  16. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    I don't think it was necessarily rude. Think about this, which would you like?
    - they don't ask you to lunch, because they know you don't like Japanese, so why even ask?
    - they know you don't like Japanese, but ask you anyways so you don't feel left out. And who knows, maybe you brought your own lunch, but would still like to go sit with them and talk.
     
  17. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jan 22, 2013

    You shouldn't imply tone to her email. I would have responded back: thanks for thinking of me...let's plan another day soon for a team lunch.:)
     
  18. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    I think this would entirely depend on the person who sent it. If the person tends to be passive agressive it could definitely be interpreted as snarky. My other thought was why purposely pick somewhere that you know someone doesn't like, or why not ask if you wanted to just come and hang out anyway. My team is really close, so maybe it just doesn't make sense to me, but we'd never go somewhere that would purposely exclude one person. We have a pd day tomorrow (which means lunch out-yay!) and my team asked me right away where the places I could go were because they know I'm dieting.
     
  19. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Jan 22, 2013

    It was a dig. We have clashed quite a bit this year- enough for my P to move me to separate us. (P was probably tired of hearing me complain about her. P is 100% on my side and has been riding her butt pretty hard lately. She is not doing what she is supposed to be doing.)
    If it had come from my other former teammate, I would have thought she was trying to be nice. I didn't realize it when I posted initially, but I had a snippy email from her because the new teacher couldn't find something.
     
  20. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Jan 23, 2013

    I would be upset by the test, too. I'm the world's pickiest eater, but I'll find something to get anywhere. That said, if she meant to be inclusive, I would think the text would have been worded very differently. Or even better, the message would have been delivered in person. Hopefully changing grade levels let's you move away from that personality.
     
  21. Cerek

    Cerek Aficionado

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    You know the person better than we do, so you're the only one who can decide if it was sincere or snarky.

    Just taking the message at face value, I would assume the group decided on Japanese for a change of pace. We had a couple of team lunches at my school last year. I was never included in the decision of where we would eat, but was always invited to join the group. We have a Japanese restaurant in town that many people like, but I've never tried it. I wouldn't go there on my own, but if the team were eating lunch there, I would go along and give it a try. I think I could probably found something I could eat.

    If it was a snarky dig, then it may be best to just remind yourself how fortunate you are to be away from her now. :hugs: Even if it was, it isn't hurting her at all if the dig upsets you. It only hurts you. Don't give her the power to make you upset.
     
  22. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    One, I don't think you are overreacting based on what you shared later on. I could see someone being petty like that....

    Two, AAAAW MAN! That's such a bummer that you do not like Japanese food. It's sooo yummy and healthy for you. The miso soup, the sushi, udon, yum!!!
     
  23. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Jan 23, 2013

    Giraffe,

    I must ask if you know she is snarky and didn't share that information, why did you ask us if you were overreacting only to come back and tell us that she is snarky and that is how she plays mean?

    I understand venting because my old snarky teammate did it again, but I just don't understand leaving out information you deemed pertinent enough to justify your reaction and still asking if you are overreacting. It makes me feel like you were setting posters up to turn around and say I told you so. I'm not saying that was your intent, but that is how it made me feel.
     
  24. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    :confused:

    She's had a whirlwind of week. Just saying...
     
  25. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    This. I was very on edge and about to break down. I really didn't have an accessible person at that time, so I turned to here.
    It is not my normal type of post- I will vent from time to time, but this was a little extreme for me! I was on the verge of either breaking down and crying or screaming at someone.
     
  26. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :hugs: giraffe
     
  27. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Giraffe, been there! I don't know how many times last year I had almost walked out of a job. It's been difficult, for some reason. Maybe my patience is wearing thin.....

    Hugs, take it a day at a time. Did you start your new class yet (I'm a bit behind in what's going on... sounds like you started a new grade and a new class)? How did it go?
     
  28. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Jan 24, 2013

    I started with my new class yesterday. I feel like a sub though. I realized today that it may have a lot to do with the fact that very few things are 'mine'. She left a lot of things for me to borrow and I haven't had time to change over bulletin boards yet. I'm hoping changing things over to 'me' will help me feel less like a sub! Plus getting used to the grade level and stuff will take a little time!


    (And in regards to the previous post- I realized I have never withheld information. I may not have put it in THIS thread, but I have been very vocal on these boards for YEARS about my witchy co-worker!!!)
     
  29. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Guess it is my fault for not following your previous postings about your witchy co-worker closely enough to realize the connection. I actually don't remember any rantings about your witchy co-worker, so I just went by the information presented in the post that didn't indicate you have had lots of problems with this person in the past. I apologize for not either reading or remembering your background stories. I see many other posters had the same problem because many said you were over reacting, too.
     
  30. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    I don't expect you to remember everything about every member. (I don't.)
    I was extremely upset when I posted it, and I really have no idea why I even asked if I was overreacting. It is definitely an over-the-top post for me. Very atypical, but a testament to my stress level this week. I had literally no one at school that I could talk to- there are only 2 people that will not tell her everything I say about her and neither of them were there.

    Where it was a little upsetting is when you made a comment about withholding information just to get a rise out of people. As I said, I don't expect everyone to remember everything. But just this week, I have changed rooms and grade levels after 5.5 years teaching the same grade level. I moved to get away from the person in question. You can find threads dating back to September 2007 (about 3 weeks into my first year) and as recently as a week or so ago of my complaining about this woman.
     
  31. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    For what it's worth, I think it was quite a silly thing to have suggested.
     
  32. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

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    Jan 24, 2013

    Giraffe, I've had a coworker who acted like your team member. No need to explain- sometimes it good to just get the vent out of your system!:) Good luck with the new class. It will get better every day!
     
  33. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    Breathe a sigh of relief! You are done with this treasure of a co-worker! You can now work with a group, that if I remember correctly, you were looking forward to working with.
     
  34. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Yup. They've definitely got it together! I just need to get acclimated so I stop feeling like the weak link!
     

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