How Many of You Choose to NOT Have Kids?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I don't have kids yet & I'd love to have two (specifically twins & no more than that! :D), but this world is so crazy & dangerous. I already know I'd be a superb parent, but concern of mine are the influences of the other kids that will be around my child. I mean, we can teach our child to be strong, not go w/ the rest of the crowd, grow them up in church, etc., but no one knows how our kids will turn out. We just have to hope & pray that our best was enough.

    I'm sure by the time I have a child, I'll want to homeschool him/her & everything else. I lived a pretty sheltered life & in a way, I don't blame my parents for that. I never had babysitters (if my parents couldn't take me, they didn't go). I went to good private schools, my parents are pretty strict, they don't smoke & drink, etc.

    So, how many of you don't have kids BY CHOICE & why don't you want them?
     
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  3. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    I have 2 kids, but I can certainly understand why some people would choose to not have children, especially in today's world. I am a worry wart by nature and am ALWAYS worrying about my children...their safety, their faith, everything. However, when they look me in the eye and tell me they love me...somehow the worry takes a backseat for a moment. :) Then there is the expense. I believe God will provide us what we need, but one reason we don't have more is because of the affordability. It's hard to provide for 2 kids, let alone 4 or 5 (I originally wanted 4 kids). Plus we only have 2 bedrooms, and can't afford to move...EEK!

    So, even though we do have 2 kids, we are going to be done for the same reasons people probably don't have any, unless God plays a trick on us. :haha:
     
  4. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    I'm with you, Ms. I-I want twins, too. My dh wants just one, as it's really expensive around here and we want to be able to give them the best. But I would love two, as I had a great time hanging out with brother growing up. I know I won't get another shot after the first one, so I'm hoping to push out two of them in one try. ;)

    I'm not too pessamistic about the world. When I think about having kids, I think of all the great things in life that I get to show them. I think that's how I ran my classroom, too-fun, joy and games. I want to read them all the great books and take them to all the great places, throw them great parties and sleepovers, etc. I'm sure reality will set in later, but I live in the Pottery Barn Kids world. ;)
     
  5. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    I'll raise my hand on this one. I have never had a maternal urge or a biological clock tick. When I was seventeen I remember telling my high school sweetheart that I was okay about adoption but really didn't care to have my own biological child. He's now happily married elsewhere with a beautiful girl, and I still am happily living with my choice. My husband has the same feelings as I do, perhaps even stronger.

    As for having my DNA passed on, my brother's daughter looks a LOT like I did at her age except her eyes are brown instead of blue. She's also incredibly loved and very well-off, so I leave the next generation in her small hands.
     
  6. CanadianTeacher

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    Ms. I, I think about those things all the time. I think they become more obvious when your kids become teenagers and they start making more of their own decisions and you realize that it's time to step back a little. It's stressful, but if you teach your kids well early on and remain consistent, I believe that even if they make mistakes along the way, they will turn out and maintain the sense of morals they wer taught to have. What I worry about as a mother of teens are those mistakes that are irreversable or that cause undue pain...as adults, we usually are able to think ahead and look at all angles before making decisions, trying new things, etc. but adolescents don't always possess that skill and it can end up costing them big time if they do something and find out too late...
     
  7. AMK

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    I have a few friends who are already saying no to kids and I totally respect them. I on the other hand would love 3-4. I don't have much family left and need to expand mine!
     
  8. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    My 2 children are my world--I can't imagine life without them. They are a rare breed, however, children without cousins. Neither my sister nor my sister-in-law have children, decisions that were perfectly right for them.
     
  9. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    It's funny because I never want kids until I am in a relationship, and then I usually date guys who agree that they aren't that into kids either, but then something happens. I don't know if it is psychological or chemical/hormonal, but as I fall in love and start thinking about getting married, I start wanting kids. So, currently, since I am in a serious relationship and hopefully getting married in the somewhat near future, I DO want kids. haha.

    When I am in the not wanting them mood, it is just because I am not interested at all. I feel too selfish.
     
  10. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    I like children but I much prefer it when bell rings at 2:30 and makes them all go away.

    A number of years ago, our six year old nephew came to stay the weekend. He's a wonderful kid and we both love him dearly. But by Sunday afternoon, all my wife and I wanted to do was watch t.v. that wasn't animated, drink some alcohol and use profanity.

    That's when we decided it was best if we had cats instead.
     
  11. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    My kids are my world. I quit working after my first year teaching to be able to stay home with my kids. I went back when my youngest entered school because 3 kids in private school on 1 salary did not leave for many extras. I was always the person in high school that said that I did not want to get married or have kids. I met my husband and all that changed. My friends from high school all still laugh because the one who did not want toget married and have kids was the first one married and now has the most kids. We would have had more children but 6 months after my last child was born, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy so we are grateful that we had the 3 we did.
     
  12. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I do not want to have children. Neither does my husband. The closest thing to parenting I can imagine for myself is fostering teenagers (has to do with seeing some of my students struggle so badly) but my husband says "no way jose" on that idea. I see his point.

    I don't want children because:
    -It's never been a "drive" of mine
    -I don't want the parenting lifestyle
    -I have never went goofy over a baby like almost every one else I know does ... when I see a baby it does nothing for me. Babies are cute, but ... that's about it
    -The world scares me

    All but 1 of my friends have/want children. Those friends have learned that "wow, she's serious." Everyone says my husband and I would be great parents.
     
  13. Special-t

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    I would have been a great parent, but I chose not to have children. Mostly because I didn't want the responsibility. Over the years I've seen many of my peers with children try to maintain a free-spirited lifestyle and their children suffer for it BIG TIME.
     
  14. Peachyness

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    Funny... I was actually thinking about this on the way home. We don't want kids. This world is just too scary to have kids right now. I have thought about adopting or being a foster mom. I have two wonderful foster girls in my class right now and I would love to try that out, soon!

    Yes, I actually would like to have my own kids, but I don't think that will ever happen.
     
  15. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I have one daughter and don't want anymore, though my husband does. Parenting is hard work and takes a lot of time, and I feel that I am so busy with work, that it is enough keeping up with my daughter's schedule and my own, and I can't add another one to it. Also, there is the financial aspect too. Kids are expensive. In any case, I love my daughter more than anything else. She is the sweetest, most sensitive person I know. She is so empathetic and intuitive. She cries when one of those St. Jude Children's hospital commercials comes on. She just has the biggest heart and I thank God for her. I can see why people would not want kids, I mean I don't want another one. But having my daughter in our lives just brings my husband and I so much joy and meaning. :)
     
  16. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    I'm not a "little kid" person. I'm not particularly maternal, nor have I ever had the urge to have a child of my own. I never babysat. I've never been "ga-ga" over babies or little kids.

    I got married when I was 30. DH shared my feelings. Now, I'm sure that if we HAD a child, we'd be fine with it. But a year into the marriage I had some serious medical issues, which put a final "no" stamp on the whole decision.

    My closest friends are in the 35-42 age range, and about half have children and half don't. Of the half that don't have children, more than half are married.

    I've always found it odd that so many people have such harsh feelings toward those who choose not to have children--for whatever the reason. (I even had someone here send me a nasty message after a similar posting months ago.)
     
  17. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    That's crazy, Ima!! I hope that person no longer posts regularly. It's your choice whether or not you want to have kids or not. For me, I've always wanted kids. I was the one that had the ga-ga feeling over the babies, and what-not. But I understand that some people don't have that feeling, and that is fine with me. It's not like EVERY married couple HAS to have kids. Geez!
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Yes, kids are fabulous, when one can fully afford to give them a good life (good schools, college, etc.) & love them to the fullest. If people want to be free & be able to jump up & travel all the time for example, then, they may need to rethink having kids.

    I'm already 33, soon to be 34 & I don't have that biological clock ticking that says...MUST HAVE KIDS. My cute, little dog's enough right now! I would like to have at least 1 child someday though...(girl/boy fraternal twins would be nice then I would have had one of each & they get to grow up together.)

    I completely respect anyone's decision to not have kids because they take a LOT of hard work, sacrifice, time & responsibility.
     
  19. old-new teacher

    old-new teacher Comrade

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    OMG, we could be twins! LOL! All through high school, and even most of college, I swore I'd never have kids! I'd be around my nieces and nephews and think, no way, it's not for me. I don't know what happened...perhaps the instant parenting that came with being a step-parent, but I realized that I was good with kids, not just in the classroom. When I had my first, I was instantly in love and have NEVER regretted it since. We have 4, and I may have had more, but my body couldn't do it again after 4 c-sections and a near rupture of my uterus with my last. :(

    However, I do understand that some people remain childless for good reasons, and I would never presume to think that EVERYONE should have them. It's sad how many of the parents of my students maybe should have thought twice about it.
     
  20. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Ima, I have people who push my husband and I to have more kids. "Come on! The two of you made such a beautiful child, you have to have another." Or, "You have to give your daughter a brother or sister. It's mean not to." Well, I'm here to say that since it's my body, my life, and my decision, I don't have to do anything I don't want to.
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Here, here! I can't believe these people. They're not the ones who have to raise them, changing diapers again at 4 am & all that madness! ;)
     
  22. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Tami-my MIL says the same thing! She says that when me and DH die, our DH will need a sibling to help deal with all the arrangements. I think it stems from her being an only child and having to do that on her own.
     
  23. ku_alum

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    Ima, In total agreement with your post.
    I didn't get a nasty message here for not wanting kids but I've had to tell people at work to BACK off ... some people just don't get how someone wouldnt' want kids.
     
  24. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I'm an only child & I don't ever remember crying about it ever in my entire life. My parents weren't the youngest when they had me, otherwise, they probably would have had another. But, that's how life goes.
     
  25. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    MsI-though I'm not the only child in my family (I have a half brother and a half sister), I am the only child of my parent's marriage. I was basically raised as an only child because my brother lived with his mother, and my sister went to live with her dad when I was about 6.
     
  26. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Don't get me wrong, there were times when I wish I had a sibling, even now as an adult at times to go places with.
     
  27. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    My half sister lives only an hour away from me. We were much closer than my half brother and I are so it helps to have her so close.
     
  28. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Ya know, I feel this way about other people's children as well:haha:...but never my own. It's a different feeling and I wouldn't change it for the world.
     
  29. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Oh, but they're more than willing to give advice on what you're doing "wrong" on all those scores.

    Even if they have no children (or work with children) themselves.
     
  30. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    I was one of those who said "No marriage and No childen" all through high school. I was the last one of my friends to get married. I was 23 when I got married, my husband is ten years older than me. We now have 4 (together) 5 all together kids. It's tough! Would I change having 4 kids? NO! Are there days when I think what the heck? YES! As I write my 5 year old and I are having this same coversation. She tells me she doesn't want to be married, or a mom. All I am going to do is tell her that it's great to be both but she can make the choice when she is older.
     
  31. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    TXmom: I have had this conversation with my 7 year old daughter too. I have been telling her for years that just because she is a girl doesn't mean that she has to get married and have kids. I just don't want her to feel pressured. When I was growing up I just always assumed I would marry and have kids (which I did, but just one kid), and I never thought of the possibility of not marrying or being a mom. Maybe that's just because I really wanted all of that. Thinking back now, I wonder if I was just following society's norms... In any case, women have options, they are not just baby-making machines, and I just want my daughter to understand that.
     
  32. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Shortly after I was married (at 24), my biological clock was a ticking time bomb. It felt like my body was screaming to get pregnant... I was nearly afraid to even sit near my husband when I had those days. :p

    I'm almost 27 now and cannot see myself having kids for a looooooooooooong time... if ever. I squashed that baby bug dead last year. :D DH (who is 28) knows he wants them, but is also nowhere near ready for that responsibility. After my first teaching position (LTS), I realized that I'd much rather focus on my career. Then my husband's brother and his wife had a baby. I adore my nephew, go absolutely ga-ga over him, but I gotta tell you: it is so great when I get to pass him off to his parents when I'm ready to go. Anyway, we both would rather focus on paying off our debts (really really high: My M.A.T, his undergrad and law school) and then buy a house before we start talking babies. Our goal is to have our school loans paid off in five years or less, which means maybe in six years we'll TTC.
     

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