How long did you wait until after you were married to have kids?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by orangetea, Aug 21, 2013.

  1. orangetea

    orangetea Connoisseur

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    I have always wanted to have a baby, but now that I am married, I really want one. I would honestly love to start trying now, but my husband needs to finish up his residency before we start trying because his work hours are too long to take care of a baby at this point...so I think it will be 2 years before we start trying. I'm fine with this, but I'm scared that if we wait and if I don't get pregnant quickly we will regret it because I want to have a baby by 28/29 so there is time for more kids.
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Waited 2 years for my first.
     
  4. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    We waited 1.5 years.
     
  5. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    My fiance and I are currently thinking about this. I will be 28 when we get married. We both want to have children and are ready to. I would love to have some time to adjust to married life before we start trying (right now we are long distance, and will be pretty much up until the wedding, so I know that will be a big adjustment!). But even if we wait a year to start and then happen to get pregnant right away, I will be over 30. I know that's not unheard of, but we know that we would really love to have a few kids. This has been weighing heavily on me (us) lately...
     
  6. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Um, 32 and 37 aren't bad ages to have a kid, especially if one's in decent physical shape.
     
  7. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    I had a honeymoon baby. So, 9 months later. ;)
     
  8. orangetea

    orangetea Connoisseur

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    I don't think so either, but the reason I'm worried is because my mom had me at 33, and by the time she was about 50, she was exhausted and couldn't do too much anymore...I think part of that was work stress too. But she got pregnant twice after I was born at 38 and 39 and she had abortions because my parents didn't think they'd be able to take care of babies at that age. (Not something I'm too happy about to this day, but I'm also not sure how so would she would have handled another baby...) So I guess I'm more worried about 15 years after the baby if I have a baby in my late 30's.
     
  9. BookReader813

    BookReader813 Companion

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    Been married 2+ years and still waiting! :lol:

    I'm thinking 30 is a good age for me.
     
  10. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    The chances are fairly good, orangetea, that you'll do age 50 differently than your mother did: that's the trend, and medical science is doing a great deal to help people (well, those who can afford it) live longer and healthier lives.
     
  11. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    Been married 3 years and still waiting. We're not in a hurry. I'm 27 and don't want to have kids until after I'm 30. Probably between 30 and 35. I know, shocking. Most people I know/know of want to have kids BEFORE 30. A lot of things need to be in a better place - jobs, NOT living here (where it costs $1600 for a one bedroom apartment), etc. I know "you're never ready for a baby," but we really need to be MORE ready than we are now.

    We are just not ready, and I think that's fine. I will say though that my pet peeve is the "when are you having a baby?" question. That is SUCH a personal question - when did people decide that's appropriate to ask?! I always say a few years. I used to say 5 years back when we got married...but when I say 5 years now I start getting the lecture about how my eggs are all going to dry up so I'd better not wait too long!!! :mad:

    My mom was 31 when I was born and she managed just fine.
     
  12. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    We were married for five years before I got pregnant. I had a baby at 30 and 33. Sixteen years later I am glad we waited because many of my friends that didn't wait are chomping at the bit to get the children out of the house, so they can have a life of their own. My husband and I are looking forward to the day when it will be just us, but we are in no hurry. We had over five years to travel and do as we pleased, so we don't feel the need to "sow our oats."

    My one friend just had a third child at the age of 45. He is worried about keeping up with the child as he ages, so he has started taking better care of himself as far as eating and exercising. He looks great and feels much better about this late in life child.
     
  13. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    We were married 4 and a half years before my son was born; I did have a miscarriage a year before he was born. I was 30 and 33 when my kids were born.
     
  14. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    I heard that question on a regular basis. My favorite response was, "We got a dog to practice our parenting skills on. If we do well with the dog, we are considering having a child."

    My second favorite response was, "Why do you ask?"

    Shut people up every time!
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I think the ideal amount of time to have kids after marriage is 2-4 yrs.
     
  16. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Nine years to begin adoption procedings.
    Ten years to become a mom.
    Eleven and a half years to give birth.

    Ideal is whatever works for your family. We would not be who we are had we not adopted my son. (And, just for anyone who is concerened about that biological clock: We adopted when I was 40. I gave birth to wonderfully healthy girls when I was 42 and 45 respectively.)
     
  17. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I'd like to wait at least two years. However, my mom had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. To this day they have no idea why. She then had a very difficult pregnancy. She had 12 weeks of bed rest and then a bad delivery. She almost bled out. She was 30. So that definitely scares me! They never could have another one.
     
  18. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    We were married six years before we had Henry. I was 30 when I had him (last summer).

    We're looking to adopt our next, which will be around when Henry is in Kindergarten, so that will be 11 years in. And then maybe we'll adopt one more after that. I'm in no rush to complete our family. After Henry and our unknown children are out of the house, we'll be a foster family. So we'll have kids around forever! ;)

    Seriously-I always advise people wait a while. We had grand adventures together in those years. Vacations, cooking together, lazy mornings sleeping in, starting businesses, seeing fun concerts, etc. The vacation we took to Disney just before Henry was born is one of my best memories-just the two of us spending so much time together, running a half/full marathon together the same weekend-it was just GREAT. We won't be able to do that again for a LONG time. We can't even sleep in past 7am anymore, even on the weekends. Henry is at a stage where he throws his food, so eating out is not an option. By the time he goes to bed and we have 'us' time, we're dead on our feet. We never, ever would have had the time to start a business with a baby, and I'm so glad we had that opportunity-it taught me so much and I think it will open doors in the future. We are also struggling to find time to workout, and that's really important to us. We can't run the same races anymore, as someone always has to be with Henry. I loved running races with DH.

    I was joking the other day that I need his parents to take Henry for the weekend so we can just sleep and have 'us' time. I sometimes forget who we are as a couple. And that's with both of us being very aware we need to preserve our relationship-I can't imagine how rough it would be if neither of us cared. So anyhow, just enjoy this time together. Kids are FOREVER. You don't get breaks from them, ever. Even when they are with a sitter, your heart aches for them. Just enjoy those lazy morning, your sexy time, your quiet dinners, your clean house, etc.

    You'll just love having them around-don't get me wrong. But it's really wonderful just to be the two of you, too. ;)
     
  19. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    My mom had me at 30 and my brother at 32. ***If*** we have kids, I wouldn't want them until I was 30 or so. My mom kept up just fine with us. Hell, just a few years ago she hiked Mt. Kilimanjaro at 53. So really, you can do whatever you want at whatever age as long as you're willing to put in a little effort.
     
  20. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    We had 3 children by our 4th anniversary. That worked out just fine for us.
     
  21. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    I LOVE this!!!! :wub: This is exactly what I needed to hear, because I won't lie, I sometimes doubt our decision when people ask so many questions and challenge my fertility (I mean really, can people be any more intrusive) and have babies when they're younger than I am. But in the end, it's what works for US, not the people who seem to think their opinions are what we should follow. Thank you Alice! (p.s. I'm very glad to see you back on these boards! Your wisdom and insights have been missed!)

    I loved your post, Jem. DH and I really try to take advantage of our time now. We have been on 2 vacations to Disneyworld (one was our honeymoon lol), and we're planning another one in 2 years (I hope!). We also take lots of day trips to Disneyland, go to concerts, hang out with friends, etc. I really do love this time. I know having a baby will be wonderful, but I love having this time first.

    This cracks me up. I guess I'll tell people we're "practicing" on our two cats. The "Why do you ask?" one is funny...since there really is no way someone could respond to that!
     
  22. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    We had our first a few months shy of our fourth anniversary. We dated for almost four years before we got married, so we felt we had had plenty of time to just enjoy each other. I hadn't kids at 26 and 30.
     
  23. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I think that each couple should decide what works for them.

    My hoosband and I have been married for 8 years (together for 12), and it's been wonderful with just the two of us. I have been able to get established in my career, and my hoosband has been able to finish school and earn his BS. We have really gotten to know each other in a real and meaningful way. We can travel, go to midnight movies, spend money on fun stuff for us....Those things have been important to us, and it has been nice to be able to do them without feeling guilty or needing to find a babysitter or any of that.

    My best friend and her husband wanted kids right away and had their first child very near their first wedding anniversary. They have been married for four years now and have two kids. They are very happy with their choices. For me, that would have been way too quick...but then again, I had my chance to make that decision for myself, just like she did for herself.
     
  24. stampin'teacher

    stampin'teacher Cohort

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    It definitely depends on the couple-we waited two years before trying for our first. We were actually going to wait a third year, but we had one of those long, heart to heart discussions late one night and we thought to ourselves, "what will really change in another year?"

    We couldn't come up with one, so decided to start trying and now my DS will be 4 months old! Once I started getting baby fever, I got it BAD haha! Good thing DH was on the same page!
     
  25. K1teach

    K1teach Companion

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    It is very much a personal choice. We waited 6 years before we had our first son. I love our boys and wouldn't trade them for anything, but I really enjoyed that time we had alone before kids.
     
  26. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I'll be honest...we wanted to have our first pretty much right away, but I was insistent upon waiting until it was CLEAR that we didn't "have" to get married. We married really young (20 and 23), and in our small town, people were pretty sure that I was knocked up, so to speak.

    So we waited 2 years. I'm really happy with that choice, even though now at 34 I look at my kid in Junior High and about :spitwater:. Our next 2 children did not appear very easily-it took us almost 3 years with each to get pregnant again (the first took 2 months, by the way), so I'm glad we didn't wait.

    Now, I'm very happy that we will be 49 and 53 when our last graduates from high school. My husband will retire at 55, and we plan on enjoying that time, watching our kids go out into the world-from the windshield of a large RV while traveling cross country. :cool:
     
  27. dmbfan36

    dmbfan36 Rookie

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    Is there a reason you call him this? I thought it was a typo but it happens way too often
     
  28. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    It's just how I say it. A nickname, I guess.
     
  29. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I wanted it to be at 5 years married, but I've now been married 6.5 years and it hasn't happened yet. We just did our third IUI this month, so I'm hoping third time's the charm!
     
  30. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    We've been married for four years now, and have not had any inclination to start reproducing. We are raising five lovely animals, and about 400 teenagers a year between the two of us, and right now that's more than enough.
     
  31. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    Sending you prayers, positive thoughts, and best wishes!!
     
  32. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    My sister had her first baby at the age of 24. She waited until she was 38 before having her second child. Both pregnancies were picture perfect pregnancies and deliveries.
     
  33. terptoteacher

    terptoteacher Connoisseur

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    I got married in August and got pregnant just 6 months in. We had an appointment to go to the dr to get a more reliable bc but "just this once" without protection ended up with a plus sign on the pee stick. I was 23. I had my second at 25 and my third at 30. Well I turned 31 in the hospital;)
    My oldest is now 23! So weird to think that I had her at her age!
     
  34. geoteacher

    geoteacher Habitué

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    While I would not encourage anyone to rush into pregnancy, I think that you do need to know your own situation and health history thoroughly. We waited six years to have our first. I had my two at 28 and 32. We would have liked more, but it simply didn't happen for us. Although my mom used no bc, she only had three children. I have a sister who had her first and only at 38. With a family history like mine, I won't encourage my own daughter to wait too long. Although many people are having successful pregnancies in their 40s, it is not always a good idea for all women to assume that they will be able to.
     
  35. scooter503

    scooter503 Comrade

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    My first is almost 7 months and we just celebrated our 11th anniversary. Many people questioned us waiting so long, but I felt certain things had to be in order for it to be right for us...jobs, (specifically, insurance), a home. Love my DD SO much, but glad we waited....I wound up having some serious post-birth complications that would have been difficult to deal with earlier, I think....and I wouldn't have had the sick days to be able to stay home with her as long as I did. Now we're discussing when we'd like to work on number 2.
     
  36. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I've been married 7 years and we do not have kids (yet). There were a few reasons we waited, one being able to afford them. Also, I would prefer not to go the daycare route and have my mother or MIL watch my child (if they retire soon). If we don't end up having any then so be it. I wouldn't mind adopting either.
    I do think it's rude if people keep asking you since it's none of their business. Unless they are willing to stock up on diapers for you and start a college fund...they should keep their mouthes shut!
     
  37. Mrs.DLC

    Mrs.DLC Comrade

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    8 years. We were 30 and 33.
     
  38. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    We were married 5 years before our first child - I was 33. We believed it was important to establish our foundation as a couple first. I'm glad we did that.

    Jem - my MIL has come and stayed at our home with kiddos several times over the years so DH and I could have a week away together. I trusted her more than anyone to look after the kids and keep them safe. It was a little hard when the kids were young, but I am so glad, now that they are out of the house, that we took those special trips just the two of us. We kept making memories as a couple even after the kids came. Made the transition to empty nest easier (though it was still hard!).
     

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