How fast did/is your relationship moving?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Apr 3, 2013.

  1. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Apr 3, 2013

    I don't know if it's because I am getting older, or my experiences or if it's because I have finally found "the One" but my relationship seems to be moving at lightening speed. I was at first concerned, but when I listened to my gut, I feel happy with how things are progressing. That it's the right speed for us.

    I'm curious how fast things moved in past relationships and in your current ones.
    Here is a brief timeline of my Top Three relationships and their progression (I see a pattern)

    Timeline:​

    Boyfriend # 1: We dated four years. He started talking about marriage 2.5 years in, but I didn't feel ready and I told him I wanted to wait a few years which he didn't like.

    3 years in he threatened to break up with me if I didn't marry him, so I agreed (luckily we didn't go through with it. I followed my gut and broke it off with him)

    Boyfriend # 2: We dated two years. After one year, I asked him where he saw the relationship going. He said he could see us getting married a few years down the line, maybe getting a place together first. We talked about this a lot in the beginning, then less and less until he never brought it up anymore. Our relationship seemed to stop progressing, I felt less and less special.

    Another year went by. I kept trying to break up with him because I was unhappy, but then he'd get really sad and teary-eyed and I'd feel sorry for him, so I'd stay. Finally, I found the strength to break up with him and STAY broken up. (It was hard because he was a "nice guy" but he very selfish with his time and money)

    Boyfriend #3 (current fiance)
    : We've been together 8 months. ( began dating exclusively in July.) By September, he asked me what would need to happen for me to want to marry someone.

    We had a serious heart to heart that lasted several hours in which we shared our expectations, desires, goals, of what we needed from a spouse. As some of you may remember(http://forums.atozteacherstuff.com/showthread.php?t=169286), he proposed at the tail end of December.
     
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  3. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    I'll be honest, your current relationship sure does seem lightening fast! I guess it just comes down to what you're comfortable with.

    I met my esposo in Costa Rica and about 2 years later he moved in with me in the USA. That was a huge freaking deal. He left his job of 10 years, his family, his friends and came and lived in a country he had only visited once. We lived together 6 months in the USA, then about 1.5 years in Costa Rica and then we got married. We felt it was a good amount of time. Although to be honest if the USA had an "unmarried partner visa" (like lots of other countries do) we probably wouldn't have gotten married at that time.

    My esposo's sister is getting married to a guy she only met a little over a year ago. They were engaged 3 months after meeting. I guess when you know you know? It's not something I would be comfortable with, but everyone is different. As long as you're happy :)
     
  4. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    WOW! That's incredible. How did he like it in the US? Did he work there or wait until you guys returned to C.R.?

    Even though we've been together less time than my past two relationships, I feel like if fiance's job told him he had to up and move to, I dunno, Costa Rica:lol:, even though we don't have children or a house or any legal obligations here in the States, I would go with him. I can't imagine living my life without him. Now that's not to say I don't have my own identity, but he's become such a part of my life not having him there would be really hard.
     
  5. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Can't work in the USA unless you have residency (the infamous "green card") which we are currently going through hell to apply for. So he didn't work. At first in the USA he was extremely homesick and told me he never wanted to leave CR again. I moved to CR with the assumption that it would be my forever home. After about 3 months in Costa Rica he did a complete 180 and now is desperate to move back to the USA. And of course now I want to stay in CR.:rolleyes: It makes more sense for us to go to the USA for now. I think when the day comes around we'll retire in Costa Rica.

    I totally agree with you about not wanting to be without him. When I first moved to CR I was so sad about leaving my hometown. But I would rather be anywhere with my esposo, than where I want to be without him.
     
  6. MikeTeachesMath

    MikeTeachesMath Devotee

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    I started dating my fiance last May, we practically started living together in September, and he asked me to marry him in November. So I know exactly where you're coming from with "lightning fast" :lol:. But you're right, and every relationship is different. I honestly don't care what people on the outside think of our relationship. He wouldn't have popped the question if it didn't feel right to him, and I wouldn't have said yes if it didn't feel right to me.
     
  7. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    So THAT'S why I always hear people talking green cards(there are a lot of immigrants in my county).

    I've visited outside the country, but never lived anywhere but the USA, so I'm not familiar with the requirements. It's so funny that your husband wants to come here. C.R. sounds way nicer and more exotic, but then I'm sure if you were born and raised there, it would seem boring and mundane like the US seems to me.

    I admire both of you for leaving your homelands. It's more than a notion I imagine!!

    I'm glad I'm not the only one! My mom kept saying, "you guys are moving so fast" over and over and "in my day young people took it slower." Then we learned that my cousins mother and father in law (who have been married for over 50 years) went on one date and when he dropped her off, FIL said to himself "That's the girl I'm going to marry". Six months later, they were engaged and hitched.

    It's so cute to see them together. They're both silver-haired and tease each other like they're still dating. Like in the dead of winter we were about to walk out the restaurant and he said, "Honey, I don't wanna catch a chill. Can I borrow your coat to wear on top of mine? Oh and can you go warm up the car and bring it around to the front?"

    And she rolls her eyes and goes, "Sure baby. Just hold your breath and I'll go get it for you" then she'll make a big show of NOT getting her jacket or walking to the car. :lol:
     
  8. bison

    bison Habitué

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    I agree that your relationship sounds like it's moving very fast, but everyone is different. That may be what works for you! I was with BF for a year and a half before we moved in together, and I felt that was very fast for me. We've been together for around two and a half years now. I wouldn't get married/engaged for a little while yet. We're happy together, but I just don't feel the need to rush into it. I'm not ready, although I think my BF is much more eager about it than I am. My ovaries are screaming for me to make babies, but there's a lot I want to do first! Lots of travel and life experience to be had. I'd also like to live abroad, and I'm not sure if BF will be able to go with me. I don't feel it would be right to go alone if we were married, but it's something I want to do before settling down. :)
     
  9. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    I think the other poster was right when they said you have to move at the speed that is right for you.

    EDIT: It doesn't have to just be marriage. It can be your relationship in general. Like how fast did you meet milestones such as being exclusive, saying I love you, meeting the families, moving in, etc.
     
  10. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    My parents met and married in three months. Married almost 43 years. Mom was 19. Dad was 28.

    I met and married within 1.5 years. Married 12 years, then divorced.

    You never know.
     
  11. bison

    bison Habitué

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    BF said I love you first about a month and a half after we started dating. I haven't thought about it in a while, but it's giving me butterflies now! To be honest, I can't remember when he met my family. I remember him bringing my mom flowers when he met her, but I can't think of when it was for the life of me! Probably a couple months in, and my extended family fairly soon after that. They've adored him from the start. I met his family probably around six or seven months in, but they live on the other side of the country so we had to fly over. That was the first time he'd visited in a few years, mainly so they could meet me. That's when I realized he was pretty serious about things. :love:
     
  12. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    Funny--I was thinking the other day about posting a similar question!

    My BF and I met in August, started dating officially in December, said I love you in February, and met the families in March (both of our families live out of state, so that happened when they came to visit). However, we're in kind of a weird situation--he's here on an internship through July, and then he'll be heading back two states away for his last year of seminary. We've realized how quickly that will come, so now it's a matter of trying to balance taking advantage of the time we have together with not rushing things...
     
  13. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Costa Rica is beautiful. I look at the mountains every single day and think about how much I'm going to miss them. Every week when I go to the market I savor every moment. And the mangoes... you've never lived til you picked a mango straight off a tree and devoured it.

    But there's a lot of downfalls. Cost of living here is extremely high, and you get paid jack squat. Everything here costs more than what I paid in the USA- utilities are more, rent is more (for a smaller place of course), everything imported (cars, gas, foods, clothes, books, etc) is double the price it would be in the USA. Basically the only thing cheaper are local crops- plantains, mangoes, avocados, etc. Of course my salary is half what I would make in the USA, and my esposo makes 1/4 of what he would make in the USA. The government is inept. The roads are terrible. The traffic is awful. There's gates, barbed wire, broken glass, and electric fences up around every house or place of business to keep out thieves. (my esposo calls it "living in a prison" which it sort of is) Crime is high, most of it petty, but there's also plenty of home invasions, auto theft, gang killings, etc. It's not safe to walk anywhere by yourself after dark, and it gets dark at 5pm. Parks are filthy, it's impossible to navigate the country unless you've been there before. Actually, they just started naming streets and putting up street signs! I now know the name of my street!

    I really do love it here, for so, so many reasons, and I would be happy here for another 5 years or so. But this is not where I would potentially want to raise a family. It just doesn't make sense to stay long term when there's so many better opportunities in the USA.

    anyways...

    :hijack:
    back to topic :)
     
  14. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    My hubby moved to my home town in mid-May, I met him when my grandmother moved in next door to him Memorial Day weekend. By the end of July we were engaged. I met his parents Labor Day weekend, his first time going home since he moved, about 8 hours away. We had an 11 month long engagement, much too long, but I wanted a June wedding (had a July wedding instead) plus we can say we knew each other for a year before we got married. We've been married 24 years July 1st.
     
  15. teacherwithlove

    teacherwithlove Comrade

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    I've been with my boyfriend for a little under 5 years. We were young when we first met and so we consider our first year together as just dating. Now that we are both 25, going on 26, we are beginning to look at engagement rings! He is just now finishing his BS in Microbiology degree and is trying to find a decent job right now. We both still live with our parents but have agreed that once he gets his career going, we will become engaged and move in together. Just in the past month or so, he has applied for many jobs in his field of study. I'm really hoping he gets something soon.

    ...as I was typing this he called me to tell me that he got called for an interview! Hopefully this is *it* for us!
     
  16. Mr.history

    Mr.history Cohort

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    I've been dating the same girl for 5 years. We got engaged the summer before my senior year in college. I thought I was magically going to find a job right out of school and we would be able to afford a wedding, house, ect. Well that didn't happen but she has been a good trooper and now that I do have a job for next year we are shooting to get married during spring break next year!

    We went to the same high school(graduated same year) but we didn't know each other at all. I never even heard her name in school. We met at college and within about 6 months of dating I knew she was going to be with me for the rest of my life. We moved off campus together and lived with each other for the remainder of school. When college ended and we were engaged my parents were understanding enough to let her live with me when I moved back home after not finding a job immediately. (she couldn't go back home... her parents are nuts)

    Oh and I'm almost 24(will be in July).
     
  17. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    DH said I love you after 2 weeks (I said thanks ;) ). We were engaged after 11 months and were married less than 2 years after we had started dating. We've been married now for almost 12 years.
     
  18. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Not as fast and you two! :haha:

    I would explain our experience as immediate and deep, but slow and controlled. My husband likes to "have a plan" for all things so our relationship was no different. We started using phrases such as "when we're married..." a couple months in despite being a teen (or maybe because we were young...haha), but we were together for five years or so before marrying. There was none of that uncertainty or waiting for a proposal business that drives me mad! We both contributed to and work toward our plan...we knew what was coming. College degrees had to come first, and at least one of us had to have our Adult Job. We were also working hard to reach a certain dollar figure in the bank account first.

    He had to play role of parent in many ways so that probably delayed things...him taking care of things for me most parents would have done. Everything from buying me basics (stuff like a bed which I didn't have a couldn't afford) to plenty of dental care from years of neglect. I think back to all he did and it just makes me love him a little more. :wub:

    So, I guess we were "slow"...but it didn't feel slow. It didn't feel like waiting...if that makes sense. A lot happened in our relationship in the beginning to bring us very close, very fast. We were probably grossly inseparable...together at least for a little bit literally every day. Literally. You either fall deeply in love like that or get sick and tired of each other. Thankfully we both stuck around.
     
  19. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    All of my relationships are currently moving fast .... Sometimes it's downright scary.......
     
  20. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    We met Feb 1 one year and married Oct 1 of that year.

    This year we will celebrate our 30th anniversary.
     
  21. physteach

    physteach Companion

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    My math teacher and I started seeing each other last June, coupled up in early August and are moving in together end of June/beginning of July this year. My coworkers are starting to take bets on when he will propose.

    My last boyfriend and I were together for 4 years and we weren't really moving forward at all. When we'd been together three years, I needed a place to stay for about a month and he was hesitant to let me stay with him. I get that people move at different places, but that was too much.
     
  22. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    My parents were the same age when they got married! I'm not too sure how long they were dating for before they got married but I'm sure it was less than 1 year. They have been together for 45 years.
     
  23. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I met my husband in January, he proposed in July, and we got married at the end of December. I sometimes wish we had waited a little longer because we had a lot of problems at the beginning of our marriage. We were also young- I was 22 and he was 20. But we went to counseling to work on our problems and we're doing great now.
     
  24. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    My husband and I dated over a year before marriage but we moved slowly compared to my relationship with my deceased husband.

    My late husband and I met in April, were engaged in May, and were married by August. We would have married in June if work schedules had allowed for a honeymoon.

    He bet his coworker that he was going to marry me even before our first date.
     
  25. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    I love this! He sounds like a great guy. ;)
     
  26. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    He really is. When he's not being an a-- and pointing out all my grays like he may or may not have been doing earlier today. :rolleyes:

    But, seriously, not to rob myself of credit for what I hopefully would have eventually accomplished independently, but he "saved" me from becoming a statistic I didn't want to become. I lived in a dangerous trailer that required a butter knife for entry (opposed to, you know, a door knob and key), you couldn't sit on the toilet because it had fallen through, the tub was, um, unpleasant, had only a hot plate for cooking, slept on the floor, shared the space with rats... You get the idea. He helped me leave that situation. Then when I was somehow denied college aid (which I will never understand), he single-handedly made sure I was able to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher. What an angel he was.

    So I guess I forgive him for the gray hair thing earlier...
     
  27. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Apr 4, 2013

    give him an extra tight squeeze tonight :)
     
  28. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    We had our first date in January, engaged in July, then married in December.
     
  29. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Mine does the same thing, or he'll point out that I have a zit. Umm, honey, I knew all of that, you don't need to tell me. But I still love him & wouldn't trade him in. Guess I'll just rub his bald spot! :whistle:
     
  30. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    DH and I married after only 6 months. I don't recommend doing that, but it worked for us. We will be celebrating 12 years of marriage this Monday and he is my very best friend. Our relationship continues to grow and deepen.
     
  31. teachinnola

    teachinnola Rookie

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    My ex-fiance and I were together for four years; we were long distance then moved in together after 11 months. We were in college together (he is about 6 years older than me and getting a second degree). We got along great, but we just didn't have the same level of ambition, really. I wanted to break it off around year 3 (right after we got engaged), but gave it another year to see if things got better. I just couldn't deal with his WAY TOO RELAXED attitude towards school/graduation and generally was unhappy. We lived together for several months after we broke up as roommates, so it was very amicable.

    While I was dating my ex, I met my current BF in a chemistry class (he was the TA). I had a HUGE crush on him, and would see/talk to him periodically for the next two years. In the six months before I broke up with the ex, we started talking more and became friends moreso than acquaintances. It was innocent, but we had so much in common and I felt like I could really talk to him about intelligent things for hours (my ex was so much less confident in his intelligence. I would try to get him to talk to me, but he thought he was stupid or uninteresting). That's when I really realized I WASN'T happy in my relationship and had to end it. I am so much happier now! I broke up with the ex and the current BF and I casually dated for about 3-4 months (this was all while me and the ex lived together), then last April made it official. He told me he loved me in late January, and I said it to him about mid-late-February. I know he got his jeweler friend to make an engagement ring, and we've talked about eloping in the fall this year. We have been long distance since August, but he is graduating in MAY (so happy!!!), and I know that's part of what he is waiting for. We were inseparable for the time we were together, and if I believed in soulmates he would be mine! I know we're only not engaged now because he's still in school and there is a distance thing. I am not sure about the eloping just because of money. Sometimes I think it's too fast, but I know I'm happy and that's all that counts.
     
  32. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    I love all of these stories!

    Dh and I took it pretty slow. We started dating the week before I graduated college...said I love you to each other about 3 weeks into the relationship...I bought the condo when we had been together for almost 3 years and he moved in with me about a year later. We got engaged after 5 years of being together, married at 6 years. May 8th is 10 years since our first kiss. :) And August is our 4 year wedding anniversary. <3
     
  33. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Connoisseur

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    My relationship happened really fast, and I don't recommend the way we did but here goes. We actually dated twice. Once when I was 19 for a very brief but intense time. We both decided that I was way to young to settle down, so he went his way and I went mine. Fast forward 3 years. We ran into each other again. We were both in relationships with other people. I was actually engaged, I think he was a little less serious. We wound up seeing each other every night for an entire week before we decided that we wanted to be together. That was May, before the summer was over we were expecting our first baby. In December we got engaged. March the baby was born. (She is now a wonderful 22 year old) June we got married. We have been married for 22 years in June. Yes we had lots of problems. But actually out of ALL my friends we have been married the longest. Most of them twice and three times, so it worked out for us in the end! Like I said in the beginning I would NOT recommend this route for anyone else!!!!!
     
  34. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Rookie

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    They all thought we were crazy..

    In 2005 I met my hubby on Yahoo Personals (no longer available but was a great format for a single woman). We had both been married before n he had 2 kids and I had none. He was 32 and I was 37. We first spoke on the phone 2/10, went on our first date 2/12, 3/2 he proposed with diamond ring (I was on my way to FL for family wedding), and we had a beautiful wedding ceremony that 10/29. We are still best friends and lovers through ex wife and family trouble, my breast cancer and work injury requiring back surgery along with deaths and financial bumps.
    I hope this helped!:)
     
  35. Cicero

    Cicero Companion

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    Timeline with my fiance: We started dating exclusively in December 2009. Moved in together May 2010 (a first for both of us; it just felt right though!). We got engaged December 2012 and we are getting married later this year. :) I was frustrated because I felt it was taking us a "long time" to get engaged (especially when all of my friends seemed to be getting married all of the sudden!), but in the end I think waiting was the best thing for us.
     
  36. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    I believe I may lead the tortoise patrol. DH and I met in the 7th grade but didn't start dating until we were 14 (almost 15, 10th grade). We dated through high school, long distance during college and married when we both got jobs at 24. It'll be 27 years this June so I'd say it worked out great for us! We have 2 great sons, 22 and 20. Hope you have the same happiness!
     
  37. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    I moved in with my husband after 7 months. It would have been sooner, but he was looking to buy a house and it took that long to buy it and move in. We were married 1.5 years after that. It's been 13 years. It's not always perfect, but he's still the one for me! :)
     
  38. sjnkate

    sjnkate Rookie

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    My husband and I dated for 8 months before getting engaged, and got married 8 months later.
     
  39. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    My husband proposed on our third date (1.5 weeks after I knew him). I accepted a month later. We were married within 7 months. I was 19 at the time. He was 26. We got pregnant 4 months after we were married. We had a couple more after that. Last month we celebrated our 18th anniversary.
     
  40. teacherfelly

    teacherfelly Rookie

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    I have been married almost 5 years now. My husband and I met in October of 2006, began to date that december, moved in together April of 2007, Engaged August 2007, Married Septermber 27th 2008. My husband and I were talking kids and married within first 2 months of our relationship.

    His parents met and were married within a year. They have been married for 30 years now.

    I think it's one of those things that when you meet the one you just know. You both are happy and ready. It happens.
     
  41. 3Sons

    3Sons Connoisseur

    Joined:
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    Apr 11, 2013

    Hmmm, DW and I didn't start dating until about a year after we met, but then pretty much immediately moved in with each other, and then got secretly married about two years later. And then announced that we were married to our families about five years after that (we just told everyone we'd gotten married;; they already knew we were committed and about to have our first child).
     

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