I know there have been other threads like this, so please forgive me... I've had some time to think over Thanksgiving break (well, and over the first three months of school), and I've realized that if I want to last in this profession, I really need to find a balance. I'm in my second year. Last year, I was ok with having an "all teaching, all the time" mentality because it was new and exciting. Now, I really want to find more of a balance. I'm tired of feeling guilty all the time because I "should be" doing work. I want a life, too! I am married and have 2 cats, but no kids yet. Sometimes I feel guilty because since I don't have kids, I should work more. Yes, I really do feel like that. I have MANY coworkers with kids who leave right after school - I feel like they're justified, and I'm not. I feel guilty if I get things done and leave earlier. I don't have many preps during the day - a total of 140 minutes on a really good week, and 30 minutes on a really bad week. My school day (with kids) is 7:50-2:20 So, how do you all do it? How do you find a balance? Is it possible to stop taking work home on the weekends? Without guilt? When do you do everything? Thanks
I take a bit of paperwork home a few nights a week...less than an hour...checking math pages, spelling. I plan on Sundays, but truthfully, after 14 years in my district, planning doesn't take long. Find 'you' time every ay...whatever that is for you...for me, it's a workout, a cup of tea or a glass of wine, gardening or reading or tv or iPad surfing...every Friday I go out with colleagues for happy hour. Make a date night with your spouse at least once a week...even if it's staying home cuddling on the couchwith a movie on...or taking a walk, or out for a cup of coffee...it's IMPORTANT. (truthfully a little couple time EVERY DAY is important, even if it's just 15 minutes...dh and I like sitting on our porch with a beverage and talking) Break up the house chores. Do a bit each day, get dh to help (mine cooks) Breathe. Laugh. Work will be there...don't let it rule you
I know you and I talked in the other thread, but the planning in advance has really helped me. You said that wasn't really an option for you, but could it be? Maybe there is a day where you can sit down, all in one go, and plan out all of your lessons for the next few weeks. As for projects and things of that nature, recruit friends! I have done that in the past and my friends and I have just sat in my living room and talked, laughed, drank some wine and finished cut outs and organized crafts for the next day. I don't have it all down pat either so a veteran teacher could probably help you out more- I just feel successful than ever because I feel so much less overwhelmed than I was. This is a profession where it is easy to get burned out. I just try to keep things interesting while still making time for myself. What is your routine after school? Do you stay past contracted hours? If not, maybe you could set aside an hour after school everyday, say, leave by 3:30. That would give you more hours per week to do some planning. Not a significant amount, but it might help. Regardless, here's what I would do: if all else fails, set aside two guilt free days for yourself. That way you don't feel guilty. Another thing: worrying about what other teachers do in their classroom or after school will end up driving you bonkers. Trust me. Everyone does what they do and you do what you do and what Ms. Honey does may not be the same thing as Mrs. YellowDaisies does, and that's okay Focusing on what works for you is the best way to go.
Love this - thanks. :wub: I've been thinking about this, and I think I can sketch out general plans pretty far ahead because we do have our pacing. I do my plans on the computer, so I could always go back and change things later pretty easily. I'm thinking Christmas break might be a good time for me to get really ahead, but I am also going to start trying to plan ahead this week. I actually have recruited one of my friends to help cut out lamination before... I do stay past contracted hours - usually until 4:30. My goal is to start getting there an hour early (6:30 or 6:45...so hard...I am not a morning person!!) and then leave by 3:30 or 4:00. The reasoning is that I work much faster in the mornings. You're right - I need to stop comparing myself. It's hard because I'm only a second year teacher and I feel like working long hours will "impress" admin. I know it's silly. But I'm planning to move after this year and I need their goodwill and strong recommendations. I know it's insane.
I definitely did more work on my own time when I was just starting out because I had nothing to fall back on, but it's gotten less over the years. The main thing that's helped me was learning that the majority of the things I thought I HAD to get done weren't really all that important. I make lists of things that I must get done, things I need to get done soon, and things that I'd like to get done, but can wait. I don't bring things home during the week. If there is something that absolutely has to be done for the next day, I'll stay after school and do it before I leave. I won't stay after more than 30 to 45 minutes either. I don't do any school work on Friday or Saturday. I usually go to work on Sunday afternoons and get ready for the week. I live 4 miles from school, so I can run out there with no issues. That also helps keep me from bringing things home. I did go to work yesterday to clean, but only because we had a long weekend. I'd also had a sub the last day before vacation, and I needed to check on that stuff. I didn't go today. At this point in my career, I have a whole bag of tricks for assignments, and even when standards change, the materials can be tweaked. I'm not reinventing the wheel every year. Our curriculum is already mapped out for the year. That helps tremendously.
I don't have kids either and I sometimes feel guilty for not working more than the teachers who have young children. But I have a marriage and a family that is extremely important to me--and that takes priority. I stay after for about an hour if kids sign up for extra help (Mon-Thurs). If not, I leave right after the bell rings. I do work on my couch at home, which works better for me, but rarely for more than an hour a day. I look for lesson ideas online so I don't need to make my own.
Why would you feel guilty? I'm single and have no children, but my personal time is still important to me. I don't feel guilty at all about spending my time on myself.
I don't know about you, but I refuse to let myself feel guilty about not staying longer than teachers with children. The main reason is because I feel that many of those teachers purposefully TRY to guilt me for not having children. I can't count the number of times that I'll have done something significant for the staff, trained them in technology usage, attended extra PD for the entire department, and of course I do my own PD and other things for my life, and I often hear: "Oh well you can afford to do those things because you don't have kids." They constantly use their kids as an excuse for not helping out or engaging in professional development. Or the leadership teacher last year trying to foist leadership on me because "You're single and have no kids so you should have tons of time." This is just my personal opinion, but I think it is a very poor decision for new teachers to decide they want to start a family as soon as they get their new teaching job, but I know so many who do it, and then complain about the lack of time and often cave under the stress. Children aren't something that I want in my life right now, and I have other things I prioritize higher. Just because someone is raising children doesn't make their cause more righteous than mine or their time more valuable. They made their choice and are sacrificing other things for it (sometimes its professional growth or effective teaching from my experience -- but I've seen teachers balance raising kids and become great teachers effectively as well). I don't think you need to feel guilty at all about having your own time.
I'm trying to plan it so that I don't have to do ANY work on the weekends, unless I want to (finding activities, etc.) My weekends feel so short when I do work on Sundays. Maybe if I get in an hour before the kids and stay 1.5 - 2 hours after, I can accomplish this. I am like you - I really don't like bringing work home. I need some time during the week to turn my brain off and be ME, not teacher me. I get it - I don't know why I feel guilty - I know it's TOTALLY irrational, but it happens. A lot of it is because of what other teachers (often without mean intentions) say to me. My school isn't as bad as yours because it's not SO obvious...but there is kind of an unspoken "vibe" that if you have kids you are not expected to do as much or to stay there as long. I've also gotten lots of comments "Oh, you bought that for your classroom? You won't be able to do that when you have kids!" or "You think you're tired now, wait until you have kids!" Those kind of attitudes really frustrate me. I've been married 3.5 years so we are wanting to have kids in the next few years, but I don't see how I spend my money or time, or how tired I am, is anyone else's business. I let things like that bother me more than they should. It's kind of a frustrating thing for me - I feel guilty if I'm spending too much time on work, and I feel guilty if I'm not spending enough time on work. Especially since I'm a new teacher - I feel like I should have to spend way more time than everyone else, even though my grade level is very kind and shares a LOT, so I'm not creating everything from scratch.
I don't take papers home to grade. I quit doing that three years ago. Guess, what? Things still get graded. I am more choosy about what I grade. Also, I use every bit of my planning time at school to do work related tasks. I actually took my email off my smart phone so I would quit answering emails. It forces me to be more efficient and make faster decisions at work.
Thank you for this. I feel the exact same way. I don't plan on having my own children, but I am a professional artist as well as a teacher, so I AM busy after work. But many of my colleagues seem to think that because I am child-free (but married) that I should have tons of time. I just have a different "baby" so to speak. Generally I can totally relate to the creator of this thread. I constantly feel guilty about not doing something for work all the time, and I am in my 9th year of teaching! I think it's because I care about what I do very much. It isn't necessarily a bad thing to feel that sort of guilt if it pushes you. But once it starts to eat into your emotional well-being or take away from other things that are really important to you, you need to set some boundaries. I found that the first three years of teaching were really time consuming, and after that I would have some years that were busier than others. As a new teacher, you should just do the work you feel you need to do, but once you are done with that you should try to relax with some exercise or play with your cats . Sometimes you need to physically and mentally remove yourself from work-mode to prevent the guilt from creeping in. It does get better, but sometimes you need a little more than the first year to get into a groove.
Let's talk about the kids/ no kids thing. As many of you know, I have 3. My youngest is entering middle school next year, so I'm at the point where I have more freedom than I have in the past 15 or so years. But, except on rare occasions, they're not an excuse for doing less than my full job. In my first few years back at work after being a SAHM, I didn't do an extra curricular activity-- with my principal's blessing. (Then again, I also didn't get a stipend for doing anything extra.) But my full time job--teaching-- was expected to be done as well as someone without kids. For the kids in my class "Mrs. A. has kids" isn't an excuse for getting less than a full education. No one will look back in the future and say "It's OK that you're unprepared for a college math course; we understood that your freshman/sophomore teacher had kids." During those early years-- and still, to a large extent-- I used summers to get prep done. The time IS there, it just has to be used wisely. Where it did make a difference was in terms of a) sick days-- I tend not to call in for myself it it's avoidable. But if I have a sick child, all bets are off. Administration knows that, and it's not an issue. I have 2 decades of good will in the bank at my school, and they know there were many years when I didn't take a single sick day. But there were years in recent memory when a stomach bug went through my house, and both my husband and I had to alternate taking days off. b) extra curricular. As I said, for the first few years back, I didn't takek on any extra curricular activities, and this is in a school where EVERYONE does extra curricular. But, again, I had 2 decades of good will in the bank. I coached Speech and Debate every day after school, and every Saturday from October to March, for 18 years. Now that my kids are a bit older, I'm in charge of Nationa Honor Society. It's a huge, high profile committment. I'm there several Saturdays and a few weeknights per month. And that's fine; I know there are other young parenta on the staff taking their turn at going lightly with activities. The'll pick up the slack when their kids get a bit older. As to the balance, I firmly believe that good planning is a big part of it. Yes, at this point, my planning time is minimal. But it wasn't always that way. Take the time to get work done over vacations-- a few hours here, a few there. It will free up a lot of time during the crunch periods. And I rarely take a full period off at school, particularly if there's grading to do. I get it done during my prep periods, before homeroom, immediately after school before the kids show up for extra help.
You'd get the "no kids" comment if you did more work as well. People would just say "oh, she has no kids so she can do more than me." Understand that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Once you accept the rather sad fact that you can't win in this battle it will hopefully take some of the stress off of you. I've seen amazingly dedicated teachers with families and they never say a word. As far as just feeling free of the burden goes I echo the plan ahead idea. I've found that as long as I have a plan I have no problem taking days (or weeks) when I go home and do absolutely nothing. I know that I'm "ready enough" for the upcoming days (even if that sounds bad) because I've got it planned already. I keep my plans on google calendar and update it constantly. My planning is probably a bit easier since I only have 2 subjects a day but still, the further out you can plan the more relaxed you'll feel - even if you honestly still have just as much work to do! One last comment on balance - I'm not convinced there is such a thing. There are going to be days when your family needs all of you and days (hopefully far fewer) when your students do. I think what you really need to find is peace with your own actions.
I definitely have two parts to my day. My wife is a teacher also, so we could literally do school stuff from when we wake up till when we go to sleep. I leave straight after school and coach basketball in another district also. I usually plan on Sundays. I could probably take some more time to develop better lessons.... but at the expense of not spending any time with my wife and baby girl. I do the best I can with the time I have.
To the OP, I've been wondering the same. I'm in my 4th year of teaching and I'm ready to get out. I love teaching in itself, but the rest is all just too much. Job hunting right now. Maybe a career switch? I don't know.....
Thanks for the input everyone! :thumb: Very good point! Thank you. I really do get how you're feeling. Part of the reason I'm reevaluating is that I know I am going to have to dial it back to avoid burnout. Lately, I've been able to understand why so many people leave in the first 5 years (where I used to feel that could NEVER be me!), and I am trying to make sure I take care of my family and myself FIRST so that I can maintain some kind of balance. I love my job and I love my students, but when it comes down to it, they are only in my life for my year. My husband, my family, my friends...those are people who will still be there LONG after this class has come and gone. I want to be sure I'm putting the bulk of my energy into those relationships. I'm tired of them getting whatever is left over.
