How do you feel about...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Jul 6, 2014.

  1. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 6, 2014

    ..."paying ahead" for other people and being reimbursed later?

    I found a great 4th of July deal that was selling out fast, so I sent out a message to all our friends that read: "The tickets are $20 each and selling out fast, so if you want to go, I'll buy your ticket now before they're all gone and on Friday when you pay me back please bring cash."

    So I'm confused why only 1 of the 4 friends has reimbursed us. As soon as we got in the car, that 1 friend is like, "Thanks for the ticket Em. Here's your $20. Is it okay it's in 5s?" To which we did a back and forth joke about how i'd have rather been paid in a bag of pennies.

    The other friend riding with us remained silent. Our additional two friends were in another car and though I saw one of them go to the atm, there was no mention of our money.

    At the end of the night everyone kept raving on and on about how much fun they had and thanking me for coordinating the event. One non paying friend even said "i can't believe we got to do all that for only $20! You find the best deals Em"

    Guess I learned my lesson. I'm not going to end friendships over this, but I have sent the non-payers a link to Paypal so they can wire me my money. In the future, I'm not paying ahead for anyone unless it's the 1 friend who paid right back.
     
  2.  
  3. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2006
    Messages:
    2,468
    Likes Received:
    12

    Jul 6, 2014

    I think it's wrong that your other friend stayed silent when the one friend paid you back, especially right in front of them. I have a family member who thinks nothing of doing things like this and it is upsetting. I feel that you need to pick your battles here and I 100% understand not saying anything because your friendship is more important, yet, I wonder how much of a true friendship this is if the person can observe this paying back going on and not mention that they owe you too. For me, that would be a quality I wouldn't want in a friend. You can't choose a family member but you can choose a friend.
     
  4. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 6, 2014

    That's why I have heard over and over throughout life "never loan friends and family money." I can't speak on the other two friends because those are more my husband's friends than mine, but the non-paying friend in the car was my maid of honor and has truly been a great friend to me over the last 15 years.

    I think what has happened is she stretches her money too thin trying to do EVERY event with EVERY body, living above her means and poor money choices, and then she makes up for it by cutting corners(like mot giving me my $20). She used to not be like that. With me, I pick and choose my events.

    So to make life simpler, i'm going to take me pre-paying out of the equation and if she doesn't come up with the money, then she can't go. I normally wouldn't mind covering a friend here and there, but I have bills too (and an old car and pay rent, whereas she just moved back home and has a brand new SUV)
     
  5. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    5,030
    Likes Received:
    1,498

    Jul 6, 2014

    Well, guess who's not going to be invited in the future! That is terrible that they didn't pay you back AND didn't even say something like they were short this week and will get it to you next week. Even if it's my sister paying for something ahead I always pay her back as soon as possible. A friend of mine bought discount amusement park tickets so we all went and as soon as I got in the car I gave her the money PLUS $ for gas which she actually didn't even ask for but I figured if she was driving 100 miles each way I owed her a few bucks. I don't know how good of a friend this is of yours but I would have asked for the money before they got into the car.
     
  6. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 6, 2014

    Your friend didn't ask for gas money but you provided some anyway and I'm sure she appreciated it. That's the kind of friend I try to be(giving a little extra and not focusing on tit for tat) but with some people it feels like when it's them giving they expect repayment and when it's me giving they're ''cool'' just taking.

    I've known her for 15 years so I would've felt weird asking for money before she got in the car, so to prevent that I just won't pay ahead anymore. She messaged me back a few minutes ago and said she would put the money in my account after church but if she forgets then to remind her. *sigh*
     
  7. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Messages:
    3,274
    Likes Received:
    38

    Jul 6, 2014

    Did they respond saying "yes, I want to go"?
     
  8. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2013
    Messages:
    4,303
    Likes Received:
    881

    Jul 6, 2014

    I don't ever pay for somebody unless I'm fully prepared to never get paid back. If they pay me back, great. If not... I was expecting that in the first place, so no hard feelings.
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,873
    Likes Received:
    158

    Jul 6, 2014

    Woah, you're doing this nice favor for them & these grown adults can't even pay 20 lousy bucks back to you on the day you see them?! Outrageous. I would have handed a $20 bill to you the moment I saw you that day. I'm sure they easily spent $20 on simple items such as Starbucks coffee & other trinkets that week (& gas is a lot more to even fill 1/2 the tank). With the few friends I've had throughout the years, I've personally never had to do this.

    If I was the organizer of an event, I might do this once, but never again for those who I have to track down just to get $20 back from.
     
  10. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,713
    Likes Received:
    1,680

    Jul 6, 2014

    Let us know if she actually does pay you back!
     
  11. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 6, 2014

    Yup, each person replied and said to buy them a ticket. The other two friends (my husbands coworkers) were actually with my husband when i called to tell about the deal. he asked if he could invite them and i said sure, but it was $15each and to pay me cash on friday. i overheard him repeat that to them and they were like ''okay, we're in!''

    :yeahthat: other people's finances aren't my business, but of the 4 friends, 3 of them are high levels in the gov't who make at least double my salary and 1 is a low-paid contractor who edits film productions for a local community college and his salary is probably half of mine.

    Yet, the only 1 who paid was the low-paid contractor. Speaks volumes about integrity.
    will do. it's the principle of the thing moreso than me needing the actual $60 so badly (thought admittedly $60 is nothing to scoff at. $60 is gas for 2 weeks w/leftovers for toiletries)
     
  12. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,596
    Likes Received:
    2,702

    Jul 6, 2014

    Did you ever actually ask for the money that night?

    Is it possible that they just forgot, either to bring an extra $20 with them in the first place or to hand it over before the end of the night?
     
  13. bison

    bison Habitué

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 6, 2014

    I've always been fine with doing this (especially because of the small percentage of cash back on my credit card), but money is tight right now and lately people have been terrible about paying me despite reminders. I'm not doing it anymore until I'm in a more comfortable financial position to be able to afford paying for friends.
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,873
    Likes Received:
    158

    Jul 6, 2014

    So true! Halfway into your get-together with them, you should have jokingly said, "OK, everyone pay up!" If they don't remember why you said that, that's pretty bad!
     
  15. ready2learn

    ready2learn Comrade

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2013
    Messages:
    344
    Likes Received:
    70

    Jul 6, 2014

    Sorry your friends didn't pay it right back.

    I have a friend who will buy tickets to events a lot of times for me but I pay the next time I see him. Although rare, there are times when he will buy a few things in between times when I have seen him. Those times when my bill gets to high he will tell me he needs the money then so I will run a check on over to him. It always works well for us. I say that however almost always being the one who pays later.
     
  16. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 6, 2014

    I never actually said "Pay up!" that day because I thought it was understood since we'd all made an agreement when we bought the tickets, plus there was an exchange in the car between myself and our other friend in which he gave me the ticket money and we had a back and forth exchange about it.

    Another lesson learned. I don't plan to ever get into this position again, but if I do, I'll be direct about the money even if it does make other people feel awkward.

    Argh, I wish I could think that fast because that would've been a really good way to handle it without it being awkward. It's still really obnoxious to me to even have to go through that. No one had to go through any weirdness like that when I bought and gave them their tickets, so why should I have to go through weirdness to get the money back. Lesson learned. :(
     
  17. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2011
    Messages:
    6,042
    Likes Received:
    908

    Jul 6, 2014

    I would only do this if it were people I really trusted to pay me back. I probably wouldn't do it at all if it was a lot of money up front. I've fronted money for my school teammates a lot (I never carry cash, so I always agree to pay on my credit card). We order lunch out sometimes and we also had a ton of baby/wedding showers this year that we had to get a team gift for. They don't always pay me back right that second, which is totally fine with me, but they always get the money to me eventually.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. ally06
Total: 341 (members: 1, guests: 311, robots: 29)
test