So a good friend of mine/former co-worker (or ex-friend now I guess) recently lost her job and it caught her by surprise. She missed half of scheduled working days last year, and about half of her days this year due to a number of illnesses she has. Whenever she was absent, I made sure her lesson plans were copied and taken care of as well as checking in on the classes periodically to make sure the kids weren't swinging from the rafters. Sometimes she would call off ahead of time, and then there were times in which she called off at the last minute. I knew that administration wasn't always happy with the fact that she called off at the last minute, but I constantly rallied in her favor because when she was present, she was an excellent teacher. Unfortunately she continued to call off at the last minute and sometimes she would be gone for more than a week at a time. As a result, the administrators had decided they had had enough and decide to let her go. Obviously when she found out the news she was extremely upset and I wanted to make sure that I was there for her. I tried to go and talk to her after they had given her the bad news and she said she didn't want to talk that day, which I understood. I just sent her a couple texts over the next couple of days to encourage and support her. She never responded to my messages and then a couple days later she sent me the following text, "I'm not ready to talk about things right now. You've always seemed to be a good friend and perhaps our paths will cross again one day." I was shocked and confused by the message. I did respond and wished her the best of luck. I couldn't understand why she was pushing me away, but then I found out that she was talking about me to another co-worker and she believed I was responsible for her losing her job (which I wasn't). When I found out she was bad-mouthing me to different people I decided to text her and let her know that I was only trying to be her friend and I would never do anything to put her in harm's way. She then apologized and said she wasn't mad at me, just upset that she didn't get to "say goodbye" to the kids. I thought we were okay again after having talked it out, but all of a sudden after about a week and a half she stopped contacting me again, and wouldn't respond to any of my texts. She has even blocked me on Facebook. I was trying to figure out what she thinks I've possibly done to her this time. I'm very hurt by how she has treated me, especially since I've gone to bat for her countless times to defend her and her unorganized way of handling absences and I never rubbed that in her face. I don't want to be friends with her again at this point, but I still feel hurt when I think about how unreasonable she's been and how she refuses to believe that I've been a true friend to her. After she apologized for being upset with me the first time, she kept reaching out to me trying to see if I wanted to talk, and then after a few days of small talk it suddenly ended.
I’m so sorry about the situation. I think there’s really nothing much you can do at the moment. Perhaps it’s easier for her to believe what she believes to help her get through this, perhaps someone has said something to her, who knows. Perhaps you can write her a letter or send her an email to clarify and leave the ball in her court.
Don't try to contact her any more by any means. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to talk to you or be your friend. It kind of sounds like maybe you two weren't as close as you thought, particularly with the text she sent you. The wording on that definitely sounds like a goodbye message. In any case, I imagine that it has very little to do with you. It seems likely that you're just a victim of circumstance in that she probably equates you with this bad thing that happened to her. She probably gets sad, angry, upset whenever she thinks about it (I would) and you trigger those things for her since you were part of the event. This isn't your fault, and you sound like a very caring coworker, so I'm sure that this hurts. Try to give her the space she's telling you through her actions that she needs.
I had something similar happen when a favorite professor was fired. She said she loved me and my classmates, but it was far too painful to stay in touch at that time. I didn't understand then, but I do now. She did recover from the grief of her termination, but it took space.
Wow, you sound like an amazing friend. This person really should be very grateful to you as it sounds like you probably kept her from getting fired earlier! I'm sorry but I would not contact this person again. Perhaps this person's health is interfering with her ability to process how much you helped. I had a teacher like this one each in elementary school. It was a mess! Academically, I felt like it left me a lot behind in math. The students are really the ones who suffer. If someone is this sick, take a leave and let the students have a long-term sub.
The ex-colleague has been very explicit about not wanting contact. Honor her wishes. I was RIF'd once, with messy politics about who and how a new teacher was hired. It hurt something awful. I couldn't fix it, but the pain was overwhelming. I didn't want to see former colleagues, avoiding places where I knew that they were apt to be for the longest time. When you confronted her over the bad mouthing, this became a squabble. She was probably lashing out at those who she knew best, and you were a casualty. Confronting her made you feel better, but in truth, since others mentioned it to you, they obviously didn't believe it, so you could have been silent and let her have her scapegoat. Five years later, I sometimes run into former colleagues, but I struggle to find words. Although it is sometimes fun to hear about the fiasco that occurred when the "replacement" teacher was still unable to get certified in the content area they needed four years after being hired, the truth is that I have moved on, and no longer angry. No more letters, texts, or any real response should someone say "She said this.....". You have a job, she doesn't. Bond with whoever they hire to take this person's place. You'll be happier in the end.
I've finally made peace with the situation, but I just wanted to add a couple of things to clear stuff up so it doesn't look like I kept reaching out to her when she didn't want to be bothered. After I confronted her and she apologized, she then went on to text and email me asking if I wanted to hang out with her soon and chat and catch up what was happening with her, etc. I admit I was surprised that she wanted to act like things were perfectly normal so quickly, but I thought okay, I could just forgive her and let the other stuff go. She kept texting and emailing over the next few days and I would just partake in the small talk and didn't really try to push anything on her since she was the one who was still initiating contact. I actually hadn't planned on contacting her anymore after I initially confronted her, but she kept contacting me as if nothing had ever happened telling me over and over that "we're good." It was then all of a sudden a week after we had been chatting again that she abruptly ended contact, and that's what had me confused for a few days. I'm fine now and I appreciate all of the advice I have received on this forum. I still wish her well and I don't hold anymore resentment towards her at this point.
I'm sorry she seemed to turn on you. Some people are really something! You were a great friend and never wavered...unlike her. She's wishy-washy and obviously couldn't appreciate a good friendship, so yes, I'd definitely be done with her too. What else can you do other than still saying HI to her & looking desperate? Absolutely nothing. So oh well, her loss.
