Hitting child and bullying

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by annetxa, Nov 13, 2010.

  1. annetxa

    annetxa Rookie

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    Nov 13, 2010

    I have a child who hits constantly. This week I am having a new problem and don't know what to do. One of the other children (3 yr. olds) took and told their parent that he is constantly getting hit and bullied by this child. The parents of the hitting child have been talked to, but now this other child's parent will be talking to me on Monday about the situation. I can't tell her this has been going on for a bit, even though that is the truth, but I really don't know what to say. What would you do? I already talked to my director and she said: "listen to what she has to say". If I was a parent I would want some sort of resolution...
     
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  3. mrgrinch09

    mrgrinch09 Comrade

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    Nov 14, 2010

    I usually don't say much about the child that is hitting. I focus my conversation on the child that is getting hit. I tell the parent how I am teaching their child how to deal with a situation like getting hit of bullied, and how they can make it stop. I'm teaching their child to use their words, "I don't like it when you hit me", "You can't play with me if you aren't being nice to me." This type of language. I always tell my parents that it's the children that have a "voice" that don't get bullied.

    The parents will probably want you to put the hitting child out, or make sure that that child doesn't have any contact with their child. But, in the long run, it doesn't teach their child how to deal with this type of situation which is going to happen more as their child gets older. There's always going to be at least one kid in the school or class that hits or bullies. More that likely, there's going to be several to deal with as the child gets older. The sooner their child learns to handle themselves in that situation, the easier it will be for them as they get older.
     
  4. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Nov 14, 2010

    The parents of the children who have been hit deserve to know what happens when it happens...they should not find out for the first time about it because their 3-year old went home and told about being hit. The fact that this has 'been going on for a bit' and is only coming 'out' now is unacceptable for parents, and should be for you and your director as well. Keeping your students safe should be a priority- you need to be able to address the parents of the hit child regarding the kind of management plan you have in place and what you are doing to keep their child safe. As far as the hitting child- you do need a more effective plan in place- what have you been doing other than 'talking to the parents' of that child? What kinds of consequences is the hitting child facing as a result of his behavior? Bottom line, your school should document the behaviors, the interventions and consequences, the results of those interventions and then if things don't get better, consider telling the parents that their child just isn't ready for your preK environment.

    Teaching kids to use their words is a great idea. BUT it should not all be on the 'bullied' kids to remedy the situation. As a parent, if your advice was that "it's the children that have a "voice" that don't get bullied", I'd still want to know what YOU were doing to make sure that the bully was also being taught about how to 'handle themselves'. Bullies needs to get the STRONG message that their behavior is not ok. Ever.
     
  5. mrgrinch09

    mrgrinch09 Comrade

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    Nov 14, 2010

    I don't discuss specifics of how a child is being disciplined at school with anyone other than that child's parent. I don't give specifics to Suzy's mom about how I'm handling Little Bobby. I will only say, "We are working with the child to correct the behavior."

    Parents are informed of our discipline policy, in the parent handbook, in general terms, when they enroll their child. They are made to understand what types of discipline we incorporate to solve problems. They are assured that we do whatever we can to make sure their child is safe and happy at our school.

    We don't put all of the responsibility on the child being hit. We give that child techniques to deal with this type of behavior. We are giving them life skills that they can use for their entire life.

    As for the child doing the hitting, we work with that child also. We document, provide interventions, etc.... We just keep what we are doing with that child confidential from the other parents.

    Confidentiality = Professionalism
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Nov 14, 2010

    Oh, trust me....I'm all about professionalism- hence my caveat regarding letting parents know what is happening when it happens, not when a 3-year old goes home and tells about the bullying. Not keeping parents informed and then having to do 'clean up' afterwards is not professional.
     
  7. WaProvider

    WaProvider Fanatic

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    Nov 14, 2010

    Cza....this is a hard part for my program too. How do you, you personally, tell Suzy's parent there is an issue without implicating Bobby? Maybe your method is one that will make my day easier as well.
     
  8. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Nov 14, 2010

    Call Suzy's parents and tell them that there was an issue in which Suzy got hit/bullied/whatever without saying the other child's name. Tell how you reassured Suzy, that she didn't do anything wrong and how you have a behavior management plan in place and that the administration/guidance counselor/parents of the other child have all been notified and that you are all working together to rectify the situation...that you feel terrible that Suzy was made to feel bad at school/that school should be a safe place and that you are working to make it a better situation for all the students....Suzy is going to go home and name names - you don't have to.
     
  9. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Nov 14, 2010

    Bullies sometimes do not have the words to express their needs, so I work on words with them.
     

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