High school was tough...

Discussion in 'Debate & Marathon Threads Archive' started by YoungTeacherGuy, Jun 23, 2014.

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  1. ecteach

    ecteach Groupie

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    Jun 25, 2014

    BROS...you obviously don't have to tell me this if you don't want to, but what is your primary disability?
     
  2. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Jun 25, 2014

    I was just saying that a social skills group was recommended to me. It was recommended by my neuropsychologist in his evaluation in 2010.

    I just looked at ones in my area. Most are for outdoorsy activties such as kayaking (there are a lot of kayaking groups in my area for some reason), for people in their 30s and 40s, for parents, for parents of young children with special needs, women's-only groups, and groups for crafting/knitting.

    I just checked the local library calendar of events - most of the things are occurring in other libraries throughout the county. The ones are my library are Learn how to use a computer and Learn how to use an e-reader.

    Both of which I know how to do.

    I'm multiply disabled and there isn't an exact consensus on every single disability, but here's the shortlist of what everyone agrees on:
    Dysgraphia
    ADHD-I
    Fine and gross motor dysfunction (The cause of which has been debated by multiple doctors of different specialties)
    Underdeveloped Muscles/Hypotonia (To the point where I can only lift around 5 lbs or I can walk maybe half a mile before needing to rest)
    Poor vision (20/50 vision in right eye and 20/150 in left eye with corrective lenses, 20/70 and 20/200 without) - also a minor decrease in field of vision in the right eye, with a more major one in the left eye.
    Epilepsy - under control by medication, isn't considered intractable at this point in time

    Then I have diagnoses of social phobia, social anxiety disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder.

    The neuropsychologist and the Social Security Administration state that I have cognitive dysfunction secondary to epilepsy and LDs (I also have a mathematics based LD-NOS).
     
  3. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Jun 25, 2014

    Thanks for checking, bros. Keep looking around. Don't make this attempt a once try plan. Do any of the libraries have book groups? Ours does. Are there disability advocates in your area? If so, contact them. They might know of some groups that are joinable. Be proactive.
     
  4. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Jun 25, 2014

    High school sucked because I changed schools at least 5 or 6 times so I didn't grow up with most of my classmates and there were few families in my neighborhood (we lived in a newly built housing complex at the time) and the few kids who lived there were either several years younger or went to private schools.

    Most if my classmates had been together since K, so I felt like an outsider even though I was blessed to find a group of friends at both private and public HS.

    I would never want to go back. There was a lot of physical fighting at my school, I was sexually harassed a couple times, and it used to skeeve/scare me because students would sneak into the bathrooms between classes and have sex.

    Sometimes males and females, sometimes same sex couples. So I'd be in the stall and suddenly two people would come in, go in the handicapped stall and go at it. Girls also used to hang around in packs, so I'd walk into the bathroom a d there'd like 15 girls squeezed in there and they all stop talking when I'd come in. :eek: glad it's over

    Oh, one other thing I never got was those kids who would get smart with the teacher, talk back, roll their eyes, whatever, then when the teacher would reprimand them or put them out of the classroom they would be like "I'm gonna call my mother!" Um...you were big and bad enough to talk back to the teacher, but a big enough baby to need to call Mommy to fix a problem YOU created?
     
  5. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Jun 25, 2014

    YouTeacherGuy, I was just like you. I had a small group of close friends, but I wasn't very social or outgoing. Someone couldn't pay me to go back to high school. I actually have nightmares about it!
     
  6. Myrisophilist

    Myrisophilist Habitué

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    Jun 25, 2014

    Those of you who were not the "cool" kids may find this study interesting: What Ever Happened to the “Cool” Kids? Long-Term Sequelae of Early Adolescent Pseudomature Behavior. The upshot is that kids who were popular/cool in adolescence later had "long-term difficulties in close relationships, as well as significant problems with alcohol and substance use, and elevated levels of criminal behavior." The NYT has an article about it: Cool at 13, Adrift at 23. It's kind of obvious to me if I just look around at people I went to middle and high school with. The cool kids are now tied down with kids, or drug and/or alcohol problems.
     
  7. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Jun 25, 2014

    Did everyone have the movie-version cliques in high school? I didn't really see that in my schools. Sure, the nerdy kids tended to hang out together and the athletic kids did too, but there was so much crossover that everyone mixed with pretty much everyone.

    Using Myrisophilist's post as a jumping board, what became of some of the "cool" kids you knew in high school? There were no shockers for me. The football captain is a Political Science associate professor at a well-known university. His ex-girlfriend is an elementary school teacher. Her best friend, the head cheerleader, is in hospital administration. All three were in the honor society. Another cheerleader became a chef, another football player was killed drunk driving (his fault - he was a drunk in high school and kept it up apparently). There was such a range of personalities that it was so easy to move from one group of friends to another. I never saw definite cliques and exclusions when I was in high school.
     
  8. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Jun 25, 2014

    I see this a lot!

    A few months ago, I had to meet with a parent due to his children's chronic tardies/absences. He said, "Congrats to you--you're one of the few people (from high school) who actually did something with their life."
     
  9. allaragallagher

    allaragallagher Comrade

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    Jun 25, 2014

    Everyone I know from high school works in retail... one friend of mine works her ass off at three retail jobs to take care of her kids. All of my friends (graduated in 2005) have kids but very few are married. Most have long term live in boyfriends. I'm the only one of my friends to go to college, yet I'm the only one broke and living with her parents. LOL!
     
  10. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    I don't think we had the movie-version of cliques, but perhaps I was just oblivious. I guess there were some kids that were "cool", but honestly I don't think a whole lot of other people really cared. It wasn't like a big competition to get into the "cool" group or anything, and I never felt like there were people or groups that I couldn't hang out with. I was involved in tons of activities though, so I got to know a lot of people. By senior year I would have honestly felt comfortable sitting at any table in the cafeteria. Our football and basketball teams weren't any good, so there wasn't your stereotypical popularity there, and the "cool" girls weren't necessarily cheerleaders. I have no idea what happened to most of those people. Two of the more popular boys went to college with me, and we kept in touch because it was a really small school (so we saw each other a lot), and when you know no one going into college I guess it's comforting to be around someone you kind of know. We hung out freshman year, but both of them ended up leaving at the end of that year because they couldn't handle the academics. One had really tried- he even asked to study with me a lot, and I think he just didn't have the skills. Of course he had gotten in on an athletic scholarship :rolleyes:. The other was smart but lazy. I know the one who tried ended up a less difficult school, but I'm not sure if he eventually graduated. I know some of the popular girls ended up getting married/having kids really young, like 19 or 20.
     
  11. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Jun 25, 2014

    The book groups are all at libraries that aren't the one near mine. I don't think there are any disability advocates in my area.

    At least from my perspective, there weren't really many cliques - sure, the cheerleaders would hang out with each other, but they would also hang out with other students. The smart kids would usually hang out with the athletes and the nerds. Everyone would be nice to the disabled students.
     
  12. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jun 25, 2014

    We can come up with lots of suggestions, bros, but the question is whether you want to get out there and do something.
     
  13. bros

    bros Phenom

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    I don't know. I'm not really comfortable out in public. Like I know this summer I will be going to my town's 4th of July fireworks, then i'll be going to the NJ Ice Cream Festival in Toms River in July, then in August, both of my parents have a week off of work and we usually do some things then - like go to Atlantic City and do little day trips.
     
  14. Pi-R-Squared

    Pi-R-Squared Connoisseur

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    Jun 25, 2014

    MS and HS experiences

    I surely was not cool in middle school and high school.... However, I had many acquaintances during the school day and friends after school that played sports (football, baseball, street hockey, tennis, basketball, etc.....) after school. I was also involved in the drama club, chess club, math team, and there I was able to develop my social interactions. I was really good in math so I wouldn't hesitate helping others who needed it. I remember a girl that I helped all the time during homeroom my junior year. At graduation, she signed my yearbook thanking me for all my help with pre-calculus.... I wasn't close friends with the sporty boys and girls and was not in the inner-circle of party-invites since I lived a sheltered life during my teen years. My strengths in HS were in math and science so when I got to college (engineering school), my grades were good during my freshman and sophomore years but then I discovered that, "beer before liquor just makes you sicker while liquor before beer means you're in the clear" :lol: I parlayed my knowledge of the subjects into tutoring frat boys and they were glad to add me to the "list" to get into frat parties...... So overall, I concentrated on the books in MS and HS but should have studied more in college...... :D
     
  15. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Jun 25, 2014

    bros - I am confused because you have mentioned several times that everyone was nice to the disabled students, yet you had no friends? So they were nice, but just didn't want to be friends?

    If you get a job or sub, what will you do for transportation?
     
  16. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jun 25, 2014

    You'll never be comfortable in public if you don't go out. Nice to spend time with family...think of one small step you can take in the next few weeks to 'step out of your comfort zone' just a bit...sometimes it's good to do things that seem a bit scary. But I do think you'll find you will be proud of yourself, learn something new about yourself and maybe grow a bit in confidence/social skills.
     
  17. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Jun 26, 2014

    They were nice, they were kind. I just... don't know how to get friends. I think that is the easiest way to phrase it.

    I would take a taxi for a job or subbing - For subbing, I can keep SSI because I would be taking a taxi, as I would be able to deduct whatever I spend on cab fare from my earnings.

    I probably need to work on talking more than anything else. I usually talk more with my therapist in my weekly sessions than I do with anyone else over the course of a few days. I talk more online through text than anything else.

    Like I am able to communicate effectively and succinctly with a doctor or medical professional, but it is difficult for me to even maintain a conversation with a member of my extended family as I... lose the beat of the conversation and don't know how to proceed.
     
  18. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jun 26, 2014

    And bros, those are EXACTLY the reasons why you need to get out there. Getting and keeping any job, especially very social and highly communication driven education positions, will rely heavily on being able to navigate yourself through interpersonal relations, carry on both inconsequential, light conversation as well as professional discourse, and the ability to connect with others. Summer is a great time to get started with those baby steps. I wish you well.
     
  19. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    Jun 26, 2014

    I always enjoyed the "school" part, and I did always have good friends. However, I have never been a social person. I really didn't fit into one group, but mixed with different groups. I still do. I have my longtime friends who are mostly teachers or in the medical field. I have my school friends who are all middle school teachers. I know lots of musicians because my EX was a lead guitarist in a country band. My current BF is a tattoo artist. People kind of look at us funny because I look "teachery" and he's covered in tattoos and piercings and has a mohawk.

    High school was okay, but my adult life has been so, so much better. I'm way more content in my 40's than I have ever been.

    I am an introvert, so I can be social. However, if I don't have my down time I get really overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
     
  20. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    Jun 26, 2014

    I spent most of high school on the verge of committing suicide due to bullying, etc. College was a much happier time for me, and the workplace is even better. Even though I'm a man, I never related well with other males. My college was 75% women, and my current school has 3 male classroom teachers out of 29 classrooms.
     
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