Hi All, Help me out here. I have a set of twins in my room. Child A: sweet, hard working, follows rules, struggles academically but progressing. Child B: doesn't follow ANY rules, bothers other students constantly, spits on the floor, plays in the bathroom constantly, bullies others with his words. Struggles academically too. We do PBIS and this kid had like 9 yellow cards in October. Mom signed EACH note I sent home explaining what happened etc. I also have the behavior calendar signed each day by mom. Yesterday he got a yellow for spitting on the floor. Today he comes in and says his dad is going to talk to the principal because I pick on him. I know this kid is horrible, but mostly the specials teachers change his cards for not following rules. Per school policy, I must change his card too. How can I be prepared for this conference? I have the notes etc that mom signed. I'm just sick of this kid and his dad. Honestly. Out of all my grade level, my kids change their cards the least. I don't have a classroom management issue. My principal offered to sit in on conferences if we request but I'm new at this school. I can't ask her. Help! What would you do? Btw this 1st grade.
My principal offered to sit in on conferences if we request but I'm new at this school. I can't ask her. Yes, you can. If you want support that is a great way. Much better to have you and your P meet with the father, then to have the father meet with the P without you. I know it is difficult, but just because the child is a challenge, it doesn't sound good that you are sick of him. Try getting to school a bit early. IF you are religious, spend 3 minutes sitting in his seat and pray for him, or if you are not religious, just hope that he has a good day and think about him. Sitting in his seat will help you to think good thoughts about him, and this should help some. I know it helps me a lot when a child gets on my nerves.
Well, what is your plan? The regular behavior plan is not working, what now? Do you have RtI for behavior at your school? What behavior resources do you have? My next step would be to figure out what he would work for and design a new behavior chart with the day broken into small enough chunks that he can be successful. What are the precise observable behaviors that are problematic. Which one is the biggest problem or easiest to stop first? Have a plan ready to tell the dad and have the P sit in.
Yeah, definitely take the P up on her offer to sit in the conference. Don't think you have to hide this at all.
Behavioral systems don't work for every child. You need to come up with a new plan and approach. Do invite your P.
What happens when the child spits on the floor? Who cleans it up? How do you react when the child misbehaves? Is mom communicating to dad about the notes you are sending home? Has dad read all of the notes? In your mind please dismiss your comparisons of the two children. All children are different no matter how closely they are related. Comparing them usually sets one of them up for failure. Why can't you ask the principal to be there? most parents become less combative when they see a third party at the conference.
That seems so unfair to both of you. To him, because he's getting punished twice for one action. And to you, because you're giving consequences for actions you didn't witness. I would ask that this policy be changed.
As Alice said, changing his card twice for one action doesn't seem right. I make it a point to write down if the child got a card changed during a special. It helps to be able to say it happened during the special. It also helps to pinpoint any patterns.
Are mom and dad together? Is it possible that they aren't communicating with one another? Absolutely have your principal sit in on this meeting. She has offered! It would be a very poor decision to not take her up on this.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; not asking for help is unwise when a parent is already upset. Make sure you have documentation of when the incidents are happening in your room or elsewhere.
I think that the most important thing for you to do is have your P sit in on the conference. Missy, hit it right when she said that it is unwise to meet with an upset parent alone. I think that you would feel more comfortable. Is your P aware of the situation at all?
