Well, hi everyone. I respect those of you who have stuck this profession out for years a lot and know you're probably tired of hearing whining from newbies but I just am not cut out for this yet financial situations that prevent me from going back to school and the lousy economy not providing many job openings means I'm stuck teaching. Right now I'm in about my 9th week of a long term sub position. I am done with it a week from tomorrow but obviously I have to continue working so I will have to find more teaching employment since it's all I'm qualified to do. I started out two years ago with a pre-internship in 7th grade English in a small town that was mostly a positive experience. I liked the kids and thought 7th grade there was positive and enthusiastic. Then I had a student teaching experience in 10th and 11th grade English at an urban school in a mid sized city (Kalamazoo, MI) the staff besides my mentor teacher (who picked up interns for the purpose of roaming the school and gossiping and had a rep for it) was very helpful and although classroom management was sometimes difficult and lesson planning was hard due to my mentor never filling me in on what curriculum I was supposed to be using and our incredibly old texts (Dating back to the mid 80s) bored and confused the kids. I still came out of that feeling optimistic and went into day to day subbing. It was absolute hell every day, it was in the same district I did my internship in and the kids went wild. I had to write constant referrals, send students to the office, and saw behavior that was just beyond the pale of what I'd ever expect (a girl, provoked by a minor insult, stabbed a boy with a pair of scissors - they were dull and it didn't cause any serious injury or cut that deep but it's pretty serious and I was blamed for it - as if I expected *THAT* reaction and what was I supposed to do if I saw it? Block the scissors?) That led to a complaint being filed about me by that school's vice principal (who actually was mad that I felt that the girl was the one deserving the punishment, and not the boy who made a minor insult about her appearance) and I was put on a hold that kept me from work for about a week near the end of the school year where I desperately needed money and I think cost me a summer school position that I needed and was likely to get. Then I moved home to an upper middle class suburban area where I had worked on and off as a sub para for years, they removed me as a guest teacher after one week because they said I broke their technology agreement because I logged onto a teacher's computer using the password they left out due to a lesson plan that they left that required me to do so! Not to mention that I was told five minutes after I came in that I was subbing for a completely different grade and subject than I accepted the posting for which to me is completely unprofessional of the school and I should've been allowed to reject the job at that point. I bounced back from that and got a long term substitute teaching position for Spanish in an upper middle class school district nearby. The kids are spoiled, lazy, apathetic and rude. They're mean to each other, disrespectful and defiant of me and their unseemly glee at their full time teacher coming back really has me down after how nice I've been to them and how much work I've done. The administrator I liked, who hired me is out due to emergency knee surgery and now I'm working under this vice principal who I didn't meet until two weeks after I was hired. There was an incident that happened in my opened room (they encourage us to leave it open during lunch so students can drop things off) where a student was pantsed and ever since then she has been sniffing around my room and asking me a million questions. She doesn't understand anything about foreign language teaching or the pressures of being a long term sub who has no backup from the regular teacher - or any sympathy the fact that I'm paid a fraction of what even the starting full time teachers in the district make for doing the same job they do. I just can't hack it, the kids are snotty and bratty (I know every generation dislikes the one that came before it but I think this facebook/text messaging generation is going to cause us serious problems when they become adults with their need to be constantly entertained and lack of patience) and the administration doesn't back you up. Sorry for the long, whiny post and it feels hypocritical for how much I hate the whining from the kids but it seems like I went on this journey where I was a promising future teacher that all of my professors encouraged, who really wanted to work with kids to a guy who burned out on teaching in a few months, hates the paperwork, hates grading, and is starting to hate the kids. At least 7th grade. My 8th grade classes are mostly good if chatty and silly but 7th grade I can't handle anymore. They're mean and snotty, I have one girl who's been rolling her eyes at me for the whole time I've been there since the project that she wanted in her school portfolio was left in the full time teacher's car - which the full time teacher told me after I spent what felt like hours searching for it - and after all this work she blames me and I'm the bad guy. I've just had it with these kids and how they perceive me as a stupid jerk. I know I'm a capable teacher and I know some of my weak suits (long term lesson planning, managing a class during direct instruction [and really, how direct instruction are even veteran middle school teachers able to get in before the kids become restless and unruly?]) but it seems I just don't have opportunities, options, or help. My migraine problem with nausea/vomiting/vertigo that I have had mostly in check since *I* was in middle school is now back so I can barely stand up straight sometimes. I'm coming to you teachers because other teachers in other subjects are the only ones who have been helpful to me in this long, arduous year. I just want to know how I can start liking this again, how I can get my optimism back. Is it the school, the job, the kids, me? Am I turning into the kids where my perception is instantly my reality? If I was willing to work for so little pay in a field with few job opportunities than at some time this must have been something I was passionate about. Why do I feel like I'd rather clean sewage tanks?