Handling grief

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TennisPlayer, Nov 11, 2010.

  1. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Nov 11, 2010

    How have you or how are you handling grief if you've also lost someone special to you recently? I lost my grandpa when I was in high school so that was about 16 yrs ago. Now that we've just lost my MIL a month ago, I've been feeling different- more tired than usual (went to sleep at 9 through the night when I normally would around 11), my appetite changes thoughout the day (I'm hungry but I'm so stressed that I have problems relaxing to eat without digestion problems later), and just sad. I keep reading on websites that grief mimics depression and I certainly feel sad and want to know how I can cope better?! I obivously don't like feeling sad so want to know how others have coped through tough times in their lives?

    I've seen a grief counselor 3 times now, about once a week and I just feel like I'm saying the same answers each time. She said to call her if I feel like I need to talk again but I don't know what would be different. :eek:

    Feel free to PM me if you prefer to share what you've experienced and what you've done to feel better.
    Thanks.
     
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  3. Marci07

    Marci07 Devotee

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    Nov 11, 2010

    When I lost my grandpa (who was like my dad because he raised me), I went into a state of schock. For a whole week I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel like crying nor sad. It was so bad that I felt so guilty after seeing everybody around me so sad.

    When I came back home and I was by myself, it hit me all at once and I was overcome with complete sadness and I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop feeling sad but I forced myself to continue my life even it if it was hard. I just kept on doing the things that needed to be done even if I didn't feel like it.

    Keeping myself busy with work and focusing on taking care of my daughter helped me to heal from my grief.
     
  4. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Nov 11, 2010

    My favorite aunt died in August 2008. But I had moved to a different city from her 20 yrs ago, so I didn't see her that much, maybe once a year since I had moved. I saw her more when I was a child/pre-teen. I cried once or twice and that's about it. From time to time, I think about her.

    I'm so glad she got to attend my graduation when I got my Masters. I wish I had told her that I was planning to get another grad degree in the field of speech-language pathology. But, I think she knew I was taking classes though.

    There was a time when I last saw her a few days before she passed. I was alone w/ her at her house. I wish I had talked to her, but I didn't. She was home dying from cancer & we family members pretty much knew it was towards the end. My aunt was sleeping a lot & probably barely knew I was there, but I feel a little guilty that I didn't say something to her. It was my last chance before she died. :(
     
  5. webmistress

    webmistress Devotee

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    Nov 11, 2010

    I don't handle it. I have no idea how to. That's the first time I had to go on meds, when a family friend died in 1998. He was 28 and was going to marry my sister. I barely started pulling through when I started zoloft, but it was ridiculous how much it affected me. I was wishing it was me and going completely out of my mind.

    If someone closer to me dies, I will not cope. I'm one of those that asks God to take me first because I cannot imagine living without certain members of my family here on earth with me.

    ETA: Besides the meds, I did a lot of writing and dedications and such to him..
     
  6. zoey'smom

    zoey'smom Cohort

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    Nov 11, 2010

    Everyone grieves and get through hard times differently. When we lost our four month daughter to SIDS, I found talking about it helped me, but my husband didn't want to talk about it. So I found some good friends to talk to. I also started a journal to write down my thoughts. I couldn't eat for months, then I found out I was pregnant again, which also got my mind off it. I also kept myself busy. We still celebrate her birthday and we do something at Christmas in her name. This year we are giving books to the kindergarten classes at the school where she would have been a kindergartener. These are some things that we did. I still have those days I think about her and I am sad, but now they're fewer.
     
  7. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Nov 11, 2010

    I lost my dad the last week in July. I'm still struggling with my emotions. Some days in the middle of class I just break down and cry. I am grateful I have such a wonderful and supportive staff. They are always there for me with hugs and kind words. With the upcoming holidays, I find myself very anxious and sad as if it happened yesterday. Today is Veteran's day and I remember my dad who was buried with military honors.
    I don't think I will ever feel whole again, but I do hope that when I remember him I don't break down and cry like I do now. My hope is that I will smile at the memories. I haven't gotten there yet. :(
     
  8. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    Nov 11, 2010

    I have lost most of my family. The hardest has been my mom. I went to a support group through hospice. The support group kinda helped - mostly older woman struggling with the death of their mother and I was the youngest by 30 years.
    In the beginning I cried in the car, replayed every day of sickness over and over.
    We try and talk about her and tell funny stories. I took one of my best friends on a vacation where my mom and I loved to go. It wasn't sad b/c the trip brought back wonderful memories.
    I spent my 1st Christmas without my mom away in Florida, I couldn't bear to be home. I also went to acupuncture for my stress and anxiety that I had and that helped me so much.
    It has been 2 years and it does get easier but still miss her.
     
  9. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Nov 11, 2010

    My step-grandmother died in August.

    I am not a very emotional person.

    When I heard the news, it was 6:34 PM. It was a Monday. August 9th.

    I was in a state of shock. I could feel every hair on my body standing up. I felt somewhat dissociated from myself temporarily as reality set in: that my step-grandmother (who was much... better than my grandmother) was dead

    I shed a single tear at her wake and none as we followed her body to the cemetery, where she was buried with her other family members.

    I ball my emotions inside me, letting them out slowly over time, like squeezing air out of a bag.
     
  10. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Nov 13, 2010

    I have lost many family members. The first was unexpected - my older sister died at 38.

    Oh the road through grief can be long and hard! The only advice I can give you is to learn all you can about the normal grief process. Know what to expect. If you feel you are losing your mind, that tells you you are normal!

    It can help if you have supportive friends who will listen, listen, listen. If you are a person of faith, try really hard to keep connected to God. I found reading the Psalms to be comforting and strengthening.

    Truthfully, it is a long hard road, but if you hang on day to day, you will make it to the other side, where you can remember the person with love and happiness. Cry all you want to, pamper yourself, write, talk, sleep, cry some more.

    Prayers for you. bonne
     

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