Guilty as charged...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Hoot Owl, Jan 21, 2010.

  1. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jan 21, 2010

    I've had so much drama with my girls this year. The teacher across the hall told me two of my girls were coming down the hall "locked up kissing". What? Sweet little pecks on the forehead? No, "locked up". Ok. I investigate. We discussed P.D.A. (Public Display of Affection), and I thought everything was ok. Later that day I picked up a note from one of the kissers, and she had written a note about them spending the night together, French kissing, and sleeping naked.

    After school I called parents, made a new seating chart that night, and went to school the next day like nothing had happened. I did move the letter writer to the far ends of the class room at the front of the room, but it wasn't intentionally done to ostracize her. She's short and everyone in the class was moved.

    Oh, I hooked up my document camera that day and was ecstatically excited about it. I was really preoccupied with getting it figured out while teaching at the same time.

    The next day I get a call from my P about 1:00 that afternoon and he says we have a parent conference after school.

    Parents are furious with me because I moved their daughter away from the other girls. She had told her parents that I hated her, didn't want her near me, and thought she was going to fail. The mother was in tears, the dad was livid. I made my explanations and apologies. When the conference was over the mother hugged me and cried some more.

    But... I was guilty for not being more sensitive to my student's feelings. In retrospect, I can see how the little girl was so distraught.

    Are any of us as sensitive as we should be?
     
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  3. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    To be honest, Hoot, I don't even know how to respond to this (PDA).
     
  4. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Jan 22, 2010

    sensitive or over sensitive? I'm not sure which applies here. If it was a boy and a girl doing/saying the same, would the parents come in like that? I just don't know.
     
  5. Ross

    Ross Comrade

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    Jan 22, 2010

    Am I missing something here?

    Students conducting themselves in school contrary to the rules.
    Student has a letter indicating questionable behavior.
    Parents notified about school and out of school activities.
    Student moved to a better position in the classroom.
    Parents upset at moving student's seat.
    You feeling guilty.

    Students must follow all rules established for the benefit of everyone. Locked up kissing, regardless of who it is, is not acceptable in the school. It is not acceptable in the workplace where all the students will find themselves one day.

    The behavior outside the school should raise concerns for the parents.

    We move students around all the time, in all grade levels. What is the problem? The move you made helped the student see better.

    You did nothing wrong during this entire episode. The parents are the ones that need to apologize to you.

    I understand students are at a point in their lives that they are challenging norms and exploring new possibilities. Both the parents and teachers help them understand limitations.
     
  6. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Jan 22, 2010

    I think you're saying that your insensitivity was moving the girl's seat away from the other girls? I can see how she would feel singled out if she was the only one to be moved away from a group. But, it sounds like you straightened it out with the parents very effectively.

    You didn't mention if anyone gave the parents the note about sexual activity during sleepovers ... that's the more urgent matter.

    I long-term subbed an 8th grade class last semester. During a class party, 2 girls started engaging in sexy behavior with each other. I just quietly told them that PDAs are inappropriate. I'm of the belief that it's not the gender, but the behavior that needs to be addressed. It is a bit challenging to catch quickly with 2 girls, because we are used to seeing them hug and snuggle.
     
  7. blazer

    blazer Connoisseur

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    Jan 22, 2010

    If you had a boy and girl in a relationship in your class would you move them apart?
     
  8. brigidy

    brigidy Comrade

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    Jan 22, 2010

    If I had students performing PDA, of either gender, they would certainly be moved away from each other. My job is to teach them and if they are sitting next to the one they want attention from then they are not concentrating on class work. If parents and student were mad at me for moving the class around, they would just have to get over it...no guilty feelings from me.
     
  9. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I'm guessing the child was afraid she would be punished for the PDA so she made up a good story to get the parents on her side for the meeting. Having the parents think she is a victim would certainly bring out the mama and papa lions in the family.
     
  10. SwOcean Gal

    SwOcean Gal Devotee

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    I agree- I think that was what it was too.
     
  11. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jan 22, 2010

    She's a true drama queen and really worked her parents. I was upset with my principal for letting the parents banter me about the move. I stopped the parents after I'd heard all I wanted to hear and told them the real problem was their daughter wanting to be sexually active. They were just wanting to put blame on someone other then themselves. Those are the type of parents that you just have to say to yourself, "I have her for a year, and you'll have her for a life time."

    Having some time pass and looking at the situation retrospectivly helps.

    I'm not feeling guilty at all about it any more. The parents even tried to nail me with not calling them at 2:00 when I picked up the note. That was about the only time my Principal stuck up for me, he told them it wasn't considered an emergency. I'm really upset with my principal, but this too shall pass.
     
  12. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Sorry if this has been asked and answered (I'm loopy from migraine meds at the moment) but how old are these kids?
     
  13. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    5th grade I think? Mabe 6th?
     
  14. HeatherY

    HeatherY Habitué

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    Jan 23, 2010

    Woah... back the truck up! These are 11 year olds? I had a picture in my head of high schoolers. Please tell me they are high schoolers! And what is "locked up" kissing? Making out? Is this phrase regional? I have never heard of this. I don't think any 11 year olds should be kissing in hallways! I think you should not feel guilty at all. This girl is playing her parents. They need to be thinking a little more about what their child is doing, not the teacher!
     
  15. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jan 23, 2010

    Second graders! "Locked up", means they weren't just pecking each other on the cheeks.
     
  16. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Seriously? Second grade?? ANd the parents had issues with you splittnig them up???!! If that was my second grader, I would not only thank you for splitting them up, I would be furious if you didn't. Clearly inappropriate behavior, and possibly indicative of something else not right? I don't know many second graders that willingly kiss classmates in a "making out" type of fashion. And two girls, too??
    Kim
     
  17. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Seriously!

    The parent who called the conference thinks her daughter walks on water and said it was just innocent experimenting. The kid has seen too much somewhere.

    The whole episode really caught me off guard. My principal was even at a loss as far as what we should do. He suggested counseling at one point but we decided it might draw more attention to the negative behavior.
     
  18. tgim

    tgim Habitué

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    2nd GRADERS?? 7- or 8-year olds!?? Talking about French kissing and sleeping naked together??? Truly - what have they seen? Counseling isn't a bad idea - at least to discuss age-appropriate behavior and to see if there is more going on at home than meets the eye...I hate to be suspicious, but doesn't this raise a red flag?
     
  19. webmistress

    webmistress Devotee

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    Jan 23, 2010

    2nd graders?
    I would so throw up after seeing something like that.
     
  20. Historyteaching

    Historyteaching Cohort

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    Jan 24, 2010

    WHAT?!! 2nd grade and does that type of activity?!?! I can see that out of my high schoolers...regardless of gender. This child has seen it somewhere by someone..scary-they are just babies.
     
  21. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Holy cow! I didn't realize they were so young! Red flags everywhere.
     
  22. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    What grade do you teach? I am wondering if it is middle or high school. I hope so.
     
  23. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Second grade??????????? Seriously?????? Hmmmm.... they say that kids know right away at a young age. I guess that is true. Well, I would definitely defer to your administrations directions. I am truly at a loss on what you can do other than what you did do and honestly, I would have done something like switch their seats around as well.:(

    SORRY!
     
  24. HeatherY

    HeatherY Habitué

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    When I was in second grade there was a boy who was new to the school. He started giving innappropriate notes to the girls in class. At first, I threw them away, I knew it wasn't appropriate- then I gave one to the teacher. Good thing- turns out this boy was being molested. Being overtly sexual at such a young age is a big red flag to me.

    Did you ever share the note with the admin or the parents?
     
  25. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    These are 2nd graders passing notes saying they are experimenting with sex during sleepovers and making out in the hallway? This is very disturbing.
     
  26. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jan 26, 2010

    It's possible they have seen something on TV or movies or something and are (in their normal childish way) trying to make sense of it by acting it out. Kind of like violence, seen on TV and then the kids act it out to process it.

    OTOH, they might be exposed first-hand to some sexual activity or behavior and they need help. Counseling, IMO, would not be a reward for bad behavior - esp. in this case.
     
  27. dcalhoun

    dcalhoun Companion

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    I move my kids who are in a "relationship" apart from each other. They are in school to learn not to socialize.
     
  28. MissJill

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    Why was nothing done when the two were 'locked up' in school?! I was thinking, ok middle school, but 2nd grade?! This behavior is not ok. Something is going on (at least that is what I think).
     

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