Grandmother in classroom every day

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by LvToyFoxTerrier, Sep 13, 2008.

  1. LvToyFoxTerrier

    LvToyFoxTerrier Rookie

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    Sep 13, 2008

    Help. I have a grandmother who insist on staying with her 3 yr. old granddaughter every day of preschool. She said she needs time to adjust to being left alone. She was very upset with me when I suggested on the third day that she get the little girl settled and then leave for the rest of the day. The little girl cried very loud and would not stop and the grandmother ended up magically reappearing and stayed the rest of the day. She complained to the principal that I was very wrong to send her away. She then told us she had been planning on staying in the classroom for the whole first month and this should be her decision to make and not mine! The principal backed me up and is giving her 2 more days before she will not be allowed to stay with the child. We think the child may not be ready yet and needs to grow up a little more before she tries school. She is still fighting us.
    Anyone else have this problem?
     
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  3. tracykaliski

    tracykaliski Connoisseur

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    Sep 13, 2008

    I had a parent once who was a psychiatrist who wanted to stay everyday for the first month of school.

    I think it's hard for the child. It will be hard no matter when the grandmother leaves, and IMO delaying it will only make it harder.

    Sounds like it's time for grandma to get into a routine when she drops the granddaughter off, stick to it and after a few days the child will understand what's happening and that school can be fun.
     
  4. DHE

    DHE Connoisseur

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    Sep 13, 2008

    I don't have this problem, but I would have handled it the same way. It will be harder for the child to adjust if the grandmother stays for a whole month. I am glad that your principal is giving her a time limit. I hope this works out for you.
     
  5. janlee

    janlee Devotee

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    Sep 13, 2008

    Is the grandmother the legal guardian or is there a mother in the picture? If there is a mother, I would contact the mother and clearly explain that having grandma in the room is a distraction and that it will be allowed for only "x" amount of days. Then grandma will say goodbye at the door. I do hope that your principal has the "backbone" to stick to what she said. Otherwise you may find yourself having several grannies in the room if the word gets out that one is staying.
     
  6. Maxadoodle

    Maxadoodle Comrade

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    Sep 13, 2008

    I had this problem a few years ago. The grandmother only spoke another language, and the 3-year old girl spoke her native language and English. She would sob hysterically when we did get the grandmother out of the room. The mother (who worked) was not a lot of help. The grandmother finally did leave the room, but waited outside the door for two hours. Some days, they would come to preschool early and sit outside. If the girl cried, they went home. She was eventually pulled from the program. I think in their native country, 3-year olds did not go to school, and we did not have the family's support. Good luck.
     
  7. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Sep 13, 2008

    Kids feed off the emotions of the caregivers. This grandmother is NOT helping this child. Yes, the child will cry. This is normal. If the grandma is outside the door, and magically reappears, she is teaching this child that if she just cries long enough, grandma will come back and the child will NEVER adjust. If grandma leaves and lets the teachers (who I assume, as 3yo teachers, have some experience with the adjustment issues) do their jobs, the child will be fine in a short while. It sounds like the one who's not ready for the child to be in school is the grandmother. You'll never know about the child until the grandmother backs off.

    Good luck with the situation. I hope your P sticks to her guns.
     
  8. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Sep 13, 2008

    Even with my special needs preschoolers, I've only allowed one mom to stay all day and that was just the first day. It ticked her off when I wouldn't let her stay a 2nd day and my principal backed me up on it. Needless to say, I stayed on her bad list as long as he was in my room but oh well. He did fine. I did fine with his needs.

    As for G-ma, she needs to go to Walmart or something to kill some time during the day.
     
  9. PennStateCutie

    PennStateCutie Companion

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    Sep 14, 2008

    I agree with everyone else. My co-worker has a boy in her class who cries when his mother leaves, so she has stayed all day, everyday for the first four days. This would NOT be happening in my classroom, but my co-worker hasn't complained about it to anyone but me & she doesn't have the heart (or backbone) to set a deadline with the mom. And of course since she hasn't complained, the director has done nothing... They are of a different ethnicity, so I do think there are some cultural reasons, like another poster had mentioned...hopefully your P sticks to her guns because my director would not... :(
     
  10. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Sep 14, 2008

    Obviously, the little girl is not ready (or should I say, Grandma) to be in school. I would wish them well and say, "Maybe, next year, tootle loo.'
     
  11. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Sep 14, 2008

    I know bus services is probably not available but with my little ones, we do have the mini-buses and that helps with the separation part. Mine that would have little crying fits when mom brought them in did fine once they started riding the bus. The bus ride gave them time to get over the anxiety of leaving mom. They had other kids on the bus to occupy their mind. It really helped.

    I forgot about one little boy I had who had a fit when they dropped him off. We transition from them coming in the room to stopping at the door, to midway down the hall, to the main door (someone of the staff would walk him to the room). He still had his crying fits. When I suggested the bus, it ticked the "mom" off. (He was in the process of being adopted by an older couple.) She finally pulled him out.
     
  12. sarzacsmom

    sarzacsmom Groupie

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    I have a little boy who had a hard time adjusting to my room and I had to say to mom" do youwnat me to jsut take him? I know it's hard but I promise he will be fine in a few minutes after you leave. If he is still like this in an hour I will call you. You a re welcome to call and check on him sooner if you want. " She reluctantl left and I saw her crying out in the parkig lot. Now she picks him up in her arms when they get to my door, and hands him into my arms where I give him a quick snuggle while we walk to the window where he can see her in the parking lot and we wave goodbye and he is usually smiling because he sees mom. When she gets in her car, I get him down from the window and he sometimes still fusses for about 5 minutes tops--but mom's last view was a smile on his face and so she's happy and after a few minutes he's happy too!
     
  13. LvToyFoxTerrier

    LvToyFoxTerrier Rookie

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    Thank you to everyone who has responded. I really appreciate your support!
     
  14. Prekfreak

    Prekfreak Rookie

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    Wow! Grandma seems to be little over the top on that one. I would think that she is only teaching the little girl that if gma leaves, she crieds, she reappears and will do so "forever".
    My parents are urged to bring them a day or two stay for about 5 minutes and then leave. Most kids take only a few days to adjust, we all know that.
    Maybe you can strike a deal with gma. Gma stays 5-10 minutes, leaves and then at a set time you call and say how she is doing throughout the day. Eventually you can wean her off the phone calls.
    I even had a teacher friend that would bribe her kids to into class without their parents with a skittle. They were "big" kids like the other kids in the building and were rewarded for becoming "big". It really worked on pushing the child to say "no" to mom/dad/gma coming in each day.
     
  15. sarzacsmom

    sarzacsmom Groupie

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    Today that same little boy walked into my classoom holding onto mom's hand and then I took his hand and we walked to th window to wave goodbye to mom. Then he went and played-- I understand that it is hard for some parent's /grandparent to let go but I jsut wish they could see how much of a dis service they do the child when they are the clingy ones.
     
  16. Robin

    Robin Rookie

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    Is there something Grandma could do to 'help'? Like wiping tables, or setting out materials? Or reading to a small group of children. Letting the child know that Grandma is going to do her job now and you are going to do yours and she will be right back may help develop separation skills. Grandma will feel appreciated and perhaps learn some skills to teaching the child to delay gratification.
     
  17. LvToyFoxTerrier

    LvToyFoxTerrier Rookie

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    Sep 16, 2008

    Well, today Grandma left after spending 1/2 hour in the classroom. The little girl only cried for a few minutes and then did great the rest of the day! When I told Grandma this when she picked her up, she replied, "Wow, I guess this is going to be a lot easier than I thought!".
     
  18. storyh

    storyh Companion

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    Sep 16, 2008

    My little one is 4. She has been going to daycare for 3 years. she still cries. I just hand her off and leave b/c I know the longer I hang around the harder it is for her. She didn't cry today, however:2up:, so we are going out for snowcones later to celebrate. I would just try to make the g-ma understand that the transition will be easier if she just says goodbye and goes.
     
  19. PennStateCutie

    PennStateCutie Companion

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    FoxTerrier - Yay! As we have all been saying, it's always harder on the adult than it is on the child...because obviously, the adult doesn't know how the child will react away from him/her & they automatically assume the worst...I think that the kids and the teachers aren't given enough credit for what they can do!!!
     
  20. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I'm glad it went okay today...that's great news for all involved. I think sometimes it's the grownups who aren't ready...not the kids.
     
  21. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Sep 17, 2008

    YAY!!!! Glad it went well and hope it does nothing but get better!!!
     

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