Gift Requests

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by JustMe, Dec 6, 2009.

  1. CanukTeacher

    CanukTeacher Comrade

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    I am totally "for" registries I also think the idea of asking for books instead of cards or having a theme shower is fantastic.

    The shower is supposed to be about the bride or the mom. It isn't about the guests. If the bride or mom wants diapers, books, kitchen tools or anything else specific then get it for her. The idea of needing to get the gift you want to get her (but she may never use) seems crazy to me.

    I have SOOO many useless gifts from my boyfriend's mom I would NOT want her planning a shower and telling her friends to bring what they want. Why? Because I don't need more shirts that don't fit or necklaces I'd never wear out of the house. Does that sound mean? Maybe. But why get gifts you don't need or won't use? They just end up taking up space or getting tossed. Seriously I have this one braclet that doesn't even fit properly that I can't throw out because what if she asks about it?

    Now if she did that would I be nice and polite and tell everyone how happy I was? Yes. Would I ever use the stuff? No.

    During the holidays my mom always asks what I want. I always tell her I don't need anything (because I don't). I always say that I am fine with not getting gifts because I am. In fact, I have pondered the idea of NOT telling the women I work with when I get engaged because I really do NOT want a shower. That said, if one is going to have a shower at least make sure the stuff the bride/mom gets is actually going to be useful!
     
  2. CanukTeacher

    CanukTeacher Comrade

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    I also think the reason why the woman wants books with something inside is because every time she uses it she will think of who gave it. When I use gifts that I asked for I always remember who gave them to me. That is FAR more memorable than some gift sitting in the back of my closet for 20 years because I don't want to upset the person by throwing it away.
     
  3. Teaching Grace

    Teaching Grace Connoisseur

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    I like the book idea but I agree that she didn't need to add the directions. I remember for my first child my husband didn't want to do a registry because he thought it was tacky......then the questions started flowing in of what we wanted, what we needed, which brand did we prefer, what was the nursery theme, etc. etc. I really wish we had done a registry instead. For our wedding we did and things were much easier! I feel like it's more of a guideline than anything.
     
  4. TeacherGrl7

    TeacherGrl7 Devotee

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    I think the idea of registries is completely tacky. If you feel that you need a specific pattern on your gravy boat, by all means go and buy it for yourself. But if you're getting married and I find a gravy boat that I THINK you will like (whether you actually do or not) and I buy it for you, be gracious enough to accept it as a gift and move on with your life. Whatever happened to the old saying, "It's the thought that counts?" And, like Alice, I REALLY don't want to hear you stake claim to YOUR gravy boat that I just got you. It sounds like less of a gift and more of something I brought with a tracking number and order confirmation attached. At least tip me for service then LoL.

    My cousin's baby shower had the book thing on the invitation, too, and it was directly from the mommy-to-be, and "our side" of the family did not appreciate it because it was asking for additional money to be spent on top of the present itself. My mother and sister and I got brand new books from our neighbor's garage sale across the street LoL. :lol: Maybe that was horrible, but her real presents from us were very nice. And from her registry.
     
  5. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    I just don't get that reasoning - presumably, the gravy boat is something the couple will hope to use for a long time and will most likely want it to match the rest of their dishware. How could you be so certain that your taste in gravy boats is going to appeal to the couple? Why not just buy the one you KNOW they'll like and not one that may or may not sit in a box unused until it gets tossed out and is a total waste of money?

    I mean, if you don't want to buy off the registry, that's your prerogative. But be creative and get something you know they'll appreciate. Don't just buy a different pattern of china than what they ask for because you like it better than what the couple has picked out.

    To me that would be like having your kid write out a wish list for Santa and then going and buying them something you want for yourself.
     
  6. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    I'm not sure how I feel about the registry thing. I think it depends on how they are used; some people use them to give ideas, others as "order forms." I have bought gifts from registries, I have used them as a jumping-off point, or I've gone off on my own.

    The card thing, though, crosses the line for me. It's a cute idea, but the mother shouldn't be asking for it. If someone throwing the shower wants to surprise the mother, great! If the mother wants the messages, then she should make a scrapbook out of the cards, or do something creative like that on her own.
     
  7. CanukTeacher

    CanukTeacher Comrade

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    To me if you are going to buy a bride/mom something she isn't going to use don't bother buying her a gift at all - what a waste of money, resources, etc. Just more stuff for the landfill!

    What joy would one get out of buying something that is going to sit in the closet? I'd rather buy someone the gravy boat they want and see it used.

    Why if someone ignores a person's preferences (like their China pattern) should a bride have to pretend she likes it? (Honestly I would pretend I like it, but the idea that the bride is the one being rude by asking for what she likes rather than the person who doesn't bother paying attention to what she likes seems silly to me).

    I'm totally okay with not getting a gift but don't get me a useless gift. It's like getting hand cream for Christmas. I am perfectly happy to spend my money on good hand cream that is ecologically friendly. I hate when people ignore what I want and buy me their favourite hand cream. It's a gift for me - it isn't about you and what you like. I'm not changing my hand cream preferences at 30.

    I guess I grew up in an area where a lot of people didn't have a lot of money so the gifts from weddings were really important in setting up one's household. The shower is supposed to be about the bride. She should get what she likes on this day. If she gets a gravy boat and a platter that don't match she's going to be stuck with the mismatched set for the next 15 years or if she gets 10 chip and dip platters and no dishes she's stuck with her hand me downs (and yes I've seen both these things happen at showers). It is common where I live for showers to include information like - bring 30$ - we're buying the bride a bbque so the idea of a registry just seems really reasonable to me.

    As for the storybook thing I don't think it is too much to ask. There are plenty of storybooks that run in the 2 dollar range - no more expensive than what people spend on cards. I think it is a great idea.

    20 years ago women weren't involved in planning their own showers. I think it makes sense to actually ask the bride what she wants ahead of time.

    No one has to go to a shower. If one opposes the way the shower is set up don't go or plan your own shower is the way I see it.

    To me with weddings and showers either go willingly and let those central to the day do it their way or opt out.
     
  8. TeacherGrl7

    TeacherGrl7 Devotee

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    I'm sorry, I don't think I was clear. I am not saying that I am spiteful and would go out of my way to get someone a gift that was of my preference over something that was on their registry. Of COURSE I always get gifts that I believe the recipient will enjoy and get use of. What I am saying is that if someone gets you a gift, you should simply be appreciative that they got you something. Period, end of discussion, whether it is something that makes your heart swoon or not. Do you register for birthday presents? No. But do you accept any gift that you get for your birthday with graciousness? And are you happy simply that someone cared enough to get you a gift- ANY gift at all? I would hope so.

    And in response to the Santa comparison, I think it's a bit different because in that case you state that the person would have asked for the list from the child. With a registry, you don't ask for it- it is just given to you.
     
  9. CanukTeacher

    CanukTeacher Comrade

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    But presumable birthday gifts happen every year and aren't as major. Your wedding gifts are THE things that are going to be in your house for a very long time.
     
  10. TeacherGrl7

    TeacherGrl7 Devotee

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    Last year I purchased cookie sheets and a spatula set for a cousin off of her wedding registry. Come on. Most of the people attending your wedding are not buying your china pattern dishes, and the people who are- presumably your nearest and dearest friends and family- should be comfortable asking your preference on their own. One mention to your mother or sister would certainly make the rounds in a more tactful way than displaying it at Bed Bath and Beyond.com.

    I'm not trying to start a war, just stating my own personal opinion!
     
  11. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Money is SO not the point. :(
     
  12. CanukTeacher

    CanukTeacher Comrade

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    Dec 8, 2009

    Hi JustMe,

    I understand that you think it is rude but others mentioned the idea of it being more expensive. Personally I think its a great idea and I don't think it is rude at all. I actually think it is sweet. She wants to remember her shower and the people in her life when she reads to her kids. I realize there are different opinions on this. I'm just really okay with this. But I think that's pretty much all I have to say on this :) I look forward to reading the variety of thoughts on this thread.

    Canuk
     
  13. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I think I'll tell my husband to swing by Hallmark tomorrow afternoon and buy me a "spontaneous", romantic card--preferably one with roses on the front, a recording device so he can then recite my favorite poem, and then I'll slip him this little piece of paper with what I'd like for him to write on the inside. When we're old and reminiscing of yesteryear I can pull the card out and recall how sweet he always was.

    Wow. How sincere.
     
  14. mandagap06

    mandagap06 Devotee

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    I agree she went a little too far, but I like registries because then you know you are giving something that they actually need. In the case of a baby gift for example: They may not need 100 plus newborn outfits and/or may want to pick those out themsleves, but they may need a stroller and wouldn't you want to get the one you want. I don't think its any diff. from mom's who have a diper party where you just bring dipers if thats what she wants or needs.
     
  15. MissWull

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    I don't see anything wrong with it, but like a previous poster said...it should have been left to whoever was throwing the shower...and posed as a suggestion, not a demand.

    I think some people suggest things like these because these days...most people aren't very thoughtful with gift giving. Not saying you, but just people in general. Some people are great at thoughtful gift giving, others aren't!

    I think registries are great because you know what to get the person. Unless I know the person really well, I won't know what their style is or what they really need...so it helps in that situation.
     
  16. MuggleBug

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    Dec 9, 2009

    I think this is different. She's asking for the books for her baby, not herself. Obviously, baby cannot speak for him or herself, but she wants him/her to have those special messages in the book for them to cherish when they're older - and some enjoyment that they wouldn't get from cards.
     
  17. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I see both sides of this issue and agree with bits of each. When I got married I registered at 2 different stores. I got all of the china I asked for (it was actually casual china since I thought the real china was too expensive) and most other things on the registries. I did get one present not on the list. It was a beautiful espresso cup set that came with cups, saucers and little spoons. My relatives own a store that sells such things that are imported so they must have decided not to go with the stuff and the registry and picked that out instead. Nothing like that was on either registry but I did appreciated because it was a very unique gift that I didn't know I wanted until I got it!
     
  18. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    It is the thought that counts, but I would hope you think enough of me and our friendship that you would get me something that I WANTED not something you THINK I will want. It's not about you; it's about the person you are showering with love and thoughtfulness. I would think of you every time I used the plates/tablecloth/gravy boat from my wish list. I would be gracious and appreciate any gift you chose for me, but as was pointed out by a PP it might wind up in a closet or returned to the store.

    As for the books idea, she is asking for BOOKS for her baby! They don't have to be expensive. A Little Golden Book that costs $1.50 would be perfect. Your gift of a book (rather than a card) will help give that baby the joy of reading and love of literacy. As a teacher, what better gift could I want to give?
     
  19. scienceteach82

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    This got me thinking since my baby shower will be in March. I like the book idea...but also like the idea of the hosts of the party supplying the books...and everyone can pick a book to write something in. That way...no one feels under pressure to buy a book. Or maybe just a few nice pieces of stationary for guests to leave a note on. Or ask guests to bring a print out of their fave poem, or childhood rhyme/riddle to put in baby book.
     
  20. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    This actually got me thinking because I DO actually give my BF and my mom a list for Christmas. My BF is actually very thankful that he doesn't have to figure out what to get me. I usually give him a list of several things, or send him a bunch of pictures of clothes, and then he can pick from that. I don't need him to be creative.
     
  21. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Under normal circumstances, adults are responsible for their own actions.

    So if you decide to get married, get an apartment, have a child, whatever, getting all the stuff you need is your responsibility.

    Of course, I'll be happy to buy you a gift, and sincerely hope you like it. But if you have your heart set on a particular thing, then, by all means, get it. I'm going to get you something I think and hope you'll like.

    So I'm not buying you a plunger, though I suspect you'll need one at some point.

    But please don't give me a shopping list. It makes me feel less like a valued friend (who does know your tastes and needs) than like the hired help, stopping by the store picking up the stuff you've ordered.
     
  22. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I once received an invitation to a baby shower that was worded something like this (I can't remember the exact wording, but it was so refreshing, I remember most of it):

    Dear _______

    I would love the honor of your presence as we celebrate the joy of bringing my son into the world. Being able to celebrate this new life in the company of beloved family and friends is the only gift I want. As most of you already know, I am registered at _______. Please do not feel obligated in any way to even look at the registry. Many people have asked me what I needed, so I thought that would be the best way for people to keep up with what I, or others, have already purchased. It exists for no other reason.....

    That, of course, is paraphrased, and I forget how she concluded, but we were all left with the warm snuggly feeling you get when you remember why somebody is your friend in the first place. Knowing this woman as well as I did, she would have had just as good a time at her shower if no presents were brought at all.
     
  23. Kindergarten31

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    I like registries because you can at least get a 'feel' for what Moms or brides/grooms need. BUT, when my grandson got married and didn't have a nickle to his name, he and his bride registered at an upscale department store and asked for all this expensive stuff-like a $500 bedding set. Now I understand it is nice to get gifts that you normally can't afford, BUT when you have nothing??? Am I wrong?
    At our school, we always have a shower for the first time Mom and then pass around an envelope for those who want to contribute to a gift card for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies.
    I like the book idea, but don't like being told to do it.
    I am fussy about what I like, so usually give people ideas about what to buy, but also like to be surprised-how fun is it to know every single thing you are getting?
     
  24. scienceboy

    scienceboy Rookie

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    Well I hate freaking cards, and I think I kind of understand where she's coming from. IF you're going to give a card, why not in stead of making hallmark wealthy give a little book that would probably cost the same??
     
  25. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Update. :)
    (I'm smiling because at this point this is just comical.)

    My sister-in-law, who told the person giving her the baby shower to include the instructions for buying the book and writing a note to her and baby on the inside cover, has another request. Straight from her mouth, she wants people to buy the books available at Kohls that come with the stuffed animals.
     
  26. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    why is that so bad?




















    so kidding...wow...that's pushing it...
     
  27. TeacherGrl7

    TeacherGrl7 Devotee

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    But if you are selecting every gift you want, and all I am doing is grabbing an item from the list and wrapping it (ironically, so it is a surprise when the recipient opens it), there really IS no thought, is there? Your mailman could do that for you. Your dry cleaner could do that for you. As your friend, I'd like to think I could do more than that. I would like to think that I could pick out something you would like myself.


    To the OP: Maybe she should just open a separate registry at Borders. ;)
     
  28. TeacherGrl7

    TeacherGrl7 Devotee

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    Exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you for putting it so clearly.
     
  29. sevenplus

    sevenplus Connoisseur

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    Well, if she wants the books from Kohl's, she's going to get lots and lots of duplicates. They usually only have 4 or so at a time. Of course, if she is alienating a lot of people, maybe she'll only have that many people at her shower.
     
  30. MuggleBug

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    Specifying where the books come from is definitely pushing it. ;) I'm guessing she wants them purchased there because the profits go to children's charities, but still, that's a bit much to ask of guests.

    It does seem like her heart is in the right place, though...she's just going about it wrong, I guess.
     
  31. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Wow. You're giving her waaaayyyy too much credit. :lol:

    (This is the same person who was given a shower at work yesterday. She tells me she asked her coworkers on Wednesday where they were getting her cake and they told her Dairy Queen. She says, "Well, I made a face to let them know I didn't want a Dairy Queen Cake so they asked why I made the face and I told them I wanted one from Baskin Robbins." I was surprised but she clarified, "Well, it's my shower!" I actually like her but she was raised without hearing the word no so there are times when I just have to shake my head.
     
  32. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Haha you know her better than I do. I just don't know why else she would want them bought there? Just to get the stuffed animals? It's so random.
     
  33. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    I'd want a cake from Cold Stone :D

    She should be grateful for what she gets...it annoys me when people think they deserve something.
     
  34. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    LOL what a pushy chick! My sister in law is the opposite which is equally annoying. If you ask her what she or her baby wants/needs she will say oh just get whatever. Then, she will make a face at it or stick it in the closet never to be seen again. I mean, if people ask what size clothing the baby is she really NEEDS to tell us. Not say whatever. That's just common sense!
     
  35. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    The ultimate toast: may her children be just like her!!!
     
  36. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Banish the thought!! We'll end up teaching them!! :lol:
     
  37. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Dec 13, 2009

    Oh Lord, yes, Coldstone cakes definitely beat Dairy Queen or Baskin Robbins! haha
     

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