Gift Requests

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by JustMe, Dec 6, 2009.

  1. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    First, it was the gift registry...which I would never, ever be able to create for myself. But, we've discussed that before and I know many to most people appreciate them. But now I've been told for an upcoming baby shower by the mother herself to not get her a card with the gift, but instead to buy a children's book and write a message to her and her baby on the inside cover. These instructions were also written on the invitations. Never mind the fact that I've already handcrafted a card, which I'll of course still give, but really, why don't you just tell me what to write in the book as well? I think it's a sweet idea, I really do, but I wish people could just give from the heart and not have to have everything so orchestrated.
     
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  3. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    Though I think it is a nice thing to do, I agree with you. Please don't tell me how to give you your gift. Let it be from my heart and let me do it my way. To me this is along the lines of self addressing my own thank you card! (But that is another discussion!)
     
  4. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I hate registries. I hate addresssing my own thank you.

    I love giving gifts to the soon to be married or soon to be parents. But if I'm givng the gift, I want to be the one to decide what I'll get, how I'll wrap it, and what I'll say on the card.

    Otherwise, it's not "giving a gift." It's "taking up a collection."
     
  5. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I agree.
     
  6. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Oh, I'm so glad at least a few people agree. I was afraid I was being all Scrooge-like, but you've validated my feelings that when someone tells you what to buy, where to buy it from, and how to present the gift, it is no longer a gift...it is in fact an order-fulfillment. :)
     
  7. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    That's a little tacky from the mother herself. It would be different if the shower was thrown by some friends who said "We are going to try to fill a shelf of books for new baby so please bring your favorite in lieu of a card" or something like that... Asking yourself is a little tacky.
     
  8. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I agree Silver, absolutely. But the mother, she is my sister-in-law by the way, has been planning this book thing since she discovered she was with child! :huh:

    There are no hard feelings towards her because of this, just in case someone is wondering...it's not that big of a deal. I'm more so commenting on this issue in general.
     
  9. runsw/scissors

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    Honestly, I am in favor of gift registry lists for weddings and baby showers. I never know what to get, what they already have, what they still need (esp. weddings if the individuals have lived one their own.) I also see them as guidelines and will not limit myself to them. If I see a cute baby outfit or blanket that I want to buy instead, I do. My main concern is that I don't buy something that is not needed. That whole cliche about getting 7 toaster ovens for wedding gifts may be hyperbole, but there is some truth to it.
     
  10. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    What really sends me over the top is when a bride to be opens a gift and exclaims: "Oh, wonderful!!! MY SHEETS!!!"

    It pretty much puts all her guests on the level of the UPS guy who just delivered the stuff she ordered.
     
  11. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I've come to accept registries...I don't use them as a gift-giver or receiver, but I'm over being annoyed because of them. My aggravation has shifted to the books now. :)
     
  12. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    :lol:
    I agree!
     
  13. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    I really liked having a registry and receiving gifts off of it because we put what we NEEDED on there. We live in a small apartment, and I did not ask for more than what we needed - a new set of pots and pans (to replace ours from Walmart that were all scorched and scratched up), dinner plates, a vacuum (which was my favorite gift!), a coffee maker, blender, towels, sheets (which yes, I did love, cause they are nicer than the Walmart ones we could only afford before - and my pillows, I looove the pillows I asked for, lol) etc. I know a lot of people put a lot of nonsense on their registries, but when you have limited space, you really don't have room for a lot of other stuff that you have no use for. It's one thing if the guest puts a lot of thought into their gift - for example, my cousins put together a big Disney gift bag since that's what we did on our honeymoon - but I also ended up with things like 2 cake stands that I don't really have a use for and that are just sitting in a closet along with a few other boxes of stuff I don't have a use or the space for.

    I think when you're a young couple who is just starting to put together a household and don't have a lot of money to spend (all that 'little stuff' adds up very quickly, as you know!), it's nice when you can choose what you'd like.

    Same with the baby stuff - we'll most likely be having our first baby while still in the apartment before DH gets out of the military. I don't want a lot of just STUFF because we don't have the room and it wouldn't be as well-appreciated as it deserves to be, ya know? It would be a waste of the other person's money. I'd accept any gift graciously but I would feel bad if it didn't get put to use.

    I actually think the book idea instead of a card is nice, too. Some cards cost $3-5...you can buy a nice little paperback for the baby for that. Cards more often than not get thrown away, but that book can be read and passed on for years...
     
  14. kcjo13

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    Can I ask what y'all think about themed showers, like say a diaper shower? I'm not sure what my feelings are. The reason I ask is because as many of you know, I'm pregnant with our third child now, and from past experience, the "shower people" at my school usually have a theme shower for people who have more than one child. They have not said anything yet (it's early), but I'm sure something like this will be coming. I wasn't sure how I felt about it for someone else, but when it's me...hmm. I'm not gonna lie, it would be nice to have a supply of diapers. But is that rude to ask people to only buy diapers?
     
  15. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    I would be uncomfortable with that but that is just me. I also don't feel it is right to have a second or third shower unless it is like many, many years apart. But that is just my opinion.
     
  16. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    kc~for a person that has had babies before, then I think a themed shower (especially diapers) would be a great idea! When I had my showers, the person that did the shower asked the guests to bring diapers..those that did got their name put into a drawing for a special prize (I think it ended up being a GC to Olive Garden or something).
     
  17. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Thanks. It's not something I asked for, other teachers at the school just do it. I had a shower at school with my first child (I was interpreting there), with the second I didn't because I had just been hired. Like I said, it's not a given, but it's something that usually happens. We'll see!
     
  18. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    If it's something they usually do then enjoy it. That is nice of them.
     
  19. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I guess I am the only one who thinks this is a good and cute idea. It is a themed shower and I like those. I think it is a great idea so that the baby will have lots of books. Since books can be about $5-$7 it still gives you the freedom of buying another gift.

    When I give a gift the main thing I want, is for the person to like and use the gift. That is why I like registries. I can get something I know the person wants.
     
  20. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    I give it a thumbs up and a thumbs down...I think a themed shower is wonderful and I love their idea of having the drawing for those guests who brought the themed gift as requested/suggested.

    Now, for my thumbs down...I guess I'm old school and believe that showers are for first-time mamas & daddies.
    Though, I've gone to showers for mamas who are on their 2nd, 3rd, etc..baby...so, I may not agree with them, but I have attended and given a gift. I Just don't believe showers were meant to be given for anytime moms-to-be.
     
  21. JustMe

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    A couple of you have expressed you like the book idea. I like it too. Like I said, it's sweet. Practical. I got it. :)

    But it's also very rude, in my opinion, for this mother to tell her friends and family not only what to buy her from her registry, but to then stipulate that there should be no cards because we should instead buy a book and write a message to her and her child. At this point she is manipulating the situation too much, and to repeat the term I used before, doing far too much orchestrating.
     
  22. kcjo13

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    See, that's my issue also. I would be less than likely to go to a shower for a multi-momma. But to turn one down that someone wants to throw for you, that seems rude to me also...hmm...
     
  23. scienceteach82

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    Registries show what the person needs...what's wrong with that? I usually buy something from the registry, plus a little something else for the mom if it is a baby shower.

    Much better than a couple getting married requesting 'cash only.'

    kc- a diaper theme would be so great! I want to stock up on diapers now since I'll have about 20 diapers a day to go through :(
    If someone wants to throw you a shower...then great! It's nice that you and your baby are loved and cared for.
     
  24. scienceteach82

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    oh...forgot about the book...

    I think it's a cute idea...but understand the 'do this not that' is kind of pushy.
     
  25. TeacherNY

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    In my family, the mother-to-be doesn't throw the shower for herself and doesn't send out the invitations. My mother threw one for my SIL and sent out the inviations that said, "If you like, instead of a card, please buy a small book and inscribe it, blah blah". I don't think it was seen as pushy since it was a surprise for the mother of the baby. I don't know anyone who has thrown a shower for herself! In that sense it would seem a bit greedy.
     
  26. scienceteach82

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    I agree, TeacherNY. That was a sweet gesture for the new mom :)
     
  27. yarnwoman

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    I am the exact opposite on the showers for non first time momms/dads. I feel every child is a blessing and should be given gifts for their arrival. Why shouldn't we give the mom/dad a party wlecoming their new child? In my opinion a shower is so they can get things for this child. Even if the children are close(12 - 18 mths) in age why would you not want to welcome this addition?
     
  28. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I agree...I would not see it as pushy under those circumstances.

    My sister-in-law isn't throwing the shower herself, but she told the person giving the shower to put the book bit in the invitations.
     
  29. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    The way I look at it showers are to get the new married couple or new parents off to a good start. To get them all the basics for their home or baby. When the second or third child arrives I do feel that a gift is nice, however not at a shower. I give my close family and friends a gift when they have anew baby, because I want to, not because they are having a shower.
     
  30. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    :yeahthat::agreed:

    Me too; I buy them a gift whether it's a 2nd or 5th child. My opinions are about the "shower".
     
  31. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I have 3 sisters and a brother.

    As each of us had child #2 or 3, we had a "sister's shower." (My sister in law has been part of the family for so long, she's a "sister".)

    We showered the new-again mom with new, unstained outfits for the new arrival. The mom had everything else.
     
  32. MuggleBug

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    She probably doesn't see it that way, but I can see where you're coming from. I'm thinking she probably thinks she's being considerate by asking for something that's not going to be a waste of money/paper. I think ultimately, it's a suggestion, and you can either take it or ignore it and no harm, no foul, if you don't want to do it. I can tell you if I had books with messages written to me from people that loved my mom/me before I was even born it would mean a lot, which is why I think it's a nice gesture. You said you handcrafted your card which I also think is very special and I'm sure would be much more appreciated than a store-bought card. :)
     
  33. RainStorm

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    As annoying as it is, just try to look past it, say "She is in my family" and go with the flow (which I know you will!)

    I am the "quirky" one in my family -- the only one who basically never asks what anyone wants. I am also known as the "creative one" who comes up with gifts you didn't even know you wanted until it showed up on your doorstep.

    Just once I would like someone to be creative with me and send me something I didn't even know I wanted until I got it. I'd even settle for "can't stand it, but it was from the heart, so I'll love it." Instead, for Christmas each year I get a call or a phone call asking what I want and to please send a wish list. If I don't send one, I get a gift card from JC Penny. If I do send one, I get exactly what I request. It is like putting in the order myself -- not much of a thrill, but at least I know I'll like it.

    I can tell you, right now, today, exactly everything I will get for Christmas. But I guess it is better than fruitcake!!! I won't complain!!!
     
  34. sue35

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    I do think that it is odd that this is the mother-to-be's request. I think it would be a cute idea if it was a surprise but the fact that she suggested it kind of kills the thought. I didn't realize she suggested it.
     
  35. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    JustMe~it is a sweet act, if the person did it on their own and not at the request of the mom-to-be...and it would be sweet if the person throwing the shower said to do it to surprise the new mom, but not the new mom themselves. I love the idea of a homemade card. I had one when I was pg with my 2nd and had a shower at a new school, one of the teachers made one for me...it was the best gift I got!
     
  36. Jem

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    Isn't a shower just a celebration in honor of an event? Why wouldn't you celebrate the 2nd or 3rd child? I'm all for any reason to get together and eat... ;)
     
  37. scienceteach82

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    Lol jem ;)
     
  38. K1teach

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    A teacher at school just had their second child and her family threw her a "sprinkle." It was just a little get together for the family to celebrate the new baby. And I bet she got lots of girly things since her first child was a boy!
     
  39. JustMe

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    Sprinkle...love it! :)
     
  40. Tasha

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    I like registries, you can choose to use it or not. I want to know that the person needs or wants and choose something that like or need rather than something that they will never use. I also don't think it is a problem if you choose to give something else that isn't on a registry. Most people I know would rather have a registry than have to guess what to get someone.
     
  41. Simba

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    I like registries because it makes it easier for me to purchase a gift for a child or the happy couple.

    I DON'T appreciate the 4 HOUR long shower with 80 guests where I'm forced to watch the individual open EVERY gift. Really? 80 guests you ask? Yes.

    I also don't appreciate it when most of the registry is over 100 dollars. I'm sorry, but I can't afford to purchase your crystal. Please give me something else to choose from.
     

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