My SO and I recently began talking about getting married. We're not in a huge rush but both agree that we'll probably get married in about 2 years. Anyways, he said we should start looking at rings but that I shouldn't get "too excited." However, I'm pretty freaking excited! I went with my sister to look at vintage rings yesterday while he was at work and found a ring I absolutely loved. But I got my hopes up when I looked at the price tag ($8,000!). When I came home and told him about looking at rings he looked a little overwhelmed. Should I just back off and let him take care of the ring shopping? How do I calm myself down about all of this?
They say that the ring should cost two months salary. Luckily, I was unemployed when I proposed to her almost 20 years ago. I'm still not sure why she said yes, considering I was unemployed and spent I think around $300 on a 1/5 carrot ring - although that $300 was probably all the money I had in the world. She's never seriously asked for a bigger ring either.
Is he buying the ring with his own money, or have you already combined finances? When I got engaged, we had already been living together for a few years and had one checking account, so we discussed a budget before going ring shopping. I suppose if he was buying it with his own money, he would have set his own budget. So... if he's buying it with his own money, I'd say for you to back off. If it's already "our" money and not just "his" money, I'd say you could have a discussion with him about the budget for the ring (and for any other big purchases you two have coming up). Then, once you know the budget, you can window shop to your heart's content!
Lol, it would be really hard not to be over the moon excited!!! Maybe it's something he wanted to do on his own, I mean maybe he wanted to pick it out for you, surprise you with it, etc. Man, I got cheated, lol. My ring cost $475 ten years ago.
I emailed 3 ring choices to my BF. They were all on amazon, all garnet/pearl (our birthstones), and all less than $300. We had been talking about getting married for quite some time and I emailed them to him in November and said that's what I wanted for Christmas. Then I panicked because I knew if I DIDN'T get one for Christmas, I would be so disappointed with whatever he did get me, so I kind of regret that. Luckily, he told me a week or so before Christmas that he didn't want to get me the ring for Christmas because that was "corny" and he wanted it to be separate. I got it for my birthday last month, instead. lol.
He's buying it with his own money. If it was 2 month's salary, he could afford $8,000. We're just both practical and can't imagine how something so small could be worth half of a new car. He says he wants to go shopping with me so he can see ideas of what I like. But, I feel like if I go and see something I like I'll want it. I told him it's hard for me to go look at "ideas." What I did at the store yesterday was make a list of 5 rings I liked, ranging from $1,000 to $3,000. He can go back to that store later and choose the one he likes best. I'm just stuck on the gorgeous one I saw!
Pre-congratulations! I think you should talk to him now about expectations and so forth. Everyone handles this differently...some let the man have the lead role in choosing, paying for, and presenting the ring while others go about it together. Still others have no ring at all. I would have been very unhappy being proposed to, so we didn't go that route. So, what I'm saying is that it's all up to you two...just discuss what you want to do. Have fun!
My husband and I were lucky because we had a stone from my grandmother's diamond ring that we could use. I sent him a setting that I liked online maybe 5 months before our 3 year anniversary just on a whim. He saved the picture, asked my dad for the diamond and went to a jeweler to have it made. I never wanted to go by the 2 months salary thing. However, I do know that if we had to buy the stone on our own I would not have the size ring that I do have. I love that the ring has meaning to me and that it was partly from family. I would be careful about looking at things on your own and then getting upset if you don't get it. He might want to surprise you!
Through casual conversation I had gotten my gf (at the time) to discuss the types of rings she liked. But the actual shopping for she had not part of. I didn't want her to know it was coming, to me that should be something that is a surprise when it happens, even though the future has been discussed. As for 2 months salary; I think that only works for those who make significantly larger salaries and can spare the extra expense. It should be what you can afford, it shouldn't put you in the poor house. But if you are talking about marriage 2 years down the road, then that seems like just what you see in the future. He could be thinking he has a good year or so before he actually needs to buy a ring and plan the proposal.
Ugh, "planning the proposal." On another note, does anyone know someone who spent 2 months' salary on an engagement ring? We hear about the 2-month thing all the time, but I have yet to meet someone whose ring was actually that expensive. Who decided that was the standard amount?
Kate~the only person I know that has spent that kind of money on a ring was my brother in law...and he's a doctor! My engagement ring was about $800 and the wrap we bought pre-owned for about $200. We had some of the diamonds replaced with sapphires which was the stone of the month we got married in. For our 5 year anniversary we both got new rings which were still cheaper than $1000.
Congratulations!! The people who say you should spend 2 month's salary are the diamond industry. Obviously, a less than unbiased source. Talk to the real estate industry, and they'll say you should spend far less and put the rest of the money towards a down payment. I go with the realtors.
Yes, I know people who have...but not us! Reminds me of the Office episode when Michael thought the "rule" was two years or something like that. :haha:
He told me to find something I like and that cost shouldn't matter at first. He does make a lot of money and has inherited a lot of money, not that I should expect him to pay more just because of that. Maybe I'll tell him that I need a real limit so I know what to look for.
I think if a guy asks someone to marry him, he should at least have the money to buy it all himself. So if that means getting a smaller ring, so be it. No lady should have to help buy her own ring for goodness sake! For me personally, things like a wedding ring, cars, homes, vacations, are things I definitely want to take part in picking out myself.
I think the two months' salary thing is insane. Save the money for the honeymoon! I don't believe in wearing an engagement ring unless BOTH parties wear one, so each person buys one. I know that's not the norm though. Either way, I'd definitely want say in picking mine out too! It sounds like you might be getting ahead of yourself here. Two years leaves a good amount of time before you need to start planning a wedding or anything. Maybe you can start browsing rings online together and gradually start dropping by stores so he can see what you like. Remember, the marriage is the important part, not the ring!
Apparently my fiance had never heard the "two months salary" thing - I said something about it the other day, since I knew he didn't spend that much on my ring, and I just said it's nice to be able to wear it every day and not have to insure it and that I think 2 months salary is ridiculous when there is better stuff we can do with the money. He was like "2 month's salary????" lol
Keep reminding yourself that it is not about the ring (or the wedding dress or the wedding day) it is about finding the love of your life and building a life together. That was easy for me to type because I couldn't have cared less about a ring or all of the other wedding stuff. My husband went beyond my expectations for a ring all on his own and THAT is what makes my ring special, not the diamond or the setting.
