Getting over someone hurting your feelings

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by I want to TEACH, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. I want to TEACH

    I want to TEACH Companion

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    Jul 19, 2007

    SO I got my feelings hurt by someone today. They said something to me, I politely responded and then the person told me I was defensive followed by many defensive remarks aimed towards me from the person. Funny thing is that it was over something silly and I never imagined it causing drama. While debating [so to speak] with the person I felt like I stayed polite, respectful and calm, even though I was a little perturbed deep down inside. However, I feel like the other person was down right rude and disrespectful. What do some of you do when this happens because it is really bothering me.......This isn't a close friend so it is strange, but I just feel sad that any negativity would present itself to me over nothing. I think it is a full moon:) I'm thinking about going to see a movie.....any suggestions????
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jul 19, 2007

    You only have control over your reactions. This person wasn't a friend and must have realized they were in the wrong by their reactions to your reaction....Blow it off....you learned something about this person today. You can forgive but not forget. Move on. I'm personally looking forward to HAIRSPRAY...comes out tomorrow.
     
  4. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I think this person was really upset abut something someone else had said to them and was projecting it on you. I think it sounds like you handled the whole thing beautifully. I know it can be hard to let these things go, but just make a mantra for yourself and keep saying "It's her problem, not mine" or something. It sounds like this indiviual was having a pretty bad day and just took things out on you.
     
  5. I want to TEACH

    I want to TEACH Companion

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    Your words of comfort really have made me feel better. I have felt knots in my stomach all day b/c "the person" made a comment about me at the end of the "debate" that I think is so untrue. They said I am domineering, but I know I was just sharing my opinions. I know life is too short for this BS, so this has been my mantra all day. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and keep them coming because I learn so much from all of you!!:love:
     
  6. nicegirl

    nicegirl Comrade

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    Jul 20, 2007

    Iwanttoteach, the first thing I try to remember is that 99% of the time someone's bad attitude toward you has nothing to do with you.
    My husband had a situation with a co-worker who was constantly being rude to him. I told him to continue to be polite and if he became rude with him to just walk away. If the conversation isn't necessary don't have participate in it. After a few awkward situations where my husband would just blow it off he and his co-worker are now good friends. My husband never asked what the situation was all about. He just chose to accept that his co-worker's attitude was not about him.

    I like how Eleanor Roosevelt put it - No one can make you feel inferior, unless you let them.
     
  7. Ms.Jasztal

    Ms.Jasztal Maven

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    I've been in many situations like these, and I've noticed that people vent their frustrations on others because they don't want it taking over them any longer. However, most people (strangely) don't think about how it'll affect the other person. Some apologize, and those are the types of people you'll want to know in life.

    I don't like it when people change and treat you rudely all of a sudden... that's happened to me, too, and then I go around thinking it's me.

    Goodness, I'd love to have the insights of Eleanor Roosevelt.
     
  8. I want to TEACH

    I want to TEACH Companion

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    Jul 20, 2007

    I will def. use Eleanor's quote to lift my spirits. I guess what hurt the most was that this person judged me without really knowing who I am.
    I think I handled it well, but I have to admit that it made my day kinda gloomy to even deal with it. I need to toughen up and not let other peoples rudeness get under my skin so much, especially since I'm a first year teacher. Thanks again for all of your input:)
     
  9. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Jul 20, 2007

    A few years ago I wanted to co-teach VBS with a lady I highly respected at church. We spoke, and she said she'd call me closer to the time so we could plan. I completely trusted her, so it wasn't until it got to be 2 weeks before the date that I tried to call her. When I didn't get an answer I asked the church secretary if she was out of town. Come to find out, she didn't want to teach with me and quit. She didn't tell me anything at all, and neither did the VBS director. I was very deeply insulted and kept Jeannie from attending our VBS for a few years after that. I let her go now, but this lady is now our VBS director, so I won't help out until she steps down.
     
  10. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Knocked up was funny. Maybe Transformers. I actually liked that movie.

    Oh, you wanted suggestions on the situation with the person! Okay, if I get annoyed with someone, I just count and hug someone I love and get over it. It's no point stressing about someone who's being an idiot.
     
  11. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 20, 2007

    IWTT, here's an unusual response to your question. I found this method in a self-help forgiveness book. It, inexplicably, untied the knots in my stomach every time I was angry and couldn't seem to let it go. Might be worth a try?

    Fill in the blanks. Start with the angry feelings, full blast.

    Dear __________________,

    I’m angry that _________________________________
    or
    I hate it that __________________________________
    or
    I’m angry that__________________________________

    It hurts that ___________________________________
    or
    I’m sad that ___________________________________

    I’m afraid that __________________________________

    I’m sorry that ___________________________________

    I want _________________________________________

    I forgive you for _________________________________
    I love that _____________________________________
    Thank you for ___________________________________

    Love,
    _____________________________


    Hope it helps a little or a lot,
    Shelly
     
  12. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Jul 20, 2007

    You have two choices...
    A. Ignore her, forget about it, and move on because it's not true and she was just being caddy.
    B. Consider the possibility of her being accurate and learn something about yourself from the disagreement, even though how she approached you was a bit childish.

    I only say that because I personally do not know you and would not know if you were truly a domineering person or not.
     
  13. Go 4th

    Go 4th Habitué

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    Is this someone you work with, or have to deal with on a regular basis?
     
  14. I want to TEACH

    I want to TEACH Companion

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    Luckily, I only know this person from school. We never really got close and only had a few classes together before graduation. I know myself better than anyone in the world& I know in my heart that I do not have a domineering personality. I am very humble and feel like the person misunderstood my confidence and ability to express my opinions as domineering. I've actually spoken with other people about this situation and they can't believe some of the things the person said to me because they are all so far fetched from who I am. I am feeling much better about it today!
     
  15. I want to TEACH

    I want to TEACH Companion

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    I'll choose A and B. Although I know that she was wrong for judging me and what she said was untrue, I will still learn from this, forget about her and move on.
     
  16. Go 4th

    Go 4th Habitué

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    Glad you are feeling better. Maybe she was having a bad day or maybe that is just how she always is; regardless, don't let it bring you down. You know you weren't being ugly towards her. Some people think that they have the right to treat everyone however they feel.
    Good thing you don't see her oftern. :)
     
  17. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Jul 20, 2007

    Perhaps this person is jealous of you in some way? Or threatened?

    I remember being in a situation like that. I had a boss, who to put it bluntly, was really bad. When she went on vacation I would be put in charge of the center I worked at. She would become very threatened when she would come back and there would be newly enrolled children. She, on the other hand, could barely get kids in the door. Staff started coming to me instead of her as well. She later become very threatened (understandably so, because she did a real horrible job) and treated me badly towards the end of my stay because she was more or less jealous someone was doing her job better than herself. I chose to move on and quit in order to become a director at another center. She was later fired after 3 more years at that center. Sometimes people act that childish when people are better at something than they are.
     
  18. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    my daughter made the mistake of writing down her feelings...on email..and sent it! I told her you never really send it. oh well...I did once..read on
     
  19. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Life is short

    working the retail business...I used to see a lot of displacement.

    when people are p*ssed off at somebody else, but they don't want to deal with them...they usually take it out on somebody else, some insignificant person, like the store clerk! some people are just like that. They need to vent, but don't know how to do it.

    My ex did it to me...just once. After a 20 minute argument over nothing..he finally confessed that the nurse cancelled his appointment because he was late, and sent him home. Hmmmm...I don't know how to explain the rest of our marriage...but that certainly helped me that night!

    On the other hand, I had a situation where a good friend hurt my feelings too.

    Her adult daughter cursed me out, and I was really ticked! When I told her about it, she thought it was funny. I was really upset. She told me, I should have cursed back at her. Well, that would have been real mature! I told her I had something to do, and got off the phone.

    After tossing and turning that night, I got up and sent her an email the next day.

    I said, "I didn't expect much from your daughter...I thought she had grown up by now! But I really didn't expect you to laugh at me. I thought you would be more sympathetic, and at least apologize for her! Then I said, don't bother apologizing now, because I don't want to hear it."

    and, I deleted her from my address list.

    Maybe I should have wrote that letter, and not sent it. But I truly belive that some people do come in your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.

    She just proved to me that her season was over.

    Life is short. Learn and live that's what I say now.
     
  20. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 20, 2007

    Just to be clear, the Love Letter method isn't meant to be sent. It is a therapeutic exercise, and for me, resulted in the knot of anger melting away.
     

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