Funny Random Thoughts

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by scienceteach82, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    688
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 22, 2009

    Random Thoughts of the Day:

    -I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    -More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

    -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

    -I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

    -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

    -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    -The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

    -Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

    -There is a great need for sarcasm font.

    -Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

    -I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stress ful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

    -How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    -I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

    -The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

    -A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

    -Was learning cursive really necessary?

    -Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

    -I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    -Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

    -My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

    -Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

    -How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

    -I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

    -While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.

    -MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    -I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

    -Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

    -I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

    -Bad decisions make good stories

    -Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

    -Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

    -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

    -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

    -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

    -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

    -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

    -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

    -"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

    -I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

    -While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

    -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

    -I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    -When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

    -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

    -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

    -As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

    -Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

    -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

    -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

    -I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

    -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

    -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

    -My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

    -It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

    -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

    -I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    -I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

    -The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
     
  2.  
  3. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    5,870
    Likes Received:
    1,374

    Aug 22, 2009

    :lol:


    And for the record, my mom can fold a fitted sheet so it looks EXACTLY like the flat sheet. It's an amazing talent . . . one that I did not inherit.
     
  4. ahsila

    ahsila Companion

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 22, 2009

    I fold and roll my fitted sheets... fold until it's down to where you can't really fold it anymore and then just roll it. I say it's to save room in the linen closet, but it's really just that I don't have a freakin' clue how to fold it.

    Middle school girls are getting sluttier too...

    If they ever do develop the sarcasm font, it's totally going to be my default font.

    I'm one of the people who gets in the shower, then turns on the water... fell into the tub one time because the bottom was wet and slippery from the water so I get into a dry tub now.

    This was great - I needed the laugh. Thank you.
     
  5. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2007
    Messages:
    2,403
    Likes Received:
    1

    Aug 22, 2009

    Mine too! She tried to teach me - I get HOW she does it... but mine still doesn't come out neat.
     
  6. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    5,870
    Likes Received:
    1,374

    Aug 23, 2009

    And I LOVE to Facebook stalk, by the way.

    But I have all of my photos on "friends only" or only for certain friends. I like to do the stalking, not be stalked.
     
  7. teacherSMK

    teacherSMK Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2007
    Messages:
    886
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 23, 2009

    Holy Moly, I needed that laugh! :lol:
     
  8. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,958
    Likes Received:
    2,110

    Aug 23, 2009

  9. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    29,807
    Likes Received:
    1,165

    Aug 23, 2009

    You mean to tell me that people fold fitted sheets??

    I just put mine back on the bed...
     
  10. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    14,055
    Likes Received:
    1,878

    Aug 23, 2009

    Me too...
     
  11. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    688
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 23, 2009

    No...not me :)

    I wish I could be that funny. Glad everyone enjoyed!
     
  12. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,161
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 23, 2009

    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::toofunny::toofunny::toofunny::toofunny:

    That was great I literally laughed so loud, my kids came in to see what I was doing.
     
  13. MsMar

    MsMar Fanatic

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    2,771
    Likes Received:
    53

    Aug 23, 2009

    That was funny, thanks for the laugh.
     
  14. Jlyn07

    Jlyn07 Comrade

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Messages:
    429
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 23, 2009

    Too funny. I loved the Facebook one - I get so excited when I realize I can stalk someone!
     
  15. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 24, 2009

    I copied and pasted the more appropriate ones to the faculty at school. Very funny. Thanks for the laugh!
     
  16. Iowa_Teacher

    Iowa_Teacher Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2007
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 24, 2009

    :lol: So funny---I think we'd get along fairly well Scienceteach because I've actually questioned many of the same things!
     
  17. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2005
    Messages:
    4,395
    Likes Received:
    7

    Aug 24, 2009

    Omg, I literally lol'd. No really!
     
  18. SwOcean Gal

    SwOcean Gal Devotee

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2004
    Messages:
    1,151
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 25, 2009

    That was great! Thanks for sharing!
     
  19. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    7,075
    Likes Received:
    15

    Aug 25, 2009

    -Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

    SOOOOOOOO guilty of this one!:lol:
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. FoundryOutdoors
Total: 276 (members: 1, guests: 249, robots: 26)
test