Today has been one of the strangest days ever. I'm not sure whether to blame the full moon, the solar flare, or it being Friday the 13th. My internet has been sketchy today. The stores I went to today were all having trouble with their credit card readers. My crazy neighbor's junky girlfriend started blowing up my phone with texts. She wanted to borrow panty hose and leggings and tight and . . . wait for it . . . DOUCHE. I told her that I didn't have any of those things she could have, and that I also needed my shoes back. She got into my garage last Saturday night and stole ALL of my flip flops. The police told her to return them, but she kept the cute ones. Just returned the Old Navy ones. Then in the middle of all of that, I get a message from an old acquaintance telling me that her boyfriend's birthday was coming up, and she wanted to surprise him with a THREESOME . . . and wanted to know if I was up for it. I just seriously don't know where to go from there.