Frustrating Weight Loss - need to vent

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by silverspoon65, Nov 11, 2009.

  1. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Nov 11, 2009

    OK, so I know different people have different bodies, and life isn't fair, and horomones and water and muscle can all effect my weight... I really know all this. But I need to vent anyway.

    About a month ago I decided I was going to get serious about losing weight again. I have done WW before but this time I decided to just try the online version. I bought a really good scale that will actually go up to my weight, and got the iPhone app which I LOVE for WW.

    I decided since I was doing it alone that I needed someone to be accountable to, so I asked my BF to weigh himself with me every week, even though he was not doing WW, just trying to lose on his own. So that first Tuesday we weighed together. We are both very big people, but I was a little disappointed that I weighed more than him - almost 10 lbs more. No girl wants to weigh more than her BF. I need to lose almost 200 lbs. He needs to lose about 150.

    So the first week, I did really great on plan. My bf - not so much. He wasn't "dieting" at all. In fact, he was eating what I left on my plate in addition to his own food. I got on the scale and lost 5 lbs! ...and so did he. I was glad he lost but it was so frustrating that I had to think about food every second - I had to plan everything, and even though WW is a good program, I still felt deprived sometimes. He, on the other hand, could eat whatever he wanted, and get the same results.

    Well, this continued the next three weeks. I would plan everything and think about every decision I made - he ate whatever, and we both lost. I was up to 11 lbs gone and he had lost about 8.

    This week, I slipped up. Nothing outrageous - nowhere near what I could have eaten in the past. But I had a slice of pizza and a few things at my parents that pushed me over my points for the week. But I tracked it all anyway. I expected a LITTLE gain. I gained 5 lbs. I gained HALF OF WHAT IT TOOK ME 4 WEEKS TO LOSE!!!. I was really upset yesterday.

    But this pushed me over the edge. My BF forgot to weigh himself and said he didn't want to because he knew he gained because he was home alone this weekend and apparently pigged out and vegged in front of the tv all weekend. I know what his pig outs can be like - usually whole pizza or several servings of takeout - so I figured he was probably right - didn't lose either. But then as we were going to bed, he climbed in and said he did weigh himself. And he LOST.

    Once I thought he had gone to sleep, I just buried my head in my pillow and cried. And I hardly ever cry about my weight. But I am just SO FRUSTRATED. I am glad my BF is losing the weight - we both really need to. But I just don't understand why it is so hard for me. I can't go anywhere or do anything without thinking about what kind of food there will be there, and what I should eat, and what I really WANT to eat, and then I feel like I have to give something up... and then someone else can eat what he wants and never have to think or obsess about it, and get the same, or even BETTER results???

    I mean, I know why I gained this week. I am going to get myself back on track this week. I am not making excuses when I know messed up, but it is so frustrating how much effort I have to put into every stinking pound, and how he seems to almost just be able to will the weight off.

    Frustrating, frustrating, frustrating - I used that word a few times, and that is definitely how I feel...
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Nov 11, 2009

    Congratulations on your decision to do something so positive for your health!!! You're reallly to be commended, and I know I won't be the only one to think so.

    OK, deep breaths....

    Now I've never struggled with this particular demon; I have a good 10 pounds to lose, but I know that's not the kind of thing you're dealing with. So my advice may be off the mark; feel free to say so.


    For starters, are you sure that this is the season you want to start dieting? With the holiday season fast approaching, this time of year is probably the hardest for people to try to diet. I suggest that, instead, you try to maintain your weight from now till New Years, then start WW when there's less temptation around. So, whatever you weigh this morning is your goal for January 1st. If you manage to lose even a single pound, you're ahead of the game.

    Two: you need a new weight loss buddy, and it has to be a female. For starters, it's no good to see exactly how much he eats because of what you've said-- if his metabolism gives him better results, it will only make YOU feel worse-- totally counterproductive. Find someone-- maybe someone here or someone at WW-- to be your diet buddy instead. Guys and girls are wired differently; you need a woman to work with.

    Three: Talk to me about exercise. Everything I've read said it needs to go hand in hand with dieting. Personally I would drive the car up the front steps if I could, but it sounds as though you need to incorporate exercise here too. How about asking for a 6-month gym membership for Christmas? If he has any sense at all your boyfriend won't get it for you unless you insist, so you may have to do that. Scope them out; you want one for others like yourself, more intent on losing weight than on putting on a show. You'll want one you actually get to, so its hours and location both need to be convenient.

    Hang in there!!! We're all rooting for you!
     
  4. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I was going to mention exercise. Even walking a little every day will help at first. If you have a slow metabolism then exercise will help. I am trying to lose some weight but I know that even if I starve myself I won't lose anything unless I exercise. Some people are just like that. It's not our fault. Also, drink a LOT of water and cut back on salt. You would be surprised how much water weight we are carrying around. I sent you a PM too :)
     
  5. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I understand your frustration. I've seen men weigh themselves, then get on the toilet and weigh themselves again and drop 3 or 4 pounds just from that. It's insane. I agree with Alice, that you really need to up your activity level. The key to getting the weight off (in addition to watching your diet) is getting your heart rate up high enough to burn those calories. I've been trying to lose weight and despite going to the gym 3-4 times a week, I finally realized that I think I need to push myself even harder. I do the classes and I think they do not always allow me to get my heart rate up as high as it should be for me.

    Also keep in mind (but don't use it as an excuse) that we women have to deal with retaining water and bloat during the month, too. If you're anything like me, you may be dealing with that for a good week and a half to 2 weeks each month. Guys don't have to worry about that.

    Good luck!
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I feel your frustration! :) I'm trying to lose weight too. I'd love to lose 50 lbs. I'm short, so weight shows up fast on me. My BF has always been skinny & he can eat ANYTHING & as much as he wants! Doesn't it mk you sick! :mad:

    A few yrs ago, I had a personal trainer for almost 6 mos 3x/wk & it was great! But since Mon, I've been cutting down on the amt I eat & so far, so good! At the gym, I hate to get sweaty if I just did my hair, but it's not just about being in constant moton for as long as you can. When I had my trainer, I used the free weights, individual equipment targeting various muscles, etc. & lost, so I know I can do it again & so can you! :thumb:

    I want to lose for the holidays, but even moreseo, I want to look dynamite for when I go on my Euroean trip in 2012!
     
  7. futureteach21

    futureteach21 Habitué

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    Nov 11, 2009

    My advice to you is to try and completely ignore your bf's weight loss. Everyone is different and you are only making it harder on yourself. Focus on your own successes! Set goals for yourself and then celebrate when you meet those goals!
     
  8. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I don't know the name of the diet supplement (because I definitely would not recommend using drugs for weight loss!!) but it showS two cartoon characters, one man and one woman. The man cuts out soda and gets skinny and the woman just shrinks a little. That is so true! Men can make the smallest thing and it shows up in weight loss. Most women do have to work so much to lose weight and even then, it is slow.

    I agree with getting a female to be a weight loss buddy and if it is a woman who has similar goals, that would be even better.
     
  9. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    Nov 11, 2009

    Everyone's right-men lose weight a lot faster. I got my husband to go to WW with me for a little while, and the exact same thing happened to us. I would be really strict and he would drink beer and not really count points. He would always lose weight. (Then he'd complain if I lost a little more than him!!)

    But I also can gain weight really quickly like you. One week I used a no-weigh in pass, but then decided I wanted to know anyway. I gained 8 pounds in one week!!! The good thing is that usually that weight comes off really fast-so if you're on track this week then the 5 pounds you gained should come off easily. I really just have to remember that this is life--sometimes you will gain weight. Try to concentrate on the next week and not focus so much on one gain.
     
  10. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I know the frustration of re-gaining all the weight you worked so hard to lose. I lost about 5 pounds this last month, and was sick for a week, and gained 4 of it back. I go to WW tonight, so we will see how I have done this week.

    The change in weather and the change in fresh fruit has handicapped me. I want comfort food. I feel like a bear eating for hibernation.

    I will post more after weigh in tonight.
     
  11. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    Nov 11, 2009

    Silver-I'm sorry that you're going through this and know some of what you're feeling. I've been losing rate pretty steadily for the last six or so weeks for a total of 16 and a half pounds and then was crushed when I weighed myself on Sunday and had gained four pounds from my Thursday weigh in. But I know that it's mostly water weight because I was excessively thirsty for a few days and have kept myself on track. One thing that has really helped me lose weight so far is that I got a bodybugg (like they use on The Biggest Loser) to keep track of the calories I burn each day and then I record how many calories I eat and try to reach my 1000 calorie deficit each day to lose two pounds each week. Good luck, silver!
     
  12. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Nov 11, 2009

    :hugs:

    Weight isn't something I really struggle with (well, except for the wretched water bloat every month), but if you need an online buddy to keep you motivated to exercise, PM me. I really struggle with doing anything but lesson plans and grading during the school year.
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Nov 11, 2009

    People tend to have better success with WW if they go to the meetings...I've been going since July, have lost 12 pounds. Some weeks are better than others, but most people I know average out to a pound a week- doesn't sound like much but do that for a few months and it adds up (52 pounds a year!!)

    I walk every day at lunch and have just picked up my sister's exercise bike- she didn't use anymore- so I have added 30 minutes of biking every night on top of my lunch walks.

    Don't lose your motivation, silver. You can do this.
     
  14. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Nov 11, 2009

    :hugs:
     
  15. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Nov 11, 2009

    Thank you so much, everyone. This makes me feel better. I'll post more later...
     
  16. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I agree with the advice given so far. Men's metabolism are different than women's metabolism.

    I have been on the yo-yo weight rollercoaster. Actually, I do weight watchers online. I had my weight-in today and gained 3 pounds in one week. Yeah, I fell off the wagon hard. But I realized that it is alright but I need to get back on the wagon.

    Weight watchers is great. I wish that I could go to the meetings but I am broke. They were really beneficial. It helped me to see people face to face who were having similar weight loss problems. Also, it was a very supportive environment. Weight watchers have an online discussion on their website. But I don't use it because some of the people online were brutal and self-righteous .

    If you need an online weightloss buddy, I would be happy to volunteer my services. We can help each other out if you want.

    I am trying to lose a lot of weight (on the 2 year plan when I expect to be back to my ideal weight).

    :hugs: You're not alone.
     
  17. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I weighed in tonight and lost only .2 pounds. But, at least I have turned the tide and did not gain. Keep focusing, and you can do it. Try some of the WW soup recipes, and eat them when you feel the need. I don't think that all the people at the meetings always lose weight each week. Tonight there were about 20 people there and the clerk said we had lost 24 pounds. A lot of people just come and weigh in and leave.
     
  18. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Nov 11, 2009

    Been there with my husband. I had a more positive and permanent weight loss experience when he was not my diet partner. And even now, if I were to compare his fitness results with mine, it would be too frustrating and discouraging.

    I successfully lost 35 pounds -- losing only about 2-4 pounds per month (mostly just 2). Be patient. The process is excruciatingly slow at times. I just stayed at a strict 1000-1300 calorie for 3 or 4 months ... then I'd take a break to maintain at about 1500-1800 calories for 3 or 4 months ... then go back to less calories ... and so on.

    I've maintained my loss for a few years now and I'm gearing up to lose that last 10 pounds. I know it will take 3 or 4 months of discipline.

    To track my calories, I keep a notepad in the kitchen and jot down everything I eat each day.
     
  19. flyingmickey

    flyingmickey Rookie

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    Nov 15, 2009

    I have done WW as well but I never stick with it for long. I'm now trying to eat more veggies and drink more water. The big change is that I'm running.

    What I now notice is that I can run three times a week every week for a month but I only lose weight the week before my period. Your weight is bound to change throughout the month along with your cycle. You didn't gain 5 pounds with what you described - IT'S YOUR CYCLE. Your tears are also because of your cycle. Another week of the month and you would have been pissed and more determined.

    My DH is smaller than I am and I'm the lucky one since I get to sleep with such a hottie.

    Keep at it and don't try to compare yourself with your man.
     
  20. TeachWildThings

    TeachWildThings Comrade

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    Nov 16, 2009

    I too am broke & doing WW on my own. The last time I joined with two of my workmates a year & 4 months ago. One stuck with it & looks great. (I think I hate her ;) ) A couple of weeks ago the other one joined back & is seeing results. Then I got real mad & made the committment to myself. I text them my weigh in on Mon. mornings. I had no exercise this week & saw less of a loss. Maybe everyone is right about that diet AND exercise thing :blush:

    Oh, & the hubby, after months of no activity due to health, surgery, went surfing 3 times & a hike & abs & legs firmed up...in a week!! Just not fair I tell you....

    Hang in there...
     
  21. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Yeah, I decided to try WW on my own for the first time since i just moved and there aren't really any meetings that are close to me. I actually like it better this way. I got a good scale, I paid for the online tools, and I also got the iPhone app. I really like it and I have been tracking EVERYTHING even if I know I messed up.

    I was also SUPER bloated last week, so that makes me feel a little better about the 5 lbs. I weigh in tomorrow and I am pretty sure I will be down at least a little.

    I agree - losing weight with the BF is just too frustrating. This week he said he wanted to try South Beach, which I have also done before. I said I would try it with him - continue counting WW points but also cut out carbs which is the first phase of south beach, for 5 days. Today was the first day - he ate carbs and I didn't. lol. And he will probably still lose weight.

    I am going to keep weighing in with him because I need to be accountable to someone. But otherwise, I am just going to ignore it and find another buddy. It would be nice to have someone who would be interested in emailing once a day. Any takers?
     
  22. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Nov 16, 2009

    Our roomie just came in with a tray of those really yummy giant muffins from Costco. Argggg.
     
  23. TeachWildThings

    TeachWildThings Comrade

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    Resist the muffins! I repeat resist the muffins!

    I started to put up affirmations around the house to help me. Like, Is It Worth It?
     
  24. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Nov 17, 2009

    At least he got the chocolate and the pumpkin. NOt a big fan of Chocolate muffins, and my pumpkin ones are loads better. I do NOT need to eat them. Or the giant tray of croissants he also bought.

    But I guarantee this means BF will not be doing the no carb thing.

    That's ok! I am so good, I can stick to 2 diets at once! Look at my amazing self-discipline!

    (How is that for self-affirmation?)
     
  25. DaleJr88AmpFan

    DaleJr88AmpFan Cohort

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    Nov 17, 2009

    I would definitely be your email buddy if you need someone to be accountable to.

    Let me share a bit about me... Our school did a biggest loser contest last year starting from Good Friday until the end of the year (first week of June). I lost 29.5 lbs during that time and over the summer was able to maintain that loss (and actually 2lbs more of a loss) without tracking myself. I used the website SPARKPEOPLE.COM which I would suggest to ANYONE wanting to lose weight. Once you register, you enter information on goals, current weights, etc. There is just SO much positive information on this website that I can barely "talk" about it on here-- you'd have to see me get animated when I really talk about it! :) You log your food and water intake on line-- most foods are already pre-entered and if it isn't, you can add it. There's an exercise tracker on there also. Back to the food tracker, it divides the foods into calories, fats, carbs, and proteins. Within each category, it notes the number of used/absorbed already and how much you have left-- I loved that. No feeling guilty about what is gone already-- positive about what I have left. WOOHOO!! You can use a food planner right on that food tracker or enter your own. I used my own foods and ate what I wanted each day-- I just made sure that I hit within the caloric range that was needed. It obviously worked! Because of the change in my behavior, I was able to maintain it all summer-- and I did NOT use SparkPeople then. I had made enough life-style changes by then so I was able to lose an additional 2lbs. (OK, I realize that 2lbs is NOT that big of a deal for the whole summer. I was celebrating the fact that I still ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and STILL maintained my weight.) We just started back up the Biggest Loser we just weighed in for the second time-- I am down 4.5 lbs so far (in two weeks) and have just been more aware of my eating but more importantly DRINKING my WATER. I have been drinking Powerade Zero when plain water just won't do it for me. :)

    OK... enough about SparkPeople's positive impact!! If you are needing a positive support person, just let me know via PM. I will give you my email address and I'll be there for you. :) Good luck!!!!
     
  26. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Nov 17, 2009

    Lost 5.2 this week! Yay! that gets rid of the gain last week, plus some!
     
  27. DaleJr88AmpFan

    DaleJr88AmpFan Cohort

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    Nov 17, 2009

    Yay, congratulations!!!! Keep up the great work!
     
  28. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    Nov 18, 2009

    Congratulations! That's awesome!
     
  29. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Nov 18, 2009

    That's great. I also loss weight (3 lbs) this week. Back on the wagon. :cool::lol: I had to resist treats around me just like you. It was hard but it was worth it to see the weight loss.
     

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