Friend is bumming me out about workouts

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by waterfall, Dec 30, 2012.

  1. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    Dec 30, 2012

    I have just started working out again a couple of weeks ago. I gained a lot of weight at the beginning of this school year just because the job was so much more stressful than I was used to. It's really gotten past the point of being something I want to do just to look better and gotten into something I medically need to do. My first step was kind of to just establish a routine of actually exercising regularly (I did NOTHING for months at the beginning of the year). I don't have an ounce of natural athleticism, so basically any exercise at all is difficult for me. I'm about 25 pounds overweight at this point. I started tutoring on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I am going Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays for just 30 minutes. I do the elliptical for 20 minutes and then some arm weights for 10. I realize this isn't a ton, but I'm trying to get into the routine and something that I can stick with/have no excuse to blow off. I know not to say, "Well, I worked out today so I can eat dessert" and I realize I'm not burning that many calories yet. I'm dieting also.

    My friend (from work), on the other hand works out for 2-3 hours most days of the week. She drinks the protein shakes and lifts heavily and all that jazz. She makes comments EVERY time about how I'm just wasting time going to the gym for that short amount, I need to lift longer/heavier weights, etc. etc. She's trying to get me to drink/eat her protein things so that I can "have more energy to workout more." I've explained that my main goal is weight loss (hers is bulking up) and it wouldn't make sense to eat the few calories I'm going to go burn off. One thing I've started doing is changing into my gym clothes before I leave school and then going straight there. It's just a little gym at my apartment complex, and they don't have locker rooms. I figure by changing at school I'm not giving myself any excuse to put it off by going home first. So she knows when I go, asks what I'm planning to do, asks what I did the next day, blah blah. It's gotten to the point where I almost just want to lie to her to shut her up! I've explained my reasoning to her and that although I recognize she's trying to "push me" it's really having the opposite effect. She was just texting me about how she went for 3 hours today and asking what workouts I've been doing. This is really getting under my skin for some reason. How do I stop the madness?
     
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  3. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    :hugs:

    It sounds like maybe you need to start off by stopping identifying her as your "friend". She seems mean and unsupportive. I think the next thing you should do is stop talking to her about your workouts. If she can't be supportive and if all she's going to do is be critical, then stop giving her fuel. Don't talk about working out or losing weight or nutrition at all. If she brings it up, be polite but change the subject.

    I have a friend who has become really hardcore about working out. She's lost a lot of weight and is really proud of her accomplishments, as she should be.. For the most part she doesn't push anything onto anyone else, but every now and then she says something that rubs me the wrong way. For example, she'll talk about how the "big, fat, greasy b***** inside" her wants to eat a cheeseburger but she's going to have some celery instead. I get that what she's saying is directed inward, but I can't help but feel a little bad because, after all, I do enjoy a cheeseburger from time to time and I am myself rather...Rubenesque. I have to actively remind myself that she's not talking about me. It can be hard.
     
  4. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Dec 30, 2012

    Waterfall,
    Tell her exactly how you feel about how she makes you feel about the exercise thingy. If she is a true friend, then she will respect your feelings:hugs: and let it be. If she continues to bum you out, then you'll know what you need to do. I know what I would do, BUT it would get you in a LOT of trouble.:D ;)
    Rebel1
     
  5. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Dec 30, 2012

    Wow. It's really beyond rude. I would cut off that sort of conversation. Just not happening.

    And Caesar, someone close to me does the same. It's inconsiderate at best.

    ETA: Oh, and water, you're doing great! Sounds like a great routine you're establishing. Something is always better than nothing )and it's not as though you're doing ten crunches and calling it a day).
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Dec 30, 2012

    That's too bad that a supposed friend is like that with you. Tell her to just keep doing her thing & you'll do yours & you don't want to hear anything more about it! I'd start to distance myself from her if she doesn't get several hints from me about not needing to hear her lecture/rambling, etc....who needs a friend like this! :mad:
     
  7. terptoteacher

    terptoteacher Connoisseur

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    I applaud you for getting into the routine. I too am getting into the workout thing after a long break. I walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I was talking to our pe teacher who is also an avid runner. He said that your endorphins don't kick in until after 30 minutes, so if you walk for 30 minutes, you might not enjoy it as much as if you walked for 35. Then you'll get more out of working out and dread it less so then you'll be more apt to want to work out more.
     
  8. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    You and your 'friend' have different goals and different circumstances, and she should understand that. I would tell her that what I'm doing right now is working for me, because if I overdid it, I would run the risk of giving up altogether. And that I appreciate her trying to motivate me, but it's not working. So please do not bring up anything exercise related, unless I ask for advice.
    Obviously I would word it more diplomatically, but this would be the meaning.
     
  9. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Dec 31, 2012

    I am already mad (see grandpa rant) want me to go talk to her ... as you know I live in AZ so I could drive anywhere in the western USA for a friend :mad:

    Remember a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step
    Hopping along never helped anyone except a kangaroo, even the rabbit lost to the turtle.

    if it were me I would have told her "If you were really my friend instead of giving me more stress you could be celebrating my 'mileposts' not the ditches I fall into!"

    "If you were really my friend" --- sometimes those words will really cut to the quick

    If not kick her in her ascot :eek: and send her on her self centered way
     
  10. bison

    bison Habitué

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    It sounds like she probably has good intentions but is going about it in completely the wrong way. I would just be honest and ask her to let the subject go because the pressure is discouraging rather than a help. If she's a good friend, she'll understand. If not, well I guess you know who she really is. Honesty is the best policy and all relationships need communication!
     
  11. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    It's not that this colleague of hers has bad intentions or necessarily poor advice, just like what you say here makes sense. The point, to me, is that she needs to recognize boundaries and display some respect.
     
  12. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    First, congratulations for making the changes that you are! I made the decision, at the beginning of July, to work out at least 5 days a week. I've probably exercised more in the past 6 months than I have in my entire life before that.

    I think that you are starting in the right place; it's important to establish a routine that you can continue with. If it feels impossible to maintain, you'll stop. One important thing that I have learned on my journey is that I can't compare myself to anyone else or minimize my successes by looking at someone else. My husband trains for and runs marathons, triathlons and the IronMan; I can't train that way (nor do I want to). Does that make me any less worthy? Absolutely not.

    Your friend needs to support your commitment, not tear you down.
     
  13. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    First, way to go! I can completely understand and agree that it is a good idea to get yourself into the habit and when you commit to an hour or more it makes it easy to say you don't have time to go today.

    I agree with the other advice to just let her know that you don't have the same goals as she does right now, but you know who to ask if you need some advice.
     
  14. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    It seems that sometimes people who are really in to losing weight and working out seem to know everything and want to boss everyone else about it. I think they do it sometimes because it's so much on their minds.
     
  15. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    :hugs: First...I wish there was an emoticon to represent kicking an obnoxious co-workers butt. I KNOW first hand how hard it is to lose weight and stay motivated (I lost about 20lbs doing weight watchers...THEN gained it ALL back, plus an extra 5lbs). Having someone like this berating you and being a b**tch about it is NOT helping as evidenced by your post.

    However, I understand you want to keep a professional relationship and not start a work feud. If it were me, I would probably send her an email or talk to her in person if you're comfortable and just say,

    "Hey, I appreciate the help, but we've got completely different goals, so I'm going to buddy up with a my husband/buddy from WW/a buddy with a similar goal as yours."
     
  16. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Dec 31, 2012

    Any movement is better than no movement. She should support your effort and leave it at that. You're doing more than many of us on here, and I for one am proud of you!
     
  17. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I have no idea why she thinks it is her business what you do. You are on the right track just try to ignore her.
     
  18. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I'm sorry that she's taking this route to 'helping' you. You are doing great just getting to the gym and doing the routine that you're doing. I started out slow at the beginning to: I would walk/jog for 30 minutes MWF and then lift weights T/Th. Now I run for 3-4 miles 3 days a week, do yoga 2x a week, and lift weights 2x a week. For weights, I do medium weight (10-15 lbs) for low reps (15 reps/3 sets).

    Something that I have heard a lot, but just can't seem to really stick to is that exercising is only about 10% of weight loss, eating right is 90%. I do ok with what I eat, but I could do better! You are doing great! Just keep it up!
     
  19. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Wow STG! That's incredible! :)
     
  20. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    Thanks guys! I am going to tell her that my new years resolution is to make weight loss my private thing that I am doing just for myself, ha!
     
  21. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    So true! My biggest problem is really emotional eating. But I find that I am more in the right "mindset" and likely to keep up the healthy eating when I am exercising also. This coworker is actually quite a bit larger than me b/c although she works out like crazy, she eats whatever she wants. That's exactly what I'm trying NOT to do!

    Congrats on your workouts, that is awesome!
     
  22. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    Interesting...maybe I'll try 35! I was thinking of adding in some walking on an incline on the treadmill after the elliptical. I'm not sure I could do the elliptical for 35 minutes at this point, haha. I am planning to add a minute a week to my elliptical time until I get to at least 30 and see how I feel then.
     
  23. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    She actually may be overdoing it. I'm not strong in exercise science so I'll leave it at that. If you do a search at www.myfitnesspal.com, this topic comes up a lot.
     
  24. Cicero

    Cicero Companion

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    Good luck with your weight loss! It sounds like to me that you are on the right track. I agree with your idea to just tell her it's a private thing, because it definitely is.
     
  25. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Just ignore her!

    Oh my gosh, my novio is just like that! We'll be going skiing in about a week so a few weeks ago I started doing squats, wall-sits and lunges to help prepare my out-of-shape legs a bit. All my novio says is "that doesn't do anything", "that won't help", "that's not exercise". Well you know what really won't help? NOT DOING ANYTHING! (which is what he's doing!)

    Anyways, I just tell him to leave me alone. I can see improvements in my little exercises and I know it's going to help me for skiing. So screw him! :lol:
     
  26. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    I think you are doing a great job! I think you have a great plan for yourself and you are making good choices. Congrats on the turn around. Keep us posted on your progress, you will get nothing but positive support here. :hugs:
     
  27. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    waterfall~there is a big difference in the diet between someone who is trying to lose weight and that of someone who is trying to bulk up. Apparently your friend doesn't realize that you aren't trying to do the same thing she is.
     
  28. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    "If I decide I need a personal trainer, I'll let you know."
     

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