Freaking out

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by yearroundteach, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    This is going to be more of a vent than anything. If anyone has any personal experiences or encouragement to add, please feel free :) but overall I'm just venting more than asking anything.

    I had a baby recently and have been home on leave. After an exhaustive search of daycares and our emotions, my husband and I have come to the decision that I will resign and stay home. I am both excited and terrified, happy and sad, and every other mix of emotions possible.

    I know that we are absolutely making the right decision but that doesn't make me any less scared. This is going to be a HUGE hit to our finances. Our lifestyle will have to change completely. We are used to buying whatever we want with no real thought to budget (within reason), taking lots of impromptu weekend vacations, etc. I know that money can't make you happy but I am worried that after living a reasonably comfortable lifestyle that not having money could very well make us unhappy. I am also a bit scared of losing myself so to speak. I am worried that I will miss adult interaction and become lonely at home. I do not live where I am originally from so I don't have a huge friend base. I have a handful of good friends but they all work during the day. I thought about joining a mommy and me class but those all cost money and will won't have disposable income to spend on that.

    Another fear I have is that I'm not going to be able to buy my daughter fun things. I have spent the last few months having a great time buying her fun toys, clothes, play gyms, etc. I know that she doesn't need them and won't miss them but I will. And that leads me to think of when she's older and can miss things. I worry that she'll resent me that she won't be able to have nice things because of my choice to stay home.

    I am also a bit worried about telling my principal. I hope he will understand and not be too upset that I'm leaving mid-year. I haven't quite decided what I want to say yet and the anticipation is really stressing me out!

    There are a million other thoughts and fears swirling around in my head but I'll leave it there so as not to bore anyone. Thank you for letting me vent.
     
  2.  
  3. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    13,919
    Likes Received:
    1,745

    Oct 1, 2014

    Being at home with my kids for 10 years was the best decision I ever could have made. While we may not have had the "things" that others may have had, we had the time together and I wouldn't trade that or anything.
     
  4. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2006
    Messages:
    2,813
    Likes Received:
    52

    Oct 1, 2014

    I was able to do both...I was able to work just four hours a day doing a special gifted program and tutoring program just four days a week. Because it was a short time period, I had an older lady to babysit and I had three whole days a week to schedule things and be with my son. I loved it.
     
  5. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2002
    Messages:
    18,935
    Likes Received:
    679

    Oct 1, 2014

    Home with baby is a whole new world. I did it for years and years and loved it. Yes, you will have to be creative to find ways around your new financial situation, but it will be worth it. The bonding with your little one will make all the difference in the world. Babies don't need much in the way of extras. I'd worry more about diapers than toys.

    As to the change in lifestyle, that, too, requires adaptability. If you take Lamaze or other classes through your hospital, you will meet other couples. You could stay in touch and have a mother/baby day once a week. When your child is a bit older, join a mommy and me group in your area. It's a fun way to give toddlers a time for social interaction and the moms a time for the same. It's also a good step before preschool. So is the library story hour, usually for age 2 and up. Churches sometimes have mothers' groups, too.

    You might find it hard to leave your baby with a sitter, but even an hour a week to go to the library or shopping with both hands free will help your frame of mind.

    Your principal will deal with it - this is real life! What could be a better reason for a staff interruption than a new baby?
     
  6. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    897
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    I am staying at home with my twin babies. Are you on Facebook? Look to see if there is a mom group in your area. A lot of times they have get togetherness that are free. Also the park and library are huge places to meet people. Most libraries have baby story time.
     
  7. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2011
    Messages:
    467
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    Can you take a one year leave of absence before you make the decision to resign?

    In my system you can take one year off. This would give you a chance to make sure this is the right decision for your family.
     
  8. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,468
    Likes Received:
    2,485

    Oct 1, 2014

    I am envious of your position. I have a new baby at home and would love the chance to stay at home, but it's just not an option for our family right now. Thankfully we found a babysitter who doesn't charge an arm and a leg and who loves our baby.
     
  9. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    This is what I keep telling myself. I know that although I might miss the things for a little (or long ;)) while, years from now what will matter is the time I spent with my daughter. Thanks for sharing your experience.
     
  10. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    That sounds like a great situation! I may try to find something to do from home or part time in the future.
     
  11. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    Thanks so much for the encouragement and helpful information. I hope you're right about my principal. He has a reputation and track record of taking things personally and holding a grudge. I suppose if he really wanted to be vindictive he could make it difficult for me to be rehired by my district in the future. I hope this isn't the case and is the reason I'm so worried about exactly how to tell him.
     
  12. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    I am on Facebook. How do I go about finding a group on there? I've found a few groups online but it seems like they've all been established for quite some time. I am not the best at meeting new people so I'm afraid it might be awkward to be the new person when everyone else already has established relationships. I do realize that I'll have to step out of my comfort zone at some point though unless I want to sit in the house alone for 9 months out of every year (all my friends are teachers so I have plenty of company in the summer :))
     
  13. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    That would have been ideal. Unfortunately my district did away with that leave a few years ago. I've spoken to just about everyone in every department trying to see if there is a way around it and there just isn't. Unless our daughter or someone in my family had a medical condition that required me to care for them, there isn't any other way to extend my leave. I've exhausted all that is available to me and my choice is to return to work or resign.
     
  14. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,696
    Likes Received:
    271

    Oct 1, 2014

    I would contact HR instead of your principal if you think he will be negative. HR will need to know anyway.
     
  15. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,468
    Likes Received:
    2,485

    Oct 1, 2014

    Have you looked into whether there are any financial penalties for not returning to work, like having to repay your health insurance or anything like that?
     
  16. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    Supposedly not. When I ask I never feel like I get anyone who is an expert but all say no. I think we're in the same district if I remember correctly. Is there anything like that that you know of?
     
  17. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,468
    Likes Received:
    2,485

    Oct 1, 2014

    I only know that if you take any unpaid time during your maternity leave, you have to pay your own health premiums during that time. I haven't heard of anything else, though.
     
  18. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 1, 2014

    Ok good. I thought you may have known something I didn't. I sure hope the information I've gotten on the phone during my MANY calls is accurate. I have been paying my premiums for the past couple months. Supposedly if I resign early enough into October and haven't made any claims, they'll refund my most recent payment but I'm not going to hold my breath on that. Insurance has actually been the most difficult part of this process. I'm learning very quickly that I have been spoiled by our insurance and anything we buy privately just isn't going to compare.
     
  19. melnm

    melnm Companion

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    6

    Oct 1, 2014

    I also stayed home for eight years with my kids. When my daughter started kindergarten, I went back part time. We didn't have a lot of money, but we budgeted and made it work. I wouldn't trade those years for anything. My daughter is in third grade now and I'm back to working full time. We have more income now, but I still miss those days at home with my babies!
     
  20. bros

    bros Phenom

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2009
    Messages:
    4,105
    Likes Received:
    68

    Oct 2, 2014

    My mother effectively took off the first ~8-10 years of my life - she worked for my step-grandfather. As long as I can remember, she was never paid in money - just in non-taxable gifts (appliances, paying for plumbers/roofers/etc., and other odds-and-ends) because my step-grandfather and the IRS don't get along.

    She'd work for my step-grandfather at home (He gave her an old 386 so she could work on CAD drawings at home), then when we entered school, she'd work until school let out, and she'd bring us to my grandmother's house (my step-grandfather's business was in the basement - my mother was the only employee after my uncles quit and they lost their office to the IRS).

    It was an odd situation.

    Then, finally, my step-grandfather declared bankruptcy around 2000-2001 and my mom was out of a job. In 2002, she found a job at the town court, where she has been working since, in a job she hates (and only has because of the benefits - $40 a month).

    My mom liked her time home with us, raising us. She probably also liked that she was able to keep a close eye on me, given my medical issues.
     
  21. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Messages:
    4,212
    Likes Received:
    8

    Oct 2, 2014

    I'm due with my first baby in March, and the thought of staying home has crossed my mind quite a bit. My husband doesn't want me to, and I'm sure I will work, but I'm not ruling the SAHM thing out quite yet. Your concerns are the exact same concerns that I would have.

    As others have mentioned, I think I would probably do some part-time work. I used to work at a teacher supply/educational toy store. If I were a SAHM, I would probably go back to working nights there. It would give me a bit of a social life, and some fellow mommies to hang out with. Plus, I could still see my teacher friends when they came in shopping.

    Do you belong to a church? I know a lot of churches around here have free mommy groups.

    As for buying your daughter things, there are so many fun ideas that you can do for free or super cheap. For example, when I taught preschool we went a nature walk and collected "treasures." The kids loved doing leaf rubbings. I love checking out frugal family blogs, too.
     
  22. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 5, 2014

    I know that when I look back and my daughter is in 3rd grade, I will feel exactly like you do. I just hope we can make it work. Budgeting has never been my forte so I'm in for a lot of learning! :blush:
     
  23. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 5, 2014

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! The main reason my husband is so behind this idea (besides just being supportive) is that he hates the idea of daycare probably more than I do. There just aren't a lot of good options here like there are in other places.

    I am looking into some part time work. I am searching for at home work options but they are very difficult to find. I will likely sub one day a week when my husband is off. I have thought about working at a Lakeshore or something at night but I am reluctant to give up the time we have together as a family.

    I don't belong to a church. I have looked into some classes that our library offers and will probably force myself to go to some of those. Most of them are for older kids but there are a couple for babies.

    I am absolutely terrible at budgeting so I definitely need to check out the frugal family blogs you speak of! That will be my next stop when I'm done browsing A to Z :)
     
  24. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    897
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 6, 2014

    If you type in (under the "groups" part of Facebook) your town and "mom group" something should come up. Or if your area has a name, like mine is North Shore and encompasses lots of towns.

    Also, look up groups on meetup. There are lots of moms groups on there. But the library is the most social I have found. Around where I live you have to register in advance its so popular!
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. K2fun,
  2. waterfall,
  3. futuremathsprof,
  4. TamiJ
Total: 252 (members: 5, guests: 229, robots: 18)
test