Found a lump

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by mrachelle87, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    OK--Here goes. I am scared to death. I found a lump and it is very tender to the touch. The doctor was concerned so he made me an appointment for next Monday with another doctor for some tests. Nurse told me that it could take up to three weeks to get in...they called the other doctor today and I am in Monday. That scares me, "Why would he move things around to see me so fast? Was my doctor scared also?"

    I have two children and I look at them and cry. Both grandmothers had breast cancer. Two aunts -- mom's sister, and my dad's sister had it. A cousin on my mother's side had it. I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I haven't told my mother yet. And I am not sure that I am before going to the specialist on Monday. I told my boss and my best friend and my husband---and yes, I know that there is too many ands in the sentence.

    I just need to know that someone is praying for me. I am afraid to ask my church family, because they share everything and I am not ready for my family to know. But my "secret" teaching family was the first people that came to mind to ask prayers from. Thanks guys. You have came through for me before and I know that you will again.
     
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  3. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    :hugs::hugs::hugs:
    I can offer a virtual hug & know that I'll be praying for you!!! I'll be thinking about you the rest of the week & at your appointment.

    I know that you don't want to scare your mom, but I would hope as a daughter I would tell my mom to be there as one of my biggest supporters!!!
     
  4. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    My goodness, I truly hope it's benign & I'll be praying. I can understand your worry & fears. I don't have kids yet, but there's cancer on BOTH my parents side as well: My dad, one or two of his sisters, & my aunt on my mom's side passed away from it in Aug 2008. She was only in her 50s. :unsure:
     
  5. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Lots of patience and strength to you as you await the tests and results. Having gone through two rounds of testing for cervical cancer, I feel for you. :hugs:
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :hugs: Know that I will be praying for you and your family. My mom died of breast cancer and my grandmother had throat cancer so it is a very real scare for me. Keep us updated.
     
  7. GoldenPoppy

    GoldenPoppy Habitué

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    Adding my prayers too.

    Support from all of us and from your "real" people too will get you through whatever is ahead.
     
  8. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    There are times to be a hound about grammar and there are times when grammar can just go hang. I hereby declare, as one of A to Z's chief grammar hounds, that this is one of the latter.

    Many hugs to you, mrachelle87.
     
  9. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    We will all be thinking of you, praying for you and wishing you well.

    I know you know it could be so many other things that aren't serious. It is just because of your family history that they are scared. Try to take care of yourself and not be too stressed (easier said than done, I know.) Stay busy and do things you love this weekend - to heck with the housework and anything else that isn't life affirming.
     
  10. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Mar 24, 2010

    Hang in there!

    You're at the point I was just about 2 years ago. My lump was LARGE-- 10 cm when it came out-- think the size of an orange. And it appeared, as far as I know, overnight. (Turns out that that's pretty much the MO for the kind of tumor I had.)

    First of all, the good news: the OVERWHELMING majority of lumps turn out to be nothing at all. Honest, you could look it up.

    But DON'T. Don't look at all the horror stories when 99.9% of them won't apply to you, regardless of what the mamogram shows. Clean your house, run a few miles, go shopping, eat chocolate,do anything you can, but do NOT google "breast cancer." All it will do is make you even more insane with worry, and at the end you won't know any more about YOUR case than you do right now.

    Of course your doctor is scared-- of malpractice if somehow it IS something and they don't rush. That's a good thing. If it turns out to be nothing, far better that you know soon so you can start sleeping at night. And if, God forbid, it is something, then a rush is also good. So the rushing means absolutely nothing; don't read anything into it.

    Now let's do worst case scenario. I had a Phyllodes tumor, and it meant a partial mastectomy. (Again, it was a tumor the size of an orange. The moment I felt it, I know I had lost the breast.)

    You know what? Nothing hurt. I mean NOTHING. Not the mastectomy, not the radiation, not the reconstruction. Here I am, a year and a half after my mastectomy, wearing a sweater, with a "matched set" (at least with clothes on) and feeling wonderful.

    So having caught this early means that even the "worst case" isn't nearly as bad as the demons that I KNOW are keeping you awake at night.

    Feel free to PM me. I'll be brutally honest, I promise. The absolute worst part of the entire process was all those sleepless nights, looking at my kids and crying. The actual mastectomy and radiation really weren't as tramatic as the late night demons.

    But I'm here to tell you that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
     
  11. scholarteacher

    scholarteacher Connoisseur

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    I know the waiting is rough! Prayers for you!
     
  12. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    I've had 4 scares myself so here is a good thought - the doctors always tell me that if the lump causes pain or if it is tender, it is most likely benign. Also on a good note, once this is all checked out you will be able to breathe a sigh of relief.

    Praying for good results! (I understand you not wanting to stress your mom unnecessarily. But if it were my daughter, I would really really want her to let me be there for her!)
     
  13. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Others have said things so well already. I'm offering my prayers and support.
     
  14. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Do I get to point out that if it were one of my daughters and she didn't tell me, I'd wring her neck??

    Seriously: for a mom, not knowing and then finding out is a much bigger stressor than knowing when there's still time to do SOMEthing.
     
  15. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Lots of prayers for you and I agree with Alice about staying away from the internet information!
     
  16. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    OK, I've got to tell you: I didn't tell my mom until after I had had the mamo and sonogram and seen the surgeon. I didn't tell any of my sisters either.

    As a mom, sure I would want to know.

    But you know what?? This is the one tiny little piece of the process you have control over. It holding off on telling mom until you get results will make you feel happier, then I say risk the wrath of mom.
     
  17. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I will be praying for you. I agree with Alice, do NOT google anything. All it will do is make you more worried and it will not help at all. I am so glad that you are getting in early so you don't have to wait and worry the whole time.
     
  18. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Sending up prayers for you.
     
  19. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Mrachelle, your letter touched me and made me cry; YOU are in my prayers. :hugs:
     
  20. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I am sitting here with tears running down my face as I read the posts. I knew I could count on all of you to offer support. While I would never know you if we passed in the grocery store, I share and know more about some of you than the people that I work with or spend time with each week. I am so blessed that I stumbled across this site.

    No, I am not going to tell my mom yet. She is a super worrywart. She would be the one that researched it and she would make my kids worry. I love her, but I need more info before I talk to her.

    Thank you all for the prayers. I feel better just knowing that there is people who are thinking of me.
     
  21. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    I totally agree with Alice; I am a very private person and would never want to "burden" (wrong word definitely) any family members/loved ones. I know that would be me...waiting until I got all the information/tests from the doctors. But, then, again, that's me.
     
  22. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I've also got to tell you one of my secrets:

    During the months of reconstruction, I sometimes drove when I shouldn't have. Not that there was any medical reason, but I'm a cryer by nature. (As in sobbing over a Hallmark commercial.) So you KNOW I did some serious crying, and more than once while behind the wheel.

    Well, my then-new 2008 Kia Sedona found it's way into:
    a) a parked car and
    b) a concrete support column in the Plastic Surgeon's office.

    My brother in law, who does auto detailing, has offered to fix the dents. But they're a badge of honor for me-- proof every time I see them that I'm stronger than I would ever have believed possible. I look at those 2 dents and say a prayer of thanks for the way things turned out for me.
     
  23. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    You have all of our prayers and support.

    If it would make things harder for you right now to have your mother worrying, don't tell her.

    Take care.
     
  24. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    I, too, have experienced that scare. I did not tell my mom. She had been through it all herself, and I did not want to worry her. As said before, most are nothing to worry about.
     
  25. Mrs. K.

    Mrs. K. Enthusiast

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    More hugs and prayers from me.
     
  26. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    May the good Lord be your hope and your strength. You will make the best decisions for yourself as far as what and when to share. My prayers are with you.
     
  27. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    You are in my prayers as well.

    Alice-I love your stories-I hope in the face of any adversity I could be that strong!
     
  28. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I knew I could count on all of you. My husband admitted that he told my mother yesterday that I was going to the doctor and that they rushed the appointment through. He says he didn't tell her why. Sometimes I think he is closer to my mom than I am to her. He eats lunch with her three days a week. He knows all her secrets. Just recently they did a test to check for colon cancer on her. I had a school trip planned, so my wonderful husband spent the night at her house, got up early, drove an hour and a half to the doctor, got her there before 7 and then stayed with her throughout it all. He then took her to get her medicine, brought her home, and put her to bed on the couch with a book.

    But for me, he can't look at me. I know that he is scared. He lost his grandmother, she raised him, to breast cancer when our son was a year old. I was the one that had to tell him. It was the hardest time for us both. Now when he looks at me, he gets that scared look in his eyes. We have argued more than we ever have the last two days. I know it is just because he is scared to death. But he doesn't seem to understand that all I want is him to wrap me in his arms and rock me. He left this morning to go on a trip with my son for three days. I am so hurt, not because he left, but because he doesn't want to discuss my fears or talk about it. I know that he is just afraid as I am, but it is my body. And I don't feel in control...I am a BIG control freak.

    I appreciate all of you listening to my rants. I knew that you guys would surround me. I felt better just reading these posts.
     
  29. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Mrachelle, hugs to you!!!
    I'm not going to make excuses, I think we would all want that from our hubby's, but we have to remember men like to be the "fixers" & he probably is feeling that he himself can't "fix" you leaving him to feel powerless. I know that sounds silly, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I wish men were that way. The even sillier thing is we mom are protective by nature & we feel just as powerless when we can't protect the ones we love or ourselves. I think the fear of the unknown for both ot you is rough as well!!!

    Keeping you all in my prayers!!!
     
  30. GlendaLL

    GlendaLL Aficionado

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    Sending prayers for you! :angel:
     
  31. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I know that is why he has been acting the way that he has. I understand that, but that doesn't change the fact that I just need to be hugged. :wub: That is why I am glad that I have all of you.:hugs: I can't believe the notes and messages sent. Bless you all.
     
  32. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    I haven't been in your situation, but I have told my hubby the same thing...I know there's nothing you can do, but I just need you to hold me. Maybe you should just tell him because maybe he doesn't realize how much that would mean to you...but of course now he's on his trip!!!
     
  33. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    I have had a major scare, too, and it went all the way to a biopsy before I was told that it was benign. I was a mess. I know exactly what is running through your mind. My only advice is to think positively. And to know that we are all thinking positively for you.
     
  34. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    As long as mom has an inkling, you might want to reconsider keeping her in the dark.

    You know she'll worry herself sick. At least, if you're up front with her, she's another shoulder to cry on.

    And when this is all over, please smack your husband in the head for me, for letting on to mom!!!!!

    As to those hugs: your husband may be afraid of somehow hurting you. Let him know YOU need to hug HIM, and that you promise you'll let him know if you feel even a twinge.
     
  35. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I made an appointment for another exam that morning before the tests. I know weak...but this way I don't have to lie to my mother. I can just "forget".
     
  36. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Hey, there's no such thing as "weak' in this scenario. You do what you've got to do to come out the other side sane.
     
  37. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    In the meantime, you need a project.

    Where are you going for summer vacation??? Unless you're looking at being unemployed, "No vacation" is no longer an option. You need to start planning something.

    Where will it be?
     
  38. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I am going to see about finding a job so that I can help my son purchase his first car. I would like to challenge him to earn just as much so that he can get his dream truck.
     
  39. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I would also like to take a sewing class this summer. I want to play a little. I would also like to spend some time working out and getting into shape.
     
  40. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Is this what you are talking about Alice? Set goals that don't have anything to do with being sick or dealing with it?
     
  41. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    ABsolutely. You need a diversion. For me, two years in a row, it was planning trips to Disney World. (The first trip we already had planned when I felt the tumor, the second was all about me.) It gave me something positive to think about and look forward to, and something to do in the wee hours of the night when I couldn't sleep. I learned a LOT-- I had lots of those nights.

    So, what will it be? You don't have to actually TAKE the trip if you don't want to-- it can all be a game-- but it's a whole lot more fun if there's a point at the end.
     

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