For you Lexophiles

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Major, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Humor for Lexophiles

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
    To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
    When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
    A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
    A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
    The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
    A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
    A will is a dead giveaway.
    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
    A backward poet writes inverse.
    In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
    If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you a flat miner.
    The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
    A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
    A calendar's days are numbered.
    A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
    A boiled egg is hard to beat.
    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
    When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
    When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
    Acupuncture: a jab well done.
     
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  3. clarnet73

    clarnet73 Moderator

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    Mar 25, 2009

    *groan*
     
  4. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Mar 25, 2009

    I love these. I'm sending them to my dad (he and I love a good groaner!)
     
  5. brigidy

    brigidy Comrade

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Hee, Hee, I will have to use these with my students.
     
  6. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Copy and print. I will use these with my class, too. Thanks! :)
     
  7. MathManTim

    MathManTim Companion

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    Mar 25, 2009

    A house without a toilet is uncanny.
     
  8. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Mar 25, 2009

    The kids should love them... in particular the roundest knight and the dead batteries........:p:p
     
  9. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Oh, TeacherGroupie.......
     
  10. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Mar 25, 2009

    OK Ms. Alice....... that went over my head........:p:p:p
     
  11. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Add more groans...

    I'll have to take these in to our grade 8 teacher tomorrow. A couple of weeks ago he shared some similar "thoughts" with his class. They kept looking at me, begging me to "make him stop"! This will be good for a few minutes of "torture" for them! :p
     
  12. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Sorry, Major.

    TG is the board's greatest pun-ster.

    She'll get a kick out of this thread in a few minutes when she sees it.

    Remember in Bewitched, when Samantha would call for "Dr. Bombay" and he would just appear??? TG is kind of like that.
     
  13. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Didn't mean to pun-cture your illusions, anyone...

    Yes, those are genuine groaners, Major. And they seem to have groan on people.
     
  14. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Mar 25, 2009

    Thanks Alice..... I'm glad that's the case... I know absolutely nothing about "TG."

    :):):):)

     
  15. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Mar 25, 2009

    --Ack--

    *doubles over*

    *oof*

    Quick, someone get Major talking about politics!:D
     
  16. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Mar 27, 2009

    There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
     
  17. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Mar 27, 2009

    Funny....... gotta remember that one........ :p:p
     

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