For the moms...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by scienceteach82, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Nov 10, 2009

    When did you start have that 'motherly love' feeling for your children?

    I'm 12 weeks pregnant...and feel absolutely nothing. Things have been beyond stressful for me anyway worried about bills and not having a job. (only part time at car dealership)
    Situation with BF is NOT ideal and this came at a time when I was finally feeling strong enough to let go of him. He has another kid with his ex...and as sad as it is...I feel nothing for her either. I think she is a spoiled brat that gets away with murder. Terrible, I know...

    I'm just worried I'll be one of those mothers that regrets their kids and treats them poorly. :unsure:

    Everyone is telling me to 'enjoy' this...but I can't. I do want to be happy...but it's taking forever to even feel a bit excited.
     
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  3. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Normally I'd say congrats, but given the circumstances, I'll say, I hope you can mk the best of it. I'm thinking this is that BF who you always talk badly about who has the daughter that you babysat ea wknd. How did you get yourself into this? No, it's none of my business I know. It's too bad that this isn't a joyous occasion for you & I hope the love feelings for your child will come.
     
  4. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    The babies are still an abstract idea, but once you see them, your heart will melt, and love will come.
     
  5. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    failed bc pill...that's how
     
  6. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Thanks, Blue...I sure hope so.
     
  7. TennisPlayer

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    Nov 10, 2009

    I'm not a mom yet but I've heard that once your baby is born and you're holding them, your natural motherly instincts will kick in... babies are precious.

    Do you have someone you know whom you can talk to "in person" about all of this?
     
  8. scienceteach82

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    not really...my mom is here...but I've never been comfortable talking to her about things...she doesn't like bf as is...
    She likes to gossip to my annoying @ss aunt...and she tells the rest of the family EVERYTHING!!!!!!! ugh...

    All of my real friends are out of state...and they don't understand. My one friend here that has a kid isn't the best person to talk to.

    yuck
     
  9. TennisPlayer

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    Ohhhh...

    Is there something in particular you want to happen besides have these motherly feelings?
     
  10. scienceteach82

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    just to be happy about it...lol

    everyone says this is a 'blessing' blah blah blah...but I don't see it

    I'd also like to have a job....
     
  11. TennisPlayer

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    Nov 10, 2009

    Sure, the circumstances you mentioned aren't ideal like you said...

    A) Are you planning on staying with your BF? Hopefully you will make the choice based on if it's a healthy relationship, etc
    How does he feel about all this? Is he excited?

    B) Can you get some kind of job that's maybe not ideal (I assume you're looking for a teaching job) just to make some money?

    C) Your doctor may refer you to some counselor if you want to talk to someone who can help you out too
     
  12. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    TennisPlayer, exactly what I want to ask, but the OP would probably ignore me if I asked it.
     
  13. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I spent both of my first trimesters throwing up daily. So, yeah, I loved the idea of my 2 daughters, but the reality wasn't pleasant.

    But once that tiny baby is in your arms, not an abstract idea but a real, living, breathing (crying, pooping...) person, it's a whole different ballgame!
     
  14. scienceteach82

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    A) That is still up in the air. We had LOTS of issues before, and none have been resolved. We tried...but a lot had to do with my attitude towards things...and I tend to hold a grudge. Whoops. He is worried about money. Not really happy or excited yet. If I had a job, I'm sure he'd relax some and be happier. We saw one baby moving around on the last ultrasound, and that made him happy.

    B) I'm looking for anything. I applied at the mall, and didn't get interview. It's beyond ridiculous. There are lots of jobs in my field (biology) at local university doing research...and I have all the experience...just don't get why I'm not picked. Very frustrating.

    C) I'll ask. Thanks.
     
  15. scienceteach82

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    you didn't ask, so I couldn't respond
     
  16. scienceteach82

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    Alice...thanks...it's just not real to me yet...except the being sick part.
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    And that's totally miserable in a way that can't be understood by anyone who hasn't BTDT. It certainly doesn't engender any extra maternal feelings towards the whole pregnancy situation.

    Both times, I was done as soon as my first trimester ended. So hang in there; this too shall pass.

    As far as money: could you do in-home childcare? It might help make ends meet, and there's always a need for it.
     
  18. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    st...it is really hard to feel anything but misery for the first few months. It just feels like being sick...and tired...but when you start to feel them move, that's when it happens for me.
     
  19. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Don't worry - you will get there. In my experience during the second trimester the sickness and shock wear off and a sense of well being and happiness reigns (until you are big and miserable - lol). Once you have the baby you will fall in love. You have enough things to worry about without worrying about that.
     
  20. scienceteach82

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    Thanks for the support.

    BF mentioned in-home child care. I might look into that. He said then I could stay at home with the babies too. Our house just isn't that big, and not sure how many kids it would accomodate.
     
  21. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    The thing is: it wouldn't necessarily take many.

    Take a look at the regulations in your county; once you hit a certain number, you need to become a licensed day care center and then it's a whole different ballgame. But you can probably legally watch 1 or 2 kids, maybe more, and start tomorrow if you want. You'll have access to a bathroom when the morning sickness hits. (And, by the way, who on earth decided to call it that??? Mine was "Any time, anywhere sickness."
     
  22. scienceteach82

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    Yep...anytime sickness is with me. lol
     
  23. TeacherGroupie

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    "Morning sickness" was probably named by a guy - I'm guessing one who noticed that the wifey wasn't as fast getting his breakfast on the table as she had been.
     
  24. Blue

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    st, please find someone to talk to. Did you contact Parents of Multiples yet? I suspect they can be very helpful to you. And, I suspect they can help you out with baby things.
     
  25. scienceteach82

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    No, I haven't contacted anyone. I've looked at forums, and other things. My friend told me to talk to a priest....but they can only do so much.
     
  26. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :lol: probably!
     
  27. MsMar

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    ST, I think the advice that you're getting to find a local person/group to talk to is very useful. Chatting with other moms of multiples would be a good thing. I know we're happy to lend an ear here, but the face to face interaction and conversation would be really good to have.

    And yeah, "morning sickness," what a misnomer that is!
     
  28. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    I didn't feel total love for my baby until after I held him. The pregnancy was a miserable experience for me. Then when I picked him up--WHOA!! I suddenly understood the whole mother bear and cubs thing.

    But when his little personality started showing after a few months...it was nothing but pure joy after that. Love grows when it comes to your child.

    And I have heard that it's fairly normal to not feel much during the pregnancy if you are having other issues in your life.

    Are you the crafty type? Can you make things to sell like quilts, baby toys, etc. Cook Christmas goodies around holiday times? A lady up the street does that--yum...delicious fudge and cookies.

    How about Sylvan?

    Sign up for tutoring services at local schools and districts.

    Brighton Academy in Douglas County just lost a teacher. Don't know if they are hiring.
     
  29. scienceteach82

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    Thanks for the ideas. I am on the sub and tutor list...and never get called :(
     
  30. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Nov 10, 2009

    ST,
    I had twin girls in my class last year. Would you like me to ask their mom what a good forum is that she used, or if you can email here? And of course you always have me. Since we know each other "in" person.
     
  31. Mrs. Q

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    I had a really stressful pregnancy -- our baby was planned, but the week that I found out I was pregnant, my husband got (unexpectedly) discharged from the Army and we were out of an income, home, everything. The stress continued the rest of the 9 months and then I really believe now that I had post-partum depression. So honestly, it took me until my son was several months old before I really, truly felt a bond with him. But now he is everything to me and more.

    I do agree with others who have said that maybe you can find a counselor who can help you talk through some of your worries -- save yourself the trouble that I went through!
     
  32. Blue

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  33. TeacherShelly

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    This is the first I "heard" about your twins! Wow! I don't know if you know, but I have twins, too, and the hormones are usually quite high with twins. That may be contributing to your sense of unhappiness. Any pregnancy will mess with your emotions, but twins especially. You could tell your MD and see what s/he recommends.
     
  34. Hoot Owl

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    Oh scienceteacher, big hugs!

    I used to worry when I was younger that I didn't have any maternal instincts at all. We were married six years before my son was born and I just didn't think I'd like having a baby at all. I knew how much trouble they were, what with being the second of six kids in my family. I helped raise my younger siblings... honestly taught my brother and sister to read before they went to school.

    After my son was born I felt like mother of the year.

    Today, my two kids are their families are what make my heart beat, in fact, I'd give my heart to them, my last drop of blood.

    You don't have to be excited yet, it would be nice if you were but don't beat yourself up over it. Have you looked at any baby clothes yet?

    Be patient with yourself, again, big hugs.
     
  35. scienceteach82

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    Thanks again for everyones support, advice, and experience!

    Teachershelly- I didn't know you have twins...cool!
     
  36. scienceteach82

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    I've glanced at baby clothes...and other baby things. Bf said I shouldn't be bc we can't afford anything right now...jerk...

    I'm only looking!

    When my friend had her baby I loved buying stuff for her! I'm sure I will love it again someday...lol
     
  37. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    st: accept that you're going to view this differently than he does, and don't let him drive you crazy. So look at baby things, just not when he's around. Play with names, with ideas for everything, but share them with us, not him, until he's ready.
     
  38. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    ST: coming into this a little late. I didn't know I was pg until later in the pregnancy. The thing that made it "real" was that first kick you feel.

    I really hope everything works out for you. The friend you bought baby clothes for is she keeping them or could she pass them down your way. We have someone that we know that passes all the clothes are way...WE LOVE IT. My lil ones think it's like Christmas!!!

    Even if you couldn't do all day child care is there some kids near by that you could do before or after school/tutoring with?!?
     
  39. TeacherNY

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    When you find out the sexes of the babies ask the friends that YOU shopped for and see if they will lend you some of their baby things that their kids have outgrown. Hopefully, someone will throw you a baby shower and you won't have to by anything. My nephew's room was full of stuff before he was even born and that was before his parents bought anything themselves.
     
  40. TeachOnTheBeach

    TeachOnTheBeach Rookie

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    Nov 11, 2009

    I am so sorry you feel like this. I, too, am expecting twins. We planned ours and had to go through IVF, a very long and expencive process. Needless to say we are thrilled we are having our boys. I know that the stress of money and bad situations will make things hard but try to think positive. I think the idea of home day care is a great idea. You can care for kids in your own home and you can get paid for staying at home. I found my sitter for when the boys are born and I go back to work on Craigslist. You can advertise there and in no time you will be up and going. I can help if you want!
    I am sorry that you feel this way, just remember that they need your energy. See someone if you need to. If you need to get out of your relationship because it will help you, then do it! I know that people wont agree with this but I just feel that you have to do what makes you happy!
    Please let me know if I can do anything.
    I joined a club called mothers of multiples and they have been great and know a lot of things and people to help.
    Let me know if I can do anything at all!
     
  41. TeachOnTheBeach

    TeachOnTheBeach Rookie

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    Nov 11, 2009

    By the way, I have morning sickness, headaches all day, and all I do is pee....It's not a stroll in the park :)
     

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