For Catholics...funny

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by scienceteach82, Nov 21, 2009.

  1. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Nov 21, 2009

    AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

    BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

    CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

    HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

    HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

    RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

    INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

    JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

    JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

    JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

    KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

    MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

    MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

    PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

    PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

    RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

    RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

    TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

    USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
     
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  3. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Nov 21, 2009

    That IS funny! Thanks for sharing. I particularly like the definitions of HYMN, INSENSE, and JESUITS.
     
  4. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Nov 21, 2009

    LOL, very funny. I totally agree with the definition of PEW and RELICS hahha
     
  5. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    Nov 21, 2009

    Too funny!!
     
  6. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Nov 21, 2009

    :lol:
     
  7. Mr D

    Mr D Comrade

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    Nov 21, 2009

    :rofl:
     
  8. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Nov 21, 2009

    I sent this to a favorite priest. He just replied back that it's hysterical. Just thought I'd let you know.
     
  9. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Nov 22, 2009

    I particularly liked the formula for holy water.

    The ex, as a teenage agnostic, got a summer job in a Methodist church as the janitor. One day, since there was a baptism in the offing, he found this among his instructions for the day:

    Fill font with holy water.​

    This puzzled him deeply: which faucet dispensed the holy water? He finally swallowed his teenage pride and asked the secretary - who giggled, and then explained that it didn't matter, since the water gets blessed after it's in the font.

    The ex used to tell this story on himself - but I've always sort of wondered whether it might have confirmed him in his agnosticism.
     
  10. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Nov 22, 2009

    lol...nice
     

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