first-year teacher that quit (is there any hope?)

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by grandmasterj, Oct 28, 2019.

  1. grandmasterj

    grandmasterj New Member

    Oct 28, 2019
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    Oct 28, 2019

    I want to give the full context of what's happening so this will probably be a long post. I am in a very vulnerable state and am feeling really depressed. There are many things that I am not proud of and that I wouldn't normally do. I am feeling so far lost and I would appreciate if people could be sensitive to that. I am teaching in a title 1 school and early on I started to have feelings that this might not be the right fit. I tried to keep in mind that first-year teaching would be tough either way and I had to just make it through the year. In September I found out that my cousin was diagnosed with cancer. He went quickly and I lost him at the beginning of this month. I grew up with him and he was like a brother to me. I've been living with my boyfriend since last December. We were together 3 years. I told him that I needed to stay with my grandma for 2 weeks and he asked me if I ever thought about him when I made that decision. That really hurt. My cousin's last moments were at her house and I felt like I needed to be with her. I realized that I was in a toxic relationship and that he has very narcissistic tendencies. I've moved back home and have been trying to focus on work but I feel like I just don't care about anything anymore. I've been feeling so lost and unlike myself. I've been unprepared for work, unprofessional, and super reclusive. My aunt has also been having a really hard time with all of this. She raised me when my parents weren't around. I submitted my two week notice and am planning to stay with her for a while to recollect myself. My aunt has been really depressed and she has expressed that she is suicidal. This is why I want to be with her right now and what I let my principal know. I know it's fucked up. I'm breaking my contract. I'm leaving during the school year. I only have my preliminary credential and just graduated like a year ago. I feel like I screwed everything up but honestly this is what I feel is best for me right now. Down the line, am I basically just fucked as a teacher and no will ever hire me? Is my reputation is even salvageable? I appreciate you taking the time to read it entirely. I am grateful for any advice or perspective.
  3. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

    Aug 23, 2005
    Likes Received:

    Oct 28, 2019

    Hon, I'm going to give you the best advice I can based on what I know. For right now, don't worry about "down the line." You've already given your notice, and what is done is done.

    You made a decision to be there for your family, and that shows a great deal of character. We won't even mention your boyfriend's response, because you've already acknowledged that you were in a toxic relationships.

    Here's the advice part. Get some grief counseling. I realize your aunt needs you, but you are barely in any condition to "be there" for her the way she needs. It's like those airline instructions -- put your own oxygen mask on FIRST, then you can help others with theirs. If you don't, you may both end up in dire straights. By taking care of you, you will be helping your aunt.

    I know -- money is always an issue -- but there are wonderful counselors who will work on a sliding scale. Call your local health department (or even local suicide hotline) to ask for these. I suggest the suicide hotline, not because you say you are suicidal, but because they tend to have complete lists of local help, that is affordable.

    You need grief counseling. Your aunt also needs it, and you should suggest it to her, but remember, you can sometimes only help yourself. If she makes threats or gives indications, ands she won't willingly get help, call the police and ask for a wellness check. That will start the wheels in motion.

    Last, about the "down the line" issue. No, you aren't "screwed" by this. When you are able to go back to teaching, a simple explanation that you were dealing with an unexpected death of an immediate family member will suffice.

    I'm praying for you. I know it can be hard, but just try to make it through "this hour." And then, the next hour -- and soon, you'll have made it through the day.
    Tired Teacher and alp123 like this.

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