Final Year

Discussion in 'General Education' started by jeni8601, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. jeni8601

    jeni8601 Rookie

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    Jan 2, 2020

    This is my 6th year teaching, and I am so done. I teach 3rd grade in a great district, but I just don't love it anymore. In fact, I dread it every single day. I'm not sure what happened to the passionate teacher I used to be. I would spend my breaks organizing school stuff, grading, and preparing for the week we get back. Somewhere along the line, I lost it all. I started to feel it after my 4th year, and towards the end of my 5th year, I was very wary about signing my contract. I didn't want to do it all over again- the RTI point plans, the lengthy lesson plans (only because administrators demand details), the parents, the meetings, and most of all- the stress of evaluations.

    I shouldn't have signed my contract. It is very clear I have checked out. I am doing the bare minimum, and I am struggling to connect with my class this year. It doesn't help that this is the worst class I have ever had. I mean, they are sweet kids, but they are very immature compared to previous students I have taught...and they do not stop talking. I have always been the favorite teacher of my students in the past, and parents have consistently told me that their child hated school until they had me. Not this year- I have turned into the teacher I swore I would never be. I just don't care anymore. I don't want to plan lessons, I don't want to grade papers, I don't want to communicate with parents. I am teaching the content, but I literally have to force myself everyday. I am easily irritated, and much lazier than I have ever been.

    I am miserable and have decided that I am going to leave teaching after this year. If anything, I need to step away for a little while. The kids deserve better, and I deserve to be happy. I also have an 11 year old son, who has his own set of school problems- struggles with work completion- and it is so hard for me to put forth the energy he needs from me right now. I have become depressed, and I thought the depression could be the reason for my negative attitude towards teaching. However, this current break has been eye opening. I wasn't even thinking about it, but realized today that I haven't felt the deep sadness since this break started. In fact, I have been calling my friends more often, laughing more, focusing more on my side job (Etsy), and taking the time to enjoy the little moments with my husband and son.

    The minute I thought of school starting in 4 days, I felt the dread wash over me again. This just verifies that I am making the right choice by leaving after this year, but I cannot even imagine another 5 months.
    I don't want to leave in the middle of the school year, and refuse to do so. How can I make the best of my situation when I have no motivation to put in effort anymore? I never thought I would become this teacher, and I hate that I have. I have the worst mindset, where I am thinking things like, "Why does it matter if I have detailed lesson plans- I'm leaving anyway!"
    I know that there is a chance I may come back to teaching one day and this way of thinking will make it impossible. I just need some guidance on some ideas to get me through the next 5 months. Please be kind, as I already beat myself up enough over all of this.
     
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  3. jeni8601

    jeni8601 Rookie

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    Jan 2, 2020

    Oh, and I do not currently have a plan B as far as a job goes. I am a few credits shy of finishing my Masters in Instructional Technology and I plan to go back to school to finish it (I have taken 2 years off due to the work/school/family balance). I provide benefits currently, which definitely stresses me out, but I know they are not worth my liveliness. My husband makes decent money, but we will need to cut back temporarily. I am typically a go-getter, and will put my all into the things I enjoy. As of now, I am not worried about finding another source an income, but I could very well be wrong. I would rather live in dream land though.
     
  4. Tired Teacher

    Tired Teacher Habitué

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    Jan 2, 2020

    I can relate. I do not care about detailed LP's either. I care if the kids learn something still. If you could put the focus more on the kids who give you energy, would that help?
    I have had a few yrs in the past when I had that "sense of dread." It is miserable, but I see why you need to make it through the yr since you may want to later go back to it. A few ways I got myself through were I told myself : 1. Just for today, I will __________. I have told myself you are getting paid ___ a day when I was in debt. I'd tell myself I get to go to work today as opposed to I have to go.
    One of the most helpful things I do now is look for things to be thankful for during the day. Even if it is something small. It lifts your mood. Be thankful your husband makes good money and you do not have to worry about another source of income. Then have fun with the kids. When you know you are not coming back, it makes everything easier, imo.
     
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  5. whizkid

    whizkid Habitué

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    Jan 2, 2020

    I'll have a clearer picture come the end of April on whether I'll be back with my district or not.
     
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  6. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    Jan 3, 2020

    I would suggest finding the parts of teaching that you do still like and are passionate about and focus on improving those. Not wanting to do lengthy lesson plans makes sense- those are unimportant and unhelpful for the kids. If you're not needing to impress admin there is no point in caring about those and you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

    My 3rd year of teaching I was in a dumpster fire of a school with nutcase admin. They made everyone's lives miserable. I decided to turn in my resignation (effective end of the year) in early February. It was the most freeing thing. Admin never came into my room again- I guess they figured I wasn't worth it since I was leaving anyway. I shut my door and taught the way I wanted to, and actually enjoyed my time with students. What were they going to do, fire me? I had already quit! Use this time when you know you're leaving anyway to focus on the things you want to do and not what admin wants. And if you're really sure, turn in that resignation early.

    FWIW, I got a job in a much better district the following year and am now in my 10th year, and I haven't experienced anything close to the stress or nonsense of the school I resigned from.
     
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  7. jeni8601

    jeni8601 Rookie

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    Jan 3, 2020

    Thank you for your responses. I am glad to hear that others can relate, and even found joy in teaching again after feeling the dread. I want to try to focus on what I love about teaching, but I am struggling with this particular class, and am finding it hard to do so. I LOVE my team though, and share a lot of laughs with them throughout the day. I like the breaks. I like being able to leave at 3pm. These are all very selfish reasons, which kind of proves my state of mind at the moment. In the past, I loved teaching in fun ways, working one on one with struggling students, the silly things they say, the teachable moments when we got completely off track to talk about life. Perhaps if I only focus on these things versus all of the documentation, I may enjoy it more. But how can I do this when I have to keep up with the other stuff- such as RTI data and parent communication. Lesson plans are one thing out of many, and a lot of the stressors are things I can’t let slip.
     
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  8. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Jan 3, 2020

    I feel for you, and in many ways feel the same. I don't necessarily mind the current focus on data and RTI--in fact, I love so much about it, when done right, and in fact would love to have that just be my job, gathering and arranging the data. But I also tire of just how much data we think we need, and so much of teaching being done as a way to collect data. It's not teaching to the test, it's teaching to the data collection. I also tire of how much a performance everything has to be.
     
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  9. whizkid

    whizkid Habitué

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    Jan 3, 2020

    Wow, you are cutthroat!

    [​IMG]
     
  10. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Jan 3, 2020

    My district does not require that lesson plans be turned in. Who do you turn them into? I have too much on my plate as it is to think about going through 30 teachers' lesson plans each week.
     
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  11. chocolatefix2020

    chocolatefix2020 Rookie

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    Jan 3, 2020

    I completely understand how you feel and share the EXACT same sentiment. Once you get back into the swing of things next week maybe those feelings may subside?

    I decided enough was enough. I handed in my resignation right before Christmas Break. I have no solid Plan B. I prayed about it and found peace with my decision. Maybe I’ll go back one day, but the profession was just becoming much too much. I commend dedicated teachers. It’s their calling. I just feel it’s no longer mine.
     
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  12. otterpop

    otterpop Aficionado

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    Jan 3, 2020

    I feel the same way. Having this break has made me feel as if I was lost before and have now found myself again. I’ve also been teaching about the same amount of time as you.

    Wishing you the best in the second half of your year.
     
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  13. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Jan 6, 2020

    I think we all go through times when we want to throw in the towel. This year, I've gone through it time and time again. There are days that I love my job and wonder why I get paid to do what I do, but there are also days when I want to go back to the classroom. There have also been times where I've thought about a completely different career path.

    It's normal, I think. At least, I hope it is.
     
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  14. JesusIsMyTeach

    JesusIsMyTeach Rookie

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    Feb 12, 2020

    I feel the same as you and the OP. It's my 6th year and I tried switching it up this year. I went from teaching multiple subjects to teaching part time electives (Art and Drama). Well, now I'm finding myself missing teaching multiple subjects. Electives aren't taken seriously by the students and even though I love those subjects, I don't fill fulfilled as a teacher. I've decided to go back to teaching MS but I do not want to teach middle school anymore. After 6 years of middle school, I'm so done. I'd like to go back to teaching the younger students.

    What did you write in your resignation as the reason to leaving? I need advice or ideas as what to put. I felt guilty at first because the admins are super nice and supportive. But this school is just not a good fit for me and I need a full time job. Plus, I miss teaching multiple subjects.
     

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