Female teachers (or anyone) -- how would you have reacted?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by ms.irene, Jan 9, 2015.

  1. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    Jan 9, 2015

    I guess you might be within your rights if you feel offended. For me personally, I can absolutely say that I would assume it was meant as a compliment and not be offended in the least.

    I really feel we are all way too offended these days and it bothers me to think we all have to walk on eggshells and dissect every word before it exits our mouths to ensure we don't offend anyone. Sorry, that's just how I feel.
     
  2. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jan 9, 2015

    Ditto.
    Move on.
     
  3. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    Jan 9, 2015

    As a male that has been the subject of more than one "handsome man" comment from women older than my mother, I am honestly confused what you mean by that final sentence.
     
  4. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Call me old fashioned but I wouldn't be offended. Why would I be? So someone called me pretty?? OMG....the horror! I understand feeling uncomfortable given the situation, but certainly wouldn't think twice about it. I am sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable. I'd say move on and take it for what it is. I am sure he meant no disrespect.
     
  5. Ms.Blank

    Ms.Blank Companion

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    Jan 9, 2015

    I'd be incredibly uncomfortable in this situation. Yuck. You're coworkers, not potential dating partners! (in rare instances, sure...but for the purpose of this thread...)
     
  6. ms.irene

    ms.irene Connoisseur

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    Jan 9, 2015

    Thank you all for the thoughtful and candid replies! I completely understand that this teacher didn't mean anything harmful by it, and in fact probably thought he was giving me a compliment. I also realize he is from a different generation when things like that were still normal. And I wasn't offended so much as I was caught off-guard since my school is generally a very progressive and professional place to work. I think what got to me was:

    1) Being called a "girl" which to me will always sound somewhat disrespectful, being a 30-something woman. I don't think most men would appreciate being called "boy."

    2) Being uncomfortable and not knowing how to respond, so I ended up saying something that seemed to make it even more awkward, which made me then feel guilty, as if the whole thing was somehow my fault.

    I realize that I do have a tendency to be hyper-aware and to over-think things, but the more I think about it, the more I think that while I could have responded better (perhaps by saying nothing at all), it was not my fault that someone else put his foot in it and put us all in a potentially awkward conversation.

    All that being said, I'm sure the whole thing has been forgotten by anyone but myself, so I am going to shake it off. My take-away: next time someone calls me a "girl" in a professional situation, I will just do my best "not impressed" face and refuse to go to that level!
     
  7. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Jan 9, 2015

    WHAT??? Someone can't call a woman pretty without it being demeaning? :eek::rolleyes:

    I find "pretty" flattering and not offensive in the least. But, I don't get offended/sensitive over people giving me compliments when I know that THEY see their words at being complimentary and don't have bad intentions.

    To me, it seems that some people look for bad intentions or "hidden meanings" in everything said to them and then they get upset/hurt because they have chosen to read too much into what the other person meant. I'm not saying this is you, but I know many people like this.
     
  8. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Jan 9, 2015

    Exactly.
     
  9. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Heck, being a grandma at 49 and looking in the mirror at noon (when I can finally go to the bathroom) and seeing how I look; I'd absolutely LOVE being called pretty. As I said, call me old fashioned. I'm still a woman who loves to called pretty.
     
  10. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Jan 9, 2015

    Since I went on to explain why I hold the opinion I do, and since I'm on my phone and don't want to type it again, I'll refer you back to pages 1-2 for explanation.

    If someone said "you look pretty today" or "you look pretty in red" I'd take that as a compliment (maybe-if it was in school I still think it would be weird). But this was not that. This was addressing an adult woman, to another man, as a "pretty girl". Again I'll ask-would it be ok to reverse rolls and to her "hey what are you always doing with the good-looking boys?" No, it wouldn't, it would be weird. Double standard, and completely unnecessary in 2015.

    As for the issue of hypersensitivity-I am merely aware of the way words feel and come across. If that means I expect someone to address women as professional and more than just "pretty", well then call me hypersensitive. It's 2015. Ain't nobody got time for that nonsense.
     
  11. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    I must be prehistoric....I still enjoy being called pretty or beautfiul....it doesn't define me..but hey, I enjoy compliments. I wouldn't hold it against anyone who said it. I don't need it, but it sure as heck nice to hear....sorry if you feel otherwise. As I said before, take it with a grain of salt. I don't think that it is 2015 takes away from the way a woman feels.
     
  12. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Jan 10, 2015

    I wonder how much our age impacts how we see this situation? We have a young, late 20's early 30's teacher at our school who is cute, pretty. She does not want anyone to mention how cute she is. She wants to be known for the work she does. I totally get that. She was in a situation that I advised her to go talk to our Principal about.

    Apparently, she did. One of the men in our building gave me a compliment about what I was wearing the other day and quickly followed it up with Oh, I'm not suppose to say that. My response to him was, well I'm an older (maybe I said 50ish), overweight woman. I'll take the compliment. Thank you.
     
  13. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jan 10, 2015

    Sometimes I worry that these sorts of conversations imply that attractive women can be empowered enough to reject these sorts of comments but unattractive women should be grateful for them.

    It's okay to appreciate these sorts of comments. It's also okay to dislike them. If it bothers you, you should speak up.

    For me, a lot depends on what I perceive to be the intention of the speaker. I used to work with someone who regularly called me "sweetie" and "honey". I know that for this person, those terms were just terms of endearment, not meant to be condescending or harassing. I don't love being called sweetie and honey by people I don't really know, but I wasn't super offended. If I would have been, I would have said something, and that would have been my right.
     
  14. callmebob

    callmebob Enthusiast

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    Jan 10, 2015

    In my old school it would have been something of the norm for a comment like that to be said. In reality that comment would have been pretty harmless for us. We joked around all the time with each other. There were incidents that occurred probably daily in our school that many other places would have considered sexual harassment. We just had fun with it, made us all closer to each other.
     
  15. callmebob

    callmebob Enthusiast

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    Jan 10, 2015

    I think of those words completely differently, maybe its because I am a guy. For me if I hear boy I think of a little kid. When it comes to young adults (late teens to mid 20s ish) I use the terms guy and girl. It just helps keep the thought of them younger and not old.
     

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