Feeling bad when I shouldn't: Kid totally lost it

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by Backroads, Feb 14, 2017.

  1. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Feb 14, 2017

    I came back today after a short leave taking care of my sick daughter. Things were generally okay, except for the severe ADHD Kiddo I was really worrying about. I talked with him and his parents before I left to prepare, but apparently my time off was a disaster for him. I know getting to used to change is something he needs to learn to tackle, but I can't help but feel I shortchanged him by leaving the classroom even though I believe my daughter should come first.

    No real question, just a vent.
     
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  3. mrsammieb

    mrsammieb Devotee

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    Feb 14, 2017

    I always feel like that too! I am a horrible mother. I almost always put my classroom first. I know it is horrible. But it is part of who I am as a worker. I am a workaholic. It is my work ethic. I try to look at it like I am teaching my children that it is important to take responsibility seriously.
     
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  4. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Feb 14, 2017

    You didn't cause the student's ADHD and you can't change your reality (having a family with their own needs). You did the right thing by attending to your daughter, and now you and the student and family will just have to address his response to your best ability. You aren't going to cure his ADHD or prevent future situations that cause him distress. That isn't your job. Be the professional that you are and accept that it will be humanly impossible to prevent every single meltdown. Do what you do to your best ability and be proud of it.
     
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  5. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Feb 15, 2017

    Gah. He still won't get out of this funk and is currently sitting in the principal's office for going all-out defiant when it was time to go to Specials. Apparently he told three people when I was gone that he really wanted Mrs. Backroads back, which is always nice to hear, but he still seems to be the super-defiant and out-of-control that was reported to me from the sub.

    Conferences are tomorrow, so it will be nice to brainstorm this with his folks.
     
  6. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Feb 15, 2017

    I am very familiar with out of control kids. You could try some of these ideas:
    Talk to him about being away for a few days vs a long period.
    Ask if he missed you and would like you to make it up to him. Find something doable (have lunch with, 10 minutes on the playground with him, sitting with you for a subject, etc.)
    Give him a special job.
    Make a little chart for each hour and have him check off how he is feeling under a few categories.
    Send positive notes home for any hour that he has remained in control and productive.

    Don't try and hide the motivation for your attention. Tell him that you recognize his feelings and want him to know that you are willing to help him express himself in more responsible ways.
     
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  7. Obadiah

    Obadiah Groupie

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    Feb 16, 2017

    I'm also of the opinion that family comes first. The classroom is temporary; the family is permanent.

    I view this student's experience and even his reactions as beneficial for him. He can't learn to pro-actively deal with these feelings if he doesn't experience them. He's fortunate to have a caring teacher and (I'm assuming) parents to guide and support him through this experience so that he may grow from it.
     
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  8. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Feb 21, 2017

    This is basically what every other person at my school has told me. This absence was good for him, because he has to learn to deal with change.

    For better or for worse, my absence did, in combination with other things, lead to a huge change: He's now medicated. His parents are medication-hesitant (a combination of just being that type of person plus a medication difficulty several years' prior). We'll be seeing how that goes. Apparently his flipping out plus some other stuff that may or may not have been related led to parents and doctor making that decision.
     
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  9. AmyMyNamey

    AmyMyNamey Comrade

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    Feb 21, 2017

    What you are teaching them is that the job is more important to you than they are.

    It isn't.

    You can't reclaim lost time. You can't put your own children on the back burner and expect they'll be unaffected. One day, you'll be older and will come to regret your "work ethic" when you finally realize that the school system will never care about you the way your own family can.

    Put your own families first. That is the most important thing you can ever teach anyone.
     

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