Feel terrible...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by silverspoon65, Mar 12, 2011.

  1. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Mar 12, 2011

    I haven't really made it a secret on here that I am unhappy in my job. I moved to a new state and left a job that was easy day to day but that I had some issues with, to try something new and move with my BF. At my old job, I was dept chair, in an aspiring leaders program, had lots of friends, and I taught 3 blocks a day and had 90 mins plan. I worked with people who were educated about pedagogy in an environment where the union, admin, and staff all worked together and were allowed to voice there opinions. I have moved to a job where there are no committees, no opportunities for aspiring admin, I am on the bottom of the totem pole, and the admin is totally top down, not to mention that I have 6 courses (7 next year) of 3 different preps and only 45 minutes to plan. I am totally stressed and depressed all the time. And I already posted on the gen ed forum about the childish behavior that is going on among the women of our department.

    When I was at my last job, I had a co-worker that I was evenly matched with. We both had the same career goals, both respected, both held leadership roles in the school, etc. However, I usually had an edge over her - for example, I was chosen as the dept chair over her. Well, she took that position when I left, and I found out today she just got a position as an AP in the district. I can't help but think that would have been my position. Yes, I had a visit from the green eyed monster and I couldn't help but have a good cry this morning while BF was still asleep.

    I mentioned it to BF later and he made an off-handed comment "Sorry I ruined your life." It was one of those comments that was kind of a joke, but there was probably some seriousness in it, too. It made me feel terrible. I still don't regret for a minute moving in with him but it is really hard when I hate my job here and see where I might be if I was there. I am trying not to play the what-if game with myself - I don't KNOW that I would have had that position. But it is hard not to speculate.

    We have been talking about getting married, and the more frustrated I get at the job, the more I push the issue, but I realize that lately I have been pushing it because then I could quit and still have insurance. I feel terrible about that, too - that's not why I want to marry him. But I am so frustrated in this position - I just want an out. But he has been bringing the marriage thing up less and less and I can't help but think he really does feel like I think he ruined my life and I just want to marry him so I can mooch off of him.

    The funny thing is, when he was at his old job probably a year ago, I know I posted on here about how frustrating it was to here him complain about the job all the time. Now I am the one doing the same thing. And I am probably going to be stuck there for another year. How do I find peace with it and stop laying all my frustrations on him?
     
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  3. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Mar 12, 2011

    First of all, :hugs:

    Second of all, I was saying the same exact thing a few years ago. I moved for my then-RockFiance, giving up the chance to take over my mother's teaching job when she retired. I moved to a state where I knew almost nobody and was generally miserable for two years. He knew it and I knew he knew it. It made the first year of our marriage rather strained. Much of that was my fault because I held him responsible for taking me away from what was comfortable and familiar.

    What changed? I found ways to be happy where I was. I found a couple of acting outlets that kept me going even when my day job (I alternated between subbing and office jobs) was a drag. We joined a couple of community groups as a couple and started taking tae kwon do classes together. Let me tell you, strain at home can be worked out in the sparring ring!

    The most important thing that changed for me was an improvement in my own work situation. I found a teaching job that made me happy and everything else got better. Maybe searching for another job while keeping it in the back of your mind that you're doing that will help you? Just the search was a constant morale boost for me.

    Again, :hugs:
     
  4. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Mar 12, 2011

    I'm sorry you are going through this and I understand some of your pain.

    My husband has had to and still does listen to me complain about aspects of my job. He doesn't understand the job or the life that I live being married to him. He is a firefighter and so often I am a single working mom. But he does listen and tries to problem solve with me.

    One thing that I have tried to do with him is to not complain everyday about work. I pick a night that I will refrain from complaining about work or really talking about work and just talk about him. Ask him how things are going, ask about house things, baby things, etc.

    And if I have a bad night of complaining, I run out the next day or later that night and buy him something small. I might slip a bag of his favorite candy into his firefighter bag or a magazine I know he loves into the cabinet with his coffee for the morning or bake a batch of cookies for him to take to work. It's usually something small to say thanks for helping me through this.

    Oh, and then venting to other teacher friends or journalling is a great way through some of this time.
     
  5. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Mar 12, 2011

    I moved with my DH when a job situation required it. I gave up a very nice position as CEO, and a leader in the community. I never did find a job to take it's place. I have retired now. Did I regret it? Maybe a bit. I really needed to move away from my home town. I find opportunities to be happy. Bloom where you are potted.
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Mar 13, 2011

    I've never gone through what you're going through, but good luck with everything.
     
  7. TiffanyL

    TiffanyL Cohort

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    Mar 13, 2011

    Silver, you have multiple painful issues going on. I'm going to ask you a serious question:

    Aside from the obvious reasons you've stated, why can't you make the same career path where you live now?
     
  8. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Mar 13, 2011

    I am sorry you are unhappy at your current school, and that it is putting a stain, perhaps only small, on your relationship. We make sacrifices for the ones we loved, and sometimes those sacrifices can be huge. But, something I always remind myself, nothing is worth anything if you don't have someone to love and share it with. I hope things get better for you....
     
  9. Marci07

    Marci07 Devotee

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    Mar 13, 2011

    Silverspoon,

    I’ve gone through the same thing twice actually. The first time I turned down a promotion at my former non-teaching job in order to pursue teaching. It was the most challenging time of my life. I had worked years for that promotion and was turned down once and it was finally offered to me at the time I’ve found my passion for teaching.

    This last time happened this school year when I switched schools I had worked hard to prove myself and was even offered a math coordinator position that I had to turn down to keep my commitment to my current school.

    I kept comparing and seeing that where I am now it’s nowhere near where I was and that it will take me a long time to travel the same road again. I missed my friends and the new staff didn't seem to accepting at first. The most painful part was not accepting where I was. I couldn’t understand why I had to face these challenges when I was already better off and this caused me to hate my new school.

    I began to realize that this negativity was coming across to my students and I wasn’t enjoying teaching that much. The turning point came a couple of months ago when I saw my students sitting there, looking at me, trusting me and ready to learn and it was them who mattered the most. I started to force myself to notice the positive things about this new school and to trust in my faith because I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and I know in my heart I am where I’m meant to be. This is a learning experience and I’m feeling proud to go be closer to the end of the school year that was hard but I didn’t run when I had a chance to.
     
  10. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Mar 13, 2011

    APs in this area are disciplinarians. In my last school it was instructional leader position. I just don't know that I even want it. I interviewed for a position in another district this summer. They started with a more detailed explanation of the position than they had on the website. I knew before the interview really started that I didn't want the position. And there is no other outlet to be involved in school decision - the principal even disbanded the teacher liaison and advisory type committees this year. Someone here needs to read "Awakening the Sleeping Giant." At my last job, I was on or chaired at least 10 different committees. It was in the school plan to have at least 75% of the staff in a leadership or facilitator position of some kind each year. Those committees and leadership opportunities do not exist at this school and even though I am applying and looking around, I don't see that many of the other schools in this area are that different. These were definitely things I took for granted or I would have asked about them the first time I applied for jobs.

    When I moved up here, the game plan was that I would work 2-3 years, we would buy a house below our budget, and I would go back to school. This became more of a reality when BF got his new job this year - we could easily live just on his salary, especially if I had a fellowship or a part time job. But now I question whether getting my PhD is really smart in this economy. Not to mention that we would probably have to be married for me to do that, too - otherwise I will have to pay for insurance.
     
  11. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Mar 13, 2011

    I know this isn't the main point of your post, but are you positive that you'd have to be married to get onto his insurance? Many insurance plans these days offer a Domestic Partnership option specifically for live-in boyfriends or girlfriends.
     
  12. TiffanyL

    TiffanyL Cohort

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    Mar 13, 2011

    So would it be safe to say that your passion lies with leadership opportunities or roles? What is it specifically about leadership that brings you so much joy?
     
  13. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Mar 13, 2011

    In my area, the vice-principal deals with discipline. I'm working on my Admin. Credential/Master's Degree and I'm perfectly aware that I'll need to start out as a VP and deal with student discipline issues until I work my way up to Principal.

    Anyway, I hope your situation gets better. HUGS! :hugs:
     
  14. TiffanyL

    TiffanyL Cohort

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    Mar 13, 2011

    And one reason for that is because a P should have a great deal of experience with discipline before becoming a P. Otherwise, how can they lead?
     
  15. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Mar 13, 2011

    :hugs:
    Sometimes a joking quip will say a lot.
    For the sake of your relationship try to let him know he has not "... ruined your life."
    I assume you are "young" enough to be able to overcome the misfortune of your situation.
    If your BF is "the one" then he should be your rock and you his.
    Jobs come and go but a life partner (soulmate) comes about just once in a while.
     
  16. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Mar 13, 2011

    In the schools where I worked or attended before I moved here, there was always a discipline team. In my last building there were 4 people in that office. They were paid the same as teachers. That's where kids went when they got in trouble, they organized detention and suspension, etc. Admin would still get involved if there was a serious incident or repeat offender, and they still supervised lunch and that kind of thing, but I would not say it was a primary function of their job. The philosophy was that having the kid see the most important person in the school for petty issues like lateness actually empowers them and gives them negative attention. It was more important there that admin knew their stuff when it came to instruction.

    I am relatively sure this was the norm in the whole area because I never remember addressing discipline issues in any of my master's courses. But I guess I am seeing more and more that it most definitely is not the norm.

    I LOVED being department chair. I loved coaching teachers and giving them strategies and ideas and facilitating that sharing of ideas in others. Sadly, many of those instructional leadership positions, like a curriculum specialist for my subject area, are also going along the wayside in this area due to budget cuts. This is why I got my principal cert in the first place - to act in this sort of role.

    I am also interested in ed policy - that is what I have been thinking about studying for my PhD.

    Thanks Dave. I totally agree.
     
  17. TiffanyL

    TiffanyL Cohort

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    Mar 13, 2011

     
  18. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Mar 13, 2011

    Silver...why not send your resume to other school districts in your area?
     

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