I haven't really made it a secret on here that I am unhappy in my job. I moved to a new state and left a job that was easy day to day but that I had some issues with, to try something new and move with my BF. At my old job, I was dept chair, in an aspiring leaders program, had lots of friends, and I taught 3 blocks a day and had 90 mins plan. I worked with people who were educated about pedagogy in an environment where the union, admin, and staff all worked together and were allowed to voice there opinions. I have moved to a job where there are no committees, no opportunities for aspiring admin, I am on the bottom of the totem pole, and the admin is totally top down, not to mention that I have 6 courses (7 next year) of 3 different preps and only 45 minutes to plan. I am totally stressed and depressed all the time. And I already posted on the gen ed forum about the childish behavior that is going on among the women of our department. When I was at my last job, I had a co-worker that I was evenly matched with. We both had the same career goals, both respected, both held leadership roles in the school, etc. However, I usually had an edge over her - for example, I was chosen as the dept chair over her. Well, she took that position when I left, and I found out today she just got a position as an AP in the district. I can't help but think that would have been my position. Yes, I had a visit from the green eyed monster and I couldn't help but have a good cry this morning while BF was still asleep. I mentioned it to BF later and he made an off-handed comment "Sorry I ruined your life." It was one of those comments that was kind of a joke, but there was probably some seriousness in it, too. It made me feel terrible. I still don't regret for a minute moving in with him but it is really hard when I hate my job here and see where I might be if I was there. I am trying not to play the what-if game with myself - I don't KNOW that I would have had that position. But it is hard not to speculate. We have been talking about getting married, and the more frustrated I get at the job, the more I push the issue, but I realize that lately I have been pushing it because then I could quit and still have insurance. I feel terrible about that, too - that's not why I want to marry him. But I am so frustrated in this position - I just want an out. But he has been bringing the marriage thing up less and less and I can't help but think he really does feel like I think he ruined my life and I just want to marry him so I can mooch off of him. The funny thing is, when he was at his old job probably a year ago, I know I posted on here about how frustrating it was to here him complain about the job all the time. Now I am the one doing the same thing. And I am probably going to be stuck there for another year. How do I find peace with it and stop laying all my frustrations on him?